Chapter 650: Night Talk on the Tower Ship
The tower ship glided quietly through the river at night. Gentle splashes of water against the hull created a soothing sound. Even late at night, lanterns illuminated the walkways on each level of the ship.
Through the lantern paper, the slightly yellowish light shimmered on the lake surface.
Lolan Hill opened the door, stepped out of the room, and walked onto the walkway. She leaned on the vermilion railing, looking down at the deep, rippling river below. From the deck behind the ship, the sound of laughter and drinking could be heard.
She touched her arm and then went back inside to fetch a shawl, which she draped over her shoulders before walking towards the sound.
The voices became clearer; they belonged to several middle-aged men.
“The river migrates, almost colorless; the night is vast, awaiting dawn,” someone seemed drunk, speaking as if in a dream.
“Hahaha, Brother Jin, how about another cup.”
“Countless scholars, who among us will not die? We dance and drink, chasing the rest of our lives.”
“I dreamt of a beautiful heaven.” The voice carried a hint of nostalgia and melancholy.
“Don’t say anymore, don’t say anymore, come, let’s keep drinking.” Another voice continued, trying to comfort him.
When Lolan Hill stepped out onto the walkway, she finally saw the scene where the voices were coming from.
Four men sat around a square table, with dishes scattered haphazardly in front of them. At their feet, many empty bottles rolled slightly with the ship’s movement, occasionally bumping into each other with a soft sound.
One of them was Yu Bairen, holding a wine cup, shaking his head as if in contemplation. Beside him was a strong man dressed in black, whose appearance and demeanor bore some resemblance to Yu Bairen. He was supporting another man, patting his back occasionally, as if comforting him.
The man being consoled wore a blue shirt and had disheveled hair, though he still held a wine cup in his hand. He appeared half-drunk, his face still wet with tears, mumbling unintelligible poetry.
The last man wore a brown robe, holding a wine jug, pouring drinks for the others while muttering words of encouragement.
None of these men were young; the youngest looked close to forty, while the oldest seemed near sixty, with white hairs visible amidst his graying hair.
The night was deep, the surroundings silent except for the occasional chirping of cicadas and the croaking of frogs. Several lanterns hung beside the table, illuminating the people below.
Lolan Hill slowly approached, and Yu Bairen raised his head, recognizing the familiar Young Lady.
“Are you unable to sleep and decided to come out?” he asked.
“Yes, I wanted to take a walk.”
“Good, too bad there’s no moonlight tonight. In the past, admiring the moon would have been a joy,” Yu Bairen replied, then addressed the others.
“It’s getting late, why don’t we call it a day?”
The others looked at their drunken companion and the cold leftovers on the table, nodding in agreement.
“Alright, let’s stop here. I’ll help Brother Jin to rest, and later, Brother Fan can find someone to clean up,” one of them said.
After that, they slowly got up, swaying towards the walkway, gradually disappearing around the corner.
Looking at the empty chairs, Lolan Hill felt somewhat apologetic. “Did I disturb your drinking?”
“Not at all, it’s indeed late. It’s time to disperse,” Yu Bairen put down his cup and stood up.
The night was vast, stretching endlessly. He placed his rough hand on the railing, gazing at the dark waters behind the ship.
“Life is fleeting, how short it is.”
“Uncle Yu, did you remember something from the past?” the young lady slowly walked to the railing nearby, also gazing at the night river.
“Yes, listening to the stories of the man sitting opposite me, I couldn’t help but recall my own old memories.”
“He’s named Jin Huonian, from Hedong Province. As a youth, he was a prodigy, passing the imperial exams and entering one of the top universities. At that time, he was full of vigor, traveling the world, traversing thousands of miles.”
“But time marches on, day and night, and now looking back, he has grown gray hair.”
“I may not have his literary talent, but hearing his story, I felt moved. With age, those once relied upon—fathers, brothers, uncles—all have grown old. Looking around, there’s no one left to lean on.”
“He said that a few days ago, he dreamed of revisiting his youthful days, playing in the fields with his childhood friends, seeking out beautiful women. But upon waking, only bitterness remained.”
“Because he can no longer return to that age and time. What he once pursued, even if still present, cannot be reached. With age, spirit wanes, climbing brings breathlessness, and long walks leave him powerless. Only regret lingers, circling his heart, leaning on the railing, sighing at the moon.”
“After hearing this, I too felt moved, saddened,” Yu Bairen said, picking up the wine jug and pouring himself another glass.
“Please forgive me, Young Lady, it’s just a group of disappointed people adding to their sorrow.”
Lolan Hill listened, resting her chin on her hands on the railing, saying nothing, looking at the river below.
She wanted to comfort Uncle Yu, but didn’t know how.
