Chapter 75

Perhaps if it had been the usual me, I would have been too embarrassed to lift my face after my tears stopped. However, I seemed to lack even that much energy now, and after my tears ceased, I just stood there foolishly, staring blankly.

Ham Yejin silently took my hand and led me. I followed her like a baby lamb, and soon my familiarity with her car came into view.

Once we got into the car, Ham Yejin started the engine. While I took a moment to catch my breath inside, the car had already begun to drive slowly to somewhere. Ham Yejin had never increased the speed while I was with her. As I remained silent, she was the first to speak.

“First, I’ll take you to my house.”

Immediately after I nodded, I wondered if she might have missed that, so I opened my mouth again.

“Yes.”

After a brief silence passed, I asked again.

“…How did you find me?”

“After finishing my work, I checked my messages and went straight to Professor Seo’s house.”

“And then?”

“Professor Seo was asleep, and only his daughter was home. I heard she had gone out, but something felt off, so I immediately set out to look for you, tracked your phone’s location, and came straight here.”

“Is it okay to do that without the person’s consent?”

“It was necessary to find a missing person.”

Was that a joke? A missing person—it wasn’t entirely wrong. I had lost my way. I no longer knew where I was.

“I won’t ask what happened… I don’t intend to say the same thing. Please tell me everything once we get home.”

I nodded slightly. And then I said ‘yes’ again.

I never intended to hide anything.

From the beginning, it was something that should not be hidden.

It was foolish to try to quietly suppress it alone.

Had becoming a woman caused my intelligence to drop?

I was doing something that, if I were still myself, I would have thought was the most foolish thing in the world.

However, at that time, I was too afraid to make sound judgments. I was still afraid now.

But there was one thing different from that time.

I had seen Lee Cheon’s expression.

That pathetic and foolish expression.

He was not an omnipotent ruler I could not touch, and I was no longer a powerless child who could not even rebel.

“We have arrived.”

Ham Yejin’s house was in a very expensive-looking apartment. I felt a bit intimidated the whole way as we parked in the underground garage and took the elevator up.

The elevator stopped at a relatively high floor, and thus I entered Ham Yejin’s house.

It did not look like the house I had imagined. It wasn’t glamorous or filled with expensive-looking items; it was just spacious.

“Excuse me, do you have other family members?”

“I live alone.”

Did she really use this vast house all by herself? Looking around, it definitely felt a bit desolate for a house where several people lived. It didn’t feel stark; it just seemed overly spacious.

“Please sit down.”

Following Ham Yejin’s guidance, I took a seat at the table in the kitchen. She began boiling water in a coffee pot. While the water was boiling, Ham Yejin went into a room that I presumed was hers.

Before the water had fully boiled, Ham Yejin came out, but her outfit had changed slightly. She wasn’t in her usual suit; instead, she wore loungewear. Her hair, which had been cascading over her shoulders, was now tied up.

“I’ve never seen you not in a suit.”

“Is that so?”

Soon, the coffee pot began to make noise. Given the image of the house, it seemed like she would serve high-quality ground coffee, but Ham Yejin pulled out regular instant coffee and poured two cups.

Once again, seeing the coffee Ham Yejin prepared, I couldn’t bring myself to say that I didn’t particularly like coffee. With a slight grimace, I took a sip and set the cup down.

“Now, shall we talk?”

And finally, the time had come.

After a brief silence, I opened my mouth. I tried to speak, but no sound came out. I couldn’t bring myself to say anything. Silence continued as I kept my mouth open. Soon, I closed it again.

Ham Yejin stood up from her seat. She moved over next to me and knelt down, meeting me at eye level. The gaze of Ham Yejin looking up at me from below felt nostalgically comforting.

Before, I had mostly been in the position of looking down at others.

Since this had happened, I had always been looking up at someone.

Being looked at from below gave me an inexplicable sense of security.

And then Ham Yejin took my hand.

“Seol-guk.”

“…”

“It’s not your fault.”

“…!”

“You are not to blame.”

“…”

“You are safe now, and you will continue to be. I will ensure that.”

“…”

“I’m truly sorry for being late.”

“…”

“I will help you.”

I didn’t quite understand.

I didn’t know what I didn’t understand, but I just didn’t understand.

I opened my mouth.

“I… was sexually assaulted.”

…

“That person touched me.”

And thus, the story began.

~

Until I finished telling everything, Ham Yejin did not interrupt or ask any questions.

My story, of course, wasn’t coherent. I rambled, stumbled over my words, repeated the same parts, and the timeline became a mess.

Ham Yejin patiently listened all the way through.

In some ways, it was an embarrassing story.

The original me was a man nearing thirty, and it felt utterly pathetic to be in such a state over something like this. Had my sanity truly turned into that of a woman? No, even if I were a woman, would this really be a normal response?

“It’s not something to be embarrassed about. When you find yourself in a vulnerable position and experience such things, it’s a terrifying ordeal for anyone. Regardless of gender.”

“…Is that so?”

“I don’t have any formal training in psychology or counseling or anything like that. So I don’t know how to comfort you.”

