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154 Episode

“You… can you really just sell off the kingdom like that?”

I narrowed my eyes as I looked at Leo. There were many things weighing on my mind, but this was the most pressing one.

‘Is it really okay for someone so reckless to be a king?’

I genuinely began to worry about the future of the Atara Kingdom.

“… Is that really what you want to say right now?”

“Stop talking and come here to sit down. Can a king of a nation just say something like that?”

Leo asked back with disbelief, but I was serious.

Sitting on the ground, I gave Leo a look reminiscent of parents meeting a child who just soared through the skies.

“In a hereditary monarchy, the role of the monarch is crucial. The fate of the state hinges on whether the monarch is benevolent or tyrannical. A monarch must speak with the same caution as when confronting a monster. Are you really going to hand over the kingdom like it’s nothing? As the king of a nation…”

“Wait, wait!”

In my previous life, I held a doctorate in military studies, soon to be a professor of warfare. Though the memories of my past life were hazy, my knowledge of military strategies remained frighteningly clear. Studying warfare naturally made me aware of the various monarchs and the principles of kingship.

I remembered how those who took their positions lightly ended up ruining their nations.

‘Are you going to sell the kingdom right in front of me?’

I felt a personal affront as if my field of expertise was being insulted. With my hands pressed together as if in prayer, I prepared to deliver a speech like a general heading into battle when Leo interrupted me.

“Why is that the point? The focus of the discussion is marriage…!”

“More important than that is the monarch’s attitude! Are you really going to carry on being king with such a carefree mindset?”

I shouted. Leo, with wide eyes and his hands raised in confusion, soon began to shout back.

“Do you think I say this to just anyone? I’m saying this to you, because it’s you! Fool!”

Leo clenched his fists. Is he excited or mildly threatening?

With a contemptuous glare, he muttered something akin to “disgusting,” but it came out as a pure insult of “fool.” His lips curled up slightly as if about to curse even more.

‘He’s still young.

Leo was a year younger than my physical age. Seeing him, someone I had only thought of as a childish fool among the older and more skilled people, made my heart soften a little, yet I resumed my serious expression.

‘Just because we’re close doesn’t mean you should sell off the kingdom.’

I hoped he wouldn’t get too caught up in sentimentality.

“You’re not seriously going to guarantee this just because we’re friends, right?”

“Are you crazy?”

Leo shot back aggressively. I knew he was an adult, but his childish appearances stuck in my mind, so worry suddenly bubbled up.

“No matter how much I like you, you shouldn’t be casual about something like giving away a kingdom.”

I sighed heavily and stroked my white hair. The thin and soft strands wrapped around my fingers. I glanced at him, his absinthe-colored eyes sparkling with concern.

‘Yeah… he might be a bit naive… no, a king shouldn’t be naive… but given his upbringing…’

I recalled Leo’s childhood. He might have received an education from Leisha, but it was likely more about survival than a real understanding of the world.

‘Do you even know how much your medical bills are, huh?’

‘1000 gold—a hundred gold is the monthly living cost for a common family? Or maybe you’re throwing around words like “gold” casually?’

‘… Aren’t you starting with a price that’s too high? You’re tone-deaf. At that price, your injuries should’ve healed with just some saliva. Do you even know how much 1000 gold is?’

‘That was about the price of our family’s teapot.’

‘What… was your house a dragon lair?’

Thinking back, Leo had been out of touch with the world since he was young. I realized now that he was a prince, but back then, I even wondered if he was a polymorphed dragon.

‘Offering a kingdom must be an extension of that thought…’

Feeling a pitiful affection for him, I ruffled his hair a couple of times. His hair color being white reminded me of a fluffy white Persian cat.

“… I really have to ask, Kashmir Crisis.”

Leo, who had been staring at me, spat the words out. He tugged at the lapel of my uniform jacket. I followed along without much resistance, feeling strangely awkward about being grabbed like this.

“Now that I’m an adult and the king of a country, how long will you treat me like a child?”

The voice rumbling from his throat sounded like a beast’s low growl.

I cautiously gauged Leo’s expression. His blazing eyes were like poison that could dissolve a person alive.

“But Leo, I’m worried about you.”

I gently touched his cheek with my hand. This was genuine.

I still hadn’t gotten used to this. I was accustomed to the younger, impudent Leo. It felt normal to care for him like siblings.

“Marriage is about sharing life with someone you love. With someone more special than I am.”

So I urged him gently. Even if Leo had spoken of marriage as a way to stay close to me, I truly wished for him to find someone more special.

“Kashmir. You’re really the dumbest person in the world.”

Leo, with a fearfully hardened face, growled as he leaned closer, showing his sharp teeth.

It seemed he was born closer to being a beast. His teeth glistened dangerously.

“Whether it’s love or whatever, the only one who makes me feel such intense emotions is you.”

Suddenly, I thought of another person who called me “the only one.” Though both referred to me as “the only one,” their tones were polar opposites.

When El referred to me as “the only one,” he looked desperate, hiding a chilling, sticky demeanor while kindly holding onto me like a poisonous lily.

In contrast, Leo was wild and raw. His emotions were jagged and protruding, lacking any intention of hiding them. It was unrefined immaturity.

