Chapter 43

I started walking down the empty hallway.

I didn’t feel the need to hurry.

Was it because I didn’t want to let Ariana go, or because I didn’t want to meet the professor?

I wasn’t sure, but I decided to take my time and look around as I headed there.

Even the familiar path felt fresh after a month, and it was oddly enjoyable to see it again.

Or maybe it was just the difference in people.

The academy I knew was always bustling with people, so the emptiness felt strange.

If asked which I preferred, I’d still say the empty side.

Familiarity and preference are different things, after all.

In that sense, the academy might actually be a decent place.

The academy I was disillusioned with was really about the people, so maybe living here with just one person wouldn’t be so bad.

“That would be nice.”

As I muttered to myself, I ran into a student rushing from the opposite side.

It was a male student whose face I could barely remember.

Was his name Zhang?

I tried to greet him, but he froze like he’d seen a ghost, so I just smiled and walked past.

I could feel his gaze on me until I turned the corner, but I didn’t react.

Seeing this, I guess I’ve changed a lot.

In the past, I wouldn’t have been able to pass by so indifferently.

I needed to become a little numb.

If I kept reacting so intensely to every little change around me, I’d burn out mentally before my body gave out.

For me, that numbness probably came from the drug experience and the two times I was locked up.

I hated it so much while it was happening.

But looking back afterward, it always turned out to be not as bad as I thought. How ironic.

Maybe I’m regretting it.

I’m trying hard to ignore it because if I acknowledge it, I might not be able to handle it, but the strange feeling I have now is definitely close to regret.

Of course, I had no intention of dwelling on it.

What’s the point of regretting now? She won’t hear it anyway.

It’s not like I can undo it.

In that case, it’s better to be a little shameless.

It’s the only way I have left to protect myself.

Not resisting the flow, but going along with it.

Killing my own will and submitting.

Abandoning hope or expectations and always assuming the worst.

Curling up to minimize the wounds in my heart is all I can do.

So, it couldn’t be helped.

It’s not like I wanted to do it.

Please don’t resent me too much.

A strange request, directed at who knows who, kept circling in my head.

***

I stopped my steadily moving legs.

Before I knew it, a familiar door stood in front of me.

It felt like I was returning after a very long time.

And I really was.

After taking a deep breath, I clenched my trembling hand and knocked on the door twice.

“…I’m coming in.”

No answer came, but I couldn’t wait forever, so I turned the doorknob.

The unlocked door opened smoothly without a sound.

The inside seemed even cleaner than when I was here.

As I sighed and looked up, the Magic Studies Professor was sitting on the bed, staring at me intently.

“You came earlier than I thought.

Did Ariana not notice you?”

The professor smiled warmly, like the mouse from yesterday.

It made me feel relieved, but at the same time, there was an inexplicable unease in that expression.

“No. There weren’t any traps or anything.

I don’t know how careless she was being.”

“Ahaha, Ariana has her careless moments.”

The professor got up, gestured, and had me sit on the bed.

Then, they opened a shelf and took out a teapot and some tea leaves.

These weren’t here when I was around. Did the professor buy them out of pocket?

Come to think of it, how did the professor know I’d come and wait in this room?

Why does this room, which should’ve been empty, feel lived-in?

“What kind of tea do you like?”

“…Uh, green tea.”

“I have a good one.

Wait a moment.”

Water droplets formed in midair and flowed into the teapot, which began boiling without any fire.

After letting it steep for a while, the professor poured the tea into a cup and handed it to me.

Then, they pulled up a chair and sat across from me.

“Thank you.”

“Be careful, it’s hot.”

As I sipped, I heard the sound of metal clicking.

I’ve heard it hundreds of times over the past few weeks, so I couldn’t mistake it.

They locked the door without even touching it.

I’m sure I closed the door when I came in, but was there a need to lock it?

And using magic so I wouldn’t notice.

I couldn’t shake the feeling that something was going wrong.

“Now that we’re alone, I have a few questions for you.”

The professor’s words were enough to raise my guard.

No, it wasn’t just raising my guard.

It was a statement that shattered the fragile hope I had built.

“Why didn’t you come to me as soon as you arrived at the academy?

Surely the order Adelian received was to contact the professor and receive the drug.”

“…What?”

The professor was smiling.

Not a forced smile, just a normal one.

Their voice was so gentle that it took me a while to process it.

Once I fully understood, it felt like my mind was collapsing.

I was only given the order to make contact and the location, so I didn’t know who the professor was.

