Chapter 41

* * *

Currently, Iren was atop the fortress wall on the north side, a place only reachable by climbing up the stairs.

To reach the wounded for treatment, she would’ve had to leave the meeting room and descend those very stairs—but her heart was restless, requiring a moment to compose herself.

She gazed out over the vast plains, sensing her own fate in the distance.

‘I’m… being abandoned, aren’t I?’

She had anticipated that this future might come. No matter how much she tried to prove her loyalty, no matter how many times she struck the training dummy with her sword, her lord showed no warmth, only pushing her away.

No matter what achievements she made or words she spoke, they went unnoticed. Still, she clung to her father’s teachings, performing her duties tirelessly, her pride never faltering.

Swinging her sword against the straw dummies cleared her mind, and through sheer willpower, she endured.

For her lord, she wished to burn her life brightly. The more he seemed displeased with her, the more she yearned to ignite her fiery devotion and prove herself.

But even she wasn’t superhuman. Her burning passion and resolve had dwindled to a flickering ember, trembling at the slightest breeze.

If she received an order tantamount to ‘go out there and die’ from the lord she trusted until the very end…

Even someone as strong as her couldn’t help but crumble.

But such thoughts must be suppressed. She steadied her wavering heart again and again, clinging to the faint hope that Lin Brance might give her a chance to prove herself.

“Father…”

The face of her only family member came to mind.

What should I do now?

If the sword I wielded to protect someone can no longer protect anyone… no, if I’m not even allowed to protect anyone… how should I live from here on?

The Julliet family exists solely for the Brance clan. Even someone as dedicated as her could grow weary in such a situation.

“Will you finally understand if I stay here and fight to the end?”

“Will Lin finally see that I’ve worked hard for her sake?”

Even if captured as a prisoner, even if I refuse to surrender until death, will my unwavering loyalty reach her in the end?

Thinking this way, tears welled up in her eyes, but she held them back. Even if abandoned, she wanted to uphold her father’s final wish. Even if she dies fighting for her lord.

If that’s my fate, then it’s something I must accept.

Why does my chest feel so heavy like this?

She thought.

If only one person…

If just one person had acknowledged my efforts, seen how hard I’ve tried…

And then, at that moment—

“I found you here.”

“!!!”

Startled from her thoughts, Iren turned to the voice. There stood Swoen, the silver-haired gentleman who had been by her side for quite some time now.

“I looked for you everywhere after checking the infirmary. Took me a while.”

“S-Swoen… How did you…?”

“Hm? I came to see you, Miss Iren.”

Ah.

So this is goodbye.

Reflecting on it, she realized she had grown quite fond of Swoen. Though their cohabitation began unintentionally, it was far from unpleasant. His kindness reminded her of the human warmth she longed for, and living with him had been surprisingly enjoyable. Moreover, he was one of the few people in the Brance army who truly believed in her.

“So, you’ve come to say your final farewell. I’ve always admired your considerate nature.”

She forced a smile, though it was fragile and tinged with sorrow.

Still, she wouldn’t let her emotions falter. She didn’t want to burden him with the weight she carried alone, nor make difficult the time they’d spent together.

“Swoen, our time together hasn’t been bad. I’ll never forget it. Please keep watch over the fortress. But if… if I don’t return to Anel Castle…”

At the mention of not returning to Anel Castle, her body trembled slightly.

“You may use anything in my home. Feel free to sell them if needed; there should be some money to be made.”

Swoen was a kind and thoughtful man. He often quietly took care of things when she trained alone and provided good conversation despite serving under her, which wasn’t easy given their different ranks and genders. He never once complained.

He was kind. Perhaps he would ask her lord for another chance instead of following orders blindly. Maybe he would try to stop her…

If he tries to dissuade me, I’ll have to ask him to leave. It’s too painful to break down in front of him.

She resolved to bid farewell without revealing her inner turmoil.

After all, if Swoen got too involved with her, he might also fall out of favor with Lin Brance, facing the same “inescapable fate” she faced. That couldn’t happen. She didn’t want Swoen to walk the same path as her.

However…

Swoen said something completely unexpected.

“Huh? What do you mean?”

“Eh?”

“I’m not leaving. I’ll stay here. Since Lord Lin ordered us to accomplish something, shouldn’t we follow through?”

“What… are you talking about?”

“To clarify, Jack and Silin already left with apologies, wishing us good luck.”

“Wh-what?”

Iren stared at Swoen, shocked. But he spoke calmly.

“I intend to defend the fortress alongside you, Miss Iren.”

“…What did you say?”

His voice… began to waver.

“Why? Why would you stay here too? If you’re doing this out of pity, stop acting foolishly and leave right now—”

At that moment,

Swoen placed his hand on her trembling arm. She flinched slightly but didn’t pull away.

“Miss Iren, I’m not staying here out of pity.”

“!”

Iren looked into his eyes. There was no lie there, only sincerity and warmth—a sunlight she had longed for from her lord but never received.

Not out of pity, then…

Did Swoen genuinely want to achieve glory, driven by ambition? Many subordinates sought to impress their lords by taking risks.

“But… surely there are safer ways to earn merit. Achieving results where the lord doesn’t expect it might go unnoticed, or worse—”

“Miss Iren, forgive me for interrupting.”

Swoen looked directly into her eyes. Unlike her wavering gaze, his was clear and steady.

“While I receive pay from the Brance army, I’ll be honest: the reason I’m staying here isn’t for Lord Lin.”

“Wh-what…?”

“For you, Miss Iren.”

