Where should I start unraveling these tangled threads?
Soeun Yu’s face was twisted in frustration. What was bothering her so much? She was staring in one direction, absentmindedly rubbing her fingers together. Her arms were crossed tightly over her chest, and she had one leg crossed over the other.
Her gaze was fixed on two figures engaged in a heated conversation nearby.
It was her past self and Byul Rak.
“Madam.”
“…Why?”
“If, by chance, your husband had some unavoidable circumstances.”
“…”
“And if you had some unavoidable secrets that you couldn’t share…”
Their quiet conversation was observed silently by the present-day Soeun Yu.
“Please… just believe me…”
“Believe… me?”
“Really? Do you really believe me?”
“No… I’ll just forget everything that you’ve done. I’ll pretend as if none of it happened…”
Ah, no… that’s not right… You’re supposed to tell me that you believe me…
Watching them, Soeun muttered quietly.
“Su-a is falling apart… This is something I alone cannot handle…”
“Hey! So you’re resorting to whining and clinging again! Please… stop it already!”
Of course, the past Soeun continued to shatter her expectations ruthlessly.
No matter how much the present Soeun screamed, she couldn’t affect the events unfolding in the memories.
In this world where only ‘observation’ was permitted, Soeun could do nothing.
Just…
“Then the child will be fine, right? How can parents who are splitting up like this be good for her?”
“…”
“You know it yourself… Su-a has been isolated in her martial arts training for the past three years. She has no friends…”
All she could do was watch.
“Will you just shut up? At this point, apologizing isn’t even enough… Stop what you’re doing…”
When you rejected him back then, where was all this now? Who would want to reunite for the sake of a daughter?
And worse, it turned out that Byul Rak was innocent. He lost his family without committing any sin.
“Rather… I will leave the Namgung estate with Su-a.”
“You’re not in your right mind.”
“I admit I’m not thinking straight now, but even if I were, I’d make the same decision. The wealth, the power that comes with my position as a mother-in-law… what use is any of that to me if Su-a is falling to pieces?”
“Enough. This is the worst choice.”
The present Soeun could sympathize with Byul Rak’s rejection.
It was heartbreaking. Nevertheless, it was undeniable.
Reflecting on her own actions, she couldn’t help but understand him.
But…
“Why don’t you just… tell the truth?”
Why keep pretending it’s someone else?
What exactly is ‘someone else’? Isn’t it a term for those unrelated or cut off from one another?
If you feel wronged by being misunderstood, why not reveal the truth? Even if it means someone sheds blood as a consequence, it shouldn’t matter, should it?
If Byul Rak were to simply disclose his story of regression, it would explain everything. Why he seemed to have lost love, the impenetrable barriers, and his inexplicably powerful martial arts.
But he doesn’t. Even while being betrayed and misunderstood.
Maybe… no, it can’t be?
Could he have judged that being misunderstood by you is better than dying? Could he be protecting even someone he considered a traitor? Is that who Byul Rak is?
If that’s true…
Then what does that make me?
What kind of ignorant and foolish person lost someone like him?
“Ugh…”
“Oh dear… What should I do now…”
“So, I’ll really go now.”
“Wait, you’re leaving? No… you can’t go…! Who knows when we’ll meet again…!”
“That’s your concern.”
The Byul Rak from her memories turned and began to walk away.
The Soeun from her memories collapsed on her knees and began sobbing uncontrollably.
The real Soeun sobbed beside her past self.
“I’m sorry… I’m so, so sorry…”
“Huuh… Huuuggh…”
“Huuh… Huuhh…”
“Please don’t go… I beg you!”
“Hiiggh… I’m so sorry… truly, I apologize…”
Her hot tears trickled down her cheeks. Even though the setting of the memory couldn’t physically affect her spirit form, Soeun shivered from the icy cold penetrating her soul.
“Su-a… Su-a must be taken care of no matter what.”
The Soeun from the memories’ eyes changed. A firm resolve appeared in her large, tear-filled eyes.
Hiss!
Next, the memory-Soeun sprang forward and knelt before Byul Rak, pleading with him.
“I want to stop you from doing this! What gives you the right?”
She wanted to shake her and wake her up.
“Master… Please hear my plea.”
“You did love me once, didn’t you? That part wasn’t a lie, was it? It wasn’t, right?”
“I can forgive you for your infidelity, for your sins. No, I’ve already forgiven you! I know nothing!”
This shameful scene played out before Soeun’s eyes, forcing her to witness everything.
Though she wanted to close her eyes immediately, Soeun could not.
Instead, tears of pure, crimson shame streamed down her face.
“Stop it! Please! Please stop already!”
“How can you look at me with such stupid eyes when you don’t even know the truth?”
“Just apologize already! Stop making senseless excuses…”
The situation unfolded exactly as Soeun had known it would.
