Chapter 51

Today was the day I was scheduled to visit the Health Room.

Since it’s free medical care and I’m being taken care of in many ways, I decided to be diligent about it, if only to see the Health Teacher.

At first, it felt like a hassle, but considering I could legally skip the first and second periods, it didn’t seem so bad.

The Health Teacher finished checking me with magic and nodded.

“Fortunately, it hasn’t gotten seriously worse.

Still, you need to take your medicine regularly.

There’s only so much I can do to accommodate a patient who insists on not being hospitalized, at least until I can maintain some balance.”

As I quietly listened to her, something I had forgotten came to mind.

It was quite a shocking fact at the time, but after Ariana died, it got buried under stronger memories.

The teacher paused for a moment and brought her teacup to her lips.

Seizing the break in conversation, I casually asked,

“By the way, I’m curious about something.”

“What is it?”

“Am I terminally ill?”

“Pfft.”

The teacher spat out her tea.

Thanks to her turning her head, my face didn’t get wet.

Should I say thank you?

After coughing a few times, the teacher wiped her face with a handkerchief and looked back at me.

There was a faint trace of panic in her eyes.

“Where did that come from?”

“The Magic Studies Professor said something like that before he died.

That I’d only live for three years anyway.

Something about the meaning of draining my life force or whatever.”

“Albe… that guy’s no help even in the end….”

Her eyes grew distant, as if recalling someone long gone.

“If I told you it’s nonsense and not to worry, would you believe me?”

“I’d have no choice but to believe you.

I’m not eloquent, knowledgeable, or strong.

If an expert like you says so, how could I possibly doubt it?”

“That really stings my conscience….”

The teacher let out a deep sigh.

Her expression quickly returned to normal.

She was back to being the calm, almost cold Health Teacher she always was.

“That’s right.”

“I see.”

“But it’s not three years.

I’m sticking to you with life-extending treatments.

You’ll live at least five years.”

“Is that so.”

I nodded.

The situation was better than I expected, so I had nothing more to add.

“I won’t ask why you hid it.”

“…You could interrogate me and get angry.”

Why bother?

The Health Teacher was pretending to be calm, but if you looked closely, she seemed very uncomfortable.

Maybe she thought she’d been caught in a serious lie.

It’s not like it’s a big deal.

The reason she lied was probably to spare my feelings anyway.

It’s not like she gains anything by hiding that I’m terminally ill.

“I don’t need to ask. It’s obvious you were looking out for me.

You didn’t want to tell an already unfortunate kid that their lifespan is limited.”

“…….”

“Or maybe you were worried that if you told a kid who’s already looking for a knife after being hospitalized, they might just kill themselves.”

“…Are you secretly a psychology expert?”

I chuckled.

I must’ve hit the nail on the head unintentionally.

Not sure if that’s a good thing.

“It’s obvious.

And it’s not wrong.

If I’d heard that back then, I probably wouldn’t have stopped at self-harm.

You did the right thing.”

I probably would’ve let go of even the slightest bit of hope left and killed myself.

That might not have been such a bad ending for me, but it wouldn’t have been for the teacher.

The Health Teacher paused for a moment before asking me,

“Are you different now?”

“I am.

I’ve made up my mind properly now.”

“About what?”

“Who knows.”

The Health Teacher narrowed her eyes.

I deliberately gave a vague answer, but it seems she figured it out anyway.

Her gaze was different from the usual way she looks at patients.

It felt like a strong, pleading kind of stare.

After a moment, a light remark slipped from her lips.

“Don’t die.”

The weight behind those words was anything but light.

I responded just as lightly.

“I’ll try.”

Hearing my answer, she scrunched up her face.

Guess it wasn’t the answer she wanted.

After that, there wasn’t much more conversation.

It seems like leaving conversations ambiguously is a characteristic of the Health Teacher.

I actually like that about her.

It feels like I don’t have to worry too much about maintaining the relationship.

It’s oddly comforting to have at least one person I can interact with without overthinking.

It’s comfortable.

That’s probably the best way to describe it.

A baseless belief that she’d help me without a word if I ever tried to die.

I couldn’t quite explain it, but that was enough for me.

After finishing the check-up, I headed back to the classroom.

***

On my way back to the classroom, I ran into Hans.

Maybe he realized I wasn’t going to talk to him anymore, so he passed by without much reaction.

However, the direction he came from bothered me.

It was from our classroom.

I sighed, wondering if he’d left another letter.

When I arrived at the classroom, it was noisier than usual.

Seeing the students’ gazes fixed on the blackboard, I looked that way too.

Written in large white chalk on the blackboard were a few lines:

[Remia, did you tear up all my letters?

