Chapter 69

It had been several days since that date night.

Thanks to Asulin’s sleep talking, the fatigue from staying up all night with wide-open eyes had somewhat subsided as time passed. Now was the time when I should have been experiencing the calmest days of my life, even with objective factors clearly in my favor.

“…Huff.”

I found myself in a situation where I could only release the growing frustration with a sigh. There was a reason for this frustration.

Ever since that late night when Asulin, drunk and asleep, briefly explored my lips, I couldn’t muster the courage to look directly at her face at night.

During the day, it didn’t matter. Helping her with tasks beside her or sharing meals while facing each other posed no problem. But under the faint lighting in the dark room, just seeing her face made me think back to that moment.

“Andy…”

Every time I heard Asulin call my name sweetly these days, it felt like she was trying to say something.

“…What is it?”

“I’ve seen you training alone on the practice ground, looking so forlorn with your sword. How about we train together?”

“That’s a kind offer, but I feel like it’s more important for me to realize things on my own. So, I’ll continue training alone today.”

“Is that so… The night air is cold, so don’t stay out too late. It might harm your body.”

We conversed normally, yet I couldn’t look her straight in the eye and ended up speaking with my back turned. After our conversation, I trudged slowly to the practice ground.

Even if it seemed strange, to worry about not being able to face my wife’s face after having a formal marriage relationship troubled me.

If someone saw me in such a state, they might laugh at me for indulging in trivial worries, but it would be fortunate if they didn’t mock or insult me.

“…Sigh.”

Regardless of any objective evaluation, the only thing that came out of my mouth was a heavy sigh, feeling the pressure of this peculiar situation.

To feel uncomfortable meeting face-to-face despite there being no fault on either side and needing to converse with my back turned… it was ridiculous.

No matter how much I thought about it, I could only describe it as bizarre, with no other way to explain it.

Why did this happen? Even though I was used to Asulin wriggling into my arms when it was time to sleep, I was sure I could endure most stimuli. Was my fragile heart the issue?

Or perhaps, despite building a thick wall in my heart, the incident a few nights ago that heated my mind was the problem?

No, that couldn’t be it. My heart wasn’t that weak.

It was just that, when she was asleep and unaware of what she was doing, her lips had briefly touched mine.

Even though I felt an unparalleled softness and sweetness from her touch, that alone…

*Slap!*

I slapped my cheek, scolding myself for thinking about unnecessary things as I realized I had arrived at the familiar Caladborg Dukedom training ground.

Without thinking, I was grateful for finally reaching the practice ground where I could swing my sword mindlessly, despite the heavy thoughts weighing on me.

“Huff…”

Unlike the heavy sigh I had let out earlier, I exhaled deeply before starting to swing my sword, clearing away all distracting thoughts.

*Swoosh!*

As soon as I drew the Falord from my waist, I aimed it towards the sky and began practicing a sword technique.

This was part of my training to fully incorporate the technique I had practiced while facing my resentment towards Falord.

I had thought that if she weren’t here, I could perfectly execute any technique. But…

“Haa… Haa…”

Even though I was breathing heavily, trying to cool down my body from the cold weather, the perfect sword technique I had executed in that space felt like an illusion. My sword failed to replicate the technique from back then.

Despite being able to visualize and feel the movements in my head, once I swung, the result was far from what I intended, incredibly subtle yet noticeable.

Could it be that I hadn’t completely rid myself of the distractions I tried to let go of while coming here?

Stopping the sword movement, I stood still and observed my inner self, trying to understand the cause.

“…This isn’t going to solve anything by just trying.”

After a brief sigh, I resolved to keep trying until I found the answer, but a sudden voice echoed in my mind, stopping me.

“Stop trying to let go of what you need to embrace.”

Falord’s voice, the one who had driven me mad over the past few days and also provided a new path for my swordsmanship, suddenly spoke.

Even though it was unexpected and I was alone, I wasn’t startled. Her voice was unforgettable.

“Falord…”

“Ha, I was just watching quietly, and now I see such a pitiful sight.”

The one who had driven me crazy and the one who offered a new direction for my swordsmanship.

