Chapter 36

Camilla’s spear, wrapped in electricity, collided with my vibrating staff, creating tiny afterimages.

With a cracking sound, Camilla, who had stepped back, began to tease.

“Didn’t get enough sleep last night because you were chatting with your sister all night? Your staff work is terrible.”

Indeed, I had spent the whole night talking with Rizel and even saw her off this morning, but that shouldn’t have affected my performance at all.

“…I’ve gotten a bit rusty lately. I guess it’s because I don’t have many days left.”

“Please, stop…!”

A spear wrapped in even stronger electricity flew towards my chest.

“Don’t take my jokes so seriously! Do you know how frustrating it is?!!!”

“Pity. I’m quite weak at distinguishing such things.”

I swung my staff, twisting the trajectory of the spear. Though my hand was tingling quite a bit.

“Ha…”

Camilla, who naturally retrieved her spear, clicked her tongue and charged at me again.

“First, you suddenly want to spar with your not-so-healthy body… What’s gotten into you?”

“The first reason is that I wanted to face you sober.”

Camilla’s face turned red, and she started to step back.

“The second reason is probably to check the state of my weakening skills. I guess there’s no opponent like you anymore.”

“So the second reason is the main one, huh? Damn you, you little fox.”

“Also, I can see your face more clearly under the sunlight than under the moonlight.”

“You unconscious little brat…”

Camilla held her forehead and started shaking her head.

I couldn’t understand her words, but it seemed my way of speaking had a bad influence again.

“Ha, I don’t feel like fighting anymore. Let’s end today’s spar here.”

“That’s not for you to decide. Have you forgotten your training under Master? Sparring continues until one side is unconscious…”

“Hey.”

Camilla suddenly grabbed both my wrists and threw me down.

“You’ve become so weak that I can knock you down.”

“Even so, I still have enough strength to take down a giant.”

But it was true that I could no longer defeat Camilla with just brute strength.

“Can you think about how I feel having to fight you when you’re so weak?”

“So you don’t want to fight me because I’m weak?”

“I mean, think about how I feel having to experience my friend weakening. You’re shoving the fact that I’m trying to look away right in my face.”

I couldn’t understand. She knew well that I was on borrowed time. So why did she say she wanted to look away?

“Do you know how much your naivety, or stupidity, hurts me?”

“…I’ll apologize.”

“Don’t apologize if you don’t know what you’re apologizing for.”

It was always like this.

Camilla really hated it when I bowed my head meaninglessly.

Since childhood, she was the one who scolded me the most by my side.

“…I’ll try to avoid doing things you dislike from now on.”

Though my efforts always ended up being in vain, I made the promise anyway.

“Sigh… Just sit down.”

She released my wrists and let out a deep sigh.

I don’t know how such strength comes from those delicate wrists, but thinking about her bloodline, the mystery somewhat unraveled.

The only daughter of the storm, she crouched beside me, chewing on the cheese she brought as a snack and gulping down the sun wine.

“You’re still as bold as ever.”

“You shouldn’t say that to a girl.”

“You’re not an ordinary girl, so it’s fine.”

“You must want to become an ordinary corpse.”

We exchanged such trivial jokes.

We enjoyed a shameless drinking session, sharing a bottle. We didn’t need any pretenses of dignity between us. Since childhood, we had even seen each other naked.

“Camilla, there’s something I want to ask.”

“What is it? Should I tell you the color of my underwear?”

“…I want to know why you all are so kind to me. I’m not good with words, and I’m not the kind of man who gets along with others. I don’t see any value in it.”

“……Can’t I just tell you the color of my underwear?”

“………What’s the point of knowing that?”

“Sigh, fine. There are probably different reasons for each of us… but one common reason is that none of us grew up with proper parents.”

The Emperor, from what I saw, was an abnormal man. He had a natural talent for architecture and making money, but ultimately, he did everything according to his whims. He was a man devoid of humanity.

