Chapter 67

“…Long time no see, really.”

I poked the crow’s beak and spoke words of affection. Supposedly, this is how close friends communicate. Sadly, my friends and I always exchanged blows with weapons, so I never had the chance to share such moments.

“Were you doing well in the capital?”

“Yeah. It was tough… but I cut off what needed to be cut. Holding onto old, rusted chains wouldn’t have meant anything anyway.”

I severed it. Now, that person is no longer my mother. She probably never wanted to give birth to me. And I, too, never wanted to be born under her.

It’s for the best, isn’t it? Cutting off the unwanted ties is all it takes. The bond between parent and child was nothing compared to the malice she showed me.

If there’s no love, what meaning does a parent-child relationship hold? If there’s no affection in a relationship that should be proven by affection, then what kind of relationship is it?

If I had more time, it would’ve been an interesting contemplation, but I don’t have that luxury. There’s no time to dwell on such pointless things now.

“Cutting one chain made everything connected to it drift away in an instant.”

We were already looking in different directions, so it was only natural to drift apart once the chain was broken. I should’ve done this sooner. Instead of becoming shackles that tormented each other, I should’ve cut that rusted chain long ago.

We should’ve achieved the ideal path for each other much sooner.

Then, we wouldn’t have come this far.

“Hey, why are you getting all gloomy again? Did someone tell you to? You’re the one who cut it off, so why the gloomy mode again?”

“Gloomy… not really. It’s just that the relief feels a bit cold. Like when you clear out an ugly piece of furniture, and the empty space feels a little hollow… that kind of feeling.”

I tried to alleviate my boredom by teasing the crow eating the raisins I gave it.

I tapped its forehead, pinched its beak, and gently stroked its wing feathers.

“Ouch…”

“It shouldn’t hurt.”

“That’s not the point, you idiot…”

“…?”

“Anyway, you don’t bother someone while they’re eating. Don’t touch me. It’s annoying.”

“You’re a crow, not a dog or a person. In general societal norms, dogs are more…”

Then, the crow angrily started pecking at my finger.

“…That stings.”

“Of course, I’m pecking to sting. Did you think I’d peck to tickle you?”

“You’re fiercer than some demon beasts. Reminds me of the temper of a dead friend of mine.”

“…Dead friend.”

The crow suddenly flew up and perched on the top of my head. It felt like it didn’t want to show its face.

“What kind of existence was that friend to you?”

“Regret.”

“What…?”

“She is my regret. Not being able to say I loved her sooner, not being able to protect her, the regret of becoming half a god like me, and the reflection on all that past. All my regrets lead back to her.”

Compared to the sin of not protecting her, the punishments I endure feel too light.

That’s why I endured. But any punishment should stop before death.

At least in the end, I wanted to die in the longing for her, free from the pain caused by her.

“I should’ve told her I loved her… I…”

My throat tightened again. Something hot was rising. My voice wouldn’t come out properly. Rational thought was starting to blur from the heat.

“I…”

The hottest liquid in the world started gathering around my face.

“Really…”

But at that moment, a crashing sound brought back my cold rationality.

“Damn it, what now?!”

“…Sounds like Betty and Kyle are fighting.”

“Damn it, ruining a perfectly good meal… That brat Kyle…”

“Did I ever tell you about Kyle?”

“Uh, yeah, you mentioned it when you were drunk last time? That despite being a grumbler, he’s clear about his duties and not a bad guy.”

I don’t remember well, but that’s probably how it went. Since we had common ground, I just let it slide.

“Anyway, those kids are really…”

Something felt off. Kyle is about five years younger than me, but he’s still an adult. Not exactly a kid.

The only ones who’d call Kyle a kid are me and my friends.

Back when we were inspecting the ruined village, the kid who tried to pickpocket us was Kyle. Of course, my friends, being sensitive to manners, taught him that it was wrong. If it weren’t for me, that lecture would’ve continued to this day.

