Chapter 36

Isabel trembled slowly as she looked down at her empty hands.

Her tightly bitten lip quivered.

After hearing the news of Lucas’s death,

Isabel went through life completely detached from reality.

She had given up on everything, even her own life.

A sunflower losing its sun was withering away.

“I just sat there, dazed, unable to accept reality. No, wait.”

Isabel’s vacant gaze looked up at me.

“As you said the other time, I definitely tried to die alongside Lucas.”

She lost the friend most precious to her.

Being separated from a friend she had grown up with was devastating enough to crumble her life.

She didn’t eat, didn’t drink.

She didn’t sleep and just repeated the process of spending days in a daze.

“I just wished to die like that.”

But as time passed and now here she was.

“And now I realize.”

Isabel clearly wished to die.

“What right do I have?”

She merely wished to follow Lucas in death, but ended up living without the ability to do so.

However,

“I acted as if I was speaking for Lucas.”

That was the mistake she realized.

Lucas faced death to save others.

Isabel knew this better than anyone.

Lucas died to save others, yet here she was, unable to accept his death and wanting to die herself.

That is the choice Lucas would have despised and grieved over the most.

Isabel had intended to become the worst friend who followed Lucas in death.

Isabel covered her face with her hands.

Then she squeezed her face, pouring out her agony.

“What audacity do I have?”

Thick tears dripped down from Isabel’s eyes.

“To think of doing such a thing to the deceased Lucas, I…”

Isabel couldn’t bear the burning agony in her chest and sank down.

Clearly, the one suffering the most was the dead Lucas.

Even knowing that, she wanted to give him even more agony.

Isabel felt truly sorry for that fact and was heartbroken beyond endurance.

“How could…”

Isabel was trapped in self-loathing.

Self-loathing is poison.

A relentless poison that gnaws away at a person until nothing is left.

Isabel returned to reality due to her anger.

That’s why she reflected on the mistake she was about to commit and realized how foolish it truly was.

Once she realized it, Isabel could not return to the way things were before.

“As long as I’m this heated, I won’t be thinking about dying.”

She must have mulled over what I said multiple times.

And in that process, she came to understand.

That the fiery life she was living for Lucas was, in the end, simply an excuse to keep living under the guise of Lucas.

How pathetic it is to live in anger.

Once she realized that, she crumbled again.

“…So, what? Will you just watch quietly if people insult your dead friend?”

Isabel cherished Lucas above all else.

So I asked her if she’d really endure seeing someone insult him due to her self-loathing.

Isabel fell silent.

Seeing this, I pressed my lips together and asked,

“Isabel Luna.”

As I called her full name, I took a step closer.

The Isabel I knew was always like a bright sun.

No matter how fiery she burned with anger,

she had never become something less than a candle consumed by self-loathing.

“Is that all the heart you have for your friend?”

“What then!”

Isabel shouted as if in defiance.

Her face bore the scars left by her own hand.

“How else should I act! I tried to die alongside Lucas! Yet here I am, so furious over him being insulted that I’ve trained hard again! Without realizing I’m the one who insulted Lucas the most!”

Isabel’s hands pressed hard against the stone floor.

Her nails broke, and blood seeped out from how fiercely she gripped.

“Yet you, who thought I insulted Lucas, are actually doing what he wanted the least…”

Only then did I understand why Isabel had changed.

The day I awakened in the Gray Forest,

Isabel had connected me to Lucas, who had thrown himself to save another.

That’s why she kept avoiding my gaze.

Seeing me brought back memories of Lucas,

and made her reflect on what she had intended to do to him.

“I was just a selfish girl, fixated on the fact that Lucas was insulted, thinking I could change that by entering Magung…”

As a result, Isabel’s emotions continued to become unstable.

She desperately tried to learn swordsmanship from Ban to overcome her self-loathing.

However, the outcome of this fixation was

that all I heard from around was whether she was dating Ban.

Isabel had lost Lucas only a few months ago.

The realization that she appeared happy enough to date someone after losing her precious friend

further dragged Isabel down.

So she unleashed her anger on her friends.

The sword she thought was for Lucas was one she felt unworthy of wielding,

and to others, the sword she swung for Lucas looked like a sword for her own happiness.

Seeing her like that,

“What’s wrong with being selfish?”

I asked, what kind of nonsense was that?

Isabel slowly lifted her head.

“People can’t live just for others forever. Naturally, everyone lives for themselves. I’m no different.”

It’s only natural that everyone places themselves first.

“That’s human nature, a natural action.”

My eyes locked onto Isabel’s.

Isabel began to genuinely listen to me.

So I said,

“Isabel, let me tell you one thing. What you’re doing now is just pretending to be nice.”

“…What?”

And I struck.

“You tried to die for your dead friend. Moreover, you did that loathsome thing of trying to follow him in death, and yet now you just sit back and let him be insulted. What kind of absurd, stupid talk is that? Either pretend to be nice or just be selfish—pick one.”

I stepped closer to Isabel, showing my irritation.

The scorching sun cast a shadow above my head.

My red eyes glimmered in that shadow.

“Your friend is dead. The dead don’t talk. Following the dead just makes you one more silent figure.

That won’t make your friend sad. There’s no way for the dead to express sorrow.”

Isabel was entangled in the specter of Lucas.

So in order to save Isabel now,

I had to utilize even the spirit of Lucas.

“If you died and Lucas heard someone insulting you, do you think he would say anything different from what you’re saying?”

Isabel’s shoulders flinched.

We both knew this fact.

Absolutely not.

If it were Lucas, he wouldn’t let anyone insult Isabel, no matter what.

“You said you want to stop insulting your friend.”

I stated coldly.

“Isn’t what you’re doing right now the most insulting thing to your friend?”

To stay silent, despite a precious friend being insulted, showing no worth—

that’s the most terrible act towards Lucas.

Isabel’s eyes trembled fiercely.

“I still think Lucas’s death brought disgrace to Jerion Academy and set a poor example for many students.”

I brought up the words that once ignited Isabel.

“So, how about you, Isabel?”

With her tear-stained face, she bit her lip tightly.

Clenching her blood-stained hands into fists,

she looked up at me again.

In her eyes, which had lost their light just moments ago,

a small flame was flickering once more.

“…No. Lucas did everything he could to save others. No one should belittle that.”

Isabel began to stack her resolve.

Not like the unstable podium before,

but now a solid foundation of determination for her to rise.

“I won’t let anything like what happened to your friend occur again.

Lucas’s death is an ignominy that must be shed from Jerion Academy.”

Isabel countered this.

“Lucas’s death was a noble sacrifice.

His will to save others is a model that everyone should inherit.”

Our opinions clashed.

Before I knew it, Isabel had stood up.

On the day I first met Isabel, I made a resolution.

I couldn’t be the sun like Lucas.

So at the very least, I decided I’d be the moon.

Even if I caused the moonlight to be mistaken for sunlight,

I was resolved to make the sunflowers lift their heads.

“Isabel, I don’t think we’ll ever share the same opinion for life. I really can’t stand you.”