The game is precious to me as a substitute for friends. The first game I played was an open-world RPG that allowed me to explore a vast world. I moved my character around and explored every corner of the world, always excited at the thought of seeing a new world each time I turned on the game.
Starting with that first game in elementary school, I began to experience various games, and I was captivated by the fun they offered and the many stories they contained.
The reason I chose to play games was quite simple: I wanted friends.
The parents of a child who succeeded in the hyper-human experiment received a substantial reward, and our impoverished family started to rise from that reward before I became a hyper-human. My parents’ business was successful, and our narrow house soon became spacious.
However, my parents’ attention ended there. Later, I learned that as a hyper-human, my hyper-manifestation occurred earlier than others. It started during my early elementary school years.
While my parents earned money through their business, I stayed alone at home and couldn’t make friends at school either. As I spent more time alone, I heard about children playing games.
Could I make friends by playing games? That’s how I started playing games, but it didn’t take long for me to realize that it wasn’t about making friends through games; it was about friends playing games together.
In middle school, I played various online games. Boys showed interest in me, and I enjoyed talking about games. However, rumors started spreading among girls, and even reached the teachers’ ears.
“Stay out of trouble and just go to school.”
I don’t remember when my dad last talked to me. The rumors grew bigger and eventually led to my parents being called to school. I thought I would be scolded, but surprisingly, I wasn’t. After that, boys kept their distance, and the girls who spread rumors never approached me again. I quit online games, which I couldn’t play with others anyway, and started playing solo games.
I wanted to go to high school far from my middle school. When I brought up career choices with my parents, they told me to decide on my own, and that day they went on a business trip abroad.
They seem to think I didn’t know that our business started because of me. I thought about this while alone.
“Why do I get nothing when I’ve worked so hard?”
For over ten years, my parents were not a significant presence in my life. I couldn’t recall the last time we had a proper conversation or shared a meal.
So, I decided to take back what was created because of me.
As soon as I became an adult, I started my hyper-human activities and sued my parents using the Earth Defense Union’s legal department. The legal department seemed annoyed with me, so when I threatened to expose issues related to hyper-human welfare externally, they sided with me.
After a lengthy court battle, I won and received the house and substantial assets from my parents, allowing me to move out. The lawsuit should have been longer, but my parents probably found it troublesome and opted to settle with money instead.
From then on, I was truly alone. I ate alone, played games alone. Since gaming was my only hobby, I played games constantly. Eventually, I found myself in an arcade where I discovered a fighting game I had been playing alone.
As I played, spectators gathered, and people slowly approached me. However, their purpose was me directly. Some openly suggested going to a motel, and others tried to touch me. Naturally, I pushed them away.
Growing up alone, no one had ever criticized my speech, but after people approached me to play games and said there was a problem with my speech, they stopped coming around. I regretted losing friends and decided to change.
Around that time, there was a team, and I joined the HunterKiller Team. Among the current members, Pink was the one who joined at the same time as me, and Blue was already there. Since it was hard to see Blue’s face, I tried to befriend Pink, who was around the same age, but failed.
“Why do you speak like that?”
“What’s wrong with my words? They’re annoying.”
“Yeah, why are your words so annoying?”
I regretted again. Without any prior experience, I repeated the same mistake. I tried to improve but lacked the means to do so.
People still approached me in the arcade. To avoid slip-ups, I restrained my words, but sometimes when I cursed while playing games, everyone laughed, thinking it was amusing. I wondered if they liked it, so I cursed while playing, and after they knew I was a hyper-human, they stopped appearing in the arcade.
When I went to HunterKiller meetings, I was the only one present. Pink started working part-time and couldn’t attend meetings, and Blue rarely showed up due to looking after a nephew. If I didn’t attend meetings, the team wouldn’t function.
Then Green joined, but at that time, I was absent from hyper-human meetings due to playing games. When I finally attended the meeting, Red had joined as the new member. She joined as the youngest member, and I tried to befriend her, but she avoided me. Even Green barely responded when I spoke to him. Despite trying my best to control my words…
If neither this way nor that way works, it’s better not to make friends…
A few days ago, I heard news about Green.
Though we couldn’t call each other friends, as a colleague I had known for a long time, I felt ashamed for not knowing her personal story until now. Green must be busy with work, but once she takes enough rest and returns, I’ll offer words of encouragement. Whether I can say encouraging words or not, I believe I can at least ask if she’s okay.
While I neglected meetings due to playing games, I worried deeply about the unfortunate personal stories of the members, feeling the many emotions involved. Though I realized how contradictory I was, it didn’t matter. No one would care about me anyway.
At the meeting, I saw Green sitting. In such a chaotic state, why did she struggle to attend the meeting?
Clearly, she’s still in turmoil. Participating in this state might disrupt the meeting and make Green feel responsible.
‘Didn’t you think about how uncomfortable your teammates would feel by showing up in an unfinished state?’
Hearing Green insist on attending the meeting, I felt angry at all the circumstances that pushed her to this point. Despite knowing it wouldn’t work, I directed my anger towards Green and ended up arguing with Pink.
‘Let’s wrap up the meeting and talk for a bit.’
Smiling, Red led me to a cafe near headquarters. There was no one else, just the two of us sitting across from each other.
“It’s been a long time since we’ve talked like this?”
“This isn’t long. It’s the first time.”
It felt strange to sit across from Red, whom I had never done this with before. Of course, she probably felt the same, considering her recent behavior.
