[38th Chapter]
Mom left home when I was in elementary school. When I was young, I didn’t know why she left, but as I grew older, I found out that she had left because she had an affair with a colleague at work. But that was only the conclusion; the real reason she left was because of me.
In elementary school, I noticed physical changes and my parents realized I had become a hyper-human. After that, Mom left home more frequently, and there were days she didn’t come back.
When I lay under the blanket in my room, I could hear my parents arguing in the living room, and every night I struggled to sleep.
Before I became a hyper-human, our family was harmonious. Both my parents worked, so they spent a lot of time alone, but we always gathered for dinner and chatted. Back then, Dad wasn’t like he is now.
When I became a hyper-human, people in white clothes came to take me away. At that moment, Mom and Dad were still arguing loudly, and I boarded their car without any greeting.
I returned home six months later. During those six months, I lived in what was called a research facility, and by the time I came back, Mom had already left.
Dad changed after that. He started drinking more often, and I rarely saw him sober.
In middle school, Dad lost his job due to a major incident at work, and since then, no one could manage the household finances. Dad stopped working and kept drinking, blaming everything on me, including Mom leaving. For the first time, he hit me.
When he slapped me, it hurt, but the shock of something breaking inside me was even greater.
“Because of you, my life is like this! Do you understand?!”
Hearing Dad’s words, I realized that because of me, Mom and Dad were unhappy.
That day, I understood that everything happened because of me.
“Hello, I am Galaxy Kang.”
In my first month of high school, I couldn’t speak except for greetings. I was afraid of meeting people. I feared causing someone harm or being a source of pain for someone else. So, I did nothing.
Classmates also distanced themselves from me, and after school, I went home to find Dad drunk.
“No alcohol!”
When there was no alcohol at home, Dad would beat me. I didn’t have money to buy alcohol, and I wasn’t old enough to buy it anyway.
So, I started working. I did part-time jobs to earn money and tried to avoid causing trouble while working.
During holidays, I worked in factories, and during school terms, I worked everywhere outside school.
“Where have you been? Why? Are you trying to leave like I’m a burden?!”
I gave Dad my wages whenever he cursed at me. He took the money from my hand and drank, then beat me.
Still, it was okay. If I endured, Dad wouldn’t be more miserable.
If I left Dad, he would have nothing left. If I endured, everything would be resolved.
In my third year of high school, Earth Defense Union members found me. When asked if I wanted to work with them, I asked if I could earn money. They said they would pay based on performance. Thinking I could have a stable job instead of part-time work, I started working with HunterKiller and focused on it after graduating high school.
I didn’t go to university. There was nothing specific I wanted to learn, and earning money to help my family seemed more important than going to university.
My salary decreased compared to part-time work, and after taxes and expenses, I barely had money for alcohol.
When I couldn’t afford alcohol, Dad would curse at me and beat me. But I no longer felt the pain; my cheek stung, and my arms and legs ached. After that, I rarely went home.
After finishing work with Earth Defense Union, I sat in a park and stared at the time. I thought about doing more work, but I didn’t because I thought Red would struggle if I left and HunterKiller team members weren’t attending meetings well. However, that was just an excuse. I didn’t want to do more work knowing Dad would still beat me regardless.
I turned 22. This summer wasn’t very hot. Maybe that’s why? Even if Dad was home, he wasn’t there. I didn’t want to go home.
It felt like harder things were happening more often. Even though I earned good money with HunterKiller, relations with teammates weren’t great. Good results were the only positive thing.
Recently, Red and Pink seemed to get along better, so I wanted to join their conversations. Although I attended all meetings, talking to two people seemed too difficult.
What should I say first?
Do they think I’m strange?
Maybe they dislike me?
Every time such thoughts crossed my mind, Dad’s many curses echoed in my head. The conclusion was clear: it’s best not to talk. That way, no one would suffer or feel miserable because of me.
As I sat in the park thinking, I felt restless.
“Haa…”
Unconsciously, I sighed, and someone else sighed nearby. I looked over and saw a man sitting there with black hair and eyes.
I’ve sat in this park for years, but this was the first time seeing this person around here.
“Hello.”
We awkwardly greeted each other. I couldn’t remember when I last spoke to someone else.
I didn’t expect a conversation, but he suddenly brought up the weather. Though I answered, his every word made me nervous.
“It will be nice wind.”
I envied the wind. It naturally blew somewhere, never facing criticism.
Gentle wind existed without harming anyone.
Realizing my rambling, I wondered if it was because I hadn’t conversed in a long time. I blurted out irrelevant words.
Thus, I parted ways with him. Being around new people made me tense, and I felt a sense of relief when left alone again, heading home.
The next day, I went to the park but he didn’t show up. He must think I’m strange. Will I be able to talk properly if I see him again? Or will I remain unable to converse with others properly?
Arriving home with worries, Dad was in the living room drinking, and when I said I had no money, he hit me. Getting hit didn’t bother me much anymore. It hurt briefly and then subsided.
The next day, Dad hit me again.
Since I caused Dad to be like this, I could endure this much.
If I endure, everything will be fine. Everything…
Dad left the house in the afternoon, and I went to the park. Spending time at the park became a daily routine.
