Chapter 93

Every day felt so blissful.

It felt like my lifelong wish, which I never thought would come true, had finally been granted.

Simple as it may be, ever since I started wandering Blood Haven to survive by begging as soon as I grew up enough to live, I yearned for a family.

Whether praised or scolded, no matter how good or bad I did, I craved for those precious people who would always be by my side, spending time with me.

I knew it was a hope that was nearly impossible to achieve.

I also knew that wishing for a family, something that even the poorest of the poor couldn’t dream of, was a futile dream for someone living on the streets as a beggar.

There were trials too, moments when I met the kind of kin I never wanted to see again, who planted doubts and distrust in me about the existence of family.

But despite all that, I feel content and happy with how things have turned out now, even though my relationship with Asulin, though oddly formed, has become the closest thing to a family I could imagine.

After those nights where we openly shared our hearts, now as I walk towards the dining room, where Asulin, who woke up before me, must be waiting, I can’t help but reflect on the life I’ve lived.

The more I recall, the deeper my longing for Asulin grows, making this happiness I’ve barely attained feel even more real.

The past pain and loneliness that used to torment me no longer hurt, and as I slowly walked, I reminisced about the days when I was abandoned right after birth and had to survive by begging on the streets.

Back then, I saw all sorts of people bustling around.

To beg for a living, I naturally developed a keen eye for who might give, even if I didn’t like it.

In that process, countless people were categorized in my mind.

I felt a bitter mix of jealousy and anger towards the nobles, who walked the streets in luxurious clothes and mannerisms, due to their birth, even though I only vaguely knew about it.

Seeing the rich, who seemed to lack nothing with their immense wealth, made me feel an overwhelming envy and self-loathing when compared to my miserable state at the time.

No one I met on the street seemed enviable, but there were some I truly envied.

At first, I didn’t admit it, but as time passed, I naturally felt envious of them.

Nothing special, really. They were just ordinary compared to the nobles and seemed lacking next to merchants, but whenever I saw a family walking together, smiling brightly, I felt a greater envy than when I saw any other sight.

Wealth and status? Even though I looked like this now, I believed I could reach a similar level through effort, so I both envied and resented them.

Family seemed impossibly distant to me.

Unlike material abundance and social standing, which can be achieved through effort, family, which I never had from birth, was something I couldn’t even fathom.

That’s why, whenever a beggar kid wandered Blood Haven, they would look up at the night sky and pray at the end of each day.

Please, let me have a family like those people.

I prayed countless times to the moon and stars.

Even though I knew such wishes wouldn’t come true, whenever I prayed, the longing I felt for a happy family made me forget the loneliness I had accumulated.

I kept praying, hoping and praying.

Of course, the more I prayed, the more desperate I became, yet I never thought it would actually happen.

When a man claiming to be my father showed up and treated me like a tool, the hope I had for meeting my unknown parents shattered, and I began to doubt the concept of family.

Sure, it makes sense. Why would a man like him name his twin brother and leave me at an orphanage?

Once the reality hit and the last bit of hope crumbled, life felt meaningless.

But even though I never had a perfect family, meeting people who treated me like family allowed me to satisfy my longing to some extent, allowing me to keep going.

After the former emperor left for a place he could never return to, and a massive civil war shook the empire, I found myself thrown into its midst.

The grief of losing my dear brother, who was treated like family, and the anger towards the former patriarch who didn’t take responsibility for his actions, made me question whether I could ever lead a normal life.

Then, she came—Asulin, who had become incredibly precious to me.

Our marriage, a forced one disguised as a strategic alliance, began with the determination to protect the family that gave me a place to belong.

Although I cherished them, a new feeling arose in my heart, one I found fascinating.

Unlike the vague sense of belonging to a group, loving one person deeply made me want to see them every day.

Just moments ago, we had shared warmth in the bedroom.

Even though we were just separating for a moment to prepare for breakfast, my heart pounded with the desire to see Asulin.

Yet, another thought crossed my mind: while I longed to see you, what kind of feelings would you have for me, already dressed and waiting in the dining room?

This thought quickened my pace, eager to see how you would greet me.

Despite the hurried steps, once I arrived at the dining room, I realized I still hadn’t organized my thoughts on what to say to you.

I wanted to see you, to tell you I love you, to protect you.

…Even thinking about it, my words felt jumbled.

Though it was strange to wake up with someone in the morning, share the day, and go to bed together at night, expressing these feelings in words felt almost impossible.

I hoped you felt the same.

“Something…”

As I shook my head slightly, lost in selfish thoughts, I noticed the entrance to the dining room was near.

Would you be sitting at the table, waiting for me?

Even though it would be more composed than when we meet in the bedroom, the thought of you greeting me with a gentle smile made my already quick steps even faster.

But then, “Junior Duke Asulin is currently handling urgent news in his office.”

Hearing this news from Katarina, who always respectfully greeted me at the door, I felt the biggest challenge to protecting this happiness I had barely attained was upon me.

There was no reason to casually eat breakfast if Asulin was in the office.

It seemed she read my thoughts.

“Should I go to the office?”

Without hesitation, Katarina asked if I intended to go to the office where Asulin was.

“Sorting papers that fly in like that is important work too.”

I replied briefly, turning towards the office instead of the dining room.

I could distinguish between urgent documents that needed signatures and less pressing ones, and Asulin had often said it would be helpful if I did this task for her.

I wouldn’t leave her alone in the office.

“…You’re finding every excuse to be by my side.”

An involuntary smile escaped as I thought this, but as I entered the office, I was surprised to find it filled with mountains of documents, even for such an early hour.

As I watched Asulin, reading a letter with a serious expression, ignoring my presence, I felt relieved that I had arrived on time.

Usually, when I entered the office, Asulin would greet me with affection, but now she seemed preoccupied with the letter.

I didn’t need to confirm it; as soon as I saw Asulin, I knew the letter contained news about the barbarian tribes, who had resumed their raids in the Zakarat Mountain Range, which Reze had warned about publicly.

“Barbarians?”

Before reading the letter, I asked Asulin cautiously.

“…It’s better to see it than hear me describe it clumsily.”

With a faint smile, Asulin suggested I read the letter, and a strange unease washed over me as I did.

“…What the hell?”

A curse slipped out involuntarily, one I hadn’t uttered since the war.

“URGENT NEWS

Demons have invaded from the northern part of the Zakarat Mountain Range, wreaking havoc across the entire mountain range as they advance.

Their destructive path overlaps with that of the barbarian tribes, yet they continue their rampage without collision, suggesting unprecedented damage.

Immediate support in terms of supplies and troops is required for the northern fortresses along their route.”

Even though the message was brief, the gravity of the situation made my blood boil.

Two calamities, each worse than the last, marching towards each other without colliding, felt like a terrifying storm approaching.

“It seems this will be tougher than when we fought the demons together back then.”

Asulin’s voice, usually low and dignified, sounded weary.

Recalling the chaotic times during the Succession War, when demons disrupted the stalemate and led to extreme exhaustion, her voice reminded me of those dark days.

Sweat broke out as I imagined facing a similar situation again.

“But at least, unlike before, we can prepare in advance, which should minimize the damage.”

As Asulin spoke with renewed resolve, I felt a surge of energy.

“Indeed, facing a tightly-knit alliance, those creatures seem almost pitiful.”

A light jest escaped my lips, though I wasn’t planning to let it end there.

Let your weapons remind you of the troubles you brought.

The calmness that had settled in my heart was shaken, replaced by the harsh reality of blood and steel.