Every time I move my body, the iron shackles connected to my wrists clank loudly.
The sound of the handcuffs and Ariana’s sobbing, who didn’t even respond to my questions, just kept echoing in the room.
Yeah, you must be suffering.
I don’t know why you’re struggling, but it seems like you have some serious reasons.
I guess I have to figure it out and accept it on my own again.
As always.
Like that.
“Will you let me go to class?”
“…No.”
“What about the bathroom?”
“…I’ll bring you a chamber pot. I’ll clean up afterward with magic, so it’ll be neat.”
“What about meals?”
“Since you need to manage your diet, I’ll handle it along with the IV… properly.”
“I see.”
I get it.
I understand your firm resolve not to let me go.
I tugged at the handcuffs, but all it did was hurt my wrists. They didn’t budge.
Feeling drained, I leaned against the railing.
What should I do now?
Of course, I’m not talking about how to solve this situation.
I’m wondering how I should react here.
If it were me when I first came to the Academy, I would have gone berserk and thrown a fit.
If it were me when I was tamed by Ariana, I would have pulled at the handcuffs until my arms broke.
If it were me after being worn out by life, I would have tried to kill myself by any means.
But now, I’m not as desperate as when I first came to the Academy, not as scared of her as when I was tortured by Ariana, and not as miserable as when I was tired of life. So, I don’t know what to do.
Ah, is this what being worn out feels like?
Maybe.
Even though I’m facing a situation I hate enough to want to die, I don’t even have the energy to get angry. Isn’t that what being worn out is?
But if I just quietly comply, a sense of crisis rings in the corner of my mind.
How annoying.
If I’m going to be worn out, I should be properly worn out. If I’m going to hate it, I should properly hate it.
Being in this ambiguous state is making me think about useless things.
I turned my gaze to Ariana, who couldn’t even make eye contact with me.
Yeah, I can endure it.
If it’s just a few days, sure.
I can do it.
Because it’s Ariana.
I don’t really have the intention to resist her.
“When will you let me go?”
So, tell me.
At most, a week should be enough.
Say it.
“…Just until graduation, please endure it.”
“Ha.”
Ariana’s answer, as if she was testing the waters, naturally exceeded expectations.
Graduation.
To me, that’s synonymous with death.
So, you’re saying I’ll be tied up until my lifespan runs out.
Why don’t you just kill me now?
That would be the best solution for both of us.
Ah.
Do I even need to ask?
I can do it myself.
I took out the knife I always carried in my pocket since being hospitalized.
And without hesitation, I slit my throat, cutting the carotid artery.
I pay my utmost respect to the Health Teacher who gave me these unrealistically sharp blades, saying clean cuts make treatment easier.
The red stuff gushed out from the ugly gaping wound.
It looked horrific, but it didn’t hurt much.
Just the pain of having my throat slit, no more, no less.
Maybe because I’ve experienced much more painful things, or maybe because my senses have dulled, this didn’t feel like a big deal.
Though the real-time loss of vitality wasn’t very pleasant.
Still, looking at Ariana in front of me made it easy to forget such thoughts.
“Remia…? Why…?”
Ariana knocked the knife out of my loosely held hand.
Then, with her pale hands, she hurriedly tried to cover the wound on my neck.
Her trembling eyes and pale face, as if she had no idea this would happen, were quite a sight.
If my eyes hadn’t started to close, I would have laughed at her.
Look at that expression.
You don’t look human.
You made me like this. Half of it, at least.
Why did you get involved with a doll like me, so horribly?
The wound slowly closed due to the magic Ariana poured into it, but the lost vitality didn’t return.
Maybe because my body was already on the verge of falling apart.
The sensation of dying in Ariana’s trembling arms wasn’t so bad.
“Blood… not enough… blood pack, blue blood…”
Ah, now that I think about it, I was always short on blood.
They say the last sense to go is hearing, and even as my vision blurred, my ears remained sharp.
Ariana seemed to be struggling to find a blood pack.
She made a clattering noise as she overturned shelves and eventually picked up the knife I had dropped.
Ahaha.
You, don’t tell me.
The knife that had opened my throat ended up leaving a wound on Ariana’s wrist.
That knife achieved a grand slam.
The amount of blood pouring from the wound suggested she had cut an artery.
“Princess, open your mouth. Quickly.”
She brought the pouring blood to my mouth and forced it in.
Isn’t blood transfusion supposed to be done by injecting blood, not drinking it?
Maybe it’s different in this world.
I don’t know, but if it’s not directly into the veins, it’s even better.
I just have to not swallow.
“Swallow! Quickly! Why, why are you trying to die…?!
I’ll save you, I’ll rescue you, okay?!”
“Cough! You know… why… Huh.”
I spat out all the blood that entered my mouth and smiled faintly.
You know why I’m doing this.
It feels a bit cruel for you, who knows my situation better than anyone at the Academy, to say such things.
I can’t ask you to understand, but I wish we could at least respect each other.
Did I expect too much?
You said you’d do it with your own mouth, so I got my hopes up.
I’m the fool again.
How many times is this now?
“I know, I know but… I don’t understand. I just can’t.
Is it such a big problem to want you to live because I like you…? Sob.”
