Chapter 7

My body is burning up.

The heat feels like it’s scorching my brain, swirling around my forehead.

Yet, at the same time, it’s as if I stepped out naked in the middle of winter—chills keep creeping in.

In my dazed state, I instinctively burrowed under the blanket, searching for warmth.

My body is unbearably hot, so why do I feel so cold?

The chills are etched deep into my bones, refusing to fade even as I curl up under the covers.

I bent my knees, pulled them close to my chest, and wrapped my arms around them, trembling like a fetus in its mother’s womb.

The annoying part is that every time I shiver, the joint pain unique to a bad flu kicks in.

In my case, it feels like my bones themselves are aching, not just the joints.

I couldn’t even get emergency treatment, let alone proper care, so the pain from the injuries scattered all over my body was impossible to ignore.

The wound on my forehead, for instance, was deeply torn and still bleeding.

My left ankle, which had been swollen since morning, became even more swollen and throbbed painfully after I twisted it on the stairs earlier.

Maybe it’s really broken this time.

How am I supposed to walk now?

Do I have to keep crawling around like I did earlier?

I must look ridiculous.

*Cough!* …My throat hurts.

I’m thirsty.

I want to drink some warm water.

Of course, I can’t even lift a finger to go get water.

In short, this is a total disaster.

My body went on strike just two days after enrolling at the Academy.

I ended up missing the afternoon class.

I left without saying a word—this might be a bigger problem than I thought.

Starting tomorrow, I might get marked for unauthorized absence.

Even as I suffered, I chuckled at the thought.

Worrying about my reputation in this state—I’m such a mess.

It’s not like my reputation was ruined; I never had one to begin with.

What I should really be worried about is the fact that I’m sick like this, all alone, with no one to take care of me. I might just die in the middle of the night.

Ah, that might not be so bad.

Another silly laugh escaped me.

Maybe it’s the fever, but I feel oddly hyped up.

It’s like all the worries that have been tormenting me suddenly feel insignificant.

Honestly, it’s true.

What’s so hard about dealing with the cute teasing from my classmates?

I can just stay holed up in my room forever.

My second home.

The only space in this world that’s truly mine.

My beautiful, cozy room.

This place would protect me from any threat, whether it’s Ariana or even Ariana’s grandmother.

This is an absolute truth, unbroken since the heavens parted from the earth.

QED. Proof complete. Problem solved. I’m happy now.

…Huh?

What about food, you ask?

Well, if I get hungry, I’ll just gnaw on a pillar or something.

*Pfft, ha… haa…*

This time, I laughed a little too hard, and my head throbbed, forcing a groan out of me.

The soaring feeling in my chest settled down a bit.

I’m really putting on a show, huh.

As my mind calmed down, I realized just how far gone I was.

Still, staying holed up might not be such a bad idea.

It’s not like I’m here because I want to graduate anyway, so who cares?

…Am I serious?

Do I really want to be labeled as the hikikomori princess?

Worrying about my reputation while desperately looking for a place to escape—what’s my deal?

Ah, maybe this is what *I* wanted.

Maybe.

I don’t know.

Maybe it’s the fever, or maybe it’s just me getting mixed up, but I’m strangely confused.

About what’s *you* and what’s *me*.

If you’re sick, just sleep.

Don’t waste your energy on weird thoughts.

I closed my eyes tightly and cleared my mind.

My whole body sank deep, deep into the mattress.

—

I had a dream.

It was the same dream I always have when I try to escape reality.

The kind that’s so familiar it’s almost nauseating.

On my way home from work, I caught a carriage and got in.

Lately, I’ve been trying to walk more to save on transportation costs, but today, I needed to get home quickly.

When I arrived at the apartment, I unlocked the door and stepped inside.

Antique furniture, a dazzling chandelier, and gold-embroidered wallpaper came into view.

It felt slightly surreal, but this was my home.

A sense of comfort washed over me.

My family, who had noticed my arrival, greeted me warmly.

My kind father, Eimond Adelian.

My beautiful mother, Reina Adelian.

They hugged me tightly first.

Their embrace was incredibly warm.

My playful older brothers also waved at me.

Not just family, but my dear friends approached me too.

