Chapter 79

“Enter.”

After so long, the vague voice echoes again.

The man with an ageless tone.

I step into Gilbert’s study.

As soon as I enter the room filled with the scent of paper, there’s Gilbert, chin resting on his hand, staring blankly at me with a calm, expressionless face.

His head tilts slightly to the side, utterly deadpan.

“It’s been a while.”

“Yeah. What magic are you curious about?”

“Nope. I’m here to resolve a different curiosity.”

“Hmm.”

Finally, his eyes sparkle as he leans forward, brimming with vitality.

He’s such a predictable guy.

Interest, stimulation, curiosity – anything else just doesn’t register for him, usually tied to magic in some way.

“Tell me.”

“Do you know much about human emotions?”

“What kind? Despair? Happiness? Sadness? Grief?”

“Uh…”

Does he really know them all?

I wasn’t expecting much, but his confident demeanor puts me somewhat at ease, turning my doubts into small certainties.

Still, saying the word feels like revealing too much about my situation, making me feel a bit embarrassed.

But after some hesitation, I manage to say it casually.

“Love.”

“Love… Love… Heh heh…”

Gilbert chuckles, making me awkwardly scratch my head.

“Do you think love is an emotion?”

“Isn’t it?”

“It’s complex. Very complicated and difficult. I once studied human emotions, and love was by far the hardest one.”

“Really?”

“Heh heh. In fact, love is the ultimate emotion.”

My eyes widen in surprise.

Is love really that profound?

I’ve never thought about it before.

“Happiness.”

“What?”

“When you’re in love, does it make you happy?”

“Probably.”

“So happiness can be part of love then, right?”

“Yes.”

“Sorrow.”

“Uh…”

“When you’re in love, you can feel sadness – breaking up, fighting, losing something precious.”

“That’s true.”

“Exactly. So love can bring sorrow too, right?”

“Yes.”

“Intimacy, anger, passion, dedication, sacrifice, affection, sincerity…”

Gilbert lists off these emotions dispassionately.

“Should I give examples?”

“No.”

“All these emotions can be part of love. There are many more I haven’t mentioned. Now, how should we define love? How do we explain it? What emotions aren’t included in love?”

Gilbert’s eyes gleam brightly, almost maddeningly.

“In my opinion, emptiness is void, and movement from nothingness is dust. The motion that arises from stillness can be called love.”

“Huh?”

Suddenly deep philosophy emerges.

Movement from nothingness being called love – what does it mean?

“To define love is to force thought upon it. Ultimately, love cannot be defined and must be learned gradually. Defining it confines it.”

“…”

“To definitively state love is perfection is to trap it within those boundaries. Such rigidity and arrogance don’t suit something called love.”

“Difficult…”

“You asked, I researched and answered based on what I know. Any further curiosity is yours to pursue or understand.”

“That’s right. That’s what you taught me.”

“My way of life. Curiosity and discomfort explore the world.”

It’s right to learn love gradually.

That statement resonates deeply.

Not knowing means learning is appropriate.

But if feeling happiness together feels right…

Then thinking that’s love is acceptable too.

This seeps into life.

Evangelin and Anne who are with me now.

I don’t want to push them away.

I want to be together.

However…

This strange prickling sensation.

This uncomfortable emotion.

This unknown foreboding and worry.

Where does it come from?

“I’m not sure if it’s love, but when I think about similar feelings, a strange unease rises in my chest.”

“Hm?”

“Not love exactly. Sometimes, just thinking about being happy with someone.”

“Maybe it’s just vague anxiety about your future?”

“No, it feels different. It’s not about avoiding trying because of future worries.”

“Hmm. Is that so?”

“Yeah. A strange stiffness. Not quite worry, more like a barrier.”

“That’s interesting…”

Gilbert stands up, walking over to meet my gaze directly.

His madness-laced eyes burn with fervent steam-like illusions swirling around.

“Fascinating story. Intriguing.”

“Heh heh…”

“Tell me more. What kind of stiffness? What barrier? What sensation?”

“Give me a moment. Uh…”

“Was this why you asked about love?”

“Sort of.”

“Hmph. You’re not the type to randomly ask about human emotions without reason. Love. Did having someone you love bring this stiffness?”

“It feels like I’m at that crossroads.”

“Hm?”

“Whether I’m actually in love or not.”

“What? Just simple affection issues?”

“No, it’s different from that. When I try to move forward, something forcibly blocks me. Like it’s deliberately stopping me.”

“Hmm? Could it be a disease? Too subtle and broad for magical effects.”

“I don’t know.”

“Hmm. Can I see your hand for a moment?”

Flow of magic power.

Mana flows, drawing a circle.

The circle shrinks into a triangle.

Then expands into a square.

Each shape transforms beautifully in the air.

“I’ll take a look.”

Magic is flow.

Like a mighty river crossing through my body.

Though I wonder if it can detect emotions, I trust he knows what he’s doing.

I follow the sensation of magic with my awareness.

“Hmm.”

