Is this the correct expression? After feeling awkward with Yellow, I left the house and didn’t go to the arcade the next day. It wasn’t because I was unsure what to say when I saw Yellow, but rather that I didn’t want to meet Yellow at all.
I know that giving advice ultimately means interfering, and sometimes such interference can be unnecessary. Clearly, there’s some fault on my part in that situation as well.
But it feels rude to shut one’s ears without even giving a chance for dialogue. Still, I don’t want to say “Yellow was rude to me.” From the beginning, I approached her with the intention of observing her, so if we’re talking about rudeness, I’m much ruder.
Despite knowing this, I couldn’t help feeling bad.
When I first saw her reaction, on my way back home, I negatively thought about Yellow, thinking “This is why I have conflicts with the members.” But after that, did I change my thoughts? No, I didn’t.
I try to be considerate and show kindness to those who treat me well, but conversely, I tend to be cold towards those who influence me negatively. We are all members of the HunterKiller team and are essentially subjects of my observation, but my relationship with other members and my relationship with Yellow are clearly different.
There’s no reason for me to force myself to change my feelings towards Yellow and see her positively.
“Older Brother?”
When I returned home, Yubin was inside. She rarely came over before our match yesterday, and even when she did, she didn’t stay overnight, usually returning home late at night. Today, I thought we would spend a short, cozy time together since she would return in the evening. However, the mood worsened by Yellow did not improve easily.
“What happened outside?”
I usually try not to show a stern expression. Even when with Yubin, I try not to let my emotions get too intense, and even if I become sensitive or annoyed, I try to hide it with various expressions. The reason is simple: a stern expression makes the atmosphere unpleasant.
That day, due to my mood being quite bad, even in front of Yubin, I couldn’t completely hide my expression, and Yubin noticed something was different.
“There was a bit of an unpleasant incident.”
“Really? Our older brother. You must have had a tough day today?”
I tried to act as if it was nothing, forcing a smile, but Yubin noticed I was worried and hugged me, stroking my back.
I also wanted to somehow alleviate the bad feelings I was experiencing right then by hugging Yubin.
Yubin didn’t ask for a reason. She probably thought if I could talk about it, I would have already. This way, it allowed me to not dwell on that moment, and Yubin comforted me without asking many questions.
When a lover comforts you when you’re in a bad mood, your heart warms up and the bad feelings quickly fade away. Wanting to hold her tighter, I hugged her waist, and Yubin smiled and continued to hold me.
It was Thursday, and I felt a little better, but it wasn’t entirely like that. Maybe it was because I spent the whole day with Yellow last week? In fact, the next day, I felt even worse. It wasn’t because someone else’s mistake made me feel bad, but because I felt bad just thinking about the argument with Yellow.
“Haa…”
“What’s wrong? Why are you sighing like that?”
“Because of the loss?”
After losing as usual in the match, I sighed in the car on the way back. What affected me the most was Yellow’s behavior. Actually, I wasn’t feeling good from the start because I knew that even if I didn’t go to the arcade, I would still meet Yellow in her suit during the match.
The HunterKiller team’s movements were no different than usual. Our team hadn’t changed either. Yet, despite this, I felt strange. In such a melancholic state, Yellow seemed to have casually dismissed the incident of us being together.
Being conscious of how Yellow thinks isn’t because I particularly care about her; it’s simply because I think about others in any human relationship.
“Indeed. It hurts like hell.”
In front of the team members, I didn’t show my current mood, which was hard to explain. Even if I could explain, it wasn’t something worth explaining, so I acted normally.
“Eh. What happened?”
As I changed clothes in the changing room and went downstairs, Luche, who was in the lobby, approached me. She looked concerned, noticing that I was not my usual self.
“No, I just feel a bit unwell.”
“Really? Then why didn’t you skip the match today?”
“It’s okay. It’s not that bad.”
“That’s good. If you feel unwell or troubled again, tell me. I’ll handle it.”
“Yes. I’ll go home and rest now.”
“Yeah. Get some rest. And you know about training next week, right?”
“Yes. I know. I’ll come on Monday.”
After bowing slightly to Luche, I left the main building. Out of curiosity, I turned around and saw Luche looking at me through the glass door. When our eyes met, she waved. I waved back as if saying goodbye.
“…”
In the HunterKiller base changing room, members chatted while changing clothes, seamlessly transitioning between topics. Feeling down, Yellow silently left the changing room after changing clothes.
“Yellow.”
