Hong Gildong Jeon.
Hong Gildong was born as an ice and couldn’t call his father “Father” or his bro “Bro,” so he stormed out into the world, learned sorcery, created a bunch of bros, and became a bandit against the country, causing his parents to sigh in despair. A story of sheer filial disrespect (BRO-MAXIMUM)!
This hero’s tale, beloved by the public for over a hundred years, is precisely the kind of material that bandits find easy to relate to—the perfect story to tell in front of the Black Tiger Society.
I gazed at the lively banquet scene where everyone was tipsy and chatty.
“Damn barbarian, what do you think you’re doing here?”
“What is this Hong Gildong Jeon? Just bring the drinks!”
Some bandits were hoping for my story while others looked on skeptically, wondering how well a barbarian could tell a tale, ignoring me as they laughed and chatted among themselves.
‘Gotta grab their attention from the start!’
If I just try to act all cool and regal, they might lose focus or dismiss it as some heavy story.
“Once upon a time in Joseon, there was a well-known prime minister named Hong, who had two sons. One was born to his legitimate wife, and the other to a lowly concubine! But this concubine’s son had a huge secret, you see?”
I started with curiosity.
Unlike Hamurin Prince, who delivered lines like a script, I began the story with an engaging tone.
“Wasn’t he the son of the prime minister?”
“Shut up with your stupid guesses.”
As I sparked curiosity from the outset, a few bandits who seemed uninterested began to turn their heads this way.
After surveying the crowd, I started acting surprised like Hong Jaesang.
“Suddenly, there was thunder and lightning shaking the heavens, and the Blue Dragon appeared, cutting through the clouds! I looked up in shock, and… it was just a dream! But it felt so real!”
“If a dragon appeared in your dream, that’s no ordinary thing.”
“Wasn’t it just a silly dream?”
“See, you’re not getting it.”
“Ah! The dragon came inside me! Surely, I would give birth to a precious child! Darling! Are you in the room?”
“No! Why is my husband showing up at this hour? What is this absurdity? Can’t you at least create a proper atmosphere? What do you think you’re doing trying to take advantage of me at night? Even a beast wouldn’t act like this! Get out!”
Immediately switching from curiosity to bedroom chatter, while maintaining a comedic tone keeps the audience’s focus on me.
“Hehe, it seems like concerning the atmosphere, Joseon and here are quite similar.”
“Difficult gals like that are everywhere. Too little discipline, I say.”
“Are you saying you need a more intense beating?”
“You can’t beat it properly, so you need something else, huh? Kekeke.”
“Y’all better start talking about the story!”
The Green Forest member, caught off-guard about his stick’s size, couldn’t deny it, his face turning red as he barked.
“Hong Jaesang has a Blue Dragon within him, and as my heart is raging! Just then, a lowly maid approaches me with worried eyes and asks, ‘Sir, is something wrong?’”
“Hahaha, I can see where this is going.”
I opened my mouth like a sly young man among the workers at a construction site.
“Hong Jaesang gazes at her intently! Her skin is whiter than the daughters of noble families. Her face is lovely. Much younger than his wife. And as she bowed, her clothing lifted just enough to show… wow… it’s as if two full moons were hiding in there. How could a gentleman or prime minister resist that?”
Indeed, for these older uncles, nothing beats a bit of adult humor to boost engagement.
“Hahaha cannot resist that.”
“If he could resist, he’d not be a prime minister but a eunuch.”
Seeing the reaction to my lewd storytelling raised the tension.
The bandits set down their drinks and food, all wore lewd grins, predicting what would come next.
Thanks to that, everyone’s attention was now on me.
“After the deed was done and the Dragon’s power coursed through me, a child was born! That child is none other than today’s protagonist, Hong Gildong!”
I began with the adult humor to pull the bandits in, then explained Gildong’s extraordinary birth, talent, and the discrimination of being born an ice through both dialogue and narrative.
“I was born of lowly status, unable to emulate Confucius and Mencius! Even if I mastered military strategy, I could not accomplish great deeds for the country! I cannot call my father ‘Father’ or my brother ‘Brother’! Isn’t this truly a lamentable fate?”
I mourned the fate of Hong Gildong being trapped by his lowly status, unable to express his talents.
“I know that feeling. My father favored only the eldest son since I was the grandson.”
