A piercing gaze.
The golden-eyed figure, rummaging through past memories, showed a brief glimpse of a long-desired dream, but the words spilling from the crimson lips brought me back to reality.
“I don’t want to get hurt.”
Haha.
“It’s okay. If I act like a fool, like usual, I can get through this.”
Like I’m emotional. Like a crazy girl with a screw loose.
As I raised my voice and blurted out an unequivocal phrase.
It felt as if everything was nothing more than a form of entertainment.
“······Ah.”
The words wouldn’t come together. Even meaningless combinations didn’t emerge.
“Ha, haha.”
The tingling sensation in my abdomen has long since become familiar.
It’s strange. It should be getting worse.
Even as the pain, piercing into my insides, tore through my body.
It really feels like something different is gripping my heart.
It would be nice if I could just curse.
“·····.”
But I couldn’t.
Not in front of you, staring at me with that face.
In front of you, who scolded me for smoking.
In front of you, who nagged me not to pour alcohol.
And now, claiming the justification of this broken relationship.
Don’t worry about me… as if I could say that… enough.
Let’s stop.
Get a grip.
I forced my trembling lips to open.
“I like being hurt.”
I countered like that.
But it seemed you didn’t hear.
No, perhaps you didn’t want to hear.
“I like it. I really do.”
“······.”
She didn’t say anything.
She didn’t accept even my forced attempts to reconnect.
With her aloof gaze, she didn’t lash out at me. She didn’t treat me kindly, as if trying to appease me.
“How much must it have hurt?”
Just saying that.
She reached again, staring at me silently.
Slightly choked up.
Ha. Haha.
Weren’t we in a hostage situation?
I must have needed to restrain myself. I should have carefully timed it, increasing the rarity of my worth.
Foolish.
It wouldn’t have changed anything.
Even watching me, with bones and flesh exposed, gasping for breath, spitting out bodily fluids.
She came to embrace me without care.
“No.”
She slapped my cheek, hard, with my own hands.
It’s too early to give up.
Show your emotions. Just like usual.
All those forced smiles, I don’t care.
You can do it.
Pretend it’s not happening, even now.
Be like the usual me.
The usual me.
What is that?
A hand approached.
I sat still, defenseless.
I felt the touch in my hair.
“Don’t.”
“I don’t want to.”
“Don’t do that.”
There’s no helping it now.
Since it’s come to this, I must hurl insults at you.
Calmly.
“Before you get angry.”
“I’m going to do as I please.”
Really. You…
My hair was being tickled.
It’s annoying.
So annoying.
I grabbed the small knife’s blade and stabbed it into my arm.
My blade. My skin. And my sin.
Erica knocked the knife away.
Is it now that I cannot even harm myself?
I opened my trembling lips again.
“Don’t do that.”
I was ignored. Don’t touch me. I’m being handled as you please.
I’ve become a doll.
Is being a doll better than being a beast?
Then I haven’t really fallen.
Wow!
Haha.
Not even a beast, but a doll!
Erica’s cherished doll!
Nice.
Is that good?
Good?
Good, huh.
You fool.
[Enjoy the moment.]
Shut that mouth.
Can’t you see I’m being scolded by my master right now?
For not being able to take care of myself.
And for failing to maintain a proper relationship.
[You’ve worked hard until now.]
“Hehe.”
I’m just dust from this broken relationship, as always.
You saying you don’t want to get hurt.
But why do you come on so strongly?
Did something that was piling up burst?
Or is it just because it hurts?
I don’t know.
I just don’t know.
What I can do is resist with the meager remains of my self-esteem.
“Return to the original you.”
“·········.”
“Please.”
Why won’t you say anything?
“Please.”
My nape was grabbed. I was slightly pulled and embraced.
Wow.
It’s warm.
My body feels like it’s melting from being on fire.
“I don’t know what you’re hiding.”
“I don’t want to. I don’t want to. I won’t listen. I don’t want to.”
“I’ll stay by your side.”
Nice.
I like that.
“Hehe. Ugh.”
I coughed up blood.
Erica caught it with one hand.
Why are you drinking that?
“It’s dirty. It’s filthy. Don’t.”
“If I do this, won’t I get closer to you?”
Ha. Haha.
“You are, you are really.”
“Yes?”
“A bad person.”
“Really?”
“Such a pretty subject, but so kind. You’re incredibly strong and incredibly attractive.”
“Huh.”
“And you even have that gap moe. I can’t stand your cute face turning red. Your aloof expression makes me want to ravage you.”
“That’s harsh.”
Then it’s not okay?
It can’t be okay.
That’s not what a normal person does.
I’m aiming to be a normal person, so I shouldn’t say things like that.
Haha.
But what to do?
I already seem broken.
I can’t treat you like a person, smiling at you like normal.
I can’t let my emotions boil over.
What if I fall back into the abyss again?
Wearing a hollow smile.
“You’re exceedingly kind until the end.”
“I can be even kinder.”
