What great thing did I ask for?
What I wanted, the ‘hero’s treatment,’ wasn’t something extraordinary.
Simply, indifference. Just that much.
It wasn’t about being admired by everyone and remembered as a great hero.
Only living with my family to that extent.
Isn’t that not so hard? It wasn’t asking for too much either.
How much time have I dedicated myself to this world, and yet, is it really wrong to enjoy even this much?
Unfortunately…
It seems that I’m not allowed to indulge.
Damn.
False rumors weren’t just some floating nonsense.
Someone… no, some ‘organization’ is spreading them on a large scale.
Moreover, it’s difficult to uncover their true identity as they conceal it well.
If only I had the power and funds I did during the war times, it would have been easier, but alas, my wealth is now gone except for the bare minimum.
So I sought help from Namgung Cheolbin, but he’s unwell. It has something to do with over-straining his brain for a long time. Nevertheless, he says he’ll still help.
Unfortunately, apart from Namgung Cheolbin, there aren’t many people who can help me.
I don’t get along very well with Su-a Namgung either. While she seems confused, I can feel her trying to keep a distance from me.
How can someone I’ve known for so long not trust me? I had this fleeting thought, but then reminded myself that it’s only me who remembers our long history, so I quickly discarded the notion.
As for my wife… honestly, I don’t know. It seems like she believes my explanation, but since our relationship was originally awkward, she keeps her feelings to herself.
Lately, I’ve been feeling restless.
I thought everything would go well once the regression ended, but it seems I’ve encountered an unforeseen obstacle.
Unable to regress due to the Heavenly Horse, and with information being controlled, I feel like my limbs are bound.
Was it excessive pride?
Was it relaxing because I thought all trials were over?
It seems that’s what happened.
One fortunate thing is, in this cycle, I didn’t attain all-poison immunity.
Because of that, I can now get drunk by drinking poison.
Perhaps, a good thing amid misfortunes.
…..
During the war times, someone was always by my side.
That’s why I didn’t realize…
That human relationships could so easily collapse.
Or perhaps, it was ‘me’ who was unfamiliar with maintaining relationships.
The scope of the rumors continues to expand.
Now, absurd charges such as pedophilia, cannibalism, and embezzlement of the national treasury are being added.
Even more absurd is that, as soon as evidence appears, the government claims it’s orchestrating these events.
Using excuses like the suppression of the remnants of the Blood Cult and anonymous charitable acts.
It’s enough to drive one mad, but the only thing I can do is explain myself.
I can’t just kill them all, can I?
The old me could have easily found a solution in such a situation, but lately, my mind feels blurred, as if my spirit has dispersed.
I can’t even focus on thoughts for long.
My relationship with my wife remains the same. We live under the same roof, but our interactions remain awkward.
Every time we meet, she bows her head and holds her chest, as if she feels discomfort around me.
Namgung So-a is distancing herself from me. At the same time, she spends every day training at the training ground with great diligence.
I worry if she’s overworking herself.
Namgung Cheolbin… He is the only one who believes in and comforts me.
I always thought he was smart, but I never considered him a good person. It seems he does care for his older brother.
He also confidently declared that he would uncover the real mastermind behind the slander. With his abilities, there’s no doubt he’ll find out soon.
Anyway, I’ve agreed to drink with my younger brother tonight.
To forget loneliness when I’m drunk.
…
…
…
…
During the war, there was always someone beside me.
That’s why I didn’t know.
I didn’t understand that human relationships could so easily crumble.
Or rather, maybe ‘me’ just lacked the skills for maintaining relationships.
The scope of gossip continues to grow.
Now, even absurd charges like pedophilia, cannibalism, and embezzlement are being thrown at me.
More absurdly, once evidence emerges, it’s revealed that the government is behind all this.
Using the suppression of the remnants of the Blood Cult and anonymous charitable donations as excuses.
It’s enough to make one go mad with rage, but all I can do is try to explain myself.
I can’t kill them all, can I?
The old me could have easily found a solution in this situation, but now, with all the stress, my mind feels scattered these days.
I can’t even concentrate my thoughts for very long.
My relationship with my wife is still the same. Living under the same roof, our interactions remain stiff and awkward.
Every time we meet, she bows her head and clutches her chest as if she’s uncomfortable around me.
