I lifted my head.
In front of me stood a church, half-collapsed, its second floor barely visible.
Erika exhaled. The hot heat dissipated into the cold air like breath.
Acting on impulse wasn’t just for the sake of saving the hostages.
It was because she was crying.
That was the only reason.
Honestly, yeah.
What a significant development.
I, who used to be so afraid of the gazes of others that I couldn’t even step outside, had now reached a point where I could wander outside without a care.
Of course, I still needed to wear a hat. And wrap myself up tightly in a coat.
I blinked at the familiar presence I felt once more.
The cold air assaulted my torn skin. The noise I heard made my heart race.
“Something is definitely wrong.”
If it were not so, there would be no reason to accept this situation.
When the footsteps that echoed through the stairs and hallway stopped,
I finally turned my head.
“······Orly!”
Lately, you seem to try to control me more and more.
Isn’t that a bad thing?
No, it shouldn’t be.
“Hello. I’m late.”
Seeing my disheveled breath, I tried to force a small smile.
“······.”
Her calm and chilly demeanor that she had shown when we first met was nowhere to be found.
Perhaps because this had repeated countless times, you were overly concerned all of a sudden.
And as your gaze fell toward my chest, I hurriedly clutched my clothes.
One step came closer, and I took another step back.
“Don’t run away.”
“I’m not running away.”
“Then why are you distancing yourself?”
“I’m just giving you space so you can take these people away quickly.”
I frowned.
“You······.”
Even if you glared at me like that, I had no intention of conceding.
“Hah, huh.”
I clutched my chest. Unable to meet her gaze directly, I staggered toward the window illuminated by the red moonlight.
“It seems the hostage situation is no longer useful.”
I followed the silhouette that moved with a feigned ease. Watching you approach the sprawled-out hunters, I steadied my breathing.
I was vaguely aware that the end was drawing near.
I would soon take care of the two remaining targets.
So for now, I wanted to talk peacefully, just this once.
Suddenly, our eyes met.
“Come here.”
“Why should I?”
“······I will put handcuffs on you. It’s my job to apprehend fugitives.”
“How righteous of you.”
It seemed my concerns had already shifted to me.
“I’m going to run away.”
“I’ll catch you.”
“Can’t you just let it slide for today?”
“No.”
Silence fell. I exhaled.
“I have a lot to tell you.”
I spat blood.
My clothes that I clutched tore, revealing my chest.
“······Ah.”
“······It’s fine.”
“You’re really worried. You said you would apprehend me.”
“······I can’t let you die while I’m dragging you.”
“Are you going to treat me too? That would be a good thing for me.”
Not at all.
“No. I will bind you with a machine you have never heard of. We’ll proceed according to the protocol.”
“Just a moment ago, you were trying to please me; when did you become so confident?”
“The hostages have already come to me. I have to treat you accordingly.”
So that’s why you’re approaching me now?
I have to run away.
“Thanks for your hard work. Please take care of these people.”
Just then, when I was about to spread my wings, a symbol of vampires—
“Guh.”
My body convulsed.
The hidden wounds I had begun to reveal themselves.
The self-harm marks that I couldn’t control due to my mental illness also groaned at the touch of the cold air.
As if a grotesque weapon hidden inside me was being drawn out, pieces of skin were torn, revealing scars all over.
The wounds forced themselves open with a crunch. Blood dripped to the ground with a thud.
“Ah, it hurts······.”
Hah.
How cliché. Such a repertoire.
Floundering in attention and sympathy.
I looked at the trembling pupils of Erika with self-pity.
“······Ah.”
I tried. I always kept her in the corner of my vision while executing my plans.
Sometimes resorting to violence, honing my blade, I ruined her daily life.
That was just the story of it. A story reliant on the sincerity that arises from the relationship.
Looking back, perhaps it was a problem that I had shown shallow kindness. After four years of hiding, I found myself developing feelings for her without properly realizing my emotions; it must have been a sin.
But Erika’s gaze was beautiful enough to deserve that. Each time her gaze filled with hatred looked at me, I couldn’t help but be engulfed in a sweet thrill.
That wasn’t all.
As I naturally seeped into her daily life, I encountered many aspects of her.
Her fervor for everything around her and her patience while forcing a frown despite being tired; the cuteness of her blushing face when I teased her, and the tenderness she showed me only would send my heart into a frenzy.
In the corner of my lonely life, that stimulation was just right for me to turn into an emotionally trapped monster.
Should I have treated her coldly?
