Chapter 39

The fragrantly roasted whole goose was tender and savory, making me keep eating. Maybe it’s because I’ve only been eating bland, tasteless food until now. Does marrying Glacia mean I’ll have to eat only that kind of food? That sounds tough.

*Clink* As I placed the last bone of the goose on the plate, Melissa smiled and magically cleared my plate. She could’ve just called a servant for that, but still, I appreciated it. While thinking that, I gulped down some melon juice.

“So, our youngest—no, our son-in-law—what do you think of our princess?”

Caught off guard, I almost spat out the juice I was drinking. Damn, when Yena said her daughter was a saint, spitting out the juice wasn’t an exaggeration.

“Wait… why ‘son-in-law’ all of a sudden?”

“Hmph, isn’t it true? You’re planning to get engaged to our princess, after all.”

Honestly, I wanted to explain, but I had nothing to say. If I said, “I don’t want to marry your daughter; she kidnapped me and is being a nuisance,” I’d probably get hit with Blood Magic and a giant axe. Even if I told the truth, they wouldn’t believe me, so I kept my mouth shut.

But these two, who laugh while slaughtering people, call their daughter “princess.” Even butchers treasure their daughters, huh?

“Ah, borrowing our princess’s expression… ‘daughter-in-law,’ right?”

“Did you say that to your older sister and brother?”

“Yeah, in a letter.”

“Isn’t that cute?”

You daughter-obsessed idiots, how is that cute? Is a daughter who wants to corrupt others cute? No wonder they’re barbaric warriors and vampires—clearly, their brains are fried. If the parents are crazy, isn’t it natural for Glacia to act like that?

“Wait, I’m a man, why are you treating me like a wife? From my perspective, it’s maddening, brother.”

“Ah, that’s probably our fault.”

“What?”

“I taught her that northern warriors win their wives through battle. She must’ve misunderstood that a bit. And my wife’s romance novels probably influenced her too.”

Damn, the root of this corruption was right in front of me. I wanted to flip the table and wreck everything, but I’m outnumbered, so I can’t.

“So… it’s your and your sister’s fault?”

“Yes! Winning through battle and now calling you her wife—what a splendid warrior’s attitude!”

“Warrior’s attitude, my ass…”

“Weren’t you dreaming of lazing around and eating anyway, Werner? Marrying my daughter might not be such a bad choice, right?”

Now that I think about it, that’s true. Glacia, who was rigorously trained as a successor, will handle all the annoying tasks, and I can just lie around in the back room eating bland food. Not bad.

I can avoid death flags, and even if Zick tries to say something, Melchior and Melissa, who have considerable influence, will back me up. The food is bland, but if I become the son-in-law here, maybe I’ll get the right to use salt and pepper?

Damn, this might actually work…

“That’s right, our youngest’s dream is to be a housewife, isn’t it? Being the wife of a duke is the top position in the housewife industry, right?”

I take it back. If I marry, I won’t be able to endure their mockery and will probably hang myself. These in-laws won’t protect me but will call me a hen. How can I endure that?

“Damn… how far has this ‘wife’ story spread?”

“Probably all over the north.”

I’m screwed. No matter what achievements I make, I’ll be known as the corrupted sorcerer in the north.

“Sigh… I’m really done for.”

“Why so, our daughter-in-law?”

Melissa’s teasing was particularly annoying, so I unconsciously used the term she hates the most.

“Shut up a bit, you old vampire hag pretending to be young.”

“Damn, what did you say, our youngest?”

“Didn’t you hear? Dressing like a kid, but your body is so old your ears are going deaf, huh, you old vampire hag?”

“I said I’m not a grandma! I just have a long lifespan! In human years, I’m 20!!!”

“If you were a 13-year-old human, I’d have to use honorifics, huh?”

“Our youngest really wants to die today, huh?”

Melissa spread her fingers and launched spears made of blood. If I got hit directly, I’d be turned into a beehive.

“Light, become my shield.”

A shield of light formed around me, blocking the attacks. The Shield of Light is indeed a broken skill, offering both firepower and survivability against powerful mages. It consumes a lot of mana, but for Werner, it’s not a big deal.

“Our Melissa grandma’s eyes must be failing with age, huh? Can’t even aim properly.”

I mimicked Werner’s signature snark from the game. It’s not as good as the original, though. That level of snark would make even Buddha drop his prayer beads and slap someone.

And the Melissa in front of me isn’t Buddha—in terms of personality and race, she’s closer to a demon.

“Our youngest really wants to die today, huh?”

“Yeah, next, you centuries-old grandma.”

“Sigh… with a face like a girl. No wonder our daughter treats you like a wife. Hey, did any guys propose to you while you were running away?”

“This old hag is crossing the line. Let’s fight for real.”

“Yeah, when you’re angry, you should fight it out. That’s what makes us a party, right?”

How can you insult someone by calling their face girly? Just because I teased you a bit about your age. Today, I’ll judge this demon and report my deeds to Buddha and God. Then, I’ll be recognized as a Demon Slayer.

For the Demon Slayer title, I raised my hand and focused my mana.

“Spear of Fire…”

Then, Melissa’s eyes glowed red, and a large amount of blood gushed from her back, forming wings.

“Let’s stop just before death, youngest.”

So, the demon reveals her true form. The Lord does not recognize the existence of vampires, so repent and return to His embrace. And go get beaten to death with a cross.

“…Pierce and incinerate the enemy.”

“My blood, carve and kill the enemy.”

Just as our spells were about to collide, two shadows intervened. Who dares to stop this holy war against demons?

When the dust from the explosion cleared, Melchior was holding the Spear of Fire I had launched. He caught that hot spear with his bare hands? In the game, his magic defense was ridiculously high, and it shows here too.

“Cool your head a bit, Werner.”

“Got it, brother…”

Peeking behind Melchior’s massive frame, I saw Glacia standing there.

And the Feathers of Blood Melissa had launched were deflected, with red fragments densely embedded in the floor. If we had hit each other, we would’ve been seriously injured. That’s how mage fights go—land a big hit, then collapse, and the one who doesn’t die wins.

Glacia sheathed her sword and spoke in a cold voice.

“Please refrain from fighting inside the mansion, Mother.”

“But that brat called me an old hag…!”

“And even if you’re my mother… if you lay a hand on my wife, I won’t stand idly by.”

Damn, if you just read the lines, it sounds like a northern duke in a romance novel protecting his abused wife from his stepmother. If I were a woman, I’d be swooning, but I’m not, am I?

I’m a man, and Glacia is a woman.

Moreover, no matter what, pointing a sword at your own mother is unforgivable. The Confucian values in me couldn’t tolerate such filial impiety. Melissa landed and started trembling, looking at the ground.

“Lady Glacia, no matter how you think about it, that was too much. Even if she’s your mother, that attitude…”

But something completely unexpected happened. Melissa suddenly flew over to Glacia and started stroking her head.

“Now you can even threaten… our princess has really grown up.”

What the hell? She’s happy that her daughter threatened her with a sword if she touched her man? And “grown up”? Damn, is it because it’s the north that they want their child to walk the path of Arthas?

And Melchior started wiping his tears with a tablecloth. Well, as the head of the family, seeing this must be sad.

“Yes, our daughter has really grown up…”

Damn, this family is definitely crazy. No wonder their daughter treats a man like a wife, holy hell.