In Korea, there is a saying that one should not put off today’s work until tomorrow. Many countries on Earth have similar sayings, with slightly different intonations, but all convey the same message: if you push things that are right in front of you to the future, they will snowball into something big.
I don’t want to say it directly, but I’m not the type who throws themselves into everything enthusiastically or leads by example in every task. I’ll take responsibility for the tasks assigned to me, but anything that isn’t my responsibility is completely out of my interest.
While I put it well, in reality, even the tasks I take on aren’t done particularly well. If I can get through them smoothly without any issues, I do. If I can afford a little leeway, I tend to postpone them.
Some might think that such behavior would gradually improve over time, but those who share my style would know that improvement doesn’t come easily.
To get to the point, having developed the habit of handling tasks smoothly and leisurely, I found myself putting off even the immediate tasks in front of me, and recently I’ve realized that things had gotten bigger than I thought.
It was unexpected, but even if I think about why this happened later, it won’t change the fact that SuA and I have had a physical relationship. Of course, I don’t intend to ignore or pretend it didn’t happen.
However, thinking like that won’t make worries about the future disappear.
After starting a relationship with Yubin, I ended up having relationships with Yura and Hayang in sequence, and realizing that continuing to form relationships within the team could lead to complications, I decided not to increase the number of relationships anymore.
The reason for not increasing the number of relationships wasn’t because I was seeing multiple people at once. I’ve never considered it an issue to see several people at once. However, the problem lies in the fact that the people I’m seeing are members of the same team, specifically members of the Spacystro, which is in an adversarial relationship with HunterKiller.
Actually, I do think having multiple relationships is somewhat problematic. There’s a risk of my true identity being exposed, and I’m concerned about the women who saw me feeling hurt when they find out everything. Although I’m determined to take responsibility and face the consequences for what I’ve done, I still feel conflicted.
Even now, I can’t figure out what I’m talking about.
Lunchtime. I sat on a park bench waiting for Green. It was the first time we met since returning from training, and due to several unforeseen events during that time, I hadn’t been able to contact her at all.
Recently, the atmosphere has improved, and we even went on a trip, so I felt that there were fewer things I needed to worry about. Saying I care too much might sound like meddling, but just a few weeks ago, I couldn’t help but be concerned about Green’s state.
Fortunately, I noticed an improvement in her condition, and unconsciously, I felt it was okay not to check in with her as often as before.
My psychological state, affected by my relationship with Indigo and the lack of attention to Yubin, Yura, and Hayang, led to an unexpected relationship with SuA, and after confirming my improved state, I spent hot nights with other people one by one.
Though it’s physical, the unease grew as I wondered how long I could keep up the facade. But despite the anxiety, meeting her made me feel good, suggesting I’m relatively simple-minded.
Now, having a relationship with SuA, I can’t help but be conscious of Green. In terms of the HunterKiller members, she was the most cautious. While others are important too, she was the first to reveal her family background, and I even met her father at the police station.
Her delicate nature makes me acutely aware that I shouldn’t hurt her, and the fact that no significant event has brought us closer gives me some relief. As long as I don’t do anything unnecessary, I think I can maintain this distance with Green.
“……Hmm?”
It was mid-September, but the weather was still hot. Despite the large temperature fluctuations, early mornings and evenings were cool and pleasant, while midday was scorching like hellfire.
“Hello.”
I turned my head as I spotted Green running from afar, and she quickly approached, breathing heavily with sweat beading on her forehead. She didn’t need to rush this much.
“Hello. It’s been a while. Did you enjoy your trip?”
Even though I’d heard enough about the trip from others, given it was the first time I’d seen her in a while, I couldn’t avoid discussing the recent big event, her trip.
“Yes! I had a great time.”
With a lively voice, Green sat down on the bench. In her hand was a white semi-transparent convenience store bag.
“What’s that?”
“Oh… This is…”
I suddenly realized. Yubin often brings items in a convenience store bag when coming home from work, sometimes even buying sanitary pads.
I wondered if Green had bought something before going home and, while I thought I had made a mistake, Green opened the bag to show its contents.
“!!… Tiramisu?”
I wanted to look away, thinking it would be better not to see, but upon seeing the contents, I realized they weren’t what I expected. If it contained sanitary pads, she wouldn’t have shown them.
“Yes.”
Inside the bag was a tiramisu cake from a convenience store, priced around 4,000 won, packed in a plastic container without damage.
As Green showed me the contents, she avoided making eye contact and looked at the void. Though I’m used to her avoiding eye contact, today she seemed slightly different from usual. Could it be because we haven’t seen each other in a while?
“Did you buy this as a snack?”
“Oh, yes. It’s a snack…”
Whenever I meet Green at the park, she always brings something to drink or goes to a nearby convenience store. This was the first time I saw her with food, and guessing she intended to take it home, I asked her, and she nodded slightly in response.
‘What’s going on?’
I felt a tightness in my throat, as if I had eaten something too quickly. Was Green really different because we hadn’t seen each other in a while?
“How was the meeting today?”
“Meeting? It was fun as usual. Everyone talked about their boyfriends’ experiences.”
I felt as if I had been hit in the back of the head when I unexpectedly heard such news.
“Oh, everyone seems to be doing well…”
While I knew I needed to manage my expression, I couldn’t hide my unease. The most concerning thing was that the four of them were sharing information about me, and lately, they seemed to be talking about me more often.
Of course, they don’t know they’re talking about the same person, and they haven’t been caught yet, which is fortunate, but it only increased my anxiety.
“Yes. Everyone was laughing, and their faces looked bright.”
Hearing everyone was happy made me unsure whether I should be happy or not. It’s a difficult situation. If I had known, I would have lied about the information about me.