“…Why are you calling Kyle a kid too?”

“I, I told you last time when I was drunk.”

“Did I really spill that much?”

I should probably cut back on drinking. Chugging down that tasteless rum doesn’t suit my temperament anyway.

“By the way, why are those kids fighting?”

“They’re having a cooking competition.”

“If they’re going to eat the heat, they should just eat the heat. Crazy bastards, frying hallucinogenic mushrooms with the heat.”

“Betty felt threatened when Kyle said he’d take over the cooking from now on, so she challenged him to a cook-off. Kyle isn’t the type to back down from a challenge, so this mess happened.”

I’ve advised him to change that personality several times, but he’s not the type to listen.

In fact, he’d counter by saying that even if people told me a hundred times to change my way of speaking and personality, I wouldn’t change either.

“They’re probably rushing up now.”

Soon after, they burst into my study with plates full of food, making a racket.

The crow, startled by the door slamming open without a knock, almost fell backward. Even though it’s a bird.

“Damn, almost gave me a heart attack…”

Then Kyle, holding a duck pie, asked curiously.

“Whose voice was that just now, Raul?”

“Voice?”

“I’m sure I’ve heard it somewhere…”

Then, my gaze and I turned to where the crow was.

“Ca, ca, caaaw~~?”

It was a forced sound, but Kyle seemed to drop his suspicions.

“Guess I misheard. There’s only Raul here anyway.”

“…Besides, with Raul’s way of speaking, it’s impossible for him to charm a proper lady and hide her in this room.”

It was a somewhat disrespectful remark, but I let it slide.

After all, it’s an undeniable fact that I’m not talented at getting along with women.

Of course, being human, I did impose a slight penalty on Kyle’s judgment.

After the somewhat noisy evening, I finally felt sleepy on time for once and stroked the crow’s head again.

“Even though we only met on my way back from her grave… I think I can call you a friend now.”

We haven’t had deep conversations. Nor have we done anything particularly meaningful together. In fact, we’ve been apart recently.

Yet, touching this crow and talking to it brings me a sense of comfort.

As if we’ve known each other for a long time.

“Should I give you a name?”

Just calling it “crow” feels a bit stiff.

“No. This is just fine. There’s no need to give it a name. It’s good as it is. Giving it a name might change things. Relationships are usually like that.”

“I don’t understand, but if you say so.”

“It’s like not needing to add seasoning to a completed dish.”

“That’s an easy-to-understand expression.”

I cut the jerky into tiny pieces and fed it to the crow.

“From tomorrow, I’ll have to live like that. As someone easy to understand, even if far from elegance. I’ll try, even if it’s hard.”

“I’ll cheer you on. Though, given your personality, you’ll probably complicate things more.”

“Our bond is still shallow, it seems. You don’t know me at all. I’ve never complicated things.”

Then, the crow started pecking my finger again.

“Answer with your hand on your conscience.”

“It’s probably impossible since I don’t know where it is.”

“Of course. You don’t have one in the first place.”

It was a somewhat disappointing remark, but I responded by poking the crow’s chest.

“Then, you being my conscience wouldn’t be so bad.”

“Why me?”

“Unlike the foolish me, you can hold my reins until the end.”

I was foolish, so I couldn’t overcome the loss of Layla and slaughtered countless giants.

I was just that kind of person.

“…Let’s sleep now. I want to close my eyes with this pleasant drowsiness.”

A few hours must have passed.

The cold wind blew through the open window, along with the moonlight. The occasional chill made my cheeks grow cold.

I could’ve moved to close the window, but the pleasant drowsiness and fatigue kept me still.

“Haa…”

Suddenly, the cold wind stopped.

Too tired to open my eyes, but someone must’ve closed the window.

“Idiot…”

Then, they gently warmed my cold cheeks.

I couldn’t tell who it was, but there was an indescribable tenderness. Like being immersed in nostalgia.