Chapter 69

When the hell did I get hurt? I take pride in being quite sensitive to such things, so the shock was no small matter. My body reacts immediately even if a bug lands or dust sticks to it. Yet, I got hurt without even noticing? It’s not like I got scratched by a protruding nail or corner. So, did someone slash me with something sharp? Unless they have the skills of a certain pirate manga character, that’s impossible.

So, this must be… the work of a ghost. Hallelujah, I should start sprinkling holy water or something. There’s a damn ghost targeting my neck. With the blessing of the Lord, I must catch and punish that ghost. I will wage a holy war here and punish the ghost that threatens the lives of the living. I am the holy knight Werner…

“…Hey, Werner!”

“Ah, sorry, I was lost in thought for a moment…”

I got so caught up in planning the holy war that I forgot about Lorcha. These damn ghosts are even trying to mess with my relationships. Unforgivable. In the name of my God, I will judge these damn bastards.

“Wow, now you’re spacing out even when someone’s right in front of you~?”

Even if I were interrogated for killing someone, I wouldn’t be treated like this. Oh, I did kill someone. Well, then there’s no helping it. But I can’t just say that outright. So, I desperately tried to come up with an excuse.

“I was just… thinking about what to say to you.”

“What…?”

“You know, I have a lot to say to you… no, I should have a lot to say to you.”

“And you kept your mouth shut all this time without even apologizing? You didn’t even send a single letter?”

“Honestly, I was a bit scared.”

“…Scared of what? What did I do to you?”

Now, this is the main event. I need to butter her up and play it right. If this were a rhythm game, this would be the climax where I need to focus and hit the notes perfectly.

“After saying that to you, I wondered what words could fix our relationship, if it’s too late now, if saying something wrong would push us further apart…”

“Don’t lie… You haven’t even once in over 15 years…”

“Not even a single day in 15 years…”

I leaned in close to Lorcha.

“I never forgot you. Every day, I suffered, wondering what if I had done things differently? What if I had apologized sooner? Is it too late now? I regretted and agonized every day.”

“…Don’t lie.”

For a moment, I thought she saw through my lie, but Lorcha avoided my gaze. It didn’t fully work, but it partially did. Thanks to Werner’s face, even the cringy lines that would have gotten me slapped if I were ugly worked. Maybe Werner’s face is some kind of game equipment?

[Werner’s Face – Level 17: Facial Equipment (Bound Item)]

[Plausibility: 174 (Additional +25)

Seduction Success Rate: 37%

Forgiveness Rate Even When Acting Crazy: 41% (Additional +13% if smiling)

Cringe Lines Success Rate: 32% (Additional +25% with a deep voice)

Chance of Weird Women Following You: 60%

Discount from Shopkeepers: 45%

Extra Food from Restaurant Ladies: 55%]

Damn, this is a cheat item. The developers clearly don’t care about item balance. This game is a mess. And such items are incredibly rare, so almost no one has them.

But nerfing it is out of the question. Why? Because I already have it. I just hope no one else gets their hands on such a cheat item and ruins the game balance. After this is over, I’ll send a 5700-word complaint to the developers to restore the game balance. I’m all for maintaining order in the world.

“Anyway, you need to return to being an Imperial Sorcerer.”

“Ugh, what a hassle… Isn’t the condition too harsh? You know how tough it is there.”

“Yeah, because you ran away… I had to take over your duties as the Imperial Sorcerer until your replacement arrived. I know it all too well.”

Damn, this is going to give me cancer. That damn Werner left a huge mess, and now everyone’s suffering.

Lorcha in front of me, me getting scolded by her, Mr. Lee Jun-young from Anyang, Gyeonggi-do, the guy who got caught saying to remove the ham flavor from Samyang Ramen and has been getting cursed at for years, Jo Jae-jung who neglected basketball basics and died from drug addiction, and Joo Si-yoon who lost his parents at a young age and has been suffering ever since. They’re all victims of Werner’s mess, probably.

“Well… I’ve already talked to the Imperial family, so you don’t need to worry about the procedures.”

“Thanks. But didn’t I desert? Wasn’t there any problem?”

A ninja who abandons a village must be hunted down and killed. Many deserting ninja masters have died by this rule, haven’t they? It feels off that I’m getting special treatment. Is it because I’m the youngest of the heroes? If so, I might come to hate this country. I despise receiving special treatment just because I’m someone’s acquaintance, a high-ranking official’s child, or from the same hometown or school.

“Well, they’re always short-handed. Of course, they’d welcome a great sorcerer like you back with open arms.”

Ah, so it’s because of my skills. In a merit-based world, there’s no helping it. The world is a solo game; it’s desirable to live relying only on your own skills. To be treated like this because of my skills is truly admirable. This is a glorious gift achieved entirely by my own power, not any special treatment.

“Damn…”

Thinking about it, it’s not special treatment. The Imperial Sorcerer is a typical 3D job in the sorcerer world, so going back there is like re-enlisting. Lorcha, you military policewoman, you dragged me back into the darkness after I deserted. Just you wait, I won’t forget today’s humiliation and will make you suffer greatly.

“What are you thinking about now?”

“Ah, nothing…”

I felt a bit guilty thinking about how to make her suffer. Besides, villains who spill their plans usually get beaten, right? I, who have inherited the soul of Zhuge Liang, won’t foolishly reveal my plans.

“Hey, Lorcha.”

“Don’t call me so familiarly. I’m still mad.”

Even with Werner’s face, it seems it’s still too much to calm Lorcha’s anger. Damn developers, buff Werner’s face effect already. These developers are so bad at managing the game, they’re probably eating spicy chicken feet instead. If I ever meet them, I’ll slap them with the chicken feet bones.

“Alright, then what should I call you?”

“Call me Lorcha, Tower Lord. You used to call me that back then. You didn’t even apologize, just threw out formal titles.”

That damn Werner… If I ever see him, I’ll dropkick him first, then hit his temples with a double-handed strike, knock him down with a sweep, and finish with a falcon punch to the face. This guy’s actions are beyond ridiculous.

There’s never been a bastard like this before. Is he a sorcerer or a swallow bastard?

“Lorcha, Tower Lord, I have a question.”

“Yeah, what is it?”

“That Crown Prince or the Crown Princesses… they must really hate me, right?”

Werner once froze the Crown Prince into an ice sculpture and verbally shredded the Crown Princesses who confessed to him. His track record is quite spectacular, so I was a bit worried.

“Ah, that?”

Lorcha took a puff from her pipe and exhaled a thin gray smoke.

“Some Crown Princesses still like you, some have married and treat it as a dark past, and some are so hurt they want to kill you.”

It’s not like choosing a starter Pokémon, but they’re divided into three types. With over eight Crown Princesses, it’s no wonder. By the way, even though people curse the king behind his back, calling Crown Princesses “bitches” shows Lorcha isn’t exactly a loyal subject.

“What about the Crown Prince?”

“Ah, the Crown Prince? That brown-skinned, blond kid? I ran into him alone once.”

A brown-skinned, blond Crown Prince. Could it be that this guy, who supposedly avoids ordinary women, did something to Lorcha?

“What happened?”

“He started vomiting as soon as he saw my face. He vomits at the sight of any ordinary woman’s face. Only family members are exceptions.”

The future of this country is bright. At least the new emperor won’t be chasing women.

“So, does he hate me?”

“…He was vomiting for over 30 minutes, so he didn’t have time to ask.”

I couldn’t help but feel sorry for the Crown Prince.