The annoying but decent-looking apprentice saint, Raymond.

Christina, from the neighboring territory, who was always bickering with me but someone I trusted.

Ariana, my follower and companion, who was always by my side.

Though few in number, they were all irreplaceable pieces of my life.

Today, even Hans, my childhood friend and crush, was there.

I wondered what the occasion was—turns out it’s my birthday.

He grabbed my wrist, beaming brightly, and led me away.

I couldn’t help but keep glancing at my thin wrist held in his large hand.

My face felt like it was heating up.

It really felt like I was seeing him after a long time, which made it even more intense.

Where he led me, a birthday table was set up with cream cake and seaweed soup.

Everyone was wearing familiar pointed hats, celebrating me.

For no reason, my chest felt heavy, and tears welled up.

It was a bit embarrassing for a grown man to cry, but I couldn’t help it.

Hans, who had been watching me from the side, smiled warmly and placed something in my hair.

As I stared blankly at him, he whispered in my ear that it was a gift and wished me a happy birthday again.

I felt like I might burst.

My body was heating up to a worrying level.

Mother handed me a hand mirror, saying it suited me well.

I absentmindedly took it and looked at my reflection in the mirror.

Snow-white hair and silver-like eyes.

Skin so pale it felt like you could see right through it.

From head to toe, a girl as white as snow was staring back at me.

A white jeweled hair accessory that matched her perfectly sparkled in her hair.

The girl in the mirror was smiling.

Tears welled up in her eyes, but she looked incredibly happy.

It was such an unfamiliar expression that I wondered if I had ever seen her face like that before.

The déjà vu I had been feeling grew stronger.

Did I always look like this?

No, were these even my memories to begin with?

I wiped the expression off my face.

The girl in the mirror was still smiling.

That’s not “me.”

Then where am I?

Where is “I”?

As I thought this, I frantically looked around, but at some point, all that remained was a chillingly white space and the mirror still reflecting the girl’s face.

All the happy scenery that had surrounded me turned to dust and vanished in an instant.

The shape of the girl’s mouth in the mirror changed.

“Nowhere. Not anymore.”

The girl outside the mirror answered.

“I knew it.”

—

*Knock. Knock. Knock.*

The intermittent knocking sound woke me from my dream.

“Ugh…”

Immediately, a hammer-like headache hit me, and I groaned, twisting my body.

My head felt foggy, like something was covering it.

I guess the fever hadn’t gone down yet.

Glancing outside the window, it was still evening, just like when I fell asleep.

Either I hadn’t slept much or I had slept through the entire day—it seemed like one of the two.

Given my terrible condition, it was probably the former.

I hadn’t taken any medicine or received any treatment, so it wouldn’t be strange if it had gotten worse.

*Knock. Knock. Knock. Knock.*

The knocking continued, regardless of my groans of pain.

It wasn’t an aggressive knock urging me to come out.

Instead, it was a soft, almost gentle sound, as if trying not to disturb the person inside.

It felt like they had been knocking for a while—why hadn’t they left yet?

I listened to the sound for a moment before sitting up.

Blood rushed to my head, and a severe wave of dizziness hit me.

It was a familiar sensation by now.

As I tried to lower my feet to the floor, I remembered the state of my completely wrecked ankle.

After a moment of hesitation, I just kneeled on the floor and crawled on all fours.

Not a pleasant sight, I’m sure.

Most people would probably look at me with pity.

Ariana would probably laugh at me.

Honestly, I just wanted to ignore it and go back to sleep, but I didn’t want to give the wrong impression that something was going on inside, so I planned to say a quick word and send them away.

Whether they would listen to me was another matter.

I hooked my arm around the doorknob and pulled myself up with all my strength.

After struggling for a while, I finally managed to balance on my left leg.

“Let’s see who’s here. Who might our guest be?”

“…Hello. Are you feeling okay?”

The moment I opened the door, I felt the urge to close it without saying a word.

The person knocking was a girl with long black hair, eyes like the night sky, and delicate features. She was about my size and was clutching a thick stack of documents.

Her appearance was vaguely familiar in my memory.

It was the person I had met on the stairs earlier.

I’m so done. Seriously.