“I get that too. I was the son of a servant but worked harder than the preceding son, yet he turned out to be the one who got ahead.”
“Damn it! I’ve been looked down upon for being lowly too. Don’t get me started, it brings back painful memories.”
There wouldn’t be a single bandit among them without a story to tell. Whether it was favoritism, discrimination, or disdain, it all resonated somewhere within them.
As Gildong’s lament echoed the feelings shared among the bandits, the chaotic atmosphere faded, with everyone paying close attention to what Gildong would do next.
“Having honed his sorcery and ventured into the world, does Hong Gildong remain a lowly official? A military figure? Or does he become a merchant without a single coin to his name? He finds himself in the same plight as all you hyung-nims!”
Now, let’s deepen their immersion further.
“What do you mean same plight?”
“Hyung-nims! Is there anyone born with the intention to kill or steal? If so, raise your hand.”
I raised my hand, inviting anyone who was born malevolent to do the same.
“……”
Of course, no one did, and I nodded knowingly continuing my speech.
“Why do you think you’re all here? In this filthy, rotten world, isn’t it the likes of you who’ve ended up as Hong Gildong?”
“Right on!”
“Who wanted to be a bandit from birth?”
“I am Hong Gildong…”
Nice! I could hear the excitement rising.
“Hoping to become a Green Forest member, Gildong boldly approached all the Green Forest captain of Joseon and said, ‘You are all my underlings!’”
“You’ve lost it!”
“Is it already over?”
“Fool, did you forget what Gildong has learned against Joseon’s green bandit leaders?”
“Exactly! Who is Hong Gildong? He’s the one who rides over land!”
To play the part of Hong Gildong, I jumped off the platform without preparation and harnessed my internal energy to step toward the banquet table.
“Controlling the winds! Making rain fall from a clear sky! Isn’t he the one who slices through the heavens with his sword?”
Thwack! I swung my fan as if dancing, creating a breeze, and then folded the fan, striking a slow but precise horizontal motion for all to see.
“Shuk, shuk!”
“What? That’s not sorcery, you fool. Does a storyteller even have a skill?”
“Wow! But it still felt real for a moment.”
The performance was stunning, wasn’t it? The bandits seemed impressed as they gaped at my sorcery.
“Gildong commands all Green Forest captains in Joseon, saying, ‘These crispy chickens disappear once eaten!’”
As if on cue, I grabbed a chicken leg from the table and popped it into my mouth whole.
Honestly, it was all just for theatrics; I came here for the food. I couldn’t resist the smell wafting from the table!
Three days without real food—this was beyond delicious!
“Women grow old and wealth vanishes once spent; let’s steal!”
I finished my line while casually munching on a piece of chicken, daringly committing an unspeakably unforgivable act while gazing at the bandits.
“Hey! What’s the most precious treasure you’re talking about?”
“Let’s eat after the story! Come on, what’s the great treasure?”
As I ate and left them in suspense, the bandits urged me with growing impatience.
Come on, it’s cruel to keep a starving man from food!
“The treasure Hong Gildong steals is none other than!”
“None other than?”
“Cough… Ugh, it’s stuck in my throat!”
I’ll cleverly act surprised while picking up a bowl to conveniently pass a drink to the eager bandit.
“Hahaha! This crazy fool! Has he guts, or is he out of his mind? Using the Donation Technique in our Black Tiger Society! Go on, drink!”
The bandit filled my cup to the brim. Cheers! Ah, what a delightful drink, it’s practically soaking into my very being.
“Hey! Don’t let him leave without eating! Stuff him full!”
“Look! There are grilled skewers too! Quick, eat!”
I joyfully filled my stomach with the makeshift buffet created by the bandits and then stepped back onto the platform.
“The monumental treasure Hong Gildong steals! It’s none other than the hearts of the people!”
I straightened my expression and declared loudly for all to hear.
“What treasure is that?”
“Why would you steal useless hearts of the common people?”
“Bores me. The most you’ll get is a few coins from passersby!”
They really didn’t grasp how potent ‘the hearts of the people’ was!
“How can a mere bandit, who’s only used to stealing possessions, perhaps claim the hearts of the people?”
As I recounted Hong Gildong’s deeds, I started detailing the exploits of the Hwalbindang.