“How have you been lately?”
I thought she was going to lecture me about Green, but asking about her recent condition surprised me.
“Lately? Just playing games…”
When I tried to continue, I realized I had nothing else to do besides playing games.
“Games… I’m not sure.”
“It’s fine. So, what did you want to talk about?”
“…Are you worried about Green?”
I couldn’t speak. Saying I was worried didn’t feel right, and denying it didn’t fit either since I was genuinely concerned about Green.
“It’s tough. At first, hearing about Green made me feel a lot of emotions.”
“…I was worried. But we’ve worked together for three years and didn’t know anything.”
“That’s true. But thinking about it, it seems inevitable. Given Green’s personality, she probably wouldn’t have told us even if more time passed. Let’s consider this fortunate that it’s resolved now.”
“Is Green alright?”
“Let’s trust that she’ll be okay, and help her if she needs assistance.”
Initially, Red, who used to be cautious, had become a mature leader who considered the team’s dynamics. I had thought of Green as someone who needed constant care, but she was much stronger than I imagined.
Blue moved out and became independent, while Pink started helping with HunterKiller duties she hadn’t done before. Only I remained in my place.
“I wish I had asked if you were okay last time.”
I looked up at Red’s comment.
“Next time you come to the meeting, ask if I’m okay.”
“Alright.”
After leaving headquarters, I headed straight to the arcade. I knew regretting later wouldn’t change anything. I had lived regretting my past actions, so another regret didn’t bother me.
Then, I met someone.
I thought he was approaching to try something again.
“Can you teach me how to play games?”
He chased me down just to ask for a game lesson. I had seen all sorts of people in arcades, but this was a new type.
Ignoring him, I went to the arcade the next day, and he was indeed there. We played together, but he was terrible. I had seen many poor players in arcades, but he was so bad it felt disrespectful.
Frustrated, I spoke harshly, sensing he might disappear quickly due to my tone. Yet, he persisted, coming to the arcade to learn about games and even counter-argued with my words, focusing intently on every game.
Maybe he had been struggling to find a consistent teacher due to his poor skills? If I could teach consistently, I would. With such dedication, I couldn’t just give up.
A beginner came to me for a lesson. I would never give up first.
Thus, I had a partner for the fighting game I usually played alone. It was somewhat one-sided, but simply sitting together and playing was enjoyable.
At the next meeting, I thought about how to approach Green, but I felt Pink and Blue occasionally watching me. Perhaps the past grudges hadn’t fully dissipated. It might be best to postpone talking to Green for now.
The next thought that came to mind was, “I want to go to the arcade.” I wanted to teach him quickly. I wanted to show him different combos and characters to share the joy of gaming.
Returning from a match, Red suggested eating together, and driven by the thought of teaching the beginner, I rushed home. I noticed Red’s dinner invitation early that morning.
On weekends, I watched videos beyond what I was supposed to, despite putting in effort. Progress was slow.
It’s okay. I wasn’t good at games from the start either. With continuous effort, I believed my skills would improve.
With this belief, I wanted to teach even more, but I didn’t feel like going to the arcade in the evening. It was a time when too many people tried to take advantage, and instinctively, I felt repulsed. I took him home instead.
General men couldn’t physically harm me, so I wasn’t worried about that. I wondered if he felt repulsed, but he didn’t seem to.
At home, I had a gaming partner for the first time. During the introduction, I learned his name was A, apparently a foreign worker returning from abroad.
…Could I really believe I had a friend who enjoys gaming with me?
My happiness didn’t last long.
During a game, I snapped at A without realizing it.
“Take care of the people around you. Hyper-human colleagues, for example.”
I knew I wanted to take care of them, but whenever I tried to act on it, my thoughts and actions seemed disconnected. Listening to conversations among members recently, I understood their situations.
Everyone struggles in difficult environments, and I wanted to support them more than anyone.
Without knowing them well or understanding me, I shouldn’t speak rashly.
“Keep being like this. Speak harshly to others, hurt them, and get misunderstood.”
It’s a cycle. Speaking harshly, hurting, and getting misunderstood.
I couldn’t complain about being misunderstood. It was my fault.
Knowing my mistakes made it harder to listen. Even without doing anything, the fear of hurting someone made it hard to organize my thoughts.
“Leave.”
If I stay, I will surely say something hurtful. Maybe sending A away now and resolving the situation later would be better…
The moment A left, I knew it was over.
“Ha-. What a stupid girl.”
I felt incredibly pathetic.
I ruined the friendship, the opportunity, and the kindness given to me.
The next day, I didn’t go to the arcade. I couldn’t think of what to say if I met A. For the first time in a long while, I didn’t play games all day.
Deciding to travel in a daze, I returned home. Should I see it as a positive that I didn’t miss the chance given by the members? Regardless, I was glad to be able to work with the members.
…If. If I ever get another chance, I want to apologize to A.
I want to apologize for getting angry and upset over hearing about my flaws.
He said he works on weekends. Next week, I plan to travel, so maybe tomorrow is my last chance.
“Huh?”
“Oh…”
After preparing early in the morning, I arrived at the arcade and met A at the entrance. A seemed surprised and couldn’t speak properly. I thought I had prepared my thoughts, but I wasn’t sure what to say first.
“…Not going in?”
“Huh? Oh, yeah. We should go in.”
An awkward atmosphere filled the air, but we entered the arcade upon the suggestion to go inside.
‘I need to apologize.’
With that thought, I descended the stairs.
