Chapter 48

In the end, the promise wasn’t kept.

From the next day, my health took a nosedive again, so I ended up being dragged to the hospital by the Health Teacher and had to rest for a few days.

I didn’t even do anything, so why am I in this state again?

Ah, maybe it’s because I cried myself to sleep the night before.

That’s just ridiculous in its own way.

Anyway, it wasn’t until the following week that I could finally go back to school after almost a month.

The moment I stepped into school, I felt these weird stares directed at me.

They weren’t hostile, more like curious or questioning.

Maybe it’s because I’ve been gone for so long, or maybe some strange rumor spread.

I really hope it’s not the latter, but that’s probably wishful thinking.

I remembered running into Zhang in the hallway.

The thought of “what if” and a bad feeling hit me at the same time, and I let out a sigh.

Luckily, no one seemed brave enough to come up and talk to me.

But the stares were still overwhelming, so I practically fled to Sena’s classroom.

She often came to visit me, but this was the first time I went to her.

That’s why even stepping into someone else’s classroom felt like a chore.

If I hadn’t firmly decided to go greet her that night, I wouldn’t have been able to take a single step.

I used to be a somewhat social person in my past life.

Guess social skills really do deteriorate if you don’t use them.

I looked around for Sena.

It didn’t take long to spot her sitting at a desk by the window at the far end of the classroom.

I tried to smile warmly as I approached her.

When I was just a few steps away, she noticed me and looked my way.

“Long time no see, Sena. Just came to say hi, okay?”

Her reaction was dramatic.

Before I could even finish my greeting, Sena, who had been looking dazed, suddenly jumped up and hugged me.

Her arms around my back were tight, as if she’d never let go.

Her body temperature was so warm it was almost hot.

Compared to her usual vague presence, this was way too intense.

Caught off guard by her unexpected reaction, I stammered.

“Uh, Sena? What’s wrong?”

“I was worried…”

Her voice, muffled against my chest, sounded like she was on the verge of tears.

Ah.

She was crying.

That’s why she felt so warm.

…It’s been almost a month since we last saw each other.

If she hadn’t heard anything from me during that time, no wonder she was so anxious.

She’s oddly fixated on me, after all.

It’s almost like she’s projecting someone who’s already dead onto me.

I sighed, realizing how careless I’d been.

I raised my arms and hugged her back, patting her gently.

“I tried to visit every day…

But they said your condition was bad and wouldn’t let me see you… So… now…”

Is that the excuse they gave?

The Health Teacher really went all out, huh?

I guess they had no choice since she might’ve done something extreme if she knew, but it’s still pitiful.

There’s nothing more frustrating than being left in the dark like that.

“Are you better now…?

You’re not going to suddenly die, are you…?”

She pulled away, looking serious, and I couldn’t help but laugh.

I get how she feels, but worrying about me suddenly dying is a bit much.

It’s not like I’m some pufferfish that’ll drop dead if you look at it wrong.

Hmm, or am I?

Actually, I might be kinda similar.

All the embarrassing things I’ve done in front of her flashed through my mind.

I can’t really deny it.

This feels weird.

I forced a smile to hide my complicated feelings and answered.

“Don’t worry. I’m not going to die.”

It’s not a lie since I’m not dying right now.

Though I am scheduled to die eventually.

“I’m not completely better, but I’m much better than before.”

“Is that so…? That’s a relief…”

She let out a deep sigh, placing a hand on her chest, and seemed genuinely relieved.

My heart ached a little.

I felt a bit guilty for lying to someone who’s so emotionally invested in my well-being.

…Wait, it’s not a lie.

I forcefully redirected my thoughts.

I really didn’t want to get depressed in this situation.

I had something to say, after all.

I should start with that.

I slowly opened my mouth.

“…I’m sorry for everything.”

I had to apologize first.

In my relationship with Sena, I was always the aggressor, and she was the victim.

If I didn’t apologize and tried to build something new on top of that, it would’ve collapsed eventually.

“I think I reacted too harshly to the kind things you did for me.

It’s not an excuse, but a lot of bad things happened, and my health wasn’t great, so I guess I became more sensitive.”

“No, it’s my fault. I forced myself on you even though you didn’t want me to.”

Her reply was exactly what I expected.

Of course, you’d say that.

You’ve gotten used to dealing with me, huh? It’s not normal for someone to lash out at kindness.

