Chapter 39

Raul Berze.

A name that was now so familiar it was almost annoying, yet still made my heart race like a fool.

“Then, take care.”

That idiot only handed me the letter he wrote on the day I was returning to the capital.

I knew he was slow to act, but wouldn’t it have been nice if he’d given it to me earlier?

Seeing the dark circles under his eyes, he must have stayed up all night revising and revising the letter for his fiancée—no, that scruffy little brat. That’s the kind of guy he is, pounding on a stone bridge until it breaks.

“Don’t get sick until I come back, okay?”

“…I think I told you yesterday. I’m a year older than you.”

“I’m talking about mental age.”

“Considering how often you pick fights, I doubt you’re that mature either.”

“Shut up. Stronger means I’m the older sibling. Don’t cause trouble with any shady women while I’m gone. And don’t skip meals like you do on the battlefield. Make sure to cover yourself properly when you sleep. Got it?”

He’s always so clueless about his own affairs, so it’s hard not to worry.

“Then, I’ll be back. Don’t cry even if I’m not here.”

“…I’ll say it again. I’m a year older than you. If anything, shouldn’t you be preparing for when you lose our bet?”

Even if this idiot threatened me like that, I was sure of one thing. If this idiot smiled brightly, it would be incredibly awkward.

“Then, I’ll be back, you idiot.”

Even though I could have just thrown my spear and flown away, I deliberately got on the carriage.

I wanted to sort out my thoughts, flying like that would have been exhausting, and I didn’t want to reject the kindness this idiot showed me.

The rattling of the carriage was quite unpleasant, but since it was Raul’s kindness, I could endure it.

This feeling must be love. Yes, love. The emotion we all once despised.

The love that was the cause of a war that killed countless people. At first, I couldn’t understand it, but now I think I can.

Now, I think I can understand the Demon King’s words not with my head, but with my heart. The terror of that memory is still vivid.

Early in the war.

In the past, we once tried to assassinate the Demon King when he came alone to visit his wife’s grave. At the time, he wasn’t carrying any weapons and had no guards with him.

So, we rushed at him without hesitation. The five of us thought we could easily kill him.

“…How foolish, barbaric, and cowardly. You won’t even allow me a moment to pray for her peace.”

“Come. I’ll teach you a lesson.”

We swung our weapons at the Demon King with great momentum, but he picked up a nearby tree branch and blocked all our attacks at once.

“Your teacher might stand a chance, but you lot can’t kill me. The blood on your hands is far too little.”

With a single swing of the tree branch, we were all severely injured and fell.

Just one swing, and the small hills and trees around us vanished without a trace.

Yet, a small grave nearby remained completely untouched, as if nothing had happened.

He turned his back on us as if shooing away insects.

He didn’t kill us, just showed us his back. It was an insult like no other.

“You’re not going to kill us…?”

In response to my question, he answered in a dismissive tone.

“Do people really check if the flies they swat are dead?”

“You should feel the shame of having survived today. More shame than my beloved ever felt.”

“Chew on that shame and stain your hands with blood. Think only of winning and go to war. Become mindless beasts that can tear out my throat.”

Raul, who was the most severely injured, struggled to his feet and asked.

“Why are you doing this…? If you had formally protested… No, with your power, you could have assassinated our Emperor… Wouldn’t that have ended it…?”

“…Foolish creatures. If that happened, her tragedy would have ended with just that.”

What we felt from him was pure madness.

The madness to pit demons against other races and annihilate all living beings.

“Her tragic death must be avenged by the destruction of countless nations and races. Until I’m the only one left in the world.”

“That’s the only way to restore her honor, which you’ve tainted.”

“Call me mad if you want. Call me blind. Because I am mad, and now I can only see her. Isn’t that what love is?”

He smiled sadly and said this.

“Love is the act of stripping away. All scenery but her smile. All sounds but her voice. All value but her existence.”

Feeling that madness, we came to think that love was just a dangerous and foolish emotion.

