Chapter 115
Chapter 115
I had confidently claimed that I would embrace even the cruel side of Alexandros. However, seeing his true nature now fills me with doubt.
‘Can I really accept someone with such thoughts?’
I am not a savior. I am not a god. I am a human. Just a foolish human struggling to uphold senseless beliefs.
Can I walk alongside someone as twisted as this and call him my friend?
“That’s not how it should be! The king is a representative of the people, established to protect them! We can’t treat lives so carelessly!”
Even in a state of shock, I tried to speak calmly, but ultimately my voice rose in volume.
At the moment my hand was struck, Alexandros, with unfocused eyes, looked at me with a chilling emptiness.
“How can you gain power without killing…? Kashmir Crisis, do you even realize how weak your argument sounds? I was born as the ninth prince with nothing, and I reclaimed the throne with a sword! I would have died in my childhood if it weren’t for Leisha! To me, Leisha is like a savior! I would do anything for Leisha!”
“Why are we talking about Leisha here?!”
“Because that crazy bastard ran off with a pouch marked with Leisha’s emblem!!! That’s clearly one of Leisha’s belongings!!!”
At Alexandros’s desperate cry, I froze.
Even amidst the emptiness, his eyes were burning with grotesque obsession. I felt all too clearly how significant Leisha was to Alexandros.
‘Wait just a moment.’
As I briefly dazed out, I narrowed my eyes at the strange feeling that hit me all at once.
The symbol etched on the pouch’s surface was undoubtedly that of the silver wolf beastkin. Unless my eyes were deceiving me, it was clear.
‘But how is that Leisha’s emblem?’
Suddenly hit with this monumental information, my mind spun, but I quickly regained focus. There was something else that needed resolving right now.
“Let’s talk about that later. Anyway, we can’t follow Zigmund right now. I can’t allow innocent people to die.”
“Ha… This is insane. Kashmir, you don’t understand how important Leisha is to me. She’s more than just a caretaker to me… I absolutely must find Leisha’s belongings. Please… let me go…”
The piece of Alexandros’s face, which had looked like a fragment of his soul, became tragically heavy with sorrow.
He hung onto me like he was pleading. I understood well the significance of Leisha to Alexandros, and for a moment, I was deeply shaken, but I still grit my teeth and shook my head.
“No… you can’t.”
“Why not?!”
Leo shouted as if having a seizure.
“I’m not asking you to kill anyone! I’m just asking to follow him!”
“How can you just sit by while people might die?! You’re saying you want to hurt innocent people, and yet you think I should open the door for you?!”
“Why can’t you? I’ve lived my life killing people!”
This was the first time I had ever seen Alexandros yell so desperately in front of me.
His voice, screaming and ringing in my ears, caused me to blink in surprise before staring at him blankly.
“I’ve lived my life cutting people down! I stand here after trampling everything that got in my way! You’re saying we shouldn’t treat lives carelessly? I’ve always been treated carelessly! I was the ninth prince, existing below even the trash! My life was considered lighter than a fly’s, and the assassins who coveted my life were in my bedroom every day! Leisha protected me! Everyone treated my life and existence so lightly, so why can’t I regard theirs so?! Why is it a demand to give what I’ve never received?!”
I was at a loss for words.
That’s right. Only those who have experienced love can speak of it.
Then can Alexandros, who has never been respected, truly respect others? Can someone who has always been treated like worthless life be asked to respect life?
‘Am I imposing the impossible on Alexandros? Should I just let him go?’
As that thought hit me, I felt a white-hot panic and bit down on my lip.
Leo’s emotion exploded, his eyes red and heavy as he took deep breaths.
At that moment, I was reminded of a young boy’s face overlapping with his, and something flashed in my mind. Emotions surged.
I looked up at Leo, eyes growing red.
“I, at least I… treasured your life…
Right. The reason I’m shaken so deeply now is precisely this.
The Leo whom I desperately saved doesn’t cherish lives.
“I saved you when you were young.”
“I didn’t even know who you were, you weren’t important to me… I could have passed you by… yet I didn’t. Life is precious, no matter whose it is.”
Why? Suddenly, I felt the urge to cry. Tears welled in my eyes, and my chest ached.
I looked up through my teary eyes at Leo, who was stiffly gazing down at me. I no longer felt anger.