I had all the suspicious professors in mind, so why did I leave you out?

It wasn’t even worth wondering about.

Because I trusted you.

Your promise to save me.

I see.

I was fooled.

My hand holding the teacup trembled.

Seeing my expression, the professor’s smile deepened.

It was still warm, but now the underlying ominousness was clearly visible.

“Huhu, no need to be nervous. Honestly, I fully expected you to betray us. It was such a flawed order, as if begging you to run away.”

Thinking about it, that was true. The conditions were so easy to escape that I thought it was an opportunity right away. In reality, there was never an attempt to subdue me by force.

So, I was in your grasp from the very beginning. I had a feeling it might be like that, but hearing the confirmation made me feel completely drained.

More than fear, I felt utterly powerless.

“You’re quite an important hostage to us, so we needed to properly train you. But contrary to our calculations, you managed to endure life in the organization? If it were the Remia Adelian we investigated, that would have been impossible. It’s as if you’ve become someone else.”

Ah.

Is it because of me?

A small doubt was resolved.

If it were just the princess, she would have surely gone mad by now. If she had just gone mad, she wouldn’t have suffered any more.

The fact that she ended up in the Academy and is going through all this is entirely due to me. The fact that she’s been betrayed multiple times, both physically and mentally, is entirely due to me. The fact that she only realized the truth at the very end and is now cornered is entirely due to me.

I felt like crying.

Why is everything bad because of me?

Why, why?

Why do you keep pushing the idea that I’m the root of all evil?

As I hung my head low and trembled, the professor’s words continued to provoke me.

“So, we established an Academy training plan to protect you as well. Who would have thought the key torture technician would betray us? She was the most trusted child, and I never expected her to deceive even my eyes.”

“Ah…”

As soon as I heard that, my head reflexively lifted. A sigh escaped my lips.

Ariana, you idiot.

If you were protecting me instead of imprisoning me, you should have at least told me that much. There was no reason to hide it, so why didn’t you say anything and let me misunderstand?

Because I dislike you? Or because you thought I wouldn’t believe you?

It’s not like I disliked you that much. I would have believed you if you had spoken seriously. The one who couldn’t trust wasn’t me, but you.

Ah, is this also my fault? If I had shown a more stable demeanor, acted more reliably, would you have seen me as an equal human being? In the end, it was me who rejected her.

…What?

Is it because of me again?

“Why… why is it always like this…?”

“Hmm, are you crying? Well, you were quite devoted. It seems she didn’t tell you anything. But that just makes it imprisonment, doesn’t it?”

I wanted to cry.

No, I was crying.

My vision blurred, and my eyes began to well up. Tears rolled down and fell from my chin onto my skirt.

I suppressed the sobs that threatened to escape, not even letting out a whimper. To others, it might look like I was crying prettily with tears streaming down. It was no comfort at all.

“Anyway, thank you for coming out. It’s quite tangled, but thanks to you, we can sort it out now. From now on, let’s do it just the two of us. I don’t plan to hold back, so it’ll be a bit more intense than Ariana’s.”

After the sound of a teacup being set down, a hand began to approach. If Ariana’s was holding back, I couldn’t even imagine what would come out this time.

I knew it would be terribly painful. My eyes, which must have been red and swollen from the unending tears, were tightly shut.

I had no intention of resisting anyway. The person who could have helped me had just abandoned me, and with this body, I couldn’t even struggle. What good would useless resistance do? All that remained was regret for being deceived by the seemingly plausible choice and losing the only thing I had left.

Thinking about it, this is the second time. After Hans, it’s the professor. I’m really a consistent person.

Change? What change?

Only the surroundings have changed; I’ve always been the same person. Even if I survive for a few more years, I’ll be like this until my last breath.

So, maybe this is right. I’m returning to where I originally belonged, so why should I be sad? Even my life here was too much for me.

Enough.

Let go of all regrets and hopes.

Now, stop.

Let’s go back.

And so, I isolated myself in the darkness, waiting for the impending violence.

“…It wasn’t just a random send-off. You really got hit hard this time.”

But what reached me was the professor’s voice, sounding somewhat awkward.

Every time our bodies touched, I felt the heat from the nape of my neck where Ariana had persistently bitten. A faint breeze from somewhere ruffled my hair, and someone’s soft, warm arms wrapped around my neck. It wasn’t a choking grip, but a gentle embrace from behind.

“Just a moment.”

I opened my eyes at the now-familiar voice of the girl, right after.