“Senior, you said you’re writing a novel after getting a job. Can you review my story for the game I just made?”
This bizarre situation arose from a request from a junior in college.
“I’m too busy preparing my new work after work. What do you mean by reviewing the story?”
“Please! When this game is released, I’ll make sure your name is included in the credits. You didn’t want to work a lifetime job just to write novels, right? If your name is in a place like this, who knows when it could come in handy for you?”
No, I just got a job because it’s hard to live off being a generic web novelist. But you never know how life can turn out, so I accepted the offer after finishing a piece and having some spare time.
And that turned out to be the biggest mistake of my life.
It started well.
“Wow! Why is the heroine so pretty?”
As soon as I started the game, two heroines greeted me. One was a lively blonde with a Western appearance, and the other was a brown-haired girl radiating Eastern beauty with a wistful expression.
They were beautiful characters that looked like they could earn a seven-figure salary just by getting hired at a game company.
If the illustrations are this pretty, how well-crafted is the game?
“The background seems to be martial arts, huh?”
Why must it be martial arts? The entry barrier is a bit strong.
I write generic web novels, but I don’t write martial arts. It has a higher entry barrier for readers compared to other genres, and I as a writer also find it challenging.
With illustrations this good, I could at least make a decent profit by sticking to fantasy or modern settings.
“Well, I like martial arts.”
I’m not a martial arts writer, but I am a hardcore martial arts reader. My first genre novel was martial arts, and I still read quality martials if I get the chance.
So what if there’s an entry barrier for martial arts? I’m a hardcore reader ready to rocket jump into the martial arts world, a true fan, so it’s irrelevant.
And then there’s a martial arts visual novel.
Volcano Sect. Northern Sea Ice Palace. Namgung Family. Tang Family. Southern Sea Botam. Ami Sect. This is a genre filled with all sorts of clichés where heroines could appear.
It’s fine, even if they aren’t part of a sect or clan, as long as they’re unique heroines. With such beautiful illustrations, imagining a romantic connection with the heroines from these martial arts novels made my heart race even more than expected.
Given that anticipation, I started the game.
But the game immediately punched that excitement straight in the gut.
In the first scene where the protagonist meets one of the heroines:
[That red hair. You must be from Volcano Sect.]
[That dazzling blonde. How does someone from the royal family end up here?]
“What?”
Why is the Volcano Sect red-headed and the royal family blonde?
There might be a case where red hair comes from mastering fire techniques or silver hair for ice mastery like in Northern Sea Ice Palace, but a royal with blonde hair and a Volcano Sect member with red hair?
Please don’t tell me they thought the ‘fire’ in Volcano Sect meant red hair.
Well, since it’s a visual novel, it’s probably character development for personality’s sake. But it’s martial arts; they should follow the basics, right? I continued playing with uneasy hopes.
[Excuse me, how much for a bowl of cold noodles?]
[It’s 5 copper for a bowl!]
“???????”
Is this some popular martial arts joke nowadays? Qi Breakfast, Qi Brunch, Qi Dinner? Please use the kiosk for your Qi Brunch orders! Why can’t I just get carbonara instead?
[When treating a girl, you should at least get her carbonara instead of cold noodles.]
[Ah! So you didn’t like the cold noodles?]
“……. Is this a comedy?”
I let out a snort at the absurdity. What on earth was going to unfold? I decided to keep going, as the content was breaking the laws of common sense.
As I progressed a bit, there was a flashback scene with the princess heroine.
[I don’t want to marry the man my father chose for me. I’m going out to the martial arts world to marry the most famous man!]
[Miss! You shouldn’t say such dangerous things! The outside world is full of dangerous martial artists!]
[Then I’ll just become a martial artist! I brought back some Everlasting Snow Ginseng from the royal secret vault!]
[Miss! The Emperor will be furious if he finds out!]
[Just keep an eye out for anyone coming. I’m going to eat this and become a martial artist.]
[I really don’t know…….]
[I’ve absorbed all 5 Everlasting Snow Ginseng. Now no one can defeat me. I’m going out into the martial world to marry the most famous man.]
She absorbed all 5 Everlasting Snow Ginseng and became the self-proclaimed strongest in the martial world. Thus, she stepped out into the world to find the most famous man to marry.
[SYSTEM: To see the ending with the princess heroine, the fame stat is the most important.]
“……. What?”
No training. No real combat. No epiphanies. Just because she ate some elixir, she became the strongest in the martial world?
“I’m not a generic martial artist. I’m not a generic martial artist.”
Hold on. My left hand is a black goat, not a generic martial artist.