“Did you find anything?”

“No, nothing.”

He releases my hand as the borrowed magic disappears into thin air.

“Anxiety. Mental resistance. Not an illusionary symptom but rather a real emotional barrier, right?”

“Most likely yes.”

Past me.

Modern me treated liking as simply liking, love as simply love.

If I like, I say I like.

If I dislike, I say I dislike.

I could clearly express myself.

With women like these, in modern times I would have advanced relationships much earlier.

Clearness.

The straightforward thinking of my past self.

It’s quite different now.

Just 100 days since falling into Starwind Valley.

Have I broken somewhere along the way?

“At least it’s not magical. Maybe a curse, ritualistic restriction, or something divine related.”

“Hmm…”

“Go see a ritualist or visit temples or churches. This is probably all I can do for now. If you have other questions, feel free to ask.”

“No, I’ll come again next time.”

“Good. Bring another interesting topic like this next time and I’ll welcome you more.”

“I’ll try.”

“I’m curious too. Let me know the result next time.”

“Hopefully good news.”

“Hmph. Results are all that matter to me. Do as you please.”

If I were born on Earth,

Gilbert would have become a mad scientist outright.

Leaving his words behind, I exit the Tower of the Mage.

It’s a somewhat complicated feeling.

Unsolved puzzles.

Unknown causes of illness.

Maybe it’s not even a disease.

Perhaps it’s just something existing within my heart.

Or maybe it’s a system limitation.

Some unlocked aspect or something I haven’t found yet.

It’s a difficult problem.

“Can I do something with this brooch?”

Previously,

when helping a village hit by floods, I received this copper brooch from a priest.

Simple and plain brooch.

Should I go to a church?

While playing healing farming games,

why would I need religion or get involved with churches?

Naturally, I don’t know where they are.

Just speculating that everything is in the capital.

There must be a church in the capital.

Clunk clunk.

Returning home with somewhat weak steps.

“Welcome back!”

Sitting at the island table, golden-haired Anne greets me warmly.

A faint sense of powerlessness fades, replaced by small vitality.

“Hey. Isn’t this working hours?”

“Boss decides! Today’s my day off!”

She hands me a bouquet.

Warm and colorful flowers.

The elegant fragrance colors the table.

“Present!”

“Thank you.”

“Want me to explain?”

“Sure.”

“This is a rose, this one is marigold, this is chrysanthemum, this is foxglove…”

She enthusiastically explains the bouquet, her determination and passion to share everything fully conveyed.

“Want to hear their meanings?”

“Yeah.”

“The red rose means love! The white one pure love!”

At that moment, I almost spit out the water I was drinking.

Her intention is clear, Anne’s brazenness stands out particularly.

“Marigold means honor, chrysanthemum happiness. Foxglove means loyalty.”

“Interesting. Did you study this?”

“Yeah. To run a flower shop, I need to know all flower meanings.”

“Good job.”

Giving praise, she puffs her cheeks like a hamster and beams happily.

Not seeing Evangelin, I look around a bit, and Anne meets my eyes quietly.

She then approaches close, holding my cheeks with both hands.

“Looking for someone?”

“Huh?”

“I’m right here.”

Anne’s tone when setting the mood.

Subtlety mixed with shyness.

The narrow distance.

With her hands blocking my view, all I can see is Anne’s face.

The warmth transmitted through her hands colors my cheeks.

Her falling hair tickles as it comes close.

If closer, our breaths would touch.

Remaining silent, Anne’s cheeks turn bright red.

“Ah! It’s hot!”

Eventually, she fans herself with her hands, creating distance, then returns to her original posture as if nothing happened.

“Where did Evangelin go?”

“With Jack, spending some time with spirits outside.”

“Ah. At the greenhouse?”

“Yeah.”

“Shall we join them?”

“Let’s go!”

She takes my hand and leads me.

Smiling brightly, she skips ahead while I follow slowly.

Arriving at the greenhouse, Jack covered in dirt is working with spirits.

Evangelin stands nearby quietly smiling, watching Jack.

“E~van Ze~lin!”

“Anne?”

“Minho came with me!”

“Ah.”

Evangelin finally realizes something and shakes her head to regain focus.

“Lunchtime already.”

“Yeah. Want to have lunch together?”

“Sure.”

“Let’s go! Minho, wait here. We’ll prepare food.”

Before I can respond, Anne quickly drags Evangelin out of the greenhouse.

Her action speed is unmatched.

Jack remains behind, obliviously playing with the spirit.

I cautiously approach and pinch his cheek.

“Uh?”

“Let’s eat lunch first and come back later. After eating, we can play hard again.”

“Aaah!”

Happily showing his dirt-covered teeth, Jack replies.

Come to think of it,

he hasn’t eaten dirt, has he?

Shaking off the unsettling thought, I take his hand and head home.

The delicious smell is already wafting through the air.

Saliva naturally gathers in my mouth.

It’s an unavoidable conditioned reflex.

Being trained palate must be scary like this.

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