Thud.
Soeun Yu closed the diary.
The upper teeth that were deeply pressing into her lower lip spoke volumes about her emotions.
Holding the warmed diary tightly in her arms, Soeun turned her steps away.
The Blood Demon, witnessing her actions, sharply cried out.
“You selfish wench! Let me see it as well!”
“…”
Click, click.
Regardless, Soeun moved silently, her steps unfaltering.
Treating the diary as though it were as precious as her own child, she tightly cradled it to her chest.
The book became slightly wrinkled due to her uneven bosom, but she didn’t stop.
Even when the Blood Demon cursed her from the side, she paid no heed.
With a furrowed brow, the Blood Demon spoke as Soeun passed by and exited the basement.
“What exactly did that woman see in the Sword Sage’s diary?”
Her voice carried a mix of emotions: anger at Soeun for defying her command, lingering curiosity about the still-unopened diary, and an unsettling feeling akin to unfinished business. But most prominently, it was intrigue about Soeun’s expression.
“What on earth did she see to have such a deadened look in her eyes? Why do they seem ready to shed tears at any moment? It’s not easy for hollow eyes to tear up.”
As she said, Soeun carried a gaze that was arid from root to tip.
Boom.
With such an expression, Soeun closed the basement door behind her and made her way to her bedroom.
On the bed lay Su-a Namgung, hugging a pillow tightly while still in deep slumber.
Glancing briefly at her, Soeun turned her head and shakily made her way to the table.
Her movements were so unsteady that she could collapse at any moment.
Thud.
Finally, her legs gave out, and she sank heavily into the chair. Immediately thereafter, she retrieved the diary from her bosom, placed it on the table, and opened it.
The faint light from the small lamp illuminated her and the surrounding area.
“Ugh…”
Su-a mumbled in her sleep.
While overhearing her daughter’s sleep talk, Soeun turned another page of the diary.
The pages glowed softly under the moonlight and lamplight.
The diary turned page after page.
I don’t want to do anything.
I intensely do not want to do anything.
It’s all so bothersome.
Even breathing feels bothersome.
No, actually, it’s tiring.
This is the peace I longed for so much, the stable life I dreamed of so endlessly. And yet, life feels so monotonous.
How tragic is that?
I have realized today.
Life is suffering.
Death is a blessing.
I guess I’ve been kicking away blessings to gain suffering, foolishly.
Enough of meaningless ramblings.
I seem to be getting a little busier from today.
I thought I was done with all my missions, but apparently, the world still needs me.
It won’t be as arduous as the regression times.
Just catching and killing the remaining Blood Cult sect members hiding like cockroaches here and there is an easy task.
Though, among them are a few peak experts and occasionally one or two supreme experts who still don’t feel different from bugs to me after dealing with the Celestial Demon for so long.
When I put a little strength in my hand, they crumble. It’s making me wonder why I carried the Azure Light Treasure Sword all this time.
It’s all because of the Celestial Demon. If it weren’t for that absurd monster, my powers wouldn’t have overflowed to this extent.
Also, I intend to offload some of my wealth while I’m at it.
I don’t expect much from my remaining years.
I’ve been tired of fights, money, and power for a long time.
Even before the regression, I’ve never been interested in such things.
I just want to retire with my wife and daughter to some quiet countryside and live peacefully. Once they pass, I want to follow them in death if they don’t mind.
Maybe I’ll occasionally visit the face of my son who entered the void.
And the reason for saying ‘follow in death’ is because naturally, it doesn’t seem likely I’ll die anytime soon.
Damn, living with the Celestial Demon as my target has probably turned me into a monster too.
Even so, I’m not a match for that monster after wasting ten thousand years.
–No, it wasn’t wasted time. It took those ten thousand years to melt her heart, and it’s not right to call it wasted time.
Above all…
“Master, I’ve prepared your favorite braised chicken legs for dinner today. Will you come soon?”
The above sentence was something my wife said this morning.
It’s not just that.
“Master, Su-a has been focusing too much on her practice lately and is distancing herself from her friends. Is there a way we can help her?”
“Master, recently other sects and merchant clans have been sending gifts often. Please don’t forget to accept them as you deem fit. You know that, right?”
“Master, um… could you check Su-a’s martial arts later? Lately, her powers are climbing rapidly, and it makes me quite uneasy…”
“Sir, M-Master… Master?”
“A, nothing really… It’s just… I love you. I have to say it…”
The number of times my wife initiates conversations has increased significantly.
It seems she’s trying to break the awkwardness between us.
With this, the once-dry relationship with my wife is now getting back on track. What was worthless about it?
Now, it’s my turn to approach her.
At first, it won’t be easy. After all, I’ve been living avoiding people for too long now, and my body instinctively tends to avoid her despite my mind’s intentions.
But it’s fine. I’ve been waiting for this moment after running ten thousand years. Surely, I can handle this brief moment of getting closer to her.
Like a butterfly waiting for the morning dew to fall.
Like a rooster anticipating the reddish dawn.
I will wait for that day ceaselessly with great joy.
“Th, these words!”
Soeun’s lips, torn from how hard she bit them, let out a groan of shock.
“Did he… Did he keep a record of every single one?”
Flip! Flip! Flip!
In a frantic motion, Soeun turned each page of the diary rapidly.
Not to read the contents but to quickly skim through them.
As a result, she realized the truth.
And, she slammed her forehead on the table.
“How…”
Her bent back continued to shiver slightly.
“How could he meticulously record all of them like this?”
She had been the one to remember every single moment of their conversations, even the briefest exchanges.
Thus, her heart ached all the more.
The pages she skimmed through contained every conversation she had ever had with Cheolbin Namgung.