But if I were to spread false information, surely I would make a mistake somewhere. My careless attempt to spread false information would only complicate things further.
“How is Milky Way getting along with her colleagues?”
I hadn’t planned to bring up personal matters, but I was curious if the introverted Green was getting along well with her colorful colleagues.
I casually asked, but Green didn’t respond, and I felt a moment of silence in the quiet park.
“Milky Way?”
“Oh, yes?!”
Realizing I had spoken, Green looked startled and raised her gaze from the bag.
“I’m sorry. What did you say?”
“No, nothing. Is there something wrong?”
Seeing that Green didn’t seem to be doing well, I decided to first check if anything was bothering her instead of asking about her well-being. But Green shook her head, indicating she had nothing to say.
“No, nothing’s wrong.”
Her eyes conveyed something. Or was she hoping I would understand? But I lacked the ability to read her inner thoughts just from her gaze. Asking her directly didn’t seem like she wanted to talk either.
“That’s good to hear.”
I decided to hold off on questioning her. Sometimes, helping someone can be a good thing, but forcing questions on someone who doesn’t want to talk is just meddling.
Green gave an awkward smile and started talking about recent events. Her actions were limited, so there wasn’t much change in her conversation. I casually mentioned my training, omitting any mention of encountering HunterKiller members.
I improvised, and Green seemed to enjoy the story, listening intently without looking away. Each time she focused on the story, the bag in her hand rustled.
And each time, the tiramisu inside bothered me.
Lunchtime passed quickly, and I thought about sending Green home and returning to headquarters to continue collecting data.
“Should we get up soon?”
“Ah…”
As I stood up, Green seemed to hesitate, and I felt again that she was acting differently from usual. I wondered what she was going to say and waited for her next words.
Rolling her eyes hesitantly, Green finally looked up and met my gaze.
“Could you spare a bit more time?”
“More time?”
“Yes. Just a minute or two…”
Green knew I worked nearby and assumed I had time constraints like a typical office worker. To avoid suspicion, I usually acted like a regular Korean office worker and tried to leave around the end of lunchtime.
But for Green to stop me and ask for more time meant she had something important to say.
“Just ten minutes. No, five minutes will do. Just five minutes…”
Her voice trembled slightly. Could I finally hear what she wanted to say?
She sat back down, and I waited for her to speak her mind.
Five minutes passed quickly, and Green remained silent.
“Milky Way?”
“Yes?!”
She had been quietly lowering her head, and hearing my voice, she checked the time and realized five minutes had passed.
“I’m sorry. It’s lunchtime, and I kept you.”
The sudden apology and the closing atmosphere made me wonder if it was truly over. My patience had run out, and I needed to ask Green directly for answers.
“Do you have something to say?”
“!”
Green flinched, and her gaze dropped again. Though I couldn’t see clearly, her eyes seemed directed toward the convenience store bag in her hand.
“Yes.”
“Can you tell me? You seem different today, and it worries me.”
“Yes. About today.”
Reluctant Green began to speak, and I concentrated fully on her words. Sensing my attention, she swallowed and took a breath before continuing.
“Today is… my birthday.”
“Oh, congratulations.”
Hearing this, I reflexively congratulated her, and her worried expression brightened with a smile.
“Thank you.”
I had no way of knowing about her birthday, and it wasn’t a problem if I hadn’t known. But I wished I had known beforehand to congratulate her properly.
Green was smiling with her brightest smile today. Did she just want to hear me say “Happy Birthday”? Or was there something else she wanted?
“I’m sorry. I didn’t prepare anything…”
I felt bad that I hadn’t prepared anything for her birthday.
“No, it’s fine. I just didn’t expect to hear ‘congratulations,’ and that was enough for me.”
Hearing “congratulations” wasn’t what she wanted; she had hoped for something more. But no, that wasn’t it. While I can’t definitively say Green is seeking something more, based on what I’ve observed, she hasn’t sought anything beyond what I expected.
Then why did she ask for just five minutes of company?
If she didn’t want congratulations or gifts, what did she want?
I didn’t think she deserved congratulations. I hadn’t even told the team about my birthday, and I didn’t think anyone would care about a birthday I didn’t consider special.
So, hearing the congratulations surprised me.
I envied the team members for having a special day with their boyfriends and wanted just five extra minutes to prolong the day, which would make it special.
Since I had never celebrated my birthday, I didn’t know what to do. So, I bought a small cake from a convenience store and asked for five extra minutes. That alone would make it a special birthday for me.
“It would have been better if you had said so earlier.”
“I’m sorry.”
Not knowing how to celebrate, I just wanted a slightly special day. Still, I should apologize for my mistake.
“Do you want anything? If you want something, I can do it for you.”
“No! It’s fine.”
Just spending five extra minutes together felt like too much, and I couldn’t ask for anything more. Having received so much already, wanting more would be a burden.
“It’s your birthday. Even if it’s hard to do something right now, I’ll definitely do what you want.”
I didn’t want to be greedy. Being with me would surely cause harm, and greed could lead to dependence.
But hearing my brother’s words, I couldn’t help but feel a bit greedy. Despite knowing it was excessive treatment, the idea of having a slightly special day tempted me.
“Then…”
The team members talked about their boyfriends’ experiences. I knew it was unreasonable to hope for more. But, just a slight touch, the bare minimum, wouldn’t that be okay? Just a little, a slight touch.
“Could I hold your hand for a moment?”
“Yes, sure.”
My brother smiled and offered his hand. Taking a deep breath and holding back tension, I slowly took his hand. His warm, big hand was comforting, and I couldn’t help but smile.
This much desire should be allowed, right? This is fine, right?
Thinking this, I held his hand tightly.
For the first time, I felt like I received a birthday gift.
Today became a special birthday for me.
