Chapter 59

“It’s not a disease or a curse, just a natural weakness. Even medicine becomes poison, so only the Holy Body can completely heal Anne.”

059

Following the Sun (Part 2)

Like a puppet tied to strings, my limbs move on their own. The way I walk is awkward and eerie, not quite human. My hollow gaze takes in the scenery beyond the bars. To a heretic, it would just look like an endless, distant horizon. But I am an Inquisition Judge.

I know every path beyond there. Every corridor and room in the Reformatory, the exits leading outside, the storage where the sacred tools and armor are kept. Every opportunity and possibility I could seize if I just got up and reached for them.

It’s not hard. Just reach out and grab it.

I’m no longer a child, and I can’t rely on others to walk for me. I have to do it with my own strength, my own will.

“Ah!”

The moment my foot crosses the silver bars, a sharp electric current runs through my body, and I let out an involuntary, sharp gasp.

It’s not that painful. As an Inquisition Judge, I’ve been cut, slashed, torn, and dismembered—my pain threshold is ridiculously high. Even by normal standards, this is nothing. Just a momentary twitch.

A weak stimulus, too feeble to stop the snowball that’s already started rolling.

“Can I… see Louis again?”

=Yes.=

The voice was sweet, and the whispered reality was ideal. No basis, but more than anything, it gave me confidence.

=Not just meet again? We’ll be together forever, and you can do everything you want.=

“But…”

Yet, even as the sacred barrier sizzles and burns, I stop again. This level of pain is nothing to me.

What holds me back is something else.

“If I leave like this, what about François, or the people of the Religious Order…?”

=Is that more important than Louis?=

The voice sharply scolds.

I instinctively shrink back. Unfazed by my reaction, the voice, which had been so gentle just moments ago, now pours out sharp, cutting words as if stabbing me with a knife.

=Is your father, who abandoned you and never came to see you as a child, more precious than your love? Is the Religious Order, which trapped you and constantly tested you, more important than your love?=

“…That’s not it.”

My voice trembles but is filled with conviction.

The priorities in my heart have never changed. I’ve been an enthusiastic Inquisition Judge, and I’ve had a sense of mission. That, too, was my genuine truth.

But even if I combine all that with my faith in Ailim, it still doesn’t surpass my love for Louis. What started as a means to survive. Isn’t this level of devotion enough to repay my life?

=Was it all a lie? The wish to see him again, was it all a lie?=

Rage storms through my mind like a tempest. An unfamiliar, artificial emotion violently shakes my feelings, gripping my collar and pulling me somewhere.

Normally, I could have easily shaken it off. But now, I’m too exhausted and broken. Ailim granted me a superhuman body with the Holy Body, but even my spirit hasn’t truly reached transcendence.

Inside my heart, frozen like an iceberg, a little girl from my childhood remains frozen, her eyes closed, never having grown up.

“No, no…! Ah, no…!”

=Then move forward!=

The voice, now indistinguishable from my own, screams.

=You already lost him once! You couldn’t save him! You know why Louis ended up like that, don’t you?=

“Because I… wasn’t there…”

=Are you going to repeat the same mistake? Louis became a heretic? So what? Even now, Louis might be writhing in pain and sorrow, waiting for you!=

It’s all my fault.

My head spins with irrational thoughts. If I hadn’t left, that kind and gentle child wouldn’t have been ruined because of me.

=While you hesitate!=

Even after becoming an Inquisition Judge, I rarely had the chance to go to Yefrinse. Duty, responsibility, and mission became shackles, holding me back, always confined within the Inquisition Temple, only stepping outside for trials.

So, until the trial for Yefrinse began, I never returned to my hometown, even as a full-fledged Inquisition Judge.

I knew. It was all just excuses. I was scared.

What if you had changed? What if you forgot about me and were living happily with someone much prettier than me… What would I do?

=If you’re late again, and can’t save Louis…=

And if you kept your promise, and even as an adult, you were still waiting for me…

Perhaps I would have crumbled even more than if you had forgotten me and built a happy family. You gave me everything, and all I did was hold you back.

In the end, even if I managed to find time to return to my hometown, my life was already bound to the Inquisition Temple. In the end, I had to return as Ailim’s daughter. Leaving you behind. Leaving you, who waited for me.

Longing was familiar. I learned to endure. But if I were to see you again, if we were to be happy again, the dam of restraint I had built would crumble.

Countless excuses, reasons, lies. In the end, I couldn’t return to my hometown until fate forced our faces to meet.

My indecisiveness led to this outcome. If we were happy, I wouldn’t be able to restrain myself, I didn’t want to show you my bloodstained self, and if you had forgotten me, I couldn’t bear to face that reality.

“…I’ll never forgive myself.”

The heretic Louis, in the end, couldn’t kill me and turned away. I thought it was a delusion, but now I’m sure.

In those eyes, I saw not Louis, but ‘Louis’s’ familiar emotions.