Even though it was late evening and I wasn’t hungry, I didn’t want to go home. Just spending time aimlessly, without thinking, seemed best. I didn’t want to reflect on myself, as it would only cause pain.
And then, he appeared.
I wondered if he thought I was strange from seeing me two days ago. I didn’t know how to start the conversation.
“It’s cool today.”
He responded when I cautiously started, and we began talking.
He worked near the park. Unable to explain HunterKiller, I introduced myself as a worker.
Gradually, we talked about not fitting in with the team, and he gave me advice despite having no connection. Even if this was a fleeting encounter, he listened and considered my concerns.
Returning home, Dad was drunk and asleep. The living room was messy. Cleaning up, I wondered if it was okay to make friends.
Except for causing damage, I hadn’t affected anyone. Was it okay to hope for friendship? The pain from Dad’s slap was less than the sharp ache in my chest.
I had a proper conversation with the team for the first time. They didn’t seem to dislike me. I felt proud of myself.
I could make friends through conversation. For the first time, I felt this.
Red and Pink seemed to like someone. Maybe someday, someone might like me too, allowing deeper conversations.
Excited by the conversation and future expectations, I wanted to tell A.
At the park, A was in his usual spot.
Feeling happy, A immediately noticed my mood. I eagerly shared the conversation with Red and Pink, finding joy in recounting it.
Following A’s advice, I could have meaningful conversations with the team. I told A about it again. I realized I was chatting normally.
A week passed, and today was a confrontation day. Despite enjoying conversations with the team, I felt uneasy meeting Team Guerrilla. Everyone was surprised by Yellow’s silent dominance over Indigo, adding to the lively discussion.
At the park, I told A about the encounter with Team Guerrilla. He listened carefully. Though we became closer over the past week, I wasn’t sure how he felt.
Meeting weekly felt like an unspoken agreement, yet it remained a casual encounter.
In a week, Dad didn’t hit me, and chatting with the team gave me some relief. For the first time, I wanted to go somewhere.
Never having played with anyone, I wanted to experience it once.
“Where should we go?”
“What?”
Hearing A’s words, time seemed to stop.
Even though I said it, the absurdity made me momentarily stunned. I waved off, apologizing to Green.
“I’m sorry. My words were nonsense.”
I couldn’t tell if wanting to rest or wanting to let her rest first came first, but either way, my words seemed suspicious.
How could someone I’ve only talked to for a week suggest going out together? I felt embarrassed by the obvious intention.
Was I gaining unnecessary confidence from meeting Yubin and Yura? The thought of kicking the blanket tonight made me quickly retract my words.
“No, it’s fine.”
Green seemed surprised too, responding with an awkward smile. I sensed our meetings might end today.
Regardless of true intentions, the words carried a suspicious intent, leaving only discomfort.
“Everyone wants to go somewhere.”
Hearing Green comfort me made it harder. She smiled and turned to look at the swaying trees.
“I do want to go somewhere.”
I couldn’t understand why, but it seemed Green was checking my reaction. Did she accept my suggestion? But I hadn’t given it much thought, so I struggled to articulate what to say next.
“Do you want to go somewhere?”
To my question, Green froze like struck, staring blankly at the void, then laughed bitterly.
“Yeah, where did I want to go?”
“Do you want to do anything?”
“I don’t know…”
She didn’t know where she wanted to go or what she wanted to do.
Lost in thought, Green pondered if she wanted to go anywhere or do anything. But answers didn’t come quickly, and her contemplation dragged on.
“The first place I visited in Korea was an amusement park.”
Not wanting to wait for her to think, I recalled the past. When I first came to Korea, I visited an amusement park in Seoul with colleagues for an investigation.
Calling it an investigation was a cover; we were essentially on a trip.
Recalling the past, I happily recounted the rides and food. Green listened intently, her eyes sparkling.
Talking about roller coasters, my voice rose, and Green shared the thrill. By night, the scenery had changed, with dazzling parades and various shows. She listened with interest.
“I want to go there.”
Listening for a while, Green said this, and I paused to look at her.
Though her response wasn’t a result of deep consideration, she clearly found my story interesting. Then, should I take her to the amusement park?
I couldn’t ask her to go with others, as the idea didn’t cross my mind either.
“Shall we go tomorrow?”
“Tomorrow?”
“If you have plans, we can go another day.”
“No! It’s fine. I’ll go.”
“…Then let’s meet here at 10 AM tomorrow.”
“Okay!”
Brightening in a week, Green enthusiastically agreed. Her energy made me unexpectedly look forward to tomorrow.
“Then, I need to prepare at home today.”
I stood up first, and Green followed, standing up too.
Exchanging goodbyes, we headed to our respective homes for tomorrow.
Since last night, I felt restless.
For the first time, I had a chance to play with someone after never doing it before.
Not knowing what to do, I first packed my belongings and checked the clock, waiting for the appointed time.
Dad was gone since morning, so there was no problem leaving.
Thinking it was okay to arrive slightly early, I opened the door with a mix of excitement I had never felt before.
At that moment, I realized again. I was a source of trouble for someone.
Just as I reached for the doorknob, it turned, and the door opened.
“Dad…”
There stood Dad, drunk from the night before.
…Why did I ever think I could be like everyone else?
