Chapter 61

“If I become an Inquisition Judge, even if I get better, Anne will have a really hard time. She’ll be separated from me, and that kid is even scared of catching a mouse…”

“That’s a method I hadn’t thought of. Well, if I use my power, I might be able to sneak out a Holy Body or two.”

061

Shining (Mid)

“Verdo.”

Even the way I address him has changed. Just like with my father, I simply call him by his name. The superficial brotherly bond has already been stripped away.

Even though the time we’ve known each other isn’t short, the way we look at each other is as cold as strangers. I don’t feel any lingering regrets or sorrow about that fact now. I’m already used to it. I had to get used to it.

“At least it’s not the worst-case scenario… Should I call it a relief?”

“Relief for whom?”

Even with the difference in ability, with that much of a gap in equipment, I can’t win. Knowing that, I still took a bold step towards the opponent who threateningly raised their sword.

“For all of us. Let’s just say that.”

“Hmph.”

Verdo, who ultimately reveals his hostility but always takes a step back, as usual. That one step has always been the gap separating me from the Religious Order.

“Escaping from prison on your own? Do you still think you’re an Inquisition Judge of the Order?”

“I never thought of myself that way. Not now, and not in the past either.”

“What? Are you confessing to betrayal…?”

“I am an Inquisition Judge of Ailim.”

If I still have a purpose, then even now.

Even if my purpose is exhausted and I am discarded, the fact that I was once a spear and a hammer does not change. Even if the Order arbitrarily treats me as a sinner, an apostate, a heretic, and executes me. Even if they erase the records and hide the history.

My faith is not a lie. The belief I offered, the prayers I made, were all sincere. Even if it started from coercion, it ended up that way.

“…And yet, you choose to protect a heretic?”

Of course, someone like you would never understand.

The human heart cannot simply be cut in two. Of course, I believed in Ailim, but Louis was more precious to me than anything. That’s all there is to it.

But I had no intention of explaining all that to you in detail.

“I have no intention of proving my faith to you.”

“Anne!”

“That’s something only I and God need to know. Or, Verdo.”

It was easier to control my emotions when there was someone else around than when I was alone. Not because their presence was a comfort, but because I didn’t want to show my weak side to others.

Something I’ve been doing since I was a child. I put on an icy mask and shoot a cold glare at the other person.

“Even if I am a sinner—you have no right to demand proof from me.”

I may be a sinner, but I am not a heretic. That was proven when I passed through the silver bars with ease.

And Verdo is an Inquisition Judge. A sinner who is not a heretic is not under his jurisdiction. The reason he came down here now was more because of the fact that we knew each other to some extent and that he is currently a transcendent in the Order, rather than his position as an Inquisition Judge.

“I… believed you would become a hero.”

Seeing Verdo speak with such a heavy, earnest voice, as if confessing his love, I let out a cold laugh.

“Ha, a hero? Me?”

“Yes. In the Inquisition Judges… no, in the entire Inquisition Temple, there was no gem as brilliant as you.”

Even if it’s not affection, it’s still unpleasant. The expectations others place on you.

I already have enough to carry without adding more.

“You—no, you all.”

Feeling my emotions rising, I took a deep breath. Was it the lingering influence of Laube? Or was it because I was so cornered that I lost my composure?

Maybe it was because I no longer needed to worry about cleaning up the mess. Even if I hurled insults and curses here, would the situation get any worse? I’ve already reached the worst of the worst.

It could be said that I was at the stage of accepting death. I finally exploded the hatred I had been suppressing for so long.

“You know nothing! How hard I worked to become that ‘ideal believer’ you all keep talking about! You only see the surface of the mask…!”

“I know.”

“…What?”

His calm affirmation left me speechless.

“No matter how much you think of the people in the Order as fools, how could I not know? A young girl like you suddenly changed overnight as if she were a different person. If it weren’t for the way you handled the holy relics, you would have been suspected of heresy.”

Once I realized that tears, tantrums, pleas, and begging wouldn’t work, I had no choice but to change.

The process of selecting Inquisition Judges was long and painful. The children lived together, repeating grueling training, education, and punishment every day. The adults were merciless, and the only words they would listen to were, ‘I give up.’

I couldn’t give up. For me, not becoming an Inquisition Judge meant not being able to consume the Holy Body, which meant death.

“I know everything. How you would sneak out of the dormitory at dawn to look at the moon and cry.”

“…That’s a bit creepy. Were you spying on me like a pervert?”

“Don’t misunderstand. It was at the request of the Cardinal.”

Hearing that didn’t make the discomfort go away. It only grew stronger.

So, you knew all along.

“Whether it’s sincere or fake, your true nature or a mask, it doesn’t matter. Even if it’s shallow acting and deception, it doesn’t matter.”

“You still don’t know your own worth, Anne. If you were really as ordinary and weak as you say, then what about those who fell under your hammer? The children who couldn’t become Inquisition Judges because of you?”

