〈 218화 〉 Truth
* * *
What’s the problem?
Her expression suddenly turned serious.
But I couldn’t quite pinpoint what the issue was.
I had simply asked her about Freira.
Of course, I had heard from Freira that the two of them were somewhat close. That’s why I had thought to ask her.
So if she were to hear about Freira, it would make her sad.
However, if we’re talking about problems…
Her emotions didn’t seem to be sadness.
Rather…
She was afraid of something.
She was conflicted.
‘Violet.’
I reached out and grabbed her arm.
“Eek…!”
She almost dropped the Crystal Ball.
W-w-what’s going on?
‘I asked you a question. Did you not hear me correctly?’
No, I did hear you.
‘Then is it difficult for you to answer?’
That’s…
She lowered her head.
But after hesitating for a moment, she finally opened her mouth with great difficulty.
She was a good person. In the early days when the Demon Kings began to gather, she always brightened the mood, and when we were troubled, she listened well to our worries.
Her voice trembled somewhere.
She was the one who managed to keep us together, focused only on our own individual goals, without any common purpose like the world’s destruction. If a Demon King left first, she was the one who mourned the most.
I realized.
That tremble was the tremble of sorrow.
Though she had seemed to show other emotions rather than sadness earlier, it seemed that when it came to talking about Freira, sorrow had struck her.
She was like that… but at some point, she started to say it like a habit.
‘Do you mean she said she wanted to die?’
No, that’s a story for later. It’s about her being frustrated because of some event and walking into the Church on her own.
‘Then…’
She wanted to have a child.
Definitely.
Her wanting to have disciples was, in a way, an extension of her desire for a child.
‘But she…’
She couldn’t have a child.
That was the conclusion I knew about her.
That was, until Violet denied that conclusion.
No, it’s different from what you think. She succeeded in getting pregnant. It’s just that she eventually miscarried.
‘But it amounts to the same thing. In the end, she…’
That’s right. When the child was born, it was already dead. The heart had stopped, and the body was already cold. However, that child is alive now.
What?
In an instant, my mind went blank.
What in the world did I just hear?
‘Violet.’
If that’s a joke, it’s a truly cruel one.
If that were the case, she wouldn’t have a reason to obsess over me, her disciple.
If she hadn’t been so obsessed with me, she wouldn’t have died.
But Violet wore a serious expression like never before.
The fears and sadness from earlier were nowhere to be found.
Allen Pleuk. Actually, there’s a truth you don’t know.
‘A truth I don’t know?’
But knowing this won’t help your current situation. In fact, perhaps… it would be better not to hear this in such an important situation.
She was warning me.
Like when Luel hid the truth of the world from me.
That the truth was very dangerous.
But the difference from then and now was that she assured me this wouldn’t help me.
‘Then it’s better not to know.’
Yeah, I would probably think that way normally.
But this time, it was a bit different.
‘Is that truth… related to Freira?’
This was important.
For some reason, the existence of Freira was still digging at my heart even after death.
If it was the truth about her, no matter what it was, I had to face it.
Yes.
Then…
‘Please tell me. What is that truth?’
If you’re really okay with it… I will tell you.
I swallowed dryly.
To prepare for whatever truth it might be.
Of course, I wondered if it would be more shocking than the truth of the world that Luel had told me, but who knows?
But if the truth turned out to be nothing special, I’d give Violet a smack.
So hurry up and say it…
That child is you.
Huh?
At the Basilium Inn. She judged the child to be dead and buried it in the ground. She didn’t know that the child’s heart had started beating again.
It was hard to accept this literally.
If I hadn’t heard the innkeeper’s testimony, I would have dismissed it as a bad joke.
But I already knew through his testimony that I had been buried in the ground.
‘Freira is my mother?’
That’s correct. And she found out about it… just before heading to Hailen.
Everything was falling into place.
I understood why she had been so devoted to me.
Why… she could smile even while dying.
‘So that’s why…’
Of course, even if she was my mother, that level of love wasn’t something to be taken for granted.
But conversely, if she wasn’t my mother, that love couldn’t be explained.
So perhaps my subconscious had been anticipating this all along.
She was my mother.
That’s why it had hurt so much.
Every time I heard her name, my heart ached.
‘Now I understand.’
All of my emotions tied to her began to make sense.
And at the same time…
I stood up from my seat.
Allen? Are you okay?
‘Not really. My heart still feels like it’s about to collapse at any moment. But… as you said, knowing this truth doesn’t change anything.’
I had to do what I needed to do.
‘I’m going to kill the High Priest.’
So now, I just need to bear with it.
There was no time to waste crying.
‘Thank you for telling me.’
I was just grateful.
Finally understanding my emotions made my head feel clear.
All that remained was to move forward using these feelings as motivation.
As I was about to thank Violet and leave the room,
I heard her voice in my head.
Freira’s death… was not meaningless after all.
Yeah, but it was still too early to say that.
At least, it wouldn’t be too late to say it after everything was over.
To do that, I left her room, holding back my tears.
And then I spoke casually to my companions.
“Then let’s go right away.”
To our next destination.
*
Stomp, stomp.
The Ice Valley was not too far from the Demon King’s Castle.
So instead of going through the trouble, we chose to walk.
As the apostles would probably start showing up soon in the Ice Valley, we needed to be careful.