“·······.”
Stop with the strange words.
“Thinking about it, it’s irritating.”
“What is?”
“I’m treating you so well, yet you’re thinking of how to make me hate you.”
What do you want me to do?
“I’ll give you kindness that’ll tear your flesh.”
While continuing to touch my hair, she began tapping on the scabbard lodged into my abdomen with her other hand.
“I’ll pull it out. If it hurts, just say so.”
“It hurts.”
“You haven’t even started yet.”
······Ah.
Ugh.
Ah.
I closed my eyes tightly. The foreign sensation violated my abdomen and chest simultaneously. Creaking. Slippery.
“······Haa.”
“Good job.”
“It hurts······.”
“Now there are 8 left.”
“I’m sorry. Please don’t torment me. This is too sticky.”
“That’s what love is.”
“I don’t do love.”
“I don’t either.”
“Then why?”
“Just because it’s irritating.”
Ah.
It hurts.
So much it hurts.
“I thought this was the chance, and if you mess with me, you’ll regret it… Ugh, Hwaah.”
“That’s a typical villain’s line.”
“Just try pulling them all out. If you pull them all out, the hostage situation will restart.”
“Sure, sure.”
“You’re not listening. Huh, you really.”
Once again, I felt the sensation of my skin being crushed, and the bloodied blade was pulled out.
“You don’t need to hold back anymore. An exit is necessary.”
“I’ll make you my exit. I’ll do with you as I please… Ahh, ha.”
“That’s right. There aren’t many left. Six, right?”
Six is a group. It’s too painful. I regret it.
This is truly excessive. Is it fun to treat me like this when I can’t resist?
“········.”
Seeing the gentle smile she made, I was simply relieved.
It seemed like as long as you were smiling, that was enough.
“Haa······Haa.”
“That’s right. You’re okay. You’re doing well.”
Do you think just petting my head will fix everything?
Ahahaha.
What is this?
When did it become like this?
When did this relationship turn upside down?
“One left. Can you hold on?”
“Ugh······Huh.”
“Don’t cry. You can do it. Just a bit longer?”
Ah.
“Ugh.”
Slippery.
“Puhak.”
I gagged.
“You’ve worked hard. I pulled them all out. Every blade that was stuck in you.”
“Haa······Huh.”
“Don’t cry.”
“Don’t look at me… don’t look at my face…”
“Why?”
“I’m embarrassed…”
“You’re such a baby.”
Sure.
Sometimes, it’s like that.
I didn’t want to be found out.
I was afraid you’d hate me if I showed you my ugly side.
I screamed hard and displayed my emotions fiercely.
I liked that you called me a crazy girl.
But still, I belong in the category of people. That much.
But I can’t give up like this.
Because that’s not right.
Having become a person until now, my appearance all crumbles.
So, should I struggle one last time?
“You! You… now! You’re in big trouble!”
Stay calm.
Raise your finger.
Slowly. Leisurely.
“I’m going to threaten you from now on!”
“Here we go again.”
“It won’t matter if you act nonchalant!”
“Wipe your tears and speak. And you haven’t even stopped the bleeding.”
Ha.
Haha.
Who’s it of no use to?
“I know your regeneration is high, but if you don’t do emergency care now, it’ll hurt more.”
“Actually, Ugh. You know you’re scared! Don’t you! You know what I might do!”
I extended my hand into thin air.
Watching a massive magic circle being drawn, I nodded vigorously.
“Come to the church.”
“Wait, are we really going like this…?!”
Yeah.
Of course.
Even if you’re the adult and I’m the child.
Even if you’ve pulled out every knife.
I need to show that I can do it.
It’s just like throwing a tantrum on the floor because you won’t buy me a toy at the toy store.
Well.
That much.
[Wipe your tears first.]
“It’s treating you like a child too.”
I reached out both arms, grabbed the man’s arm, and lightly slapped his cheek.
“Get a grip.”
But he doesn’t wake up.
He seems fainted.
“What if he’s dead?”
[Don’t worry. He’s still breathing.]
I took a breath.
Straightened my back.
Looked around.
Six fallen uniforms.
“Let’s treat these people first.”
[Good thought.]
“Don’t treat me like a child.”
I made contact with my hands to deliver blood.
Drawing a few magic circles and incantations to transfer energy.
Then, laying the fainted bodies on the ground makes them look like corpses.
“It hurts.”
[Then why didn’t you get a bandage?]
“Why the scolding?”
[Isn’t it your body?]
Yeah. That’s right.
Every time I moved my loosened legs, my whole body groaned and bled out.
The wounds on my abdomen and chest are especially severe. When will I fully remove the bullets?
Before Erica arrives, shouldn’t I at least finish up the basic treatment?
The indoor space is dark, but the floor looks dull and dirty.
However, the red moonlight pouring through the small square window is bright.
I moved my steps to where the light was, stood still.
Calmly closed my eyes.
Soon after, I heard a presence.
