Chapter 60

I couldn’t complain about the plan going wrong.

I had to be satisfied with the fact that Erica had achieved quite a lot of growth.

At this moment, her hostility towards me also fell into the same category.

Blood gushed from my mouth, which I had unconsciously clenched shut.

This much was nothing.

It had become something I naturally accepted beyond familiarity.

“Why are you doing this?”

I took a breath.

My palm pressed against the rough surface of the ground groaned in response.

“There’s no need to do something like this.”

“I wish you wouldn’t say such strange things.”

I chuckled softly as I looked at Erica, who was still pointing a sword at me.

“My role was originally something like this.”

I couldn’t even see a wall to lean against. A hunter in one corner appeared to be unconscious, even though he was leaning against the wall.

I was barely sitting in the center of this chaotic place.

“You just have to think about killing me.”

I desperately hoped her rationality was still intact as I slightly opened my eyes.

The trembling blade was the first thing I saw. Then the hand gripping it. The arm.

“I can’t understand.”

“You don’t need to understand.”

“Why do you arbitrarily decide that?”

“Is that a problem?”

Are you expecting kindness and warmth?

But that couldn’t happen.

Just like the relationship between her and me, it approached me in a dual manner.

It was a repulsion yet sweet drug-like thing. I hated that.

“If you thought I would laugh foolishly and bend to you, you were mistaken.”

“………”

In a moment of silence, after a while,

When the voice was heard again,

It felt like quite a bit of emotion was infused.

“Oh, right. Yes, you’ve always been like that. From our first meeting until now, continuously.”

“Thanks for remembering.”

“You keep saying incomprehensible things, treating me well, and then treating me recklessly.”

I couldn’t raise my head due to exhaustion.

Just like that, I was still curled up, aware that I was being watched.

It suited my subject well.

“If I want to know that, I’ll have no choice but to use force.”

Is this the stage of getting to know me?

Suddenly, I wanted to ask that.

In reality, it was likely to be so.

No, perhaps the expression that an association ranker gets to know a wanted awakened one could belong to quite a normal category.

“No matter how much you are, I know you feel pain. You frowned every time wounds were etched onto your body.”

Though the exposed body dulled the senses to many things, the sickly parts couldn’t overcome even the pain.

Shouldn’t I be happy? Because traces of my time as a human still remain.

“So what will you do?”

“If you keep avoiding me like that, I’ll have no choice but to pick up the sword again.”

Was there really a need to tremble while saying those words? It was a fact that spoke for itself.

“Well, first I’ll cut off your arm. After that, I’ll slice open your chest. Blood will flow out. It’ll hurt. You’ll beg me to stop because it’ll be too painful.”

“I have no idea when your tendencies have become so extreme.”

“Do you think I’m joking right now? Listen properly, please.”

Why is this happening?

Why is this happening?

I was desperate. But Erica seemed even more desperate.

“So, tell me. Why are you doing this? Why do you keep insisting on killing me? Why do you distance yourself, even though you treat me kindly? Everything.”

She was pure. So very pure. I felt so uneasy about her not knowing me.

Seeing me still bleeding made her feel pity. The many scars I had hidden in my exposed flesh were too horrific. My gaze, as if it had lost its color, was frightening.

Thinking back, there could be all kinds of reasons.

Looking back, there had never been a peaceful time. The relationship between her and me was like that. It was miserable.

“Don’t you hear me? I’m going to stab you! I really will!”

“It would hurt.”

“Orly!!”

I was grabbed by the collar. My head was forced to lift.

“If you don’t speak, I’ll really get mad…”

Anxiety. Worry. Confusion.

Her white eyes had somehow been tainted with a dark color. Even her always visible brilliant blonde hair had now drooped.

If I remained silent like this, and let it pass. Continuing to be sad would mean…

“I am trash.”

I stated the obvious. I recited the phrase she had said to me countless times.

“I’m a crazy woman. I’m smiling while doing this.”

I chuckled slightly. I was so pleased that I could close the distance with Erica in this situation.

If I tell her everything, would she understand?

Even if she said she understood, could she do something?