Namgung Sua is keeping her distance from me. At the same time, she spends every day locked in the training ground, practicing hard.
I worry if she’s over-exerting herself.
Namgung Cheolbin… He is the only one who trusts and consoles me.
I always thought he was smart, but I never thought of him as a good person. Apparently, he does care for his older brother.
He also confidently declared that he would find out the mastermind behind the slander. Given his abilities, he’ll likely uncover it soon.
Anyway, I’ve agreed to drink with my younger brother tonight.
To forget my loneliness while drunk.
…
…
…
…
“…Aah…?”
Soeun Yu confirmed the date of the passage she had just read.
It was a day carved into her memory forever.
Because it was the day her husband came home drunk, his cheek carrying smudged lipstick.
“Could it really be…?”
Images rapidly formed in Soeun Yu’s mind.
How Namgung Cheolbin fell into ruin and Namgung Bin quickly absorbed the Namgung family.
Namgung Bin, who once mentioned an arranged marriage to her.
… That day, Namgung Bin claimed to have gone drinking with Namgong Cheolbin.
“Chulbin… What exactly happened that day…?”
Overwhelmed by an ominous feeling, Soeun Yu muttered to herself, riddled with regret.
The way my wife treats me has changed.
It’s colder now—no, it’s outright hostile.
She no longer attempts any conversation with me and diverts her path when I’m around.
This has been since the day Namgung Cheolbin and I drank together.
What I recall from that day… as usual, we drank some Mountain Poison after having a little fun, just the two of us, and that’s all.
My intentions weren’t strange, yet I seem to have made some mistake with my wife that day.
The problem is, I’ve had no chance to inquire about this ‘mistake.’
Gradually, everyone in the land turns their backs on me. The ‘conspirators’ Namgung Cheolbin promised to uncover remain silent.
The Jade Flower, who visited our home recently, returned without a word and retired into seclusion.
My younger sister, Namgung Su So, she… called me disgraceful. She suggested cutting off my… parts and other things too vulgar to write about.
The monk who had always understood me… I cannot visit him. Since he has officially renounced worldly ties, it would violate martial arts ethics for me to seek him out.
My good friend and comrade Dongbang Bulpyo… I cannot see him anymore. He who helped me so much, and declared that he would never see me again. I lack the morality to visit a friend who has made such a declaration.
Unless this cycle’s Namgung Cheolbin is the reckless person commonly known.
Damn it.
I’m suffocated and frustrated.
It’s strange.
Even though Namgung Cheolbin was by my side, I keep getting the illusion that I’m alone.
Everyone has turned their backs on me… Indeed, they have.
It’s a torment in every sense.
Since the regression has ended, this cycle must no longer be handled carelessly. This is my last chance.
Even though it could be the end of my life, knowing I can’t just sit by and let the situation worsen is agonizing.
I have no idea how to solve this dark riddle.
I’ve endured several thousand cycles for this one, yet it seems it’s all tangled up.
Damn.
Damn, damn, damn!
Namgung Cheolbin was behind all of it.
My younger brother and the former military leader of the Martial Arts Alliance, Namgung Cheolbin, was the mastermind behind my ruin, using the power I handed over to him.
And the funds he steadily amassed.
The primary culprit in spreading the rumors and disseminating information also turned out to be Namgung Cheolbin.
They say that the area under the lamp is the darkest.
Who would have imagined that Namgung Cheolbin, who had always believed in and helped me, was the betrayer?
For lack of a reason.
Our relationship wasn’t bad.
Did I cause him any harm? Of course not.
I was even going to hand over my leadership to him. Namgung Cheolbin should have found me helpful, not harmful.
Damn… I realized it too late.
No one listened to my voice, and by the time I knew, my alleged crimes were already sealed and confirmed.
My family already avoids and despises me.
Now that I know Namgung Cheolbin is behind it all, I must rectify this…
I received a letter today.
From a spy we planted within the Blood Sect.
The contents stated that the sect’s supreme adept—previously sealed—had been released. He also informed that the supreme adept will soon enter the mortal world.
He is located in Qinghai City, which is in the Kunlun Sect’s territory.
However, Kunlun can’t defeat this supreme adept. Neither can they spread the word of his appearance, and if they did, they would still be powerless to act.