Red’s voice from behind stopped her. Turning her head, she saw Red approaching with an awkward expression, and Yellow looked at her curiously.
“Why?”
“I’m planning a trip next week. Do you think you could join? We talked about it after the meeting, but since you weren’t at the meeting, I couldn’t bring it up earlier. I contacted you, but you didn’t reply.”
“A trip?”
Though Yellow is close to games, she isn’t very familiar with smartphones. She spends most of her time playing games and doesn’t check her phone often. Even if there were places for messages, she might have missed them among various notifications.
Hearing the word “trip,” Yellow thought for a moment but showed no obvious reaction. The members already knew she would refuse. Yellow intended to refuse as well, but thinking about the incident with A two days ago, she hesitated.
“…”
She preferred staying home and playing games alone rather than going on a trip with members who still felt awkward.
‘You should take care of people around you. Colleagues like Hyper-human.’
A’s words kept echoing in her mind. Yellow, who doesn’t speak well, thought she lost someone who showed her kindness due to her own mistake. She might have lost someone who could have been a good friend.
She hoped things would improve over time, but they didn’t.
It was inevitable. With limited social interactions and no new people to meet, Yellow couldn’t improve her interpersonal issues.
‘The problem…’
Yellow always thought the problem was within herself. Even though she knew she needed to put in effort, she felt she hadn’t tried hard enough. Was it because of the argument with A? She knew that rejecting the invitation carelessly would make the atmosphere worse.
She had to try harder. It’s impossible to avoid hurting others, but sometimes unintentional actions can hurt others. Despite this, she wanted to find a way to build relationships without causing harm.
‘Just keep doing what you’re doing. Be harsh to others, cause pain, and be misunderstood.’
A’s final words echoed. If she continued like this, she would hurt others and be misunderstood. Nothing would change if she remained the same.
“Yes. Let’s go.”
Red, Blue, and Green, who were waiting quietly for Yellow’s response, along with Pink, who assumed she would refuse and thus paid no attention, were all surprised. Yellow avoided the members’ gaze, and Red smiled.
“Yes! Let’s go together. We’ll leave on Monday. I’ll invite everyone to a group chat and give more details.”
Red was genuinely happy that Yellow agreed to go on the trip, even though Yellow felt confused.
‘Am I fitting in well at the end of the planned trip?’
Having never experienced group living, Yellow didn’t feel particularly bad seeing Red’s cheerful side. Meanwhile, Pink, who was surprised to hear Yellow agree, stared at her intently from the corner of the changing room.
Just two days ago, during the discussion about the trip plan, Green brought up Yellow first.
“But do we need to tell Yellow?”
Red and Blue were concerned about Yellow but had no way to contact her, so they could only look at each other.
“Why hesitate? She’ll probably refuse anyway. At least it’s better if she doesn’t get angry when asked why.”
Pink, who didn’t have a good relationship with Yellow, wasn’t enthusiastic about suggesting the idea of going on a trip together. Though they fought whenever they clashed, their relationship wasn’t bad. Like the other members, they were just not particularly close, but after recent discussions about Green’s situation, Pink’s view of Yellow plummeted.
Since becoming closer with Red after meeting A and receiving his advice, the team’s atmosphere had improved. Although they had built walls for a long time, their long acquaintance allowed them to break down barriers and grow closer quickly.
Moreover, hearing Green’s family history, which she had known for a long time, made her heart ache. Although they addressed each other by code names and maintained a horizontal relationship without honorifics, Green was like a younger sister to Red, who was the youngest.
And since Pink was third in age order and Green was fourth, she developed a special bond with Green similar to Red’s. Therefore, she couldn’t tolerate Yellow’s behavior. Her reluctance to attend meetings and lack of participation made it seem like Green shouldn’t be at the HunterKiller meeting at all.
“Does Pink really dislike Yellow?”
Curious, Red asked, and Pink nodded without hesitation.
“I do.”
“If it’s about the previous incident, I’m fine now.”
Green tried to ease Pink’s anger, but the negative feelings Pink harbored towards Yellow remained unchanged.
“Yellow isn’t entirely bad. She just can’t express her thoughts properly. Should I say she’s clumsy?”
“That’s not just clumsiness. It’s rudeness.”
Blue’s opinion was not shared. Even if Yellow was as clumsy as Blue said, understanding her should have limits, and her manner of speaking crossed the line for him.