The fact that since becoming this character, my ego was gradually being consumed, and that I felt my future life would be precarious.

If I cried and spewed it all out, would that fall within the range she could accept?

I didn’t think so.

She would struggle even more.

“So it’s natural. Me being harshly treated by you is. Because I’m a bad person.”

“No.”

A trembling voice overlapped. What if she cried better than me?

“You are not that kind of person.”

I could see her lips quivering.

“Then what am I?”

Silence fell. The overlapping breaths dwindled.

“I believe you will tell me someday.”

I smiled faintly.

With trembling pupils, Erica looked at me. When the conversation paused for a moment, she released my collar and turned her head away.

“I… will wait.”

“I don’t want to.”

Her resentful gaze flew toward me.

Seeing her approach the hunters who seemed to have regained their strength, I clutched my gaping abdomen.

The wound started to widen severely. The pain that felt like I was being ripped apart could not become familiar. All the scars and crimson blood flowed over me like filth.

Urgently, I began to wipe away the dripping blood by pulling at the hem of my clothes. It wasn’t enough. Perhaps that was why it hurt. Because it was lacking. Feeling intensely lacking.

With this trashy body, I couldn’t even staunch the bleeding. Watching the wounds grow larger as if to say I couldn’t manage alone, I felt self-pity.

My vision blurred. Am I crying? Tears. Bloody tears. Even the color isn’t transparent. Existing in such a state of constant deficiency.

With a mind clouded like fog, I looked around. Three hunters were collapsed. Five corpses were visible afar. And several decaying monster and animal bodies.

I must have killed someone again. In the moments when I couldn’t gather my senses. No, that had never happened. I was aware of swinging the sword toward someone or something. I had merely avoided it. Because if I turn my eyes away from the corpse, I could forget for that moment.

Ugh.

A filthy, dark. I vomited. It was dirty. It was disgustingly filthy. Terrible.

Why not just admit it? Just accept all of this as a part of daily life. Would it get a little better that way?

Even as I chewed on the words tinged with resignation, nothing changed. My mood just plummeted further.

When I turned my gaze to the sound of voices, I saw Erica conversing with the hunters, appearing to be in her senses.

For me, who held no value in living, self-hatred was a companion that trailed me everywhere. It was the same when my intertwined ego was devoured, and I abandoned myself.

That became an obscure driving force for my resolution to be murdered by her. In this world, no longer able to desire anything and endlessly falling, she was my target and love.

When I regained my senses, I found myself passionately shouting something. But nothing had changed. The tone and emotion of the words I usually voiced remained unchanged.

“Y-y-you’re amazing! Erica! You’ve saved someone again…”

I would only scream in a hurry, as always. Reassuring myself that everything was fine while acting out the emotion.

“Unlike me who slices people with a sword… you are…!”

Differently. Loftily.

The more I praised her, whom I admired, the more I fell into an abyss. That was the only struggle I could manage.

Perhaps the sounds spilling from my lips were not human cries. Maybe I could no longer mimic a human voice.

I felt like my vision was blocking and my ears were stuffed. I shouldn’t think. The more I think, the more I shout something, my decaying body only convulses.

My breaths were rough. The ringing in my ears endlessly pulsed.

“You’re amazing! Cool! This… is pretty! Really…! Hik. Hiek. Hup.”

I felt something warm. At the sudden touch, my whole body groaned.

I could no longer speak. Because my face was buried in the uniform. I felt the stiff buttons.

My cool back, wrapped by two arms, found itself unable to resist.

I was trapped. I had come to depend on her.

I quietly closed my eyes. Because I knew that if I rebelled here, I would be punished even more.

The feeling seeping into my hair felt stronger in the now quiet surroundings. This is too much. It’s unfair.

I enjoyed the touch. I relished the warmth. I could only act like a baby with my two hands and feet tied in the presence of her, who had one hand on my back and one on top of my head.

“If you resist, I’ll get mad.”

I knew all too well that I wasn’t even allowed to nod. I lay still like a slave, entrusting my body to her.

It’s really strange.

I only showed my excited self as usual. Why am I being embraced?