“!!!”

Her pupils widened in shock.

“I want to see the day everyone believes Miss Iren defended the fortress beyond imagination, achieving feats no one thought possible.”

“But why would you want to see such a result? What does it have to do with you?”

Iren’s eyes quivered as she struggled to comprehend. Then, Swoen delivered a statement she would remember forever.

“Because the person I want to protect in this country is you, Miss Iren.”

“!!!”

Swoen continued earnestly.

“I want to see you succeed openly. I want to witness it firsthand and tell everyone: ‘You ignored her, but everything Miss Iren Julliet said was right.’ That her impossible achievement proves her worth. Wouldn’t people look at me differently then?”

“S…Swoen…”

“I can’t leave you behind. Please forgive me for saying so.”

Hearing this, Iren’s body shook violently, yet she maintained composure somehow.

If Swoen really stayed for her instead of Lord Lin… she couldn’t allow him to share the path of abandonment she faced.

“Go back, Swoen.”

Swoen remained silent. After a few deep breaths, Iren managed to speak.

Initially, she intended to persuade him with refined words. But soon,

She began sharing her deepest, unspoken thoughts. Half-crying, she poured out her story.

“In the Brance army, no matter how much you burn with passion and loyalty, you can’t do anything. No matter how hard you try, blowing wind into the dying embers of your heart, no one—not even your lord—will acknowledge you. Even if you prove my words were right… no one will notice. Nothing.”

Yes.

Deep down, she knew the truth.

No matter what she did, she would never be recognized.

But admitting that felt too pitiful. Her life revolved around serving the Brance clan, and abandoning that felt disgraceful.

So she turned away, worked harder, and endured every humiliation.

But.

The truth she had buried within herself could no longer be hidden before the sincerity of the man before her. She didn’t want him to suffer because of her.

“Therefore… Swoen, I can’t let you become like me. Please, I beg you. I’m already too exhausted to burn any remaining flame for this country. I can’t help you if you want to help me… If you stay by my side, you’ll only suffer—”

“Miss Iren.”

Swoen interrupted her again, but strangely, she didn’t mind.

Perhaps, deep down, she had been waiting for someone to have this conversation with her all her life.

“As I mentioned earlier, I don’t particularly wish to burn myself out for the Brance army. Why should I follow someone who ignored your fading spirit?”

“That… is…”

“And your spirit hasn’t completely extinguished yet, has it? You’re still trying to overcome this on your own without involving me. That’s perfect, in my opinion. I won’t ask you to protect me. Instead…”

With that, Swoen smiled—the same gentle smile he often shared during their time together.

“Boil tea with the remaining embers, and let’s continue doing so.”

“!!!”

Finally, the tears she had held back spilled over, and everything inside her collapsed.

“Hic…”

Iren buried her face in Swoen’s chest. Without a word, he patted her back.

“It’s okay even if no one acknowledges you. Your heart will eventually reach your lord.”

“Following Father’s legacy, becoming a daughter he’d be proud of, eventually gaining recognition from the Brance clan…”

One by one, the lies that built her identity crumbled.

It wasn’t okay.

She knew it wouldn’t reach him.

She knew they wouldn’t acknowledge her.

Only after shedding the armor of falsehood protecting Knight Iren did the truth emerge.

She was lonely.

Terribly, painfully lonely.

In a world where no one understood her, she had been unbearably alone.

And only after removing the mask she had worn did she realize:

This man before her was the only one who truly understood her.

“Hic… hic… snif…”

Thus, Iren cried in Swoen’s arms for a long while. Swoen comforted her throughout, knowing no one else would disturb them.

For a brief moment, they shared the warmth of each other’s presence.

* * *

Time passed.

As Swoen continued patting her back, Iren’s sobs subsided.

“Do you feel better now?”

“…”

Relieving all the pent-up tears she had suppressed brought a sense of lightness, as if a heavy burden had lifted. Why had she endured an impossible goal for so long? Only after crying uncontrollably beside this man could she think objectively.

Turning her head slightly, Iren looked at Swoen gently patting her back. Handsome, though she didn’t usually value appearances, she couldn’t deny it now. Yet what moved her most at this moment wasn’t his looks.

Kindness. Compassion.

His steadfastness in refusing to abandon her.

The warmth of his hand patting her back now was overwhelming.

When she thought she’d been abandoned by Lin Brance, she wondered how she could continue living. But perhaps the answer to how she should live wasn’t far away.

For the first time in her life, she thought outside the constraints of the Brance household—a daring thought she would never have entertained without him.

“I’m glad you’ve calmed down.”

“…”

Feeling lighter, ready to start anew, she realized the situation hadn’t changed.

Regardless, an army of over 30,000 was still advancing toward them.

Regaining her senses, Iren worriedly looked at Swoen.

“Swoen… Staying here is far too dangerous, isn’t it? Even if it’s risky, maybe we should abandon the fortress and flee. If you wish to join the Serpina army, I will follow you—”

“No.”

Swoen replied with utmost confidence. Reflecting on it, he had always been like this.

When debating with Parphale about sending troops to the north.

When insisting they prepare their soldiers ahead of time.

When boldly declaring “Miss Iren is right” in front of everyone.

And moments ago, when he said, “The person I want to protect in this country is you.”

Recalling these moments, her face flushed as she bowed her head.

Thump thump.

Her heart raced as Swoen’s voice broke through.

“Didn’t I just say, Miss Iren?”

Swoen grinned confidently.

“It’s time to achieve something.”

* * *