“…Yeah. This is merely a fleeting story from the past, so it might not mean anything to you. I know I can’t demand you to revere life just by bringing this up.”
“…! That can’t be true! Damn, it’s not that…”
“But still, I can’t let you go.”
Swish!
With the sound of wind slicing through the air, a pitch-black aura enveloped my sword.
Having stripped away all moisture and wavering from my eyes, I stared at Alexandros with only the clarity of my convictions remaining.
“I can’t stand by. If you wish to go, then knock me down.”
While declaring this resolutely, uncertainty suddenly crept in.
Here I was telling Leo to cherish what’s precious, yet I felt I might choose conviction over the life of my beloved one amidst the pain of someone close to me, and terrible self-loathing washed over me.
“…ha.”
Alexandros, staring intently at the sword in front of him, broke into a hollow laugh.
Tears streamed from his beautiful green eyes as he looked up at me.
“You… why do you make me feel so miserable like this?”
“It was okay if the whole world cursed me. Calling me a blood-mad monster, saying I was better suited for a cage than a throne, I wouldn’t have cared.”
He gritted his teeth. His eyes, pitiful like a wounded beast, gazed at me before twisting in pain.
“But your one sentence keeps crumbling my world… and I don’t know what to do…
Tears dripped from his eyes.
The hues of absinthe in his gaze could have spilled out like the poison called absinthe, yet the tears he shed were transparent droplets utterly incapable of doing anything, and my heart ached.
Thud.
Alexandros knelt before me on one knee. The wild king who rose to the throne from blood now prostrated himself before me.
Clink.
With trembling hands, he grabbed hold of mine still on the sword, and accidentally, I let it slip from my grip. He rubbed my palm against his cheek.
He looked like a submissive hunting dog.
“You said you loved me, despite excluding my ugly side, you said you cherish me and not to worry… why did you push my hand away? You said all that, yet why are you looking at me like I’m a stranger… I’m Leo. I’m not Alexandros Atara…”
“I… I won’t follow that bastard anymore. I’ll stay here as you said. I won’t harm innocent people, nor will I pursue Leisha’s belongings. Should I just not pick up a sword anymore? Would you cut off my hand? I’ll do anything you say…”
His voice began as resentment, transitioning into a plea, and ultimately carried a desperate light.
Thud.
Hot liquid dripped onto my hand. I watched as it trickled with slightly parted lips. The place where his tears passed felt like it was burned hot.
“…Don’t abandon me…”
The breeze blew in with a distinctly cool temperature, fitting for the spring that was not yet over.
His light brown hair fluttered gently. The wind carried his tears away into the air, calming my quivering breath.
How could I possibly hate him like this?
“…I am.”
“No. Just don’t say anything.”
As he was about to say something, he cut me off. An out-of-place smile bloomed on his lips as he bent over, still holding my hand tightly.
“I… I feel so miserable right now that I want to die.”
Then he burst into laughter again without giving me the chance to respond. Within his laugh was a mixture of emotions, something unidentifiable.
“I hate you so much.”
At the end of a long laugh, he spoke with a fractured voice. I wanted to see his eyes, but still bent over, he didn’t show me his face.
“But I can’t bring myself to hate you even if I do hate you, and I loathe myself for not being able to hate you…
I couldn’t tell if it was true or not. His head being bowed prevented me from discerning the feelings beyond his eyes, and his voice splintered, offering no clues to his emotions.
After gasping through sobs for a while, he slowly straightened up, still keeping his head bowed and his face hidden.
“I think I need to go inside and rest. Sorry, I’ll go first.”
Saying that, he hurriedly turned his back.
‘…Ah.’
It was then that I realized his thigh wound had worsened to the point where he could no longer move.
I attempted to grab him, but before I could extend my hand, he crossed the path he came from and walked away.
‘…Damn it.’
I stared down at the blood dripping onto the ground for a moment before my legs gave way, and I slumped against a tree.
What should I have done? Should I have just let him go? But my conviction wouldn’t allow that.
What is Leisha all about? The silver wolf beastkin? The entry pass for the Fairy Forest, and that bastard Zigmund?
Unresolved questions mixed and tangled until they eventually faded into nothingness. I buried my face in my hands.
What do I want with Leo?