You’re the one who’s been bending over backward for me.

The one in the wrong is me.

I gave a bitter smile.

“Isn’t it a bit unfair for a normal person to get scolded just because they approached someone abnormal?”

“I’m not normal either, so it’s fine.

I’m probably even more abnormal than you, Princess.”

“It was a joke.

You’re not denying that I’m abnormal, huh?

Guess you’ve always thought that way.”

“…Ah, um. Of course, I was joking too.”

I chuckled softly at the awkward attempt to deflect.

“So, you’re not going to accept my apology?

If that’s the case, I’ll have no choice but to kneel.”

“Huh? You didn’t do anything wrong, so why…?”

I lowered my gaze and politely knelt down.

Sena, flustered, tried to pull me up forcefully.

“I’ll accept it! Please get up!”

“Oh, but we still have the full bow and handstand course left.

How about we drag this out a bit longer?”

“Stop joking and just get up already…

Everyone’s staring at us…”

I didn’t like that.

I quickly got back on my feet.

I could definitely feel the stares from around us.

Doing something I’m not used to drained all the energy from my body.

Still, it was something I had to do.

Even if it was just lip service, if she didn’t accept the apology, that would be the end of it.

“I prepared myself to be hated by the Princess, so I don’t understand why you’re apologizing…”

“…That’s exactly why.”

Even when I tried to push everyone away, she always managed to break through the thorns and stay by my side.

No matter how hard I tried to cut her off, I could never bring myself to hate her—maybe because of this side of her.

Whether she saw someone else in me or not, the important thing was the result: she sacrificed herself.

For me, of all people.

“It’s a bit sudden, but there’s something I want to say that I haven’t been able to until now.”

So, there’s something I need to tell Sena.

It might already be way too late.

I painted a gentle smile on my face.

I took Sena’s left hand and clasped it between both of mine.

“Sena, will you be my friend?”

“…?”

Her mind seemed to have stopped, as she just tilted her head blankly, so I asked again.

“Do you not want to?”

“No!”

Sena covered her mouth with her hand.

Tears were already welling up in her eyes.

“I’m just… so happy…”

So, she’s saying yes.

That’s a relief.

I always thought friendships happen naturally, but since I was the one to draw the line first, I needed to make it clear that it was okay now.

Seeing Sena’s happy expression filled my empty heart with satisfaction, knowing I’d repaid her in some way.

But at the same time, buried beneath that satisfaction, some disgusting feelings surfaced.

I want her to see me die and grieve for me.

To reach that kind of relationship, we’d have to be friends first.

Even if I wrapped it in good intentions, it’s still utterly calculating.

No matter what I go through or what resolutions I make, I can’t change who I am.

What I’m doing now is just selfishness, wanting to live a slightly more peaceful life before I die.

And there’s even a revolting part of me that thinks if I die suddenly without any warning, she’d be more shocked and grieve more.

Disgusting. Sickening. Repulsive. Infuriating. Disillusioning. Hateful.

My head hurt.

I wanted to flip the desk, scream at the top of my lungs, and scratch the chalkboard with my nails.

A wave of depression hit me, making me wonder if I’d gone insane from the contrast with how I felt just moments ago.

So, I laughed.

I smiled prettily and made a joke.

“I’m the one who should be happy. I’m a loner, after all.”

“I know…”

“…Hey, Sena, I noticed you’ve been a bit sharp lately.”

She let out a small laugh while sniffling.

We laughed together.

As long as we looked fine from the outside, that was enough.

My inner self has always been broken, so worrying about it now would be even stranger.

Yeah, this is enough.

Just as I thought that, I felt an intensely unpleasant and emotional gaze from somewhere.

And it was a gaze I couldn’t possibly mistake, one that felt all too familiar.

I slowly turned my head toward the direction of the gaze.

My eyes met the owner’s.

A neatly dressed male uniform.

Short, neatly combed platinum-blond hair and strikingly handsome features that anyone would recognize as good-looking.

A slightly slim build, tall stature, green eyes, and gold-rimmed glasses.

He looked much more mature than the last time I saw him, but I recognized him immediately.

Long time no see, Hans.

I’m glad you seem to be doing well.

He looked utterly shocked, his eyes wide and his mouth slightly open.

What’s with him?

Like he just saw a ghost or something.