Ariana clenched her eyes shut and sucked the blood from her wound, holding it in her mouth.
Then, she kissed me.
Wait, this is…
I don’t want this.
Stop.
Her tongue forced open my lips, pressing down on my tongue and pushing blood down my throat.
I could have resisted, but it was too sudden and…
Embarrassed, I swallowed a mouthful without realizing it.
After that, there was no chance to do anything.
Gulp, gulp, gulp.
For a few dozen seconds, only the sound of pathetic swallowing could be heard, followed by the sound of gasping for breath as my lips parted.
A long red thread stretched out and then snapped.
Unable to swallow it all, some of it flowed down my chin, and Ariana’s hand came up to gently wipe it away.
The change was dramatic.
My blurred vision became clear, and a bit of strength returned to my limp limbs.
Annoyingly, it seemed that consuming blood orally was the correct treatment.
“Whew… Ha… I’m sorry…
But, this is partly your fault, Princess.”
“Eek, pfft. M-my fault?
I only did the one thing I could do. That’s it. Ugh.”
“…Then the one thing you could do will disappear too.
I’m sorry, but I have no intention of just watching you die.”
Despite clearly bleeding, Ariana, whose complexion had strangely returned, blocked my mouth with the wound on her wrist.
I had no choice but to suck her blood.
Feeling a bit rebellious, I let half of what flowed in spill out, and her eyes darkened.
“You don’t seem to enjoy swallowing.
If this keeps up, I’ll have to do it through your mouth agai—”
“Don’t you dare!
If you do, I’ll cut off either your tongue or mine and die!”
Actions that could be interpreted sexually, regardless of intent, are utterly unpleasant.
The only one harmed is myself.
Even though I never intend to harm others, if this situation repeats, I might do anything.
Even a small dog can hurt and annoy when it bites.
So, please.
“…If you don’t like it, don’t spill it.
I’m starting to feel dizzy too.”
After hearing that, I obediently drank it.
I didn’t want to drag this out and kill Ariana, after all.
I held it in and swallowed until the metallic smell made me nauseous.
Finally, after vomiting half of what I drank onto the blanket, Ariana closed her wrist.
Well, that was a different kind of vomiting.
Anyone who didn’t know the situation would be horrified.
As I kept retching, her gaze was filled with concern, annoyingly enough.
And her hand, seemingly indifferent yet tenderly stroking my back, was incredibly…
Incredibly…
“Just kill me, please.
I’d rather die than spend the rest of my life in a place like this.”
“…I’m sorry.
But if you survive, everything will eventually be okay.
Look, even now, it’s much better than before.
If you live through time, it’ll be like this.”
Better than before? In what way?
The idea that time solves all problems only applies to those who have time.
I came to the Academy to spend my last days in peace.
Not to be tossed around among people!
I glared at her and screamed in frustration.
“Again, that nonsense. Again! Again!
Where do you see that things have gotten better!?
I’m just alive because I can’t die.
I’m so tired that I don’t even have the energy to react, and that’s what you call improvement?
No, forget it, just tell me.
Why are you keeping me tied up? Even if you didn’t, I’m your dog. You know that.”
I’m angry.
I’m boiling.
The embers in my head, which had almost died out, reignited.
Even so, I barely managed to suppress it and asked for an explanation.
But what I got in return was, of course…
“No.”
Rejection.
I didn’t even have the energy to question it anymore.
“If I tell you and let you go, you’ll definitely go to die.
I absolutely don’t want that. I won’t allow it.
Even if you suffer so much that you wish for death, I’ll endure it.”
“…What about now? Wasn’t that an attempt to die just now?”
“No. But.
Just now, you didn’t try to cut off your arm to escape or pierce your forehead to die instantly.
Because you haven’t completely shaken off your fear of death, your fear of pain.
Because you still have a little will to live.”
“How do you know that?”
“I can tell.”
I’m the one suffering, so why are you enduring it?
It’s my heart, so how can you see it?
Am I your possession?
Or your pet?
Or maybe even family?
Why are you taking away even my right to own myself?
That’s all I have left.
“I see, yeah.”
It’s a nonsensical answer, but I didn’t argue.
I just felt terrible.
Terrible, terrible, terrible.
A sense of helplessness, disgust, and fear from everything wrapped around me.
Even Ariana, who thought things were much better than before, made me feel betrayed.
Maybe thinking is the problem at this point.
If I just let go of everything like a doll, I wouldn’t need to expect or be disappointed.
“It was a bit surprising that you didn’t drink the blood, but that was my fault for not realizing the blood pack had run out.
For your sake, I need to keep my wits about me.”
“…You, really.”
I couldn’t finish my sentence.
Perhaps the earlier kiss was a trigger, as my breathing became uncomfortable again.
Ariana, with an uncanny ability to notice, put a respirator on me from the Health Room.
I felt displeased at being forced to lie down and tried to sit up, but the empty wrist only added to the sense of confinement.
Now I’m lying here with both arms tied. Great.
With nothing left to do, I rolled my eyes around.
Somewhere, splattered blood had left droplets on the walls, the door, and even the ceiling.
I laughed.
What should I do?