It meant he had paid such close attention to her words.
It meant that despite appearing aloof on the outside, he was genuinely listening to her.
“You… foolish man…”
Soeun’s face was clouded with despair. Her careful flipping of the pages indicated that some part of her mind dreaded what was coming next.
Because deep down, she had a rough idea of what came next.
“Ugh…”
Despite enduring countless hardships, her poor husband could never attain a moment of peace.
She couldn’t help but picture such a pure husband—someone who had never let go of his love for her even across countless eons—what kind of person could ever become a notorious criminal?
“What is really the truth here?”
In order to uncover the truth.
And moreover.
To see Cheolbin Namgung’s perspective.
With trembling fingers, feeling increasingly empathetic with his experiences, Soeun struggled with her emotions and gripped the diary tightly.
She watched as tears, like chicken droppings, slowly soaked the already dry diary pages.
Soeun continued to read.
Unable to leave the family home, I’ve dealt with a large number of Blood Cult remnants.
Of course, the general public is unaware. That was the plan.
I don’t want to burden this newfound peace with unnecessary worries.
Killing off some remnants is not a particularly tough task anyway.
I alone can handle the hard work.
Also, I’ve managed to dispose of my private wealth as much as possible.
It doesn’t mean I’ve poured money into businesses. I’ve donated it all to institutions caring for orphans and victims of the Scarlet Flood War, remaining anonymous.
Because the assets recovered from the Blood Cult during my days as the Sword Sage were so vast, I had to send them in several installments to avoid drawing attention.
Fame means nothing to me.
All I want is a quiet, tranquil peace without hassle, not to be summoned here and there unnecessarily.
Had it been different, I wouldn’t have refused the position of the Martial Alliance Lord.
I want a break now. Let them figure out the aftermath of the long war and support the sects themselves.
The Martial Alliance doesn’t depend on me alone, and the Blood Cult has withdrawn completely to Jilin Mountain, needing no further attention.
There’s also the peace agreement with the Celestial Demon to not invade again.
If I could, I’d like to regress one more time to save those I couldn’t in this cycle, but since the Celestial Demon has forbidden regression, it seems impossible.
Still, it’s good.
Compared to the previous lives where everyone died and the world perished, this life cycle, truly, is…
the best one yet.
I want to die in this world.
A place where I don’t have to commit brutal acts anymore.
I’ve transferred most of my power and ranks to Bin Namgung.
I’m not keen on taking on the heavy responsibility of being the head of the Namgung family anyway.
Namgung Bin is a smart guy. He’ll probably handle things better than me.
Although he is not exactly righteous at heart and has occasionally gone astray in areas I haven’t noticed, among the few who haven’t betrayed me in my ten thousand years of regression, he stands out.
Of course, passing on the position of head immediately would be unreasonable. There are procedures and regulations.
It should be possible within three years. Until then, I’ll minimize the organizations and powers I hold in the martial world.
…
In the end, the wealth has all been donated or sponsored, and the powers have been fully transferred to Namgung Bin.
But a problem has arisen.
There are two issues, but the first one isn’t significant, it’s minor.
Rumors in the martial world about me have started growing.
About how I’m hypocritical, or something like that.
Maybe it’s because I’ve refrained from public activities for so long… But frankly, I don’t care much.
False rumors about famous people are always around. The Holy Monk, for instance, is often called a vicious hypocrite by some.
Of course, very few believe such things.
Anyway, the more pressing issue isn’t this minor one.
It is difficult for me to approach my wife.
Maybe because I’ve lived so long surrounded by walls, my heart is surprisingly reluctant to move forward.
It seems she feels the same way, her words have significantly decreased. Her face bears a darker shade.
She’s slightly avoiding me, as it seems.
…Now that I think about it, perhaps it’s the false rumors circulating in the martial world.
Something like… calling me a domestic abuser or something like that.
No matter how it seems like simple slander, if it’s reaching my family… That cannot be allowed.
After all, how painstakingly I’ve protected my family and home.
“Aaah!”
Soeun’s delicate face was stained with despair.
The tears that flowed without her even noticing had dampened the diary.
Drip, drip.
And yet, the tears continued to pour out endlessly.
“So, it really… was a lie the entire time?”
To Soeun, it was undoubtedly a most uncomfortable truth.
But simultaneously, a truth she had to recognize.
“Did even those ‘proofs’ turn out… to be false?”
Her thigh began to bleed red.
The nails of her hand gripping her thigh had pierced into the flesh.
Even the pain went unnoticed for she was completely dazed.
“Aaarrgh…”
Even more heart-wrenching was the knowledge that the diary still had a few final pages left.
“Was I… when I met him…”
Before turning the next page, Soeun paused, diving into her memories.
Painful, but crucial memories she had to revisit.
“Can’t you… Just love me?”
The words she had once hissed at the man she loved so deeply.
“If you can’t take responsibility, I’ll take it. Like Su-a does now.”
The words she had once hurled at the one who’d borne the world.
“Just forget it… Everything you’ve done… I’ll forget as if it never happened…”
Imputing nonexistent sins — or false accusations — as if she were the victim.
Words, words, words.
That accursed mouth—nothing less than the root of all these issues.
“Hyyyyk…”
With that very mouth, Soeun let out a deep, anguished groan of regret.
Now, to discover the truth behind the final pages of the diary—no, the mindset of Cheolbin Namgung just before he left the Namgung family.
Slowly and painstakingly,
She turned the page.
Was it because of the tears flowing down her cheeks, or was it always written that way?
The handwriting from that point onward twisted and contorted, making it almost illegible.
As if deliberately tearing apart the already shattered emotions of the reader, Yuso-eun.