Reflecting on the changes in life and time, telling him that this is reality. How can one live a perfect life, how can one spend their life without regret? Even she didn’t have a good answer.
Everyone’s experiences and personalities differ, and finding a universal life principle applicable throughout history is extremely difficult.
Sometimes, ideals filled with passion might turn into a different flavor after a few years, fading away until they’re no longer cherished. Accidents, mistakes, changes, and losses always fill life’s journey.
Later, one often regrets not choosing the right path, but time doesn’t wait, and regrets can’t be undone.
“Regret is inevitable,” she said, raising her hand into the night breeze.
“Does Uncle Yu have anyone else at home?” she recalled what Yu Bairen had said earlier, hinting at some family matters.
“Yes, I have an older brother and younger brother, but they are ordinary people. My elder brother cultivates a wasteland back home, while my younger brother runs a restaurant in a small town.”
“After the elderly passed away, we meet less frequently. Sometimes when we visit, seeing the unfamiliar eyes of our nephews and nieces, we feel uncomfortable staying long.”
“Most of my life has been spent traveling, while my brothers have lived in our hometown. Our views and ideas differ greatly, making it hard to talk.”
“Looking back on our youth, we three brothers often played together, fought with others, and shared many experiences. But gradually, we drifted apart, meeting without words, with nothing to say.”
“Sometimes, I wonder if staying in the hometown like them would have been better. Perhaps now, we would have children and grandchildren, living peaceful lives.”
“Do you regret it, Uncle Yu?” the young lady asked.
Yu Bairen didn’t answer immediately, instead, he stared at the night scenery.
“There is indeed some sadness, but if I had to choose again, I would probably still choose this path,” his voice carried a sense of nostalgia.
“Discontent and stubbornness in youth, curiosity and activity in young adulthood, satisfaction and pride with a bit of power in mid-life, like the flow of a river, are experiences one cannot avoid.”
“Even if I die abroad someday, unburied, I would feel that this journey was worthwhile.”
Seeing this man turn around, his pupils glowing like bright stones in the darkness, Yu Bairen smiled.
“Before, although I was brave and strong, I always had reservations and regrets, hesitating at crucial moments.”
“In my youth, I left home, and by middle age, I had no achievements to be proud of. Every time I returned home, I felt guilty. When my parents passed away, I deeply felt I hadn’t fulfilled my filial duties. If I had stayed with them more, what a different scene it would have been.”
“When fighting, I thought, without descendants, if I died, wouldn’t the lineage end, with no one to offer sacrifices?”
“Various mental barriers weighed heavily on my heart, like carrying heavy iron blocks, unable to fully enjoy life. If I had chosen a different path back then, would it have been better? And I often had regrets.”
“Now, looking back, if I could go back and choose again, would I really stay at home? Would I really join a famous sect?”
“Probably not. If I stayed at home, I might regret not having seen the world when I’m old. With my background and knowledge, even if I joined a famous sect, I might not fit in with the noble disciples, becoming marginalized. Now, I am with people of similar backgrounds and compatible goals, enjoying each other’s company.”
“So, all illusions have dissipated, I remain myself, no longer needing to regret.”
Seeing this enlightened uncle, the young lady felt a slight joy.
“It’s good that Uncle Yu understands,” she observed that the uncle’s sequence rank had slowly shifted from Sequence 3 to Sequence 4.
In fact, he had been lingering at the edge of this rank for a long time, unable to break through the mental barriers.
“Thank you. Actually, Miss Lo sometimes gives me a lot of inspiration,” Yu Bairen suddenly thanked her.
“Me?” the young lady was puzzled.
“Yes, actually, I was worried at first because someone like you, a Young Lady, might be capricious and difficult to get along with, ha.”
“When I worked for the Canal Guild, I met many officials and nobles, some of whom gave me such impressions.”
“But later, seeing your gentle and understanding nature, I let go of these worries. Later, seeing you without family and unable to recall your past, I worried you might cry alone, feeling sad.”
“I’m a simple person, not good at consoling others, so I was helpless in such situations.”
“But later, seeing Miss Lo so carefree and at ease, I realized I was overthinking.”
“Is it necessary to remember every event and resolve every regret to live freely?”
“Previously, I thought so. But now, I realize it isn’t, it’s just a self-imposed burden.”
“Getting something is worth rejoicing, but even losing it, should one not sink into regret?”
“Yes, haha,” Yu Bairen slowly stroked his short beard.
“Indeed, but it’s hard to do,” the young lady thought, feeling she wasn’t as strong as Yu Bairen claimed.
“Yes, it’s hard, but that’s cultivation. With a limited body, pursuing an infinite path.”
“Chasing the infinite with the finite?” the young lady looked at the vast mountain and river scenery in the night.
“Exactly,” Yu Bairen replied, his voice firm and resolute.
(End of Chapter)
