[56th Chapter]
Yubin and I spent another intense night together before preparing for work again. We headed to our respective part-time jobs. Yubin thinks I’m going to do something job-related.
After noon, when I arrive at the cafe, Yura always greets me from the kitchen.
“Ah, good morning.”
“It’s not morning anymore.”
I lightly responded and went to change into my uniform. She followed me into the storeroom, still holding onto her task.
The events that followed were no different from usual. Yura silently pressed against me, pulled me by the waist, and leaned in to kiss me.
It felt like the kisses had become more intense since I kissed her last time. Knowing I couldn’t escape even if I struggled, I didn’t try from the start. We intertwined our tongues and shared a slightly inappropriate kiss in the storeroom.
“Did you eat strawberries?”
While kissing, I could sense strawberry flavor in her mouth. As soon as I pulled away to ask about its source, she nodded.
“I ate a few bad ones while sorting fruit this morning.”
“Were there many customers?”
“About the same as usual.”
We casually continued our usual morning conversation as I undressed in front of her and changed into my uniform. The thought that someone might come to the storeroom while I was changing made me realize that being alone with her there was potentially riskier, but I didn’t voice this concern.
“How’s HunterKiller doing?”
It feels natural now to ask her about HunterKiller. Yura usually initiates conversations about HunterKiller first, and she diligently responds to my attempts to gauge the atmosphere, making it less awkward for me to bring up the topic.
“These days are chaotic. It’s raining, so there are no battles, and everyone on the team has various issues.”
This is certainly the story I know best. The team members mentioned are likely Green and Hayang, though I can’t be sure if Yellow’s story is included.
Excluding Yellow, the stories of the other two people are probably the ones I know best.
Stories about their personal lives.
“Why? Did they fight?”
Actually, the hardest part is pretending I don’t know when asking about things I already know. I’m always wary that Yura might mention something I haven’t been told yet.
Especially since Yura is the only one who can discuss internal matters of HunterKiller with me, I’ve been extra cautious.
“No, we like each other more than before. But Green and Blue…”
She paused, realizing it would be difficult to detail every team member’s personal life and disrespectful to the parties involved.
“If it’s serious, you don’t have to tell me.”
I already know these things, and I don’t need to push her to share them. Besides, pushing wouldn’t make her easily reveal others’ stories.
“Then should I talk about something else?”
I perked up at the mention of “something else.” Could it be an internal matter I wasn’t aware of? Something related to HunterKiller’s strength or reportable matters? I held out hope.
“Our team members. Recently, everyone seems to have a boyfriend.”
My hope quickly faded. This was the conversation I was most uncomfortable having.
When Yura said, “Red seems to have a boyfriend,” I felt my heart sink. Especially because that boyfriend was me.
And then, to hear that team members have boyfriends…
Suddenly, I realized that if we exclude Yubin and Yura, the stories about Green and Hayang’s boyfriends might not be about me after all. I felt embarrassed, as if I had drunk a cup of kimchi soup alone, my face flushing.
I felt ashamed for assuming that any man helping them must be me.
“Do you have a boyfriend?”
Though we kiss every time we meet, Yura and I haven’t explicitly defined our relationship as a couple. So, I asked if she had a boyfriend, and her expression turned cold. She looked at me angrily.
“Why, why?”
Her expression showed anger, frustration, and other emotions. I stuttered in fear.
“Enough.”
She left for the kitchen with a clearly upset tone, leaving me alone in the storeroom, feeling foolish. I scratched my head, realizing my mistake.
“We slept together. I was too short-sighted.”
Yura and I spent a hot night together, and ever since, we’ve kissed every time we meet. Yura must have been maintaining those feelings, but I hadn’t considered that deeply. I felt I needed to apologize and went to the kitchen.
Before I left for work, Yura resumed washing dishes she had been holding onto, not looking at me as I came out of the storeroom.
“Yura?”
She didn’t respond. I’m sure she heard me.
She has reason to be upset. Though I didn’t officially declare myself as her boyfriend, I’m the closest thing to one.
I can’t say for sure if Green and Hayang’s stories are about me, but if Yura brings up a boyfriend, it’s almost certainly about me. And here I am, asking if she has a boyfriend after initiating a kiss last week. How did I make such a careless mistake?
“Yura?”
I approached her again, but her sullen face remained silent as she washed cups and plates, showing no interest in me.
How can I calm her down? Should I kiss her first?
No. That’s what I should do when she’s happy, not now.
“Ms. Yuyura?”
“Don’t talk to me.”
When I called her name and stood close to her, her cold response made me feel a chill down my spine. I realized again how unpredictable and difficult women’s anger can be.
Knowing any word I say now would backfire, I silently helped her wash dishes.
Just minutes ago, we were hugging and kissing, and now this tension. I once made a mistake by not contacting Yubin while staying out overnight. This direct mistake felt worse.
My words implied a lack of consideration for Yura and a disregard for our relationship.
I’ve never been indifferent to Yura or neglected her. While she was a source of information about HunterKiller, I now treat her as a colleague, friend, and close romantic partner. My feelings towards her have become much more positive.