As I repressed my innate urge to rage, I played the game for a day or two. And a week later.
“Stop!! This isn’t martial arts!! And this isn’t even a visual novel!!”
In my room, I screamed after seeing the complete disaster of the game’s ending.
The game scenario was simple.
The protagonist, who trained martial arts, comes out into the martial world with his ‘red-haired’ self.
Raise fame points to connect with the princess heroine. Gather money to connect with the Murong Family heroine.
The problem was that both as a martial arts story and a visual novel, it utterly failed.
As a martial artist, there were plenty of points to criticize, but the major issue was the so-called visual novel aspects.
What is a visual novel? The male protagonist grows while meeting various female heroines, ultimately choosing one for an emotional connection and a heroic rescue story. They are intertwined in a narrative.
But this game was not like that.
Every incident and narrative revolve around the princess heroine, not the protagonist.
‘Ugh! Protagonist! I have something sad to share!’
‘Ugh! Protagonist! I messed up. Help me!’
The protagonist becomes just a backup for the princess while she takes the spotlight.
‘Why are you so weak? Looks like I have to solve everything!’
‘If I get famous for running away from the imperial palace, it’ll be a disaster. I handled it, but let’s just say you did.’
The cool scenes are all taken by the princess, and the protagonist just gets the leftovers.
Eventually, it feels as though the protagonist is merely training martial arts and raising fame points to become the trophy of the heroine.
What is this visual novel? It’s just a romance fantasy with a female lead.
If I dislike this heroine, can’t I just choose another one? When I actually tried, I was suddenly met with roadblocks preventing that route from opening.
“How can there only be two heroines, and you introduce a widow villain?”
A widow but a villain? That’s from the Murong Family heroine’s route.
[Hmmm. Lately, I think you get along well with that woman. Did you know? That woman killed her husband on their wedding night and devoured all his family’s wealth. It’s better to avoid her!]
What kind of heroine is this?
I figured that visual novel clichés would clarify things later on. I decided to push through, but it got even more outrageous.
[Murong Family is only trying to marry me for my family’s wealth.]
[On our first encounter, they told me to prepare myself for the wedding night since they purchased me with money.]
A classic ‘unwanted marriage equals no blame for the heroine, it’s all the ex’s fault’ scenario. Is that the story?
[Isn’t it harsh to marry someone you don’t love? That’s why I’ve prepared fake evidence to accuse him of treason. Now, look at the expression on his face when he hears the news.]
What…?
[When that man heard about the family treason, I wish you could’ve seen his face twisting in despair. There’s no feeling greater than watching his expression.]
[When he barged into the bridal chamber thinking he’d claim me, killing him felt so satisfying. His family’s wealth was transferred to me, his wife.]
[Knowing all this, can you still love me?]
No. I can’t. Get lost, you vile woman.
What is up with these heroines?
Are they nuisance heroines or villainess heroines? Ultimately, I chose the problematic princess.
The Murong Family route had issues too. The princess heroine needed fame points, while the Murong Family needed money.
Fame can be raised by doing good deeds, but earning money often required dirty jobs or cowardly decisions.
“If we turn in the last survivor child from the massacre, we get 100 gold. Protect them earns 100 fame. This is crossing the line.”
So I ended up choosing the princess route. The conclusion was that the protagonist became the most famous in the martial world and married the princess, becoming her consort.
When witnessing such a visual novel ending, I felt despondency for the protagonist, sold off to the chaos of the princess operation.
What kind of martial arts visual novel is this? It’s a female lead romance fantasy with a martial arts skin.
Crickets. I can’t take this anymore.
“I must give feedback in rage.”
I initially intended to pursue both routes, but I decided to write feedback for just one.
Worried that a strong tone might hurt my junior, I tried to ease in with my words. But he said he was not in charge of the scenario. He requested unfiltered feedback.
“Behold, the sharp criticism of a furious novelist, a generic martial artist, and a passionate fan!”
Thus, I wrote a tirade of over 30 pages of feedback disguised as criticisms and sent it to the scenario writer before falling asleep.
—–
“Young master, the Murong Family estate is in sight!”
In the distance, I could see the Murong Family complex dominating the horizon.
“……. Right.”
“If the one getting married has such a stiff expression, people will gossip about it.”
“……. I’m about to die, you know.”
“Huh?”
“I provided the feedback you asked for, is this a curse? Am I weirdly trapped in this visual novel?”
Hah.
I didn’t leave malicious comments.
I merely provided feedback.
Yet, I was trapped in a visual novel.
That too, as a groom destined to die at the hands of a heroine on the first wedding night.
