Chapter 47

“Hehehe… I knew it.”

“I’ll follow you anywhere, even to the ends of hell…”

“I don’t want to.”

“…What?”

047

To Each Other (Part 2)

Life at the mansion was undeniably more luxurious than anything I had experienced before. Not just compared to the hellish time spent in the reformatory, but in my entire life up to that point. Living in a small rural village, when would I ever have had the chance to enjoy such wealth?

Every item I used was of such high quality that I felt almost unworthy to touch them. Having three meals a day was astonishing enough, but each meal was more abundant than what I would have eaten in an entire day before.

Losing my leg didn’t even seem like a big issue anymore. Though the sacred staff had been taken away, Anne or other servants would always support me whenever I needed to move.

…Except for the occasional phantom pain, which was unavoidable.

“Ahem.”

I woke up in the middle of the night from the pain. Pale moonlight seeped through the half-open curtains.

The body and mind influence each other. But even though my body had grown healthier, the scars in my heart were still too deep to heal.

My body, accustomed to sleeping on a hard bed, struggled to adjust to the luxurious softness. Even when I managed to fall asleep, I was often tormented by nightmares. Half of them were about the village, and the other half about the reformatory.

The nightmare that had just plagued me was about the latter.

In reality, events become fragmented and are reassembled by the glue of imagination into something bizarre. I dreamt of Anne decorating the walls of the reformatory with blood, saying she wanted to make our new home pretty. When I woke up, Anne was still there in reality.

Though much more subdued.

Perhaps because of the groan I let out when I woke up, or the rustling of the blanket, her half-closed bluish-gray eyes slowly opened.

“Ugh…”

“Did I wake you? Sorry.”

Anne, still half-asleep, squinted at me. When I gently stroked her head, she smiled faintly, closed her eyes, and snuggled closer.

The moonlight touched her exposed white shoulder, breaking into fragments. I carefully covered her with the blanket again, but I remained sitting up, unable to lie back down.

Sleep wouldn’t come. The phantom pain in my missing leg was bearable, but not calm enough to ignore and fall asleep.

Though, to be honest, it wasn’t just that.

“Sigh.”

A sigh naturally blended into the night breeze.

Someone might say, “What are you even worrying about? The painful times are over, so shouldn’t you just enjoy the happiness now?”

Yes, that would be the wise choice. Staying up all night with pointless worries and anguish was always the mark of a fool.

I knew it all too well. That I couldn’t change anything. No matter what choice I made, nothing would change. Clinging to it was just ridiculous.

“I need to get a grip…”

Even though I knew it, I couldn’t escape those thoughts for a long time.

I never had any grand dreams or ambitions. The merchant trade I inherited from my father, whom I never formed any real attachment to, was just a means to survive.

In truth, wasn’t this life of leisure without worrying about meals what I truly wanted? With this body, what else could I even do?

“Louis.”

“Ah, Anne? You were awake?”

At the soft call from beside me, I jolted as if electrocuted. Turning my head, I saw Anne, her drowsy eyes now fully awake, quietly watching me.

Her eyes, bathed in moonlight, glowed faintly in the dark. Feeling like a child caught doing something wrong, I froze. She lightly raised her hand and brushed my cheek with a familiar motion.

As the blanket shifted, revealing her pale skin, I instinctively turned my head, my face flushing. Some things still hadn’t become familiar.

Anne giggled, finding my reaction cute, and then spoke. Her voice, drawn out and sleepy, made me feel drowsy too.

“Your sigh was too long.”

“Ha, haha.”

Even such sweet words still felt awkward.

…I knew it too. That my discomfort with Anne’s words wasn’t just embarrassment, but something more complex and sticky.

Anne knew it too. Her half-teasing tone was her way of trying to bridge the gap between us. Even as she struggled to stay awake, she widened her eyes, and once again, I gave in to her whims.

“Yeah, thanks. Sweetheart.”

“Ah, ahaha! What’s that? It’s so awkward!”

She was the one who asked for it. When I made an exaggerated pout, Anne clung to my back as if to soothe me. The unfiltered touch of her body against mine made my stiff lips relax.

If only I were a simple-minded person who could just indulge in the present. In your gentle, affectionate world, there was me—someone who couldn’t become completely noble nor completely vulgar.

Every time my current desires clashed with past despair, my emotions swung wildly. It wasn’t late puberty. The village elders, who didn’t know much about Laube, would say I was “possessed by the spring spirit.”

“Louis.”

“Yeah…”

“Hehe. I still like this the most. Pet names are romantic, but calling you by your name directly is better.”

“But there must be thousands of people named Louis in the world.”

It’s a common name. Anne slapped my back as if to say, “What are you talking about?”