But it made him honest as he approached me forcefully. Thanks to that, even after such a long separation, we could interact once again as if we were siblings.

“The only person I want to be with is you.”

However, the deep green of his eyes made me feel uneasy. It didn’t seem to be the gaze of a sibling.

“… It might be true now, but soon it won’t be. Your world will expand, and as your childhood fades away, I might not be such a significant presence to you.”

I exhaled lightly and swept aside his bangs.

It was true; I appreciated him saying I was precious and wanting me. I had never been so certain about myself. Such expressions made my heart flutter.

Yet, I didn’t believe I would remain his only one forever.

He was still young, with plenty of time ahead. As a king, he would surely meet many people in the future.

I believed he would find someone better.

“How do you know that?”

Suddenly, his large hand gripped my wrist. His tone was fiercely defiant. I smiled slightly.

“If it’s you, I’m sure you’ll find someone better.”

Leo was called a tyrant. I also knew that from a moral standpoint, he wasn’t a good person.

However, I believed he could become a good person while accommodating himself to me. I believed in his potential. When the time came, I would merely be a part of his life.

“I don’t need someone better.”

Leo coldly cut me off, bringing my wrist to his cheek. His pale, soft skin pressed against mine. His eyes shone brightly.

“What I need is you, Kashmir.”

I quietly met his gaze. The heavy weight that usually hung in the center was now freely settling down like a fleshy mass, responding to gravity. Just as I pondered the reason behind my movement, Leo opened his lips.

“What about a bet?”

Taken aback by the sudden request, my head tilted in confusion, and Leo continued.

“One year. If my feelings are still the same in a year, then you have to seriously consider my words.”

Leo’s gaze was earnest. I brushed my chin thoughtfully.

‘Marriage.’

I had no thoughts of marriage. I didn’t want to let go of the name Crisis. I didn’t want to part from my family. As Kashmir Crisis, I wanted to rest in the grave of Crisis.

‘However, if those two requirements are met… it wouldn’t matter whom I married.’

I had told Leo to marry someone he loved, yet truthfully, I had no strong feelings about marriage. In human society, it merely represented the strongest bond between humans, nothing more. I didn’t possess a desire to want to marry someone I loved. If necessary, I wouldn’t care about a strategic marriage.

‘What even is love?’

Could it be that I was unable to understand feelings because I was born under the concept of love without growing up receiving an education for emotions? I was extremely dull when it came to feelings. Words like tired, sad, and angry had high thresholds for expression, and sometimes, even being swept away by my emotions, I struggled to articulate what I was feeling.

‘Don’t you have to feel like the sky is falling to recognize love?’

Can I identify love with just the beating of my heart, that buzzing sensation? Is that really what love is?

I had felt such flutterings and tinglings many times, but whether they were love remained uncharted territory.

It was as if someone was telling me to poke at my calloused, scarred hand with a small needle to experience the feeling of pain. I was so numbed that even when I pulled my hand away from the fire, I could only feel a faint warmth.

For me, understanding love and feeling it was all challenging beyond measure.

‘Still, I have people I like. If I could spend a lifetime with them… it would feel nice.’

While I didn’t understand love, I did believe in affection and trust. If it was someone I could trust and who cared for me, I could see myself marrying them or making a promise for a lifetime together.

As I slowly sorted out my thoughts, Leo, who had been watching me closely, finally spoke.

“… I’ll be Alexandros Crisis.”

“Who said you could take the name Crisis?”

“Isn’t that a bit much? I could even live at Crisis Mansion.”

“Who said you’d have a seat at Crisis Mansion?”

“Hey.”

Whether he was reading my mind or simply sensitive, Leo precisely pinpointed my concerns and responded. His playful spirit flared, and when I countered, he wore a sulky expression. I shared a chuckle, locking eyes with Leo.

“Okay. If it’s still the same a year from now… I’ll think about it.”

I truly liked Leo. He felt the most comfortable to me, the closest.

In response to my unrestrained answer, Leo looked at me as if his ears were deceiving him. He sat there, stiff like a rock, contemplating for a while, and then his eyes widened.

“Really? Are you saying you’ll marry me?”

“I only said I’d think about it. Why has it turned into a foregone conclusion?”

“You… you’re serious? This isn’t a joke or an invitation to duel. We’re talking about marriage. M-a-r-r-i-a-g-e.”

“It sounds like I’ve fallen into some wicked plot, but I have ears and a brain too. I know we’re talking about marriage.”

I replied patiently to Leo, who continued to ask multiple times. His expression, filled with many emotions, turned red at the end.

“Is it okay… if I marry you?”

“Well, I don’t know. I’ve never done it before, so I’m not sure…”

I had never experienced love or marriage. I didn’t know what they were. So perhaps that’s why I could express it lightly.

Yet, still.

“I think it might be okay if it’s you.”

I smiled brightly, lifting the corners of my mouth.

The glass filled with absinthe shook wildly. Silence reigned so heavy that I couldn’t even hear my own breathing.

At the end of it, Leo, bowing his head weakly, pulled me into a tight embrace, wrapping me in the warmth of the sun that had long since set.

“What do I do? I like you so much.”

“It’s okay, it’s okay.”

I patted his broad back as I shifted my gaze to the sky.

The night had settled in the heavens.

 

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