“At a corrupt official’s house, he broke in, subdued them all, raided their vaults! He mercilessly beat up the greedy moneylenders and burned their debt papers! Taking from those who exploited the poor farmers! He opened the granaries and shared the grain with the starving! How could he not steal the hearts of the people?”
I raised my hands like I was holding the monumental hearts of the people high.
“When a bandit, who’s only ever stolen goods, can indeed capture the hearts of the people.”
“Wow! How wise to stash valuable treasures while distributing heavy rice in kindness?”
“If we do it your way, we can gather gold while stealing the people’s hearts. Not a bad idea.”
The bandits began to murmur, realizing that even someone like them, known only for stealing goods, could also win the hearts of the people.
“Black Tiger Society brothers! No good comes from merely robbing and pillaging all day! But look at the Hwalbindang; once their fame spread across Joseon, people prayed for their arrival. ‘Please, deliver us from the corrupt officials, greedy landlords, and loan sharks!’ They’re waiting eagerly for Hong Gildong and the Hwalbindang!”
I shut my eyes and pretended to pray, mimicking the citizens waiting for the bandits.
“Waiting for bandits to come means…?!”
“To be welcomed while committing robbery… What a crazy thought.”
“Being a bandit could actually be a dream come true?”
“Stealing could earn respect!”
“Man, I want that kind of respect too.”
I emphasized the heroic tales of righteousness to maximize their satisfaction.
The more the bandits listened to tales of banditry and the respect from the people, the more they were enchanted or just gaping in awe at my storytelling.
Somewhere along the line, no one even touched the banquet table anymore.
They had gotten so engrossed in the tale of Hong Gildong that they didn’t even care about eating.
—
“Hong Gildong established a country named Yuldoguk on the island of Hoju, creating a land of equality and happiness for all!”
I unfurled the fan, folded it, and bowed to the bandits to signal the end of the tale.
“Waaaaaa! That was entertaining!”
“Hong Gildong, you even built a country!”
“A land where all are equal and happy!”
“The story of a beloved bandit! So enjoyable!”
The Black Tiger Society bandits all rose from their seats, applauding and feeling joyful after hearing my story.
Wow, the response is overwhelming! I didn’t expect a standing ovation!
“Hehehe, Barbarian storyteller! Come here!”
Hearing my name called as I descended the platform, I returned the Black Tiger Society leader’s greeting.
“Haha, did you enjoy the story?”
I bowed politely, trying my best.
“Yeah! I underestimated you, barbarian! You’ve got quite an entertaining storytelling bundle!”
“Glad you liked it.”
“Since you liked it, it’s time to keep our promise! Here! Your reward!”
The Black Tiger Society leader pulled out a purse of gold and silver coins, tossing it before me. Gleaming coins peeked through the slightly opened purse. Big bucks that one wouldn’t earn in a mere day in the streets!
“I refuse.”
But I couldn’t accept this money.
I wore a serious expression and turned down the leader’s reward.
“What? You little punk! Are you refusing my goodwill?!”
The leader’s face scrunched up as he yelled with indignation, freezing the banquet hall again.
Oh man, I feel so pity!
If I had truly come here as a storyteller, I’d have hastily grabbed that money and plowed it toward my writing. My heart shed tears inside.
I turned that regret behind me, still wearing a small smile as I spoke.
“Not at all, hyung-nim. Instead of reward money, could you grant one small wish?”
Just grant me something other than money.
“What? A wish? Hahaha! Sure, what is it?”
The leader, his demeanor very casual, responded as if whatever I said wouldn’t be met with seriousness, just entertained.
“Little idiot! You probably want to wish to get out of here.”
“No way. I won’t ask for that.”
Behind me, whispers of “Not likely, would the leader grant such a request?” carried to my ears.
Right. If I asked to be released, I’d be dragged straight back to prison. But my magic wish was something else entirely.
I approached the leader, closing in on the banquet table laid out before me.
“Leader! My wish is neither money nor freedom.”
“Then what?”
I had come not just to be free but to win over the leader’s heart.
To ask for release wouldn’t endear me to him.
Instead, my one wish to the leader is:
“Middle Kingdom’s Hong Gildong! Renowned throughout Hubei! Black Tiger Society’s respected leader! My wish is for your graciously poured drink of wine!”