It was at that time we were aimlessly walking outside the barrier.
“By the way, you were there quite a while. What did you talk about?”
Elsie asked suspiciously.
She seemed to have entered into an inspection mode.
“Nothing much, really.”
“Really?”
“What’s certain is that it’s not what you think.”
Though I found her inspection somewhat annoying, it was only fair, considering this was my karma.
For some reason, there seemed to be an increasing number of women around me.
“Hm, I’ll believe you for now.”
But thinking about it, this time was a bit unfair.
“I was only in the room for about 5 minutes, wasn’t I?”
“That’s right?”
“In 5 minutes, what could I possibly do…”
“Don’t you remember how you charmed a woman in just 1 minute in the Leim Kingdom?”
That was unfair too.
“No, that wasn’t my fault. I just held her hand because she looked a bit precarious.”
“It’s not that you were wrong. Your excessive kindness is charming in its way too. But still, from my perspective, I always have to be cautious.”
“Well…”
At that moment, Luel commented, seemingly agreeing with Elsie’s opinion.
“Indeed, Miss Elsie, you have gone through a lot because of that.”
She was still being carried on my back.
Although Serrana or Elsie might be physically stronger, it seemed I was more comfortable to carry.
After all, when Elsie carried Luel, it was like Luel was half-overlapping her.
‘That said…’
The one who said that was currently Luel, who was the biggest worry for Elsie recently.
I didn’t quite understand, but it seemed she suspected that Luel had feelings for me.
But I couldn’t just directly ask Luel about it.
Therefore, my decision was simple.
‘Oh, whatever will happen, will happen.’
It wasn’t an important situation anyway.
Even if Luel had feelings for me, I wouldn’t bring it up right now.
She knew the current situation well enough.
No, but still, I really didn’t know.
No matter how I thought about it, the reaction from Luel seemed to be Elsie and Albert being too sensitive.
There wasn’t even a basis for it…
“But what did you mean by ‘the one who regresses’ earlier?”
Gwen suddenly asked me.
Now that I think about it, I realized I hadn’t told anyone other than Luel and Lucy about having memories as Sung Yoo-rang.
Sure, I could reveal it, but it was such a complicated explanation that there hadn’t been a good timing so far.
‘It’s about time I should reveal it.’
But saying I had been observing their every move as a Divine Seat felt a bit off.
Besides, telling them this world is merely a game might upset them as they didn’t have the understanding of dimensions like Luel.
So the term ‘regressor’ was suitable after all.
I had never thought of calling myself a regressor, but thanks to Luel, I stumbled upon it.
In reality, if I were to be precise, I was closer to being a regressor.
“Yes, I am a regressor.”
Of course, this statement required quite a bit of courage.
I had no idea how they would feel about this foreign existence of a “regressor.”
But fortunately, they didn’t seem to have any strong adverse reactions.
“Indeed, then I suppose some of the questions I had about you are being answered a bit.”
Questions like how she knew when to come to the village, and how she knew about the Reedval Family, even though she wasn’t a part of it.
“Oh, that’s right. I had some questions about that too, and knowing this definitely…”
“I understand too!”
“I don’t really know what the story is, but you must be impressive.”
Serrana seemed to not fully grasp the situation, but overall, the atmosphere was one of acceptance.
This made me feel rather troubled.
“Is it okay? Up until now, I’ve kept this hidden from you all. And doesn’t it seem a bit cowardly? You only had one chance. But I’ve…”
“No, honestly, if it were just ten times, I might have found it a bit cheesy. But a hundred times is different. I’ve thought about it for a while, but your mental state is truly something else.”
Saying that felt odd.
Even if I claim to have regressed a hundred times, I didn’t have memories of those, but I actually spent a hundred iterations in the second trial.
Moreover, Elsie chimed in.
“To be honest… I was surprised. I thought you’d be far weaker after having gone through a hundred iterations. But, of course, you’ve gotten quite strong now.”
She hit the nail on the head.
“I don’t understand!”
“Me neither. You really seem impressive.”
Even Serrana and Miss Weiss didn’t help much.
There was really only one person I could rely on.
The Water Sage.
“Luel, can you say just one thing…”
But she betrayed me too.
“Everyone already knows you well. Honestly, there would have been no reason to reveal you are a regressor.”
“But everyone’s being too harsh…”
“Well, who cares? Everyone is having a good time because of you. And you too.”
Only then did I realize.
I had been smiling all along.
“Well, that’s true.”
“You looked all gloomy ever since you came out of Violet’s room. You had a face that looked like you were about to cry at any moment.”
Thinking back now, it really might have been the case.
“Perhaps that’s why Miss Elsie spoke to you.”
“Is that so?”
I turned to Elsie then, but she was shyly looking away.
Yeah, it definitely was a situation that could make anyone gloomy.
But I couldn’t burden my companions with my worries.
And maintaining a depressed mood wouldn’t benefit me either.
I felt grateful again for having my companions.
“Thank you all…”
At that moment, Luel spoke.
“The cliff up ahead. There will be a trial in between.”
It seemed like we had finally arrived.
At the trial.
“But what were you trying to say earlier?”
“No, it was nothing.”
It felt a bit embarrassing to say it again.
It seemed they had all heard the gist of it anyway.
* * *
