I unknowingly became emotional.
Under the influence of rising feelings that surfaced along with the memories of the past, which I must have thrown away, I almost burned everything along with that box.
Just like that day.
Fortunately, Red stopped me, helping me regain my composure, but just thinking about it makes my heart sink.
‘Ha…’
Who would have thought that was an Angel’s song?
I never imagined it.
The reason being, recording was prohibited there, so I thought such a thing wouldn’t exist.
If it were up to me, I would want to destroy that machine that reminds me of useless memories.
But right now, there are many eyes watching.
I suppress the rising impulse to destroy.
Anger burns everything without regard for the surroundings.
If I just let go of everything and allow my anger to take over, it would be easy.
My heart would surely feel a little better too.
But then what?
What remains where the fire has passed is nothing but ashes.
Standing amidst the ruins of everything that has burned would only make me feel miserable.
I want to feel the warm comfort of the home I found after so many years of hardship in this world, and I want to stay a little longer.
I know it’s a big desire for me.
After struggling for decades in this world, a little isn’t too much to ask, right?
‘Yes. It’s okay. It’s all in the past now. There’s no need to remember it; it’s all over.’
I’m not weak like I was back then.
Such a thing will not happen again.
I am no longer the person I was on that day.
I don’t have to shudder at the despair and fear that I felt that day anymore.
I don’t have to give in to anger and disappointment.
Hasn’t everything already burned away, leaving only ashes? There’s no need to rekindle the extinguished embers.
As I take a long breath in and out.
I hear an annoying scratching sound in my ears, so I shifted my gaze.
My brow furrowed slightly.
I stopped my hand, which was moving against my will.
Clenching my fist tightly, I lowered it quietly.
I pulled my collar up to cover my flushed red neck.
The cold wind blew in, cooling my heated head after a long while.
If I took off the mask, the cool breeze would surely blow away the heat and distractions, but I didn’t take it off.
There are people strolling by, and I don’t want to reveal my ugly face hidden behind the mask.
Even if my face is one that lacks emotions, at this moment, it wouldn’t be a good face.
I waited, calming my heart until the two of them came out, and they soon did.
As soon as they appeared, Lena checked my complexion.
Not the bright eyes I saw inside the shop, but sad, teary eyes.
Even while wearing a mask, her worried face showed she sensed something.
“Why did you suddenly go outside? Are you feeling unwell?”
Shaking her head.
“Really?”
Nodding.
“I told you to stay alone for a moment, but it wasn’t really a problem, right?”
Nodding again.
Even though I moved my head in the same manner as usual, Lena kept asking.
Once I showed her with gestures that I was okay, her expression slightly relaxed.
At that moment, Red approached and knelt in front of me.
Red looked at me.
For a moment, it seemed her gaze flickered to my neck, and I unconsciously pulled my collar up even more.
Red placed her hand on my shoulder and, still looking at me with a smile, said.
It was an extremely gentle smile, but somewhere faintly, I could see worry hidden beneath.
“If you’re not feeling well or have any worries, tell me. You don’t have to bear it all by yourself.”
I hesitated for a moment and, after a little push, reluctantly nodded.
Red then stood up again, placed her hand on my head, and gently stroked it.
Pat, pat. Rub, rub.
Pat, pat. Rub, rub.
Excuse me?
This stroking is much more than usual.
Lena also clung to me and stroked my head.
Ugh.
As I continued to indulge them, my head and body became hot.
But it wasn’t the intense heat that burns everything; it was a warm heat that gradually calmed my heart.
From that warmth, my heart felt ticklish.
I strongly pushed their big hand and small hand away.
Ignoring their disappointed sounds, I urged them to hurry back.
On the way back.
Lena asked.
“How was the song Lily played in the store?”
After a brief hesitation, I nodded in affirmation.
“Really? I think so too. I want to sing such a happy song later.”
Looking at Lena’s profile, which showed determination, I gave a wry smile behind the mask.
Lena began to sing the Angel’s song in the car.
The Angel’s song is said to bring happiness to people’s hearts.
The song Lena sang brought me peace.
A song that wraps my heart warmly with the combination of happiness and peace casts dark clouds over my heart.
But I didn’t stop her from singing.
Because that little girl is happy.
*
After returning to the orphanage, I acted as though nothing had happened.
With my usual indifferent face and behavior.
When I checked myself in the mirror, I looked just like I always did.
However, perhaps in that perfect appearance, others felt a sense of discomfort, and their attitude towards me changed significantly.
It didn’t change for the worse. On the contrary.
They became overly friendly.
When not in rehearsal, everyone tries to share warmth to an excessive degree.
“Lily… lie down here… I’m going to read you a fun fairy tale now…”
Bada forcibly made me lie on her lap and read a fairy tale.
“Here, today’s snack is this.”
Rene prepared my favorite snacks after going to the sweet shop.
“Come on, eat a lot again today.”
The troublemakers who used to start a war over who could eat the most delicious snacks now strangely offer their snacks to me.