A tragic development.
“Master, he’s already upset, can’t you see that?”
Soeun pleaded desperately. She anxiously kept checking Byul Rak’s expression.
As she suspected, Byul Rak wore a fierce look on his face.
Though the memory-Soeun, having lost all sense, failed to notice.
“Madam.”
“I’m sorry.”
“I no longer have feelings for you.”
Soeun froze like a stone.
Her spirit form froze as well.
Even knowing these words already, they were still unbearably harsh.
“Ah… Ah… Ah…”
“Ugh… Ughh…”
Leaving those cold words like a sword’s edge behind, Byul Rak turned and began to walk away. His expression was ferocious enough to be mistaken for an Asura.
Soeun’s spirit followed along with him. Because her focus was solely on ‘Byul Rak.’
“I… I caused Master’s mood to sour again…”
Even breathing filled her with guilt. His anger was an indescribable sense of sin to her.
Even though this had happened long ago.
“I’ve made Master uncomfortable again… What should I do…”
Thud, thud.
“…You ignorant woman.”
In the background, the past Soeun collapsed, her lifeless eyes reflecting despair.
Of course, Soeun paid no attention to the remnants of her past self, focusing solely on Byul Rak.
She couldn’t afford to do anything else. The moment her focus wavered, waves of self-loathing would drown her.
“How should I behave… What must I do to ease Master’s heart even a little?”
Even though she found herself repulsive, her guilt toward Byul Rak was even greater.
It was different from what Namgung So So or Jade Flower had experienced.
They had felt self-loathing and despair at breaking their own principles.
Of course, there was still guilt toward Byul Rak.
But for Soeun, it was different.
“I’m useless… then and now, I keep being useless, always holding Master back…”
Moreover, she was the one who knew the truth of the regression.
The fact that Byul Rak had sacrificed ten thousand years for her, and that she had rejected someone like him.
The resulting guilt and shame were beyond imagination.
“Master is broken because of me, yet I can do nothing for him…”
When Byul Rak had wandered far away.
“…Master?”
While sobbing, Soeun sensed something odd about his footsteps.
His uneven, rough steps indicated that his mind was troubled.
Initially, she thought it was because he was angry with her.
“Ahggghhh!”
But when Byul Rak stopped in front of a tree and clenched his teeth in anguish, that thought quickly vanished.
Wiping away her tears in haste, Soeun approached Byul Rak.
His face was turned toward the base of the tree, hidden from above.
“Master…? Why are you like this? Did I do something wrong…?”
Her voice carried her worry as she moved closer to him.
Then suddenly, Byul Rak’s expression transformed.
As if releasing all the emotions he had suppressed until now.
“Master?”
Soeun’s bloodshot eyes widened.
Unaware of her confusion, or perhaps ignoring it, Byul Rak began speaking in a choked voice.
“Why… why is everyone acting like this?”
“Master? Why are you… why are you crying…”
Her voice trailed off.
Because a single teardrop had just fallen from Byul Rak’s perfectly composed eyes.
“Why can’t everyone just be happy…? We finally have a world where we can truly live, so why does everyone say they can’t go on…”
“With great difficulty, contained?”
“Of course, compared to Master’s sacrifice, my words may sound mild, but…”
At that moment, Byul Rak appeared as if he had been forced to do something he didn’t want to do.
What had he been forced to do, when he was the one who had pushed her away?
Perhaps he had restrained himself from doing something terrible, like tearing her to shreds?
A terrifying thought crossed Soeun’s mind, but she immediately shook her head remembering his next words.
Why had Byul Rak suddenly changed his expression and started crying?
While pondering this,
“Haa… Damn it, damn it damn it.”
“Cheolbin?”
She had never heard Byul Rak swear, except for the day he was expelled from the Namgung family.
Now, out of nowhere?
“Damn… Damn…”
“Master… What’s wrong? Are you secretly suppressing something again…?”
Worriedly, Soeun took one step closer to Byul Rak.
Then, a sorrow-filled phrase burst from his lips.
“Yeona… please… just…”
“Huh? Why are you…?”
“Just… forget about someone like me and live happily…”
“…”
Soeun’s heart froze.
At the same time, Byul Rak’s tightly clenched hand crushed the tree trunk.
“Master…? What are you talking about…?”
Surely… no, it can’t be…
Could it be that even this act was for her benefit?
“No! Tell me no! That’s not true, right? No matter how kind you are, that can’t happen! I… I’m the woman who betrayed you!”
Byul Rak’s lips started to open slowly.
For the first time, Soeun feared hearing her husband’s words.
If she hears what he says next, the guilt would surely overflow beyond what she could bear.
Swoosh…
Rip!
Whether fortunate or unfortunate.
Instead of speaking, Byul Rak began tearing at his chest, as if desperately searching for something.
