Byul Rak is not an enlightened being.
Though he had shown mercy to Jade Flower, it did not alleviate the irritation he felt.
“Huu… huuu…”
Soeun Yu’s endless tears soaked the top of Byul Rak’s feet.
The hot tears faintly dispelled the coldness around him.
“Lady.”
“Yes, yes?”
The word “lady” that escaped from Byul Rak’s mouth made Soeun Yu lift her head once again.
A faint glimmer of hope shone in her eyes.
“In the days of the great battle and even when I was at my family estate, I used to tell you that I loved you many times a day.”
“…”
“It wasn’t me but you who doubted those words.”
But as soon as Soeun realized the tone in Byul Rak’s voice was accusing, the light of hope that had been emanating from her quickly faded away.
“That’s right, you did tell me you loved me… numerous times a day. What was so urgent that you kept repeating, ‘I love you, I love you, I love you’?”
“Why did you not believe me when you know me?”
“Are you saying that I should’ve believed words that held no sincerity? Do you think I’m an idiot…?”
“…”
Byul Rak shook his head from side to side and closed his mouth.
He realized that the words he had forced himself to utter despite being in an emotionless state had only come across as hollow to Soeun.
“Ha… It’s somewhat regrettable.”
“Huu… huuu…”
“I’ve done my best in my own way. If you felt that way, then that was our destiny.”
“Best? You call that your best?”
Soeun’s voice quivered uncontrollably.
It was almost as if there was more air than sound in her voice.
“When you wouldn’t even let a single finger touch me, what was it that you claimed to love?”
“…”
“Every day when you used to hold me and give me kisses upon returning from outside, where has that man gone now? How can you call detaching yourself from even the slightest touch ‘love’ or ‘being a married couple’?”
“… There was nothing I could do.”
“Are you saying that your feelings for me have changed?”
“At the mere touch of your fingertips, I felt as though I would just pounce on you, so I did it.”
During the cycle of regression, what troubled Byul Rak the most was nothing but his ‘lust.’
To endure and restrain oneself for an almost eternal span of time in front of a charming woman like Soeun was an unbearably cruel constraint for a spirited young man.
Even though his spirit had eroded to the point of reaching the realm of ’emotionless,’ ‘desireless’ was a different matter altogether.
Therefore, he did not hesitate to sever his own private parts before achieving transcendence from the five desires and seven emotions.
Because, knowing the world was destined to perish, creating offspring through casual relations was something he found utterly unethical.
“Then why don’t you just do it?”
To Soeun, who was unaware of his reasons, this sounded utterly unreasonable.
“That is not something to be said so lightly.”
“Is it a sin for a husband to be with his wife?”
“To create life that you cannot take responsibility for is a sin.”
“I’ll take the responsibility, not you. Just like Su-a does now.”
Due to saying something unusually immodest for Soeun, she felt the inside of her thighs become slightly moist.
Also, the fact that her dream lover was right in front of her and she was only wearing thin outer clothing over her undergarments contributed.
Soeun felt ashamed of herself.
She disliked her immature, hormonally charged body amid this situation.
Of course, there was nothing she could do about it.
“Lady.”
Byul Rak spoke.
Leaning her chin on his covered knees, Soeun replied.
“Why?”
“If there was an inevitable situation for your husband—”
“…”
“If there was an unavoidable reason your husband couldn’t tell you—”
“This is just planting false hope.”
“If that were the case, what would you do? Will you trust me?”
“…”
Soeun couldn’t answer.
Looking down at her silently, Byul Rak—
Thud.
“It’s fine, this is us. It was destined to be this way.”
He then pushed her forehead away mercilessly and began to move away from his place.
“Huuu… huu… huuu…”
Trampling sound, trampling sound.
Listening to Soeun’s endless crying, Byul Rak walked straight ahead.
He was annoyed by her questioning why his love had faded when she herself had rejected him.
Even though he had strived to maintain their relationship to the best of his ability, he couldn’t casually divulge the predetermined circumstances of fate.
Today, once again, he accumulated resentment against heaven.
“I’ll… believe you…”
At that moment, Byul Rak’s steps, which had been moving forward, halted.
With a voice that was almost entirely air, Soeun strained to utter her words.
“I’ll believe you… you…”
“…What wind blew over you all of a sudden?”
“No… I’ll just forget everything you’ve done… I’ll pretend none of it ever happened…”
“Su-a is falling apart, she is…”
His expression rippled like a disturbed pond.
“I can’t bear it alone… I need you…”
The conversation took a new turn from there.
‘What an idiot.’
Soeun repeated to herself the words she had previously said about herself months ago.
Because there were no other words that described herself better.
What could be more disgraceful than begging your cheating husband to come back because you decided to forget about his infidelity?
But she couldn’t help it.
He was the iron, she was the steel.