At the very least, I shouldn’t have forced myself to smile and feign excitement while pretending to be human.
Before I knew it, my hands were being held. The warmth of her touch made me shiver once more.
Ah.
So it’s happening again.
It’s my fault.
Why did I have to fall for her? I should have held on. I shouldn’t have been swayed by trivial emotions.
But I couldn’t help it.
The broken me, abandoning the most crucial plan, how foolish.
Let’s stop.
If this goes on, I’ll be consumed by endless self-loathing.
I promised, didn’t I? To stop the thoughts that lead to depression.
With whom? Who did I promise?
There’s no one around.
Is there a friend even in my imagination?
“Where does it hurt? Is it perhaps aftereffects?”
I brushed my hand away.
Silence fell.
And I avoided my gaze once more.
“Don’t do this.”
From where did this all begin?
No matter how much I tried to retrace, I couldn’t find the answer.
It started when I exposed my vulnerabilities unreservedly to you.
Due to the sickly appearance I had shown a few times.
Or perhaps just because I spent so much time with you in my plans.
Or maybe—
When your attention, which I had noticed for a while, began to escalate dramatically.
Hah.
I don’t know.
I had even inflicted violence on you at that moment.
A faint, cold, yet comfortable touch brushed against my cheek.
Fine. Hehe.
“Stop it.”
“How about you put your pride down right now?”
That was a prickly remark. Why the sudden change? Can you no longer tolerate my tantrums?
Maybe it’s for the best.
I took a step back to create distance.
Our relationship had now reached a point where it couldn’t even be discussed.
All I could do was escape.
Especially, backing away.
One step.
Two steps.
Three steps.
Seeing you full of confusion,
I let out a small laugh.
I shattered the window right behind me with magic and leaped into the air.
The cool night air and wind swirled around my body.
“You’re cute.”
As the bats began to gather around me, I murmured.
“You guys are on my side, right?”
My minions.
They follow the heart of their master who holds power.
So it is. That’s the kind of story.
Seeing you help me, I felt I hadn’t been disingenuous.
I just wanted to escape. Without a moment to face the pain that felt like it was tearing me apart, so many things had happened. How do I endure?
Naturally not. I had no need for her kindness. No need for her affection, nor that gaze. Not particularly.
I felt weak.
Gravity bore down on me.
Falling without control.
“······Ah.”
The airflow tore my flesh and plunged through my body.
I couldn’t even hear the cries of the bats anymore.
“Did I lie?”
A shock struck my back.
“Ugh, ah.”
It hurts.
I closed my eyes completely at the sound of footsteps approaching.
“This looks good.”
“······It’s your fault.”
“If only you had listened to what I said calmly, it wouldn’t have mattered.”
“Why should I?”
“Once I lay my eyes on you, it has to be this way.”
How unreasonable.
Grant me my freedom.
“Did you dislike the idea of looking at the wounds?”
“Yes.”
That’s your problem.
“I hated it so much.”
Kindness. Affection. I hated them all. I didn’t even want to look at them. Too ugly. I felt so foolish for receiving such kindness at the end of it.
“Why······.”
“Look at me.”
So I stood up like that. With my body still overturned, my abdomen and chest, which had been hidden for a moment, were revealed once again. The wounds pressed down and expelled liquids.
My face and body, now smeared with blood, were completely exposed.
Meanwhile, my eyes, devoid of life, were only crying, reflecting only you.
And this blurry world. This foggy mind had long been seen through.
“Why are you interested in someone like me?”
Ah.
Haha.
“You’re being emotional. Crybaby. Foolish. And yet suffering from severe self-loathing.”
I merely recited one by one. I exposed my vulnerabilities that you had discovered while being with you.
“You can’t even speak well. Trembling with fear at people, and when wielding a knife, you go crazy. You’re selfish enough to push away even your kind hand.”
“I know.”
“You know? Then, if you know, if you know.”
My body was weak. I felt like my mind was going to fly away. Tightening myself was to the point of suffocation.
So I looked back at you again. My salvation is being killed by you. I wandered endlessly seeking it.
Yet, the beautiful you—
“Please, talk more.”
I was ready to talk. Seeing you, who didn’t avert your gaze from me, all I could do was take a breath.
“It seems you have nothing left to say now.”
“······You. Really.”
“Shall we go now?”
What was I wanting?
“Hold my hand.”
I extended my hand for a soft touch.
“If you eat something sweet, your mood will lift.”
“With someone like me?”
“I want to eat with you, even like this.”
If you keep doing that.
How could I not love you?