…

Suddenly, Falord’s voice disrupted my thoughts, causing me to stop moving.

While I was alone, her sudden voice didn’t startle me because I couldn’t forget her voice.

“Embrace what you try to let go of, I said.”

“Did you see me unable to embrace something? What am I failing to embrace?”

I lowered the Falord I had raised to practice and asked what she meant by her words.

Though I didn’t expect an immediate answer, I wanted to test her reaction.

“Teaching you that wouldn’t mean anything.”

As expected, Falord avoided answering my question with her dignified, mysterious voice, despite her youth.

“Sometimes, getting guidance or answers from someone can help you become better.”

Despite her response being vague, she seemed to hint at providing a clue.

“If it’s important now, give me a clue even if it doesn’t solve everything.”

I tried to probe her indirectly, but…

“Rushing won’t do. My story isn’t finished yet, and you’re interrupting me rudely.”

Falord’s playful tone scolded me, leaving me with no choice but to listen.

“Since you’re so rushed, I guess I’ll have to give you a hint.”

Her attitude changed instantly, and she prepared to give me an answer.

“Listen carefully. I won’t repeat this. What you need to stop letting go of is…”

Falord gave me advice without hesitation, standing close to me. At first, I listened seriously, but as her words continued, I noticed my expression subtly changing even without looking in a mirror.

Her words kept echoing in my ears, impossible to ignore.

…

Falord’s advice finally came to an end. Most of what she said needed to be remembered, but some of it was difficult to implement right away.

“You’ve given thoughtful advice, but it seems the person listening isn’t ready.”

I didn’t react to every piece of advice, but Falord, who seemed to read my thoughts, immediately teased me.

“Enough excuses. Though you may not admit it now, you’ll soon recognize the truth of my words.”

“I hope so.”

“Your attitude isn’t great, but I’ll overlook it.”

“Thank you for your leniency.”

“Ahem. But, aren’t you going to practice your sword anymore?”

“It’s not that I’m too frustrated, but I feel like going to bed early might be better.”

“Do as you wish.”

With Falord’s conversation coming to an end, I started preparing to finish the day after wrapping up my sword practice.

After a light shower to clean off the sweat, I changed clothes and entered the bedroom.

*Splash* *Splash*

In the dim light, Asulin’s sleeping form greeted me with regular breaths.

Lately, when I left for sword practice in the evenings, she would turn off the lights before sleeping. But tonight, busy with work, I forgot to turn off the lights, and she fell asleep.

Seeing her in the dim light reminded me of that moment again.

“…”

I shook my head fiercely to forget, but the longer I shook, the more vividly the memory replayed in my mind.

“Sigh…”

Letting out a light sigh, I resigned myself and turned off the lights, lying down on the bed to sleep.

It was awkward to face her face in the light, but her steady breathing was soothing enough to make me enjoy the sound.

I could conclude a day smoothly by falling asleep, but…

‘…Should I?’

Falord’s nagging from the practice ground echoed in my mind as I considered reaching out to Asulin beside me.

‘…I can’t.’

Just as I almost reached out, I withdrew my arm and forced myself to sleep.

Considering I was trying to keep pushing away feelings for the person I wanted to protect, how could I complete a sword?

‘…I can’t do it.’

When I tried, my whole body resisted, and I ended up going to sleep without acting.

A lowlife thug in a back alley would surely mock me for not even knowing how to eat properly, let alone eat food laid out for me.

Despite my growing feelings for Asulin sleeping beside me, I couldn’t deny my fear of her discovering my secret and the sorrow it would bring her.

I was like a cripple who couldn’t eat even if food was given.

My last action before falling asleep was a bitter smile.

“Did you sleep well?”

“Good morning.”

“I must have fallen into your arms again while sleeping. Did I inconvenience you in any way?”

“You were so comfortable, I didn’t even notice if there was any discomfort.”

“Really?”

As usual, the moment I woke up, Asulin was already in my arms. Without realizing it, my lips naturally curved into a gentle smile.

While approaching Asulin filled me with fear, her approaching me was welcomed. This contradiction was exactly what Falord pointed out.

I had realized it, but turning that realization into action was impossible.