After the rain stopped, a chill breeze swept between the terraces.
Behind me, round ears with white spots perked up and flicked once. So-called tiger beastman ears—are they shaped like that naturally?
And whether flicking her ears was a subconscious action before starting our conversation or not, Kanna opened her mouth while looking at me.
“I knew you were amazing, but I never expected you to show up in a place like this.”
“Is that so?”
Kanna gestured outside as she spoke.
“You even healed a congenital disability. It means you can treat any illness or wound, right? Someone capable of that should keep it under wraps.”
Congenital disability, referring to a physical impairment from birth. Kanna had one of her legs twisted since birth.
She had her struggles but managed to overcome them. However, at the end of it all, she failed.
Of all people, she made a contract with me. It’s a one-time deal, and once made, it can’t be undone. I’m already filled with the light, and there’s no way I’m letting go of the warmth.
Feel sorry for her?
I’m the one who’s really pitiful.
In a white snow-covered mountain, if I were starving with nothing to eat, I’d lean down and bite into the corpse in front of me. This is that kind of story.
But I won’t scold someone for refusing food and choosing starvation. Quite the opposite; I respect those who make a more noble decision among such gluttony. Even if they condemn me, I won’t mind.
So if he and I are the same being, I’d laugh inwardly. Ah, what a missed opportunity to eat. My hunger will only grow, but I’ve consumed everything in sight.
That means there’s no escape from death.
That means it never ends.
The truly terrifying part is that I’m the only one who doesn’t die.
Heh.
So there’s no need to be more dreadful. I’ll just hold on to warmth.
Being desperate to not miss the most critical thing, while not caring about anything else.
If I miss even that, I’ll end up in the depths of suffering, reduced to feeding on the occasional warmth that falls, just like a bug.
“This isn’t such an amazing ability.”
“There’s no magic in this world that can heal congenital disabilities. Even if restored perfectly, it’s still twisted; that’s the original condition… It could even return to the way it was with forced fixation of the leg.”
There are memories of Kanna rising to the surface.
Nailing metal rods into a distorted leg to enable it to walk at an angle and using healing magic.
It’s magic to fill the gaps, but her forcibly twisted leg returned to its original state. So she ended up receiving awkward healing magic on purpose, hence the scar left from the rods being inserted and removed from her leg.
She underwent surgery to allow Kanna, who couldn’t walk at all, to walk at least a bit.
Even though there’s magic to erase scars, using it would return the leg back to its original form, so she stopped there.
It doesn’t make sense to go that far for just one leg.
It’s like selling your rights just for a piece of candy.
But I can’t laugh at her for that; I have no right since I deceived and took it away from her.
So it’s only right to take her seriously.
“But that has erased it. Instead, the overall condition has improved greatly. Not just walking or running, it’s the whole body that has gotten stronger.”
She emphasized the aspect of the body.
After all, she probably felt the changes much more sensitively as her body was uncomfortable.
“That’s not my intention. It just happened like that when you came to me.”
“Then, are you okay?”
Oh?
Ah, I see. No, I didn’t expect the question to be phrased like that.
Is it because of how I speak? If one just reads the sentence, it sounds like I’m giving myself away, right? In this world, when someone gains something, someone else has to lose something. So it sounds like I’m saying I’m sharing myself.
In reality, I merely dropped a cup of light into the ocean that is me. So I guess that’s why I see the world through the eyes of a harvesting machine.
There are several ways I can answer Kanna’s question.
I could say I disguise myself as a good person like a religion, or I could tell her not to worry. But I’ll stick to saying the truth, just like I have until now.
Only a part of the truth.
“It’s okay, Kanna. I only gave myself, but I don’t understand why the person who made a contract with me becomes healthier.”
I have a few hypotheses. They’re speculations from Daegon or Wonsi Cheonjon, who possess profound knowledge. But I have no intention of discussing those.
Light is the soul, and warmth appears to be the potential within it.
Shriveled light will wander the world like a bug for an eternity.
Then Kanna looked at me and cautiously asked,
“Then, is it okay to keep treating people like this?”
“Yes, if someone wishes for it, I will share myself.”
There’s no bias.
I don’t care about anything at all. As long as someone in my life shares their warmth.
“Right, so nothing is done forcefully?”
“Exactly, Kanna.”
Ah, I see.
I am trying to act a bit non-human here.
“Kanna Temrane Shiodore, what I wish for my contractor is simple. Do what you want. Gain what you desire, and live happily. It would be great if you could find a good man and have many children.”
As I said that while pointing at Kanna, her face turned bright red.
“What are you talking about?!”