One hour, two hours. I thought I’d find a chance to apologize, but Yura kept her focus on work, and I couldn’t find the right moment to speak.
Finally, we took a break. Yura opened the kitchen door and walked out to the back of the cafe. I hesitated whether to follow her when the manager poked his head into the kitchen.
“Did you two fight?”
“What? No. I made a mistake.”
He looked at me with a sympathetic gaze, though I couldn’t tell if he was looking at me or Yura. Regardless, he shook his head at me.
“I don’t know what happened, but go apologize quickly. That’s why I gave you a break.”
I could feel the gazes of several staff members at the counter directed at me. Our mood must have been off, noticeable even outside.
“Sorry. I’ll take a quick break.”
Deciding to go apologize to Yura during the break, I opened the back door and stepped out.
Yura wasn’t visible in the open area behind the cafe, despite the rain. I searched around for her.
Behind the cafe, there was a canopy where the manager’s car was parked. I noticed movement behind it and quietly approached.
Yura was crouching there, her eyes wet and blue.
“Why did you come?”
I couldn’t answer and sat silently beside her.
As I sat next to her, Yura moved a bit away, and I moved closer again.
“Don’t come over.”
Her voice had a hint of sadness. I stared at her, and she looked at me, then averted her eyes.
“I’m sorry. I brought up a strange topic.”
“What topic?”
“The… the question about whether you have a boyfriend.”
“Why does that matter?”
“I’m sorry.”
Yura’s gaze returned to me. Her eyes still showed anger.
Looking into her eyes, I realized her emotion was not anger, but extreme disappointment.
I’m not particularly good at expressing myself. Thus, I couldn’t say something like “I’m your boyfriend.” It feels awkward, doesn’t it? I can’t bear the awkwardness when saying such things.
But now, I need to think of Yura, not myself. Even if I can’t do everything, I need to sincerely apologize to her.
“Okay. I’ll let you date another guy if that’s what you want.”
I knew her angry tone wasn’t genuine, but her words weren’t entirely false.
If Yura dates another guy, even just hearing about it makes me uncomfortable.
I couldn’t pinpoint which emotion between us led to this thought, but I definitely felt uncomfortable knowing Yura would date someone else.
I grabbed her hand, startling her.
“Meet what?”
“Uh, uh?”
Even though Yura was hurt and angry, her surprised reaction when she heard my mixed emotions in my voice made her look at me with wide eyes.
“Are you really going to date another guy?”
“…”
She was silent, and her lower lip trembled.
I knew her defiant attitude was insincere, and she didn’t mean what she said.
But my mistake was clear, and since she didn’t overlook it, neither could I overlook her words.
“Are you going to meet him?”
“No, no. I won’t meet anyone.”
With a determined look and voice, Yura canceled her previous statement.
A brief silence followed. Her hand was warm, and she didn’t pull away from mine.
“I’m sorry.”
There’s no shortcut to apologizing. Until her mood improves, my job is to keep saying sorry, even if it feels tiring.
“…I was hurt.”
Yura finally spoke.
“I thought about other people. I didn’t even consider anyone else.”
This was a moment when I truly understood Yura’s perception of me.
“I was looking forward to drinking together this week, but it feels like I’m the only one thinking about A.”
None of the four human emotions—joy, sorrow, love, and anger—are one-sided. Joy multiplies when shared, and sorrow halves.
Yura reacts to my words and shares her feelings with me, which prompts me to think about her and talk to her. I failed to consider this momentarily, hurting Yura.
One thought I had while Yura was angry was about the drinking arrangement we made last week. I imagined she was eagerly waiting for a whole week to enjoy drinks with me. I feared this arrangement might not happen if things continued as they were.
It wasn’t just about drinking. I didn’t want to ruin the moment she was looking forward to all week.
“Then A…”
My voice trembled. Seeing Yura’s cheerful personality often makes me forget that she has no one else to rely on now.
This isn’t just self-consciousness. Right now, Yura has no one else to lean on, and I am fulfilling that role, so I’m certain.
…I understood why I felt displeased when Yura said she would meet another man.
I offered her a place to lean on, and she freely relied on me. The thought of someone taking that place made me feel enraged instantly.
I know my desire is excessive. Yura is not my possession, and she’s not exclusively mine. Yet, as a human, I inevitably have desires.
That day, behind the cafe, I never wanted to feel the same emotion Yura felt again. I silently hugged her, comforting her, and she leaned on me.
“I’m sorry. I won’t bring it up again. Let’s drink together after work.”
“…Okay.”
As I stroked her head, I noticed something bothering me.
“…You won’t meet anyone else, right?”
Yura, whose face was buried in my chest, looked up in surprise.
“I won’t! Absolutely not! I don’t know any other men and don’t care about them!”
Was she worried that I believed her words seriously? To deny her sad feelings, she hastily spoke and kissed me.
“Mmm, hmm.”
Our tongues entwined, and the sound of our breaths mingled with the falling rain.