I’m sorry for burdening you.

But since you won’t talk to me, I had no choice.

Since it seems you’re not reading my letters either, I’ll write here from now on.

If you feel like accepting my apology, come find me in our classroom.]

“Crazy.”

The words slipped out of my mouth before I could stop them.

At that moment, all eyes turned to me.

The emotions in their gazes varied, but one thing was clear—none of them were friendly.

The memory of how they were just a few months ago flashed through my mind, and I suddenly found it hard to breathe.

I quickly walked out of the classroom, almost like I was running away.

Then, I caught up to Hans, who was walking back to his own classroom, and grabbed the back of his neck.

Pinned against the wall.

Since our reunion here, it was almost the first time he made eye contact with me, and annoyingly, he had a bright expression.

Anger surged through me, and I opened my trembling lips.

“What are you doing?”

“Finally, you’re talking to me.”

“Shut up and answer me. What are you doing?”

“You ignored me when I tried to talk, tore up my letters, so I had to use this method.”

I thought he might do something, but I didn’t expect it to be like this.

Now, this isn’t just between us anymore. It’ll spread through the students, and probably the whole school will notice our strange relationship.

And, like I saw earlier, they’ll curse me. Hans, with his good looks and abilities, is popular at the Academy. They’ll think I’m shamelessly ignoring him when he’s trying to apologize.

What if he starts tormenting me again because of this? Should I just die before the day I promised myself comes? The worst would be if both commoners and nobles start approaching me again, bringing me back to the situation when I first came to the Academy. Just imagining it makes me nauseous and suffocated.

Overthinking? Maybe.

But I’ve seen things I thought were just worries turn into reality dozens of times.

I took a deep breath, glaring at Hans.

“Why? Can’t you figure out that I don’t want to associate with you? Is this your brilliant idea, making sure the whole school, including professors and their families, knows?”

I was out of breath, feeling dizzy. I took another deep breath and spoke again.

“You’ll be fine. It’s me ignoring you. Your reputation will stay intact. I’ll just be the bad one. If I keep ignoring you, I’ll be the rotten one who ruined relationships!”

“Then just don’t ignore me.”

“What…?”

His casual reply left me speechless.

His expression was eerily calm, as if he knew I’d react this way.

He continued in a calm voice.

“I’m not trying to do anything else. I just wanted to apologize and help. I think there’s some misunderstanding, and I wanted to clear it up slowly.”

“Clear up misunderstandings? That only works when there’s at least some relationship left. Do you still think we’re like before?”

Hans gave a bitter smile.

“We were close. No, more than close—we were practically lovers. I just delayed confessing. Is it greedy of me to want even half of what we had before?”

I twisted my lips and replied.

“Yeah, it’s greedy. It was just a mistaken feeling from a naive time. A useless connection tied by parents, status, and interests. It’s meaningless now.”

“…I thought you’d say that. So, I’m going to be a bit more forceful.”

Determination filled Hans’s eyes. A foreboding feeling crept in.

I wanted to tell him to stop immediately, but he spoke first.

“I heard you’re starting a club with Sena. Let me join.”

“No. I don’t want to. Get lost.”

“If you refuse, I’ll keep doing what I’m doing. It might get worse. I might spread rumors about our relationship. Or, maybe… a public confession.”

Just imagining it was horrifying.

Why is he doing this to me? The Hans I remember wasn’t like this.

He was kind and considerate. I fell for his natural, caring attitude. I’ve never seen this reckless side of him.

My voice almost broke as I shouted at him.

“…Are you insane? Why are you like this? You weren’t like this.”

“…I’ve always been like this. You just didn’t know.”

Hans looked bitter for a moment, but it was fleeting.

He quickly returned to his expressionless face and pressed on.

“So, are you going to do it? Or not? Decide quickly. If you refuse, I have a lot to prepare.”

“You crazy bastard…”

I glared at him with blurred vision, biting my lip hard. A metallic taste spread from the tip of my tongue.

This bastard would definitely keep doing crazy things until I gave in. Probably even to Sena. I had no choice.

“Do whatever… You’d have found a way to convince Sena even if I said no.”

“I tried, but Sena was stubborn. She said to get your permission first.”

“You already did that…?”

I stared at him blankly and let out a hollow laugh.

Hans looked slightly surprised, then suddenly bowed his head, watching my reaction.

“Sorry.”

“Shut up and get lost.”

“See you at the club room next week. We have a lot to talk about, just the two of us.”

“Get lost!”

“…Okay.”

Hans slowly left.

I leaned against the wall and slumped down, hugging my knees.

I tried not to cry, but tears came.

I’m so annoyed, it’s driving me crazy.