Chapter 67

That day, I was in a particularly bad mood. I knew Werner was coming, and I knew I had to face him… but even though I was the one who set it up, I still felt terrible.

Werner Altan, how can I express my feelings toward him? Jealousy of his skills? Pity for losing his great magic? Anger for the words he threw at me without apologizing? Disappointment for suddenly leaving? Worry for him getting injured after using great magic? Or maybe… lingering feelings from his confession when we were kids? I don’t know. My mind was a mess, and all I could do was smoke my poor cigarettes.

If I were to draw a relationship chart between us… what adjective should I use? Partners who developed magic together? No, he did all the work, and I just watched. Rivals competing for achievements? No, he was always ahead, so it’s more like the eternal first place and the perpetual second place. Or maybe the only friends we had? No, he was surrounded by shining heroes, and I’ve always been an outsider with no friends. Then, a relationship where we had feelings for each other as kids? Still, I don’t know.

“*Sigh…*”

I still haven’t quit smoking since he disappeared. When my mind is complicated, when it’s blank, when I’m bored, when I’m overwhelmed, before meals, after meals, right after waking up, and before going to bed—I always smoke. Now that I think about it, I smoke a lot. Maybe I should cut back? Though it’s a premium brand, so it doesn’t leave a bad smell.

“We’ve really changed… both of us.”

You, who used to show off dazzling great magic I couldn’t even follow… now vomit blood every time you use it. You, who always acted on whims but were responsible… abandoned everything and ran away.

Me, who was always treated as weak and the butt of jokes… now sits as the Tower Lord. I dreamed of being an adventurer instead of dealing with tedious Tower affairs… but now I’m buried in mountains of paperwork and knee-deep in politics.

We could understand each other because we stood in opposite places. “That guy must be as lonely and solitary as I am,” I thought. We’re still standing in opposite places.

But… even though we’re still in opposite places, why aren’t you looking at me anymore? Why can’t we look at each other anymore?

We’re still standing in opposite places like before, so why can’t we understand each other now? Just because our footing has changed?

As the lifelong question tormented me again, I couldn’t focus on the paperwork anymore. How much longer will I have to live tormented by these questions? A new question arose. I wanted to solve these chains of questions today.

Then, Ekaterina, the maid, knocked and entered.

“Lady Lorcha, Lord Werner has passed through the gate.”

“Got it. Don’t bother me with that story anymore.”

“My apologies.”

She was just doing her duty, but I snapped at her without realizing it. Ugh, it’s all because of this damn smoking. Damn it.

“Ah… sorry for snapping.”

“It’s alright.”

“By the way, isn’t your son’s birthday coming up? I’ll send him a gift.”

“That’s not necessary, Lady Lorcha.”

“So, what does he like? Food? Books? Toys?”

She’s been serving me for nearly 20 years since Ellen, the nanny, passed away, so it’s only natural to take care of her. I was worried when she married a gentleman 15 years older than her, though.

“He likes weapons… especially spears.”

“Got it. I’ll ask a blacksmith I know to make one for him.”

“No matter what happens, I take care of my people.” That’s my motto. If Werner had accepted my proposal back then… maybe we’d be sitting here talking about birthday gifts for Ekaterina’s son.

“Ekaterina, can I ask you something?”

“Of course.”

“It’s about relationships…”

Then, Ekaterina covered her mouth and started giggling. When I glared at her, she quickly composed herself.

“…My apologies, Lady Lorcha.”

“It’s a bit annoying, but it’s fine. I’ll forgive you since I just snapped at you earlier. Let’s call it even.”

“So, what did you want to ask…?”

“Well… you see…”

I honestly poured out my questions. I don’t know how I feel about him. I don’t know how to define our relationship. It’s the hardest problem in the world, but Ekaterina answered easily.

“That’s simple.”

Of course, Ekaterina, the temptress who seduced a man 15 years her senior. I focused and listened carefully to her answer.

“If you’ve written anything about him recently, read it. If you’ve done anything while thinking of him, reflect on it.”

“Of course, Ekaterina. You always give such clear answers.”

“You flatter me, Young Lady.”

Ekaterina covered her mouth and laughed again. But I noticed a small wound on her hand.

“What’s that wound on your hand?”

“There was a problem at home…”

Did that jerk lay hands on his wife? According to my motto of always taking care of my people—no, even by normal moral standards—a trash who hits his wife is unforgivable. Especially hitting a wife 15 years younger than him.

“What happened? Tell me in detail.”

“A vixen who chases after another woman’s husband… no, a woman who knew he was married but still chased after him… I had to persuade her with my fists, and well…”

“Are you hurt badly?”

“My hand is fine. It’ll heal without a trace in a week…”

“No, I meant the other person.”

I knew how strong her hands were, as she was the one who disciplined me whenever I messed up.

“Ah, well… her face is caved in…”

I won’t end up fighting so pathetically over a man. Even if something happens. I won’t hit someone over love or get into a messy brawl.

I sent Ekaterina away and decided to follow her advice. I looked through the recent posts I wrote about Werner on the Akashic Magician Record.

—

**Title: Why Werner is a Piece of Trash**

**Author: IWantToKickWerner’sAss**

**Content:** He abandoned his honorary position as the Imperial Sorcerer and ran away. He should be severely punished according to national law.

**Comments:**

– **BitchPlease:** Honestly, that’s something I can’t even do. I get it.

– **SamadhiEvolution:** Isn’t it impressive he endured 3 years of hard labor in the magic world?

– **CryingAtTrash:** *Sob sob sob!*

– **IWantToKickWerner’sAss:** What’s with this trash? Get lost.

– **WillOfSteel:** You’re just jealous, you apprentice brat. You’re not on his level.

– **IWantToKickWerner’sAss:** Yeah, I’m the Tower Lord, you idiot.

—

**Title: Werner Should Be Exiled from the Magic World**

**Author: IWantToKickWerner’sAss**

**Content:** Well, if he comes as my assistant, I might accept him lol.

**Comments:**

– **DragonSlayer:** What, are you the Tower Lord or something lol?

– **WillOfSteel:** Self-proclaimed Tower Lord lol.

– **CryingAtTrash:** *Sob sob sob!*

– **IWantToKickWerner’sAss:** Get lost, you trash.

– **LightningIsHeaven’sWill:** This troll is at it again.

– **IWantToKickWerner’sAss:** Are you still breathing? Just die already, trash.

—

**Title: Werner Was Always Like This lol**

**Author: IWantToKickWerner’sAss**

**Content:** He was always doing whatever he wanted, so he was annoying.

**Comments:**

– **WeedGirlLala:** Isn’t that what makes him cool?

– **WinterIsOurSeason:** That’s what makes him cool, you idiot lol.

– **CryingAtTrash:** *Sob sob sob!*

– **IWantToKickWerner’sAss:** Did your mom die or something?

– **IAmTheTowerLord:** Isn’t this guy in love with Lord Werner?

– **IWantToKickWerner’sAss:** Your parents must’ve cursed each other a lot lol.

—

…I feel like I’ve been cursing too much lately. It’s all Werner’s fault.

But even after going through all my posts, everything about Werner was just curses. Do I really hate him? If he were to die somewhere… would I be happy? No, I don’t think I’d be happy. I just don’t know why.

Then, Ekaterina knocked and entered again.

“Lady Lorcha… there’s a report about Lord Werner…”

“What is it now?”

I’m really going to lose it with all this Werner talk today.

“He wasn’t alone in the carriage… he was accompanied by three beautiful women…”

“Ekaterina.”

“Yes?”

“Teach me that kicking technique of yours.”