“But there’s only one ‘my Louis’ in the world, right?”

A simple yet poignant statement.

I turned to face Anne again. The moonlight streaming in had grown dim, and her face, half-melted into the shadows, looked blurred. Only her bluish-gray eyes still sparkled.

For some reason, I felt like crying. In a slightly choked voice, I replied.

“‘My Anne’ is also the only one.”

Nothing in the world could replace you. No matter how hard I tried to distance myself, I always ended up returning to your side.

Just look at me now. Despite all the fuss I made about how hard and painful it was, I’m enjoying all the luxuries. Just having you lying next to me made all the sighs and laments that escaped—and those that stayed stuck in my throat—meaninglessly scatter.

Thinking about it, why did I agree to the engagement back then?

“Louis, do you remember what I said?”

But Anne’s words interrupted my thoughts. I shook off the unremembered past and focused on the present.

“I remember everything. Which part are you talking about?”

“That all of this is for you.”

I remember.

And I remember other things too. That no one would doubt me, or that my freedom wouldn’t be violated. Those things too.

Your whispers were so sweet, but like all temptations, they were mixed with lies.

“Believe me.”

“Lies.”

“…”

Your firm assertion made me laugh awkwardly. It’s hard to deceive someone you’ve known for so long.

“I’ll tell you everything without hiding anything anymore. I want to earn your trust again.”

Words I couldn’t say before, since I was no longer a ‘heretic.’ When reality and religion collide, Anne shared the inevitable struggles of someone straddling both worlds.

“You know this, but those in the religious order can’t marry.”

Saying that, she glanced at me to see if I misunderstood. Finding her expression cute, I smiled, and she continued, reassured.

“Of course, the order knows about your existence, and now about our relationship… but getting it recognized is another matter. Hmm. They might turn a blind eye to having a lover outside the temple, but our relationship won’t be blessed.”

“I’m fine with it. I’m satisfied as it is…”

“I’m not.”

When I tried to brush it off with a half-hearted lie, Anne cut me off firmly.

“I want to be recognized. I want to be congratulated by everyone, to walk hand in hand with you in the light without any shame.”

“…”

“I want to be a proper parent to our child, to be a family that can stay by their side when needed, not one that has to leave. I don’t want our child’s surname to be ‘Aylard.'”

The surname of orphans and illegitimate children.

It was the adults’ logic that Anne, being from a noble family, was ostracized. What did the children know? They only heard Anne’s surname and saw her scolded for calling her aunt ‘mom,’ and judged her accordingly.

“Loving someone isn’t a sin.”

Overwhelmed by her determination, Anne, as if to lighten the mood, giggled and hugged me again. Without thinking, my arms reached out to embrace her.

“But… religious people can’t, right?”

“Inquisition Judges can retire. It won’t be easy, though.”

To my question, Anne explained softly. Unlike other religious figures, Inquisition Judges are combat roles, so the order, which preaches mercy, doesn’t force them to stay on the battlefield forever.

There are two conditions: the years dedicated as an Inquisition Judge, or the achievements made in that role. While it might take decades for Anne to reach retirement age, she shrugged, saying her achievements weren’t far off.

“Five years? Hmm, if heretic activity slows down, maybe ten years… but not more than that.”

It’s not a short time, but it’s not an impossible wait either. We’re still young, and the time we spent apart was just as long. Besides, it’s not like we won’t see each other during that time.

Even now, Anne is by my side. If Anne leaves, the mansion’s servants will still take care of me.

…And while I enjoy all the luxuries in the mansion, Anne, as an Inquisition Judge, will travel the world, fighting inhuman monsters and purging countless places with blood and fire, just as she did in our village.

“It’s not just about retiring. Of course, you shouldn’t dedicate yourself expecting rewards, but those who dedicate themselves deserve proper compensation.”

“What do you mean?”

“Yeah. Louis, you’ll be fully recognized too! Not as a heretic, but as a person!”

Lies, more lies.

I wondered what words she’d use to bind me next. I love Anne, but I couldn’t trust her words. You gave me unwavering trust, but I couldn’t give it back to you after we reunited.

Even to myself. With my current state of mind, I couldn’t be sure of anything.

Whether I was a heretic or not. Whether Anne had truly changed or not. Whether she burned the village to purify heretics or just to sever the engagement and claim me…

I don’t know. My thoughts are empty. I just smiled brightly and nodded like a fool, pretending to believe everything you said. You, nestled in my arms, smiled faintly, a little sadly.

The echoes of your words, cloaked in dark hues, continued to reverberate in my heart.

Loving is a sin.

Even if others don’t know, you loving me is a sin.