“…Is that so?”

“Therefore, let me say it once more.”

“What is it…?”

“It’s not your fault, Seol-guk.”

“…”

“It’s absolutely not your fault. It’s not strange to feel scared or ashamed or to struggle with it. Please do not blame yourself or berate yourself.”

“…Is that so?”

“It is.”

Ham Yejin asserted it. Her voice was firm, leaving no room for dissent.

And then, as if hesitating momentarily, she turned her head and spoke again.

“…And thank you for telling me.”

“…?”

“As I mentioned before, both of the previous individuals I cared for made such choices.”

This was something she had mentioned earlier. The previous two individuals Ham Yejin had cared for both chose to end their own lives.

“Both of them had one commonality. They both endured their pain alone. They didn’t open up to anyone, not even to me. I felt reassured by their appearances, but that was my mistake.”

“…”

“It doesn’t mean they were wrong. It was my fault for not noticing it. Yet still, there are things that one can only understand if they speak out. A relationship where one can understand without words may seem romantic, but it’s impossible.”

“…”

“Suppressing one’s pain alone is torment. So, thank you for opening up to me.”

Thank you for telling me.

“I was too foolish to realize it. Even though it was due to work, I recognized your plea for help too late. So, I apologize.”

I’m sorry for being too late.

“Thank you for having told me before it became something irreversible. I’m sorry that you had to go through such painful experiences because of my late intervention.”

Why is this person apologizing?

The one at fault is Lee Cheon, the person who committed such acts against me.

The foolish one is me, trying to hide such things.

Therefore, I had no reason to receive apologies or gratitude from Ham Yejin.

Yet I couldn’t bring myself to say that I didn’t need those words.

Tears rolled down my cheeks.

They weren’t just tears.

“Please don’t worry. You don’t need to care about anything. I will take care of everything.”

Ham Yejin said she could solve all the problems that had tormented me without even a moment of hesitation. Her words were incredibly comforting, but I couldn’t tell whether it would truly be possible or how she would do it.

“How… will you do that?”

“There’s a senior who is well-versed in such matters. They will help you. Even if things don’t go as planned, there are ways around it. You can rest easy.”

There was definitely strength in Ham Yejin’s words. I wanted to believe her because she spoke with such assurance.

Yet I was still terrified.

Lee Cheon was a formidable figure. Of course, it had been a long time since the literary world began to lose its influence, but he had maintained his position as a significant player for so long. He had extensive connections in both the political and business arenas.

Moreover, up until my incident, he had no scandals.

He, too, was human so there would be some dust to shake off, but perhaps there wouldn’t be any massive issues, and if that were the case, fighting him wouldn’t yield significant results.

I was originally a man, which would put me at a further disadvantage, and Lee Cheon would attack me with everything he had. He was someone who would commit such acts for a mere scratch on his forehead. He wouldn’t refrain from retaliation for having been kicked in the groin.

And more than anything, there was one issue from the start.

“I have one request I’d like to make.”

“You may go ahead.”

“I’d prefer if my name didn’t appear in the media. I don’t want my story to spread elsewhere.”

“…”

“You can call me weak if you like. I won’t mind if you think I’m foolish. But I don’t want to keep going through such experiences. You don’t have to get revenge on that person; just stopping them from seeking revenge against me would be enough.”

I didn’t want to make this matter known elsewhere.

It was exhausting. I was afraid. Just the thought of my name catching attention in the media was distressing, and I couldn’t even fathom how much more difficult it would be to go to court over this incident. Beyond court, I was also terrified of public opinion and the scrutiny that would come with it. I had no idea how many would stand by me. I could only expect a flood of insults and slanders directed toward me on the internet.

Therefore, contrary to Ham Yejin’s assertions, it might be that we wouldn’t actually win this fight, and I might have to endure even more challenging and painful times. It was a story my past self wouldn’t have understood. My past self might have reacted differently.

But as for the current me, I did not have the stamina to endure all this.

“You’re not weak.”

“…”

“No one wants to go through such suffering. You cannot force a victim to take revenge. It sounds good to stand up and fight back, but it’s hard to hear. That is not your fault, Seol-guk. I respect your choice.”

“…Yes.”

“So, your story will not be revealed to others through this matter. I will make sure that no one can touch you, and that no one can insult you.”

“…Thank you.”

“Therefore, everything that happens from now on will be completely unrelated to you. It will all end as my personal matter.”

“…Huh?”

“You won’t have to worry anymore. For a while, you will live in my house.”

“Excuse me, what do you mean…?”

“You can use the bed in this room. Even while you’re sleeping, I will be right here on the sofa, so you don’t have to worry. I’ll send someone to bring your things from Professor Seo’s house.”

Ham Yejin proceeded with her own narrative without addressing my question. It wasn’t a problem since it was something I had initially wanted to request, but still, Ham Yejin didn’t open her mouth until the end.

“The bathroom is this way. First, let’s wash up. Do you need help?”

“N-no, it’s fine.”

And I also stopped questioning at some point.