“I know I’m an unworthy woman.”
Because she was steel, the iron couldn’t deny her.
In a world where she was forcibly dragged away, she, who possessed neither martial arts skills, connections, nor a spouse, could do nothing.
The world was not such a forgiving place where one could navigate with mere vain hope and determination.
“So this is how it’s turned out… failing to control my husband, letting my family fall apart, and now unable to even take care of my remaining child…”
“Su-a getting worse? What do you mean?”
“Yet… I don’t care if my life falls apart… I tried enduring it! But not Su-a. I will give Su-a a good life, no matter what. I’ll give everything I have for it!”
“Stop rambling and explain yourself properly. What is wrong with Su-a?”
“…Do you think she’d be alright with parents like us split apart?”
Shrieking angrily, the strain in Soeun’s vocal cords from constantly being constricted recently made her cough for a moment.
“…”
“Keuh… You know… Su-a became a loner three years ago, only focusing on martial arts… She has no friends anywhere…”
“…”
“So that’s why you want to get back with me now?”
“Su-a… still misses you. Every night, she calls out for you in her sleep…”
“…”
“And, that… applies to me too…”
Pressing emotion into every word, Soeun pleaded with all her heart.
Though he was too distant now to be touched or held, surely, he could hear her words.
“Su-a needs you… No, our family can’t survive without you anymore…! Everything becomes complete only with you…”
“The family… family…”
“Please… Master… Aren’t we a family under the marriage vows beneath the peach blossoms, a family with children? Please, show some kindness and come back to us… at least once…”
Byul Rak, who had shown no waver until just a moment ago, could not ignore the mention of his daughter.
“I am someone who has been disinherited from my family. How can we still be considered a family?”
“Does heaven’s decree change like a piece of paper, flipping over with a flick of the wrist?”
“That is not just any piece of paper. You know what being disinherited means. By cutting your family ties, you severed your connection to heaven.”
“…Rather.”
With a look of preparedness, Soeun opened her delicate lips.
A cracked, bleeding mouth.
“I’ll take Su-a and leave the Namgung clan.”
“You’ve lost your mind.”
“I may be of sound mind now, but even if I were sound, I would have made the same decision. What use are property or the power from my position as a housewife when Su-a is falling apart…”
“Stop. That’s the worst choice.”
“We’ll live perfectly fine as just the three of us…! Su-a will surely like it too…! After all, she was never interested in the prestigious reputation of the Namgung family’s flame…”
As her speech quickened, her throat tightened again.
Still, she persisted.
The unwavering look in Byul Rak’s eyes wavered minutely, barely perceptible through the dimming vision.
In this moment, she was more earnest than anyone else.
But…
“Huh…. Lady.”
“…Yes, Master.”
“You care about Su-a, and so do I. She’s my double in a way.”
She was forgetting something important.
“However, I have someone precious. A child who needs my care more than ever right now.”
“Y… Yes? Who… who is it?”
There was no need for him to elaborate further.
Just a moment of thought revealed who the ‘precious person’ Byul Rak spoke about could be.
“…”
“Understand. To me, there is no one more important right now.”
“…”
Gayoung Jin.
He dared not leave her bedside as she lay in a coma.
Even when it concerned his own daughter.
Because the man who took care of him was more precious than the daughter who had abandoned him.
“Huuu… What, what am I going to do…?”
“Then, I shall really take my leave.”
“No, no! It can’t be! You can’t leave yet…! How will I know when I’ll see you again…”
“That concern is yours.”
Slowly, Byul Rak lifted his feet again, which had paused briefly before.
To Soeun, those steps felt like a thunderclap.
The sky was ominously dark, ready to pour down rain any moment.
“Hy, hyuu…”
A tormented groan escaped her lips.
She wondered if things could have turned out differently if only she and Su-a had left with Chulbin when they were expelled from Namgung House, but drinking the bitter cup of regret now would do nothing.
Once spilled water can’t be gathered back.
Once turned hearts can’t be turned back.
“Huuuu… Please don’t go… I’m begging you… Please…”
Throwing herself on the frozen ground, Soeun sobbed as if it were the end of the world.
“I’m begging like this… You are essential… I, a pitiful woman, simply cannot nurture my daughter alone…”
She was worried.
What should she do now?
Even just a few months without him had already severely damaged her daughter.
How could she protect her moving forward?
She possessed no power at all.
As these thoughts crossed her mind, her gaze changed.
“…No. Su-a must, Su-a must be looked after.”
Thud.
Soeun kicked off the ground and rushed forward.
Running barefoot as her shoes had slipped off.
Though her bare feet were freezing and numb, she gritted her teeth and endured.
She ran with all her might.
Even unfurling the advanced footwork ‘Nine Palace Steps’ she had once diligently practiced.
Shhhshsh!