So, I must go.
It makes me hesitate a bit.
Because tomorrow is the day of the scheduled conference.
That’s when I’ll confront those I’ve wronged or victimized for the first time, and the day we’ll reveal the truth.
If I miss tomorrow, the world will perceive their stories as true.
But…
The lives of the people in Qinghai are more important.
And it can wait. There’s no reason the conference can’t be rescheduled after my return.
Isn’t there a saying that “a single hand can block the heavens,” meaning that truth will eventually surface?
I’ll come back, then.
The urgent matter first.
*
Clack.
Soeun Yu closed the lengthy diary.
The very last page she had just read.
The last page.
Although there was still more of the story left to tell, it was the last page for a reason that Soeun Yu understood.
“Ugh…! Uwaaaaaah…!”
Before diving into deeper thoughts, the nausea she had been holding back until this moment erupted.
“Ughhhhh…!”
A viscous vomit splashed beneath the table.
“Ugh… ugh…”
Even after that violent release, her stomach was unsettled. Soeun Yu struck her chest harshly.
Thud, thud.
Whap, whap.
She wasn’t trying to relieve her discomfort but punishing herself instead.
“Ah, ugh… ugh…”
The end of the diary’s story was already clear even without reading further.
Because there had been a time when Namgung Cheolbin appeared, extremely exhausted, shortly before the appointed meeting day.
After that, for a few days, he alternated between seizures and high fevers, which planted the belief in everyone—including himself—that the Sword Sage was possessed.
Ultimately, Namgung Cheolbin was expelled from the family, and Namgung Cheolbin ascended to the position of the new family leader after serving as the interim head.
It was the extremely famous ‘Exile of the Sword Sage’ incident, known to everyone.
And now, Soeun Yu understood the truth behind the incident and Namgung Cheolbin’s innocence.
“Uhhh…!”
Despite having vomited once, the urge to vomit arose again.
“Ughhhh…!”
The vomit, this time white, covered the existing puddle.
She had to control her voice as her daughter slept nearby but was unable to do so. This vomiting was the climax of her restraint.
Disgusting.
How could I have failed to speak the truth to the very end, Chulbin?
How could Namgung Cheolbin have ruined him with lies?
No, how could I…
How could I, who blamed his pleas for love as mere whining, have closed my heart after believing that fabricated lipstick mark from Namgung Cheolbin?
It wasn’t just foolish; I was a complete fool.
It made her feel wretched.
“Hooooh… hoooo… hoo…”
Her now dim, dark eyes from which the vitality had long since vanished cried endlessly with clear tears.
“Though he always loved me…”
Transparent water droplets trickled onto the thick puddle of vomit.
“Being so foolish not to realize that…!”
Through the diary of Namgung Cheolbin, she saw his emotions, his hardships, and his final, untold benevolent act to save the world by fighting the Blood Sect’s supreme adept.
“Whining for my love… What were you thinking?”
For his sacrifices, the responses he received were cold rejection and betrayal, including her own.
“Hoooh… hoooh… hoooh… hoooh…”
Falling under Namgung Cheolbin’s manipulation, acting out at the Namgong Council, and even recently, making mistaken impressions in the Seven Flower Hall…
“Sorry… so, so sorry…”
During the last three years in the Namgung family, despite her blindness, he had always loved her unreservedly.
“I must be so stupid… I, I’m a bad person…”
Mistakenly believing he was an immoral pursuer of Jin Gayoung’s skirt.
“It’s my fault… I’m so sorry…”
If she had just believed in him, he wouldn’t have fallen as much as described in the diary.
If she had only showed a little affection, opened a dialogue…
“Sorry… I’m really sorry…”
He wouldn’t have looked as gaunt as he did when he was expelled from the Namgung family.
He wouldn’t have spoken with an uncharacteristically hoarse voice, as she heard in the Seven Flower Hall.
Their family wouldn’t have fallen apart.
They wouldn’t have reached this point.
The Namgung family wouldn’t have become like this.
“Sorry, really… really sorry… If it weren’t for me…”
For the first time, not the false apology she made for Namgung So-a’s sake in the Seven Flower Hall, but a genuine apology from her heart.
“Sorry… It’s me, me… I am the worst person in the world…”
Even though her apology would never reach him.