“With your current body, there are probably not many men who wouldn’t be tempted. Since this country has a monogamous system, I’d recommend sitting in a position where you can showcase your authority.”
Most bottom-tier females end up being exploited.
Kanna stared at me dumbfounded for a moment before lifting her head. From her perspective, she wasn’t looking at something on the ceiling.
“N-No, you. That…”
Stuttering, Kanna lowered her head again, still blushing as she cautiously spoke.
“Aren’t you being too blunt?”
“I’m not discussing sexual preferences, I’m talking about the prosperity of living beings. Is that such a shameful topic?”
“Ah, yeah. I guess not.”
Her face turned crimson again. I suppose my words struck a chord.
Feeling hot, she fanned her cheeks with her hand.
“You really aren’t human anymore.”
“That’s right. I’m no longer human.”
I was once a long time ago.
There was a time when I pondered if I was a faded memory of a man from the submerged city below. But that’s impossible.
I have no memories of a blank era. I felt the cold. I am a continuation of that faded memory of a man.
There are no gaps in my memories, and memories from a time when no man existed don’t exist.
Even before light appeared in the sky, I was me.
I was human.
“Since we’re on this topic, hurry up and get married.”
Kanna turned her head away awkwardly. Since the conversation drifted in this direction, I decided to dive deeper into it as I didn’t want to remember it.
Let’s chase after it.
“I know many people marry their fiancés after graduating from the Royal Academy. But Kanna, you haven’t even gotten engaged yet.”
“Why on earth are we talking about this?!”
She asked that.
This is related to my desires.
And it’s about Kanna’s sense of debt.
Kanna healed me. Yes, she’s not the type to just say goodbye nonchalantly like that.
So, I say this.
“I want the person I’ve contracted with to thrive widely. That’s the reason I contract with people. If we advance further in time, expanding oneself is about having children, right? Humanity.”
At that point, Kanna seemed to have a hard time grasping my words, as she paused for a brief moment.
After blinking several times, Kanna cautiously asked me,
“B-Bell is like a god.”
“No, not at all.”
I’m intentionally saying it in a way that it sounds that way. But hearing it directly makes me feel uneasy.
But maybe I was too harsh with my words, as Kanna flinched.
“Do you hate gods, Bell?”
Uuh, that’s a tough question.
I don’t like gods. But saying I hate gods here isn’t respectable.
Even if the religious overtones have faded, the culture made by religion remains.
The opposite of a god is a devil, and such concepts exist in this world. Monsters that plunge the world into evil.
It’s precisely what I refer to myself as, but outright saying I’m a bad guy is not a good strategy. A good person who knows they’re a bad guy exists only in fiction.
“To be precise, it’s something that created me.”
Something that buried me deep underwater, making me shiver in eternal cold.
“Ah, yeah. I think I understand that.”
Hmm? Kanna nodded with a strangely empathic expression.
Ah, come to think of it, Kanna also had a bad relationship with her mother. Not just bad; they were practically strangers.
Her mother was almost expelled from the Shiodore family for giving birth to a disabled child, and Kanna was abandoned by her.
The Shiodore family has multiple wives, and only the strongest child carries on the family line, so they had to face it.
I mean, it’s a bit harsh, but if the rare good child ends up being a flop, it’s bound to happen. So Kanna could relate to my statement of disliking gods.
“In that sense, I hate gods. I also dislike being called something like a god.”
Highpion seems to have caught onto that.
I’m fine as long as they don’t touch on sensitive areas.
Even if I should have no self, I dislike certain things.
But then Kanna tilted her head.
“Why do you think it’s a god that made you?”
Why do I think it’s a god, you ask?
“Because I was created before there was light.”
When I first trembled in the cold, there was no sky.
No light was there to separate as a sky.
While shaking in the cold for a long time, one day, suddenly, light shone, and I learned that it was the sky. Only then did I realize I couldn’t go up, as if I were caught by gravity.
“If there’s someone who created me, it can only be a god.”
But Kanna’s expression turned pale.
“Is it… okay for me to hear this now?”
“Yes, it’s not something I need to hide. It’s just a meaningless story that has no significance whether someone knows it or not.”
Since it’s a story that couldn’t be proved anyway, they’d probably dismiss it as nonsense. What changes if it’s true? It’s not like I created the world, and nothing will change.
Actually, one thing does change.
It reveals my old age.
“I’m older than I look, you see?”
“Not just ‘old’ level though…”
“If it burdens you, quickly catch a good man.”
“The gap in the stories is too large, so can you just stop there?”
Sure, let’s do that.
Thus, our brief break on the terrace came to an end.