She flew at a speed like the wind and blocked Byul Rak’s path.
Then, she raised both her palms above her head and pressed them together.
This was not her pleading or clinging as before.
“Master, I humbly beseech you.”
Begging.
Because she realized there was nothing she could do by force.
Appealing to pity, paternal love, and the love she believed surely once existed.
She pleaded and reasoned.
“You used to love me, didn’t you? That part couldn’t have been a lie, right? Isn’t that true?”
Frozen feet? It was nothing to her.
Even though his face was obscured by backlighting so his expressions were invisible, this moment of him listening to her words was likely her only chance, she felt.
Somehow, she had to turn his heart around.
“You straying and sinning, I can forgive all that. Ah, no! I’ve already forgotten it! I know nothing, I swear!”
She fervently rubbed her palms together.
Although the form resembled the respectful gesture of monks, there was no trace of their calm and wise demeanor present.
“Excusing my impudence, I shall speak… I wish to properly serve you once more… Please, please forgive me…”
Bowing deeply and pleading continuously.
If anyone were to see, they might think she clung to Byul Rak as if he were a lifeline.
Ironically, she was, in fact, holding onto a lifeline.
As it was clear that if she were refused here, her life would surely grow significantly harder.
“I’ve made all the mistakes… All of them were my fault! I’m sorry, I deeply apologize!”
The friction of her palms hurt. The worse it got, the more fervently she pleaded.
Desiring her sincerity to melt his frozen heart.
Wishing her love could reignite his extinguished affection.
“Nothing else matters now… Even hollow words would be fine! Even if they hold no sincerity, it’s fine…! Now, I can accept and bear it all…”
Her pride, bent.
The dignity of being human? She had long abandoned that when she became a mother.
The last remnants of her dignity as a woman? That didn’t matter in this situation.
She simply begged and implored.
“Just one word, please… With just this, I can let go of everything… Just as I did when I left Huashan with you long ago! Even if we leave Namgong with Su-a, that would be fine…”
Please, please, please.
With such a mindset,
She believed that the affectionate man she once knew still lingered somewhere deep within his heart.
“Even empty words would suffice…! It’s fine if you don’t embrace me…! Physical contact would not bother me…! So please, please, just say it…”
She uttered the words.
“I love you. I still love you.”
She humbled herself and spoke all her words.
“That’s all I need to know…”
However, Byul Rak had been raised with thorough etiquette training.
“Lady.”
For him, lying about human feelings, even as a courtesy, was impossible.
“Though I apologize…”
To him, love was merely a feeling that had already cooled.
“I no longer hold you dear in my heart.”
Utterly—.
The frantic rubbing of Soeun’s hands froze as if they’d turned to ice.
A sound of disbelief escaped her parted lips.
“Ah…”
Tears had ceased to flow from her eyes, making her look even more fragile.
“Ah, ah…”
“I must take my leave now. And…”
For Byul Rak, it was someone else’s matter, but…
“In the future, I would appreciate it if we did not have encounters like this. Though I apologize to you, I find you somewhat… uneasy to be around.”
“Ah, ah, ah…”
If Soeun were of sound mind, she might have sensed a strange atmosphere emanating from him, but alas, she was in a panic and had no way of noticing.
Silkily, thud thud—.
After draping his outer garment over Soeun, who was shivering, Byul Rak turned away without a backward glance.
On his forehead, hidden until now by the backlight, a prominent vein stood out clearly.
Despite his efforts to act politely, he was far from pleased.
How could she be like this now, after failing to trust him?
He himself had endured unimaginable suffering through thousands of regressions to steadfastly preserve his love, yet now she was begging like this after encountering just a little hardship.
Of course, he knew that Soeun was constitutionally weak by nature, but still, it left a sour taste.
And so, as Byul Rak departed,
“…What an idiot.”
Soeun quietly scolded herself and wept alone.
Her hoarse throat could no longer function properly.
The dark clouds above unleashed not snow but a torrential downpour.
Thanks to this, Soeun’s clothes and hair were soaked through.
“…No need for a bath then.”
She muttered to herself with a self-deprecating tone.
Soeun, who had collapsed, not just her foundation but crumbled into tiny pieces.
And, from afar, a small shadow was watching her.
It was Su-a Namgung, her daughter, who had been watching for a long time.
“Ahh…”
A sorrowful groan escaped her open lips.
Was it the heavy rain streaming down, or was it the tragic scene before her of her estranged parents? Su-a Namgung’s eyes were completely lifeless.
Meanwhile, Jin Woo-yong, who had drained his spiritual energy while transferring memories to Jade Flower, found himself being drawn into Byul Rak’s unconsciousness.
“There you are.”
He encountered ‘someone’ there, the one who had turned the son-in-law’s personality into that of a foolish young man during his three years in the Namgung family.