“Even I, who understand a bit of that madness, must be crazy.”

I felt the same way. If Raul died, I don’t think I could forgive anything around him.

I’d kill his mother, who shares the same face, and rip out her insides.

Even though he helped me, I’d kill that scruffy brat who ignored his atonement and only spewed hatred, feeding his corpse to stray dogs.

My reason wouldn’t stop me, so I’m sure I’d do it.

After Raul disappeared into the capital, that feeling became even clearer. His face, voice, presence. Without them, I always felt anxious and empty.

“Frustrating and clueless guy.”

I know there’s a woman Raul can’t forget.

They were so close they called each other “half-selves” and fought in perfect sync on the battlefield.

But now, that friend is gone. If she were still here, I might have given up, but now she’s just a lingering echo of the past. Her echo couldn’t have a positive effect on Raul.

Instead, it only made him indifferent to his own death. I want Raul to live, so I want him to forget her. Even though I know it’s an irreverence to that friend.

After days of travel, I arrived at the mansion in the capital, and the usual boring scenery greeted me.

As the Demon King said, most of the scenery now bothered me, and most sounds were just noise.

“Young lady, you disappeared without a word again. I was worried.”

The old butler was concerned, but honestly, I wasn’t the type to get into trouble wherever I went.

Knowing that, my father and brother probably didn’t care much.

After all, they’re the kind of people who don’t worry about their own flesh and blood.

“…It’s rare. You’re entering the mansion quietly.”

The heir to the family head, my brother, came out to greet me, which was unusual.

I swear, compared to this guy, Raul is like a lyrical bard.

To match his greeting, I wanted to respond with a punch, but doing so would surely mean instant death, so I restrained myself.

“What’s it to you? If you don’t even know where I went, why don’t you just shut your mouth and go play with your numbers?”

“You went to the borderlands where Raul is, didn’t you?”

“How did you know?”

“You’re in heat for him.”

Even though there are words like love or affection, this cockroach always has to say things in the most disgusting way.

One of the reasons I’m used to Raul’s way of speaking is because of this bug. He has to make the listener feel like crap to feel better.

“Heat? What kind of nonsense is that…?”

“There’s plenty of evidence, but let me give you an example from when we had a meal together. You looked at his face 47 times during the meal, smiled softly 34 times, served him his favorite food 3 times, deliberately spoke to him 12 times, and got annoyed after he left…”

“Stop. If you keep talking, I’ll skewer you with my spear.”

“Even if you pierce my throat, the numbers won’t change.”

If Raul is just bad at expressing himself and mostly emotionally numb, this guy is just devoid of emotion.

Raul’s sentiment is human, and there’s lingering affection inside him, but this guy is just a stone.

“Based on those numbers and statistics, you’re definitely in heat for him. Is there any error in my words?”

“Do you use the word ‘heat’ for people?”

“For someone whose behavior is beastly, the expression must also be beastly.”

Talking to this rock is just a loss for me, so I turned my back and headed to my room.

“Fine, fine. What’s the point of talking to you?”

“The story I was about to tell is also related to him, but I guess it’s unnecessary.”

“What? What are you talking about?”

My brother neither likes nor dislikes Raul. So, hearing Raul’s name from his mouth was surprising.

“Knowing you’re in heat for him, I rejected all the marriage proposals for you.”

It’s not particularly relevant, but it’s still surprising. I’m not interested in marriage, but I didn’t expect this guy to take such measures.

“I replied that you’re in heat for him, so marrying you would be foolish. You don’t have to worry about any more proposals.”

I just wanted to kill them all and go to hell.

“And if you’re planning to visit the Nevermore Family Mansion, I recommend going tomorrow. The family head is busy with an event today.”

“How did you know I was going to see that brat?”

“To resolve your heat, you’d need to get rid of her first.”

“Hey!!!!”

I started to miss Raul, who, though frustrating, at least had some consideration.

If love is the act of stripping away, as the Demon King said, then I’ll start by stripping away my family’s lives.