“I agree with Blue. When I first came, she tried to befriend me, and I noticed she was very careful with her word choice. Back then, I was sensitive and shy, so we couldn’t become close.”
Pink thought it was reasonable to listen to Red’s words, given that the other members were supportive.
“Alright. Let’s talk about it tomorrow before the match. If she agrees, I’ll go with you.”
“Really? Thank you.”
Although she disliked it, they had worked closely together for a long time. Maintaining the current situation didn’t appeal to her, and according to the others, she might have seen a different side of Yellow than she knew.
When Yellow noticed Pink staring at her, they locked eyes. Both knew what the other was thinking, so they avoided each other’s gaze, but neither said anything harsh.
It had been three years since the HunterKiller team was formed. Perhaps this was the first time they could all go out together. Thinking about going on a trip with Yellow and Pink, both couldn’t help but chuckle, and when they laughed simultaneously, Red wondered what was happening.
Lying in bed aimlessly, I realized how time passed uncontrollably.
“Yubin won’t come today, huh.”
They say even tigers come when called. As I thought about Yubin, I heard the sound of the door lock being unlocked and the door opening.
“I’m back.”
Yubin entered, took off her shoes, and walked straight toward me. She looked at my face lying on the bed with a big smile, indicating she was in a good mood. Did something good happen with the members?
“Did something good happen?”
“Yes. I thought the sister who didn’t want to go on the trip wouldn’t go, but she agreed to go.”
It was about Yellow. While listening to the travel plans, I thought she wouldn’t go, but hearing she agreed was surprising.
“That’s great. So, we’re all going together?”
“Yes!”
Most importantly, Yubin liked it.
Saying she would go on a trip wasn’t a problem, but it seemed Yellow had dismissed the incident of us being together lightly.
And maybe because of that thought, Yubin’s smile gradually faded as she looked at me with a serious expression.
“Older Brother. Are you still not feeling good?”
“No? Not really…”
When I trailed off, Yubin, who had been watching me, paused for a moment, then looked directly into my eyes as if making a decision.
“Older Brother. Can you tell me what happened?”
It was a difficult question to answer. My rational side told me not to tell Yubin about what happened with Yellow, but my heart wanted to share this to find a solution.
So, I decided to divert the topic slightly.
“…I had a fight with a colleague at work.”
“How did that happen?”
“The person said something harsh, and there was a bit of a conflict. I offered some advice, but that’s what caused it.”
“Hmm…”
Yubin, hearing this, genuinely pondered. She might be thinking about Yellow. Among the people I know, only Yellow speaks harshly. Or perhaps, she assumes I’m thinking about Yellow because of what happened with her.
“There’s a colleague helping me with administrative support. She’s the one going on the trip with us.”
As expected, Yubin’s subject was Yellow. However, this was the first time Yubin mentioned Yellow after observing her for a long time. There might be differences from what Yura, Hayang, and Green said.
“When she first started working, she treated me very well.”
“Yes.”
I couldn’t picture Yellow treating anyone well.
“But that colleague also speaks harshly. Back then, I was young, so she was very careful with her word choice.”
Listening to Yubin’s story from years ago, I remained silent.
“But at that time, I was a bit sensitive, so I distanced myself even when she came closer. After that, I continued to observe her, and most of what she says is considerate, but she has trouble with word choice.”
While holding my hand, Yubin looked at me with a warm gaze. Her warmth flowed into my body.
“So, I usually don’t say much back, no matter what she says. If I do, it might completely block her words. If you think about what that colleague might actually be thinking, you might see another side.”
“…The colleague might have a different personality.”
Even though it’s the same person, I wanted to understand why Yubin trusted Yellow so much.
“If our older brother is worrying this much over a fight, he must be a good person.”
“Do I worry that much?”
“Yes. You worried a lot.”
I held her tightly as she hugged me. I wanted to know why Yubin trusted Yellow, and realizing she shared this story because she trusted me, I understood.
Unlike Yubin, I didn’t try to understand Yellow’s perspective. I viewed Green through colored glasses and didn’t change my opinion. While telling Yura that understanding the other person is important, I only saw Yellow through my own lens.
Instead, I criticized her based on incomplete information, saying she was wrong. Yubin’s words made me reconsider not only how I viewed Yellow but also my own actions.
Tomorrow, I’ll go to the arcade. I might not be able to meet her.
I know where the house is, but I can’t just go there. Even if I go, she might not meet me.
Still, I’ll go once. And if I get the chance to apologize, I’ll do it properly.