“You should know. What matters isn’t sincerity, but truth. They couldn’t do it, and you did. That’s all that matters.”

Verdo casually threw down his sword. Clang. The sword that fell to the ground was still burning with holy fire. Just like his eyes.

A gaze I’ve received countless times. So familiar it’s nauseating. The admiration that expects, demands, and believes I will act as they think I should. When such fanaticism, akin to that directed at a god, is placed on a human’s shoulders, the pressure is always suffocating.

“Not sincere? Acting? Even better. If that’s the case, how much brighter could you shine if you were sincere? That talent of yours was ultimately bestowed by the Lord, so how can you only rot away without being grateful for such a blessing!”

“No!”

“No? Sinner Anne, are you denying God now?”

I am not God. I cannot be perfect.

I believe in the Lord, but I do not offer everything to Him. Didn’t Ailim say that the greatest gift is free will? Believing and worshiping God starts with distinguishing between God and myself.

If I equate God with myself, if I consider everything I do as part of a grand divine plan—then all that worship is nothing but disgusting self-love and self-loathing. The fanatics who claim to act only according to God’s will. Did Ailim whisper in their heads?

In the end, it’s nothing but blasphemy, fitting their actions to God’s will. Disgusting hypocrites!

“Everything I achieved was through my own efforts. Or, Louis helped me.”

“Abandoning God, choosing heresy…”

“Shut up!”

Bang!

I instinctively threw a punch, surprising even myself. No matter how much of an Inquisition Judge I am, punching metal armor bare-handed shouldn’t leave me unscathed.

But the result was beyond my expectations. My clenched fist was unharmed, and Verdo, who couldn’t react, was sent flying. A clear fist-shaped dent was left in his shining armor.

Have I… gotten stronger? Why?

…No, that’s not important right now.

“It’s not heresy, it’s Louis.”

“What’s the difference? In the end, *cough*, you became a heretic.”

“You don’t treat Heretic Joseph and your proud older brother the same, do you?”

After shutting Verdo’s mouth, I reached out and helped him up. It wasn’t out of newfound pity. Rather, the opposite—I wanted to end this pointless argument quickly.

“You knew I was suffering, that I was struggling? Then why didn’t you help me?”

“I was always watching over you to make sure nothing happened…”

“Something already happened. A long time ago. It’s too late to turn back now.”

I can’t be a hero. I won’t be.

I firmly declared to Verdo, who still couldn’t let go of his expectations, and to François, who must have fueled those expectations. What I desire is not a path filled with glory and pain, leading all things to light. I don’t fight to save everyone—I fight to save just one person.

“I… believed that ‘you all’ would become my family.”

Living with a nanny I couldn’t call mother, then finding solace in a small village, only to have that taken away and dragged to the Inquisition Temple.

I was sad, but with a child’s heart, I held onto a bit of hope. Even though I was told I couldn’t go back, I vaguely believed there would be a way.

And maybe, just maybe, the father who came for me would stay by my side. Seeing how the father called everyone in the Order his brothers, I thought maybe my lonely life would finally be filled with so much family.

But those childish thoughts were brutally crushed. Father, François, was already a Cardinal back then. He was always busy, and the ‘brothers’ of the Order were just empty titles. The times I reached out to those I thought were family, only to return hurt.

You were watching over me? Protecting me in secret so nothing would happen?

You should have asked if I was okay, come and hugged me, patted my shoulder. Just because my body wasn’t hurt doesn’t mean I was fine. My heart was already torn to shreds back then.

A child who grew up without family, without a mother, now had no father, no brother.

“And now, I expect nothing from you.”

“So, don’t expect anything from me either. I won’t grant it anyway.”

The god who hears prayers doesn’t grant wishes, and the demon who grants wishes doesn’t hear prayers.

I am human. I can’t hear someone’s prayers or grant their wishes. I can’t even fulfill my own desires.

“Verdo. Do what you have to do. Don’t try to persuade me.”

Clink. The handcuffs snap around my wrist.

There were no other guards besides Verdo. Everyone knew that if I decided to run, there was no stopping me. These handcuffs were only meant to buy time, not to fully restrain me.

Verdo is a messenger of the Inquisition Temple, but before that, he is François’ messenger. What kind of plan was my father drawing up? If I had answered that I would become a hero…

Perhaps he would have mobilized all his political power to save me in some way. With all sorts of prices and shackles attached. To make me a perfect, shining hero. If I exterminated more heretics, my charges would naturally be lifted.

A life practicing light and justice as if I were the incarnation of Ailim. I would suffer, but I could have saved countless people.

Except for the one person I truly wanted to save.

“Not as the Cardinal’s puppet, but as the Inquisition Temple’s puppet.”

But that was a path not taken. A future François envisioned, one with slim chances of realization.

The path I walk is drawn by the elders of the Inquisition Temple, the collective will of the Order. At high noon, under Ailim’s watch, a fair and just judgment will be passed, sentencing me to death.

Led by Verdo’s hand, I walk. Out of the Reformatory, towards the hearing chamber.