My heart is set. Finally, I take a step beyond the silver bars. Despite all the worries and resolutions, escaping the Reformatory is surprisingly easy and light. The pain that gnaws at my soul gradually subsides.

I’ll save Louis. Once I made up my mind, the plan came easily. First, find the sacred tools and armor, escape the Reformatory, and go to where you are…

It’s not about falling or apostasy. It’s just, you know, it’s wrong to separate lovers. My place isn’t in this cage, but by your side.

=That’s right, exactly!=

The voice sharing my heart rejoices and cheers along.

=Let’s get out of this disgusting place first! Once we’re out, with your strength, we can go anywhere! With me, you can do anything!=

“Really?”

=Of course! From now on, let’s only think happy thoughts! What we’ll do when we go out. Meeting Louis is a given, and there’s so much we want to do together, right?=

“Happy thoughts?”

=Like the ones you wrote in your letters.=

Letters.

My footsteps pause, but only for a moment. As if it never happened, my body starts moving again.

Even the voice doesn’t seem to notice the brief anomaly.

=Let’s find a place to make new memories, feed each other delicious food we made ourselves. Truly romantic…=

“Ah, letters.”

I smile softly, reminiscing about faded memories.

“Do you know why we started writing letters in the first place?”

=Uh, what?=

For the first time, I’m not answering the voice but speaking to it. Clearly recognizing its existence as separate from me.

If it were me, of course, I wouldn’t have forgotten, so there’s no need to ask again. There’s no reason to be flustered.

“Later, even my aunt gave up, but when Louis and I first met, she wouldn’t let us play together. She treated me like fragile porcelain, truly cherishing me…”

No answer comes to my lamenting words. Unfazed, I keep walking. I’ve long since left the room I was confined in.

The endless paths that look like horizons, the maze where space constantly twists and shifts, can’t block the path of an Inquisition Judge who knows all its rules. I walk straight toward my destination.

“But we had so much to say. So we secretly sent letters. Secretly… though since I couldn’t leave my room, I had to send them through my aunt.”

“My aunt would always read the letters to make sure there was nothing strange in them. No matter how much we complained or threw tantrums. She said it was her job.”

“So…”

The secret words we exchanged where adults couldn’t see. Did the nanny never notice? Or did she pretend not to know?

I’ll never know the answer. Even after I left, for some reason, the nanny stayed in Yefrinse. And everyone who lived in Yefrinse, except for me and Louis, is already…

“We also played pranks in the letters. So only we could understand them.”

What kind of grand, innovative ideas could children come up with? It was a primitive, one-dimensional code. Thinking about it now, it’s laughably cute. Not even a crossword, just a simple word puzzle.

“Louis, you really haven’t changed.”

You believed I would understand and hid your final request in the letter.

So I laughed. Not because I was happy, but because I knew exactly how desperate you were when you wrote that, and I couldn’t cry. I forced a smile, imitating my father.

=Wait. That’s not the exit!=

I no longer answer the voice from my heart. My steps quicken. Before I know it, I’m running. Not at the speed of an Inquisition Judge, but at the speed of an ordinary girl.

Soon, I’m out of breath, panting. Was this place always so vast? In this unfamiliar space, I find my way to the destination. Not the exit of the Reformatory, but a more secluded place.

Feeling the wall, I hear a click. A small door opens.

“Yes. After thinking about it, it hasn’t changed. Louis is still the most important to me.”

=What are you trying to do…?=

Inside the small storage, there are familiar items. Not the tools I seek for strength. Rather, they’re modest compared to those.

Moving aside the bags of white rice prepared for cooking, there’s a long stick in the corner. I pull out a bowl from the bottom as usual, but this time, I grab several sticks instead of just one.

Without needing to do anything special, the candles light themselves as they catch the light from outside.

“And Louis would feel the same.”

You would also think I’m the most important in the world.

If you fell in love with someone else, even as I crumbled, I would still cheer for you and wish you happiness. Similarly, you wouldn’t want me to abandon everything and cling to you because of you.

So.

“I’ll save Louis.”

My resolve hasn’t changed.

“With my own hands.”

Not by the temptation of a sinister, suspicious voice, not by borrowing the power of some supernatural, surreal being.

With my own strength, my own tears, my own efforts. This is our story, and I won’t allow any uninvited guests.

“So…!”

The flames of the holy candles fill the tray, swaying densely. The melted wax already pools thickly at the bottom. Originally meant to hold one. At this rate, it will overflow soon.

Burning, wounding, leaving deep scars. But no pain compares to losing you.

I throw the tray into the air. Despite the violent motion, the flames don’t waver, only swaying to their own rhythm. The divine flames, born from God’s power, don’t flicker in the wind, don’t extinguish in water, and still shine even when covered in dirt.

Only time can extinguish the holy flames. In the rain of fire and wax, I laugh madly, feeling the flames and pain wash over my soul.

“Disappear, demon!”