That’s not all.
“Lily, look over there, the birds are flying beautifully.”
“Lily, the sky is clear; let’s play in the yard.”
“Lily, there’s a curious creature here. Isn’t it cute?”
“Lily.”
“Lily.”
They keep clinging to me, annoying me with one thing and another.
I understand to some extent why they are acting that way, and seeing their hearts, even though it’s annoying, I endured it.
I thought they would stop if I just mingled appropriately, but…
Pat, pat.
Rub, rub.
Fluffy, fluffy.
Rather than stopping, it only intensified to the point where it feels like they want to smother me with fluff.
Aaaaaah!
In the end, unable to hold back, I rolled around the room, questioning the sudden change.
Why is this happening?!
The children looked downcast and each brought up their reasons.
“Because you look unenergetic.”
“Puff. Not sharing your worries.”
“Right. You look the same as usual, but somewhere you don’t seem well.”
“So we thought we’d combine our efforts to cheer you up.”
After hearing their explanations, I let out a small sigh.
I had thought I had perfected my disguise, but it seems I couldn’t fool the kids’ eyes.
Come to think of it, I’ve heard that children are more sensitive to atmospheres than adults.
It turns out to be true.
Suddenly, a feeling of emptiness washed over me, and all the energy drained from my body that had been so tense.
Regardless, I was grateful for their consideration.
But they are being overly dramatic.
I’m not a puppy caught in the rain crying; it’s not like I need to be constantly cleaned, fed, or put to bed.
I’m not that weak.
…No. Am I?
The children don’t know that I’m the Grim Reaper.
My appearance, detached from being a Grim Reaper, is no different from children my age.
If a child looks unenergetic, it’s natural for those around them to worry.
The children are not bad.
They just wanted to uplift my spirits in their own way.
It’s all my fault.
Becoming unexpectedly downcast has made me a burden to them.
I feel pathetic about myself and couldn’t help but smile wryly.
Suddenly recalling the children’s actions, something about it made me laugh unexpectedly.
No sound came out.
But my lips, holding a smile, stretched widely, and my shoulders shook.
To those watching, it would seem like I was laughing.
The children’s eyes widened in surprise.
After laughing for a while, I gestured for the children to come closer.
I placed my hand on the heads of the children who approached and stroked each one in turn.
As if their hair were ruffled by a strong wind.
After playing with their hair, I wore a mischievous smile.
The children seemed to find it amusing and laughed loudly.
I laughed again.
“Are you okay now?”
Nodding.
Towards the children, whose expressions had brightened substantially, I showed a smile that genuinely came from my heart.
The girls blushed, and the boys clasped their hands to their hearts.
In that much brighter atmosphere, we had a stage practice.
Time flowed, and night came.
I lay down on the floor where the blanket was spread out.
The girls gathered around and clung to me instead of lying in their own spots.
Oh no.
I tried to separate them, but their small hands held on tightly, making it impossible to get away.
I let out a small sigh.
I gave up and stared at the dark ceiling.
I smiled wryly at myself.
I am not a child.
I am not a weak child who can’t do anything alone.
Despite my appearance, I am the Grim Reaper who terrifies people.
A Grim Reaper is not a being that needs to be protected.
There’s no need for me to share this warm comfort. It’s far too gentle and warm for me.
Just being in the place where you all are, resting for a moment, is enough.
My momentary moodiness was caused by the lingering echoes in my heart.
Like smoke rising from the ashes, the scent that hadn’t completely disappeared intoxicated me, and that was all it was.
But this won’t last long.
With just a strong wind blowing, the lingering scent would easily disperse into the air and disappear completely.
Then everything will return to how it was originally.
Just like it has been up to now.
“Lara~”
At that moment, a small song was heard next to me.
A warm, gentle, and soft melody enveloped my heart.
Lena was quietly humming a lullaby beside me.
In her kindness, sleep slowly poured in.
As I closed my eyes, my consciousness slowly sank into the dark that had spread.
I walk in that descending darkness.
The ground beneath my feet is submerged in darkness, making it hard to walk, and whispers of many words quickly buzzed in my ears. Though I can’t understand the words, I can feel the emotions that seep through.
Sin does not disappear.
Whether by choice or by chance, the sins that have accumulated little by little only weigh heavily on my heart.
Even though I know I don’t have to care, I am a foolish human who can’t easily shake it off.
And this place is hell where such foolish humans reside.
The place I struggled to reach, as always, is the beginning of everything.
But this time was different.
A faint song heard from somewhere.
That song caused cracks in that terrible place, shattering it and revealing a clear sky.
A garden bathed in warm sunlight.
Underneath the tree that caught my eye, a yellow-haired girl was singing.
I slowly approached and lay down for a moment beneath the tree’s shade.
I quietly closed my eyes, listening to the song the girl sang.
The guilt drifting in my dreams softly melted away, embraced in tranquility, and I fell into a sweet sleep.