Her Majesty the Empress’s parents were people who only cared about honor. Personally, I didn’t prefer meeting them either.

“Well, all our parents are trash, right?”

“Not mine.”

“Shut up. Your mother is like that, what are you talking about? Your family isn’t exactly normal either.”

Camilla pointed out the flaw in my words, even pointing her finger at me.

“Who am I to judge? My father is a drunkard, my mother ran off with a servant when I was young, and my brother is a workaholic.”

“…True.”

Her family was infamous even among commoners.

The Minister of War recently walked naked on the streets while drunk. Camilla’s mother ran away when she was young. Camilla’s brother was so uptight that even I felt frustrated.

“Your family is quite abnormal.”

“That sounds really dirty.”

Camilla pouted and started poking me with the knife she brought to cut the cheese.

“It’s dangerous, so put it away.”

“…By the way, you’ve never told me about your father. What kind of person was he?”

“……My father.”

He was a man hard to summarize in one word.

It was like drifting in the sea of language, trying to find the right expression for such an enigmatic man.

“He was like a clown.”

“A clown? Like those in the circus?”

“Yes. A clown would be the most fitting description. Despite being sickly, he tried hard to make me laugh every day.”

He always looked like he could die any moment, but he was always smiling. Even when his condition worsened and he coughed up blood in front of me, he would joke, “Who wants some tomato stew?”

He always fell, rolled down stairs, and asked if it wasn’t funny. Every time, I answered that seeing someone get hurt wasn’t funny. Then he would sigh and promise to fall more dramatically next time.

He often poked my mother’s cheeks as a joke, once put a lot of pepper in my tea, and even painted Rizel’s dog with fluorescent paint, making her cry in the middle of the night.

“……That’s the kind of person he was.”

“He seemed quite serious when I saw him occasionally.”

“Actually, he said he attached a cricket to your dress the first time he saw you.”

“That was your dad?”

Anyway, that was my father.

There were rumors that even the Emperor, who was the target of his pranks, was so dumbfounded that he just let it slide.

“And he was the one who opposed me going to the battlefield until the end.”

That day, for the first time, he got angry and cursed at me, telling me to save my nonsense for my dreams.

That day, he went to Master and swung his fists for three hours, but only managed to dust off Master’s clothes before returning.

Even though he was so weak, I couldn’t understand why he did that. Why he got so angry for someone like me.

“I probably won’t understand him even when I die.”

The reason he gave me candy when my mother scolded me and kept apologizing.

The reason he covered my mother’s mouth when she said, “I regret giving birth to you…”

The reason he exaggeratedly fell in front of me when my mother hit me.

I probably won’t understand it for the rest of my life.

“I may not understand, but he was an overly great father to me. That’s why… yes, that’s why my mother can’t forgive me even more.”

“…Are you talking about not being able to attend your father’s deathbed?”

“An unfilial son who couldn’t even take a step to his father’s deathbed. Deserving of hatred.”

“You know best. The situation back then…!”

“No matter the situation.”

Yes, no matter the situation.

“I am an unfilial son who couldn’t even repay what I received.”

All the clownish acts he did in front of me, all the candy he gave me, the reasons he opposed me going to the battlefield.

Even the smallest comfort, whose origin I couldn’t understand, I couldn’t even repay.

“…It’s almost your father’s death anniversary.”

“Yes.”

“I’ll probably have to go to the capital soon. I need to deliver the letter you wrote to your fiancée. While I’m at it… write a letter to your father’s grave.”

I couldn’t understand.

My father was already buried underground.

What meaning could there be in delivering a letter?

“Do it as the least repayment.”

“…Would my father forgive me?”

“Don’t make your father such a narrow-minded person. That would be the worst unfilial act.”

Camilla started scolding me again, just like she used to.

Even though I was being scolded, I felt a nostalgic sensation, and my expression softened just a little.

Just a little. Just a little, but the corners of my mouth lifted.

“You little brat, always making that face when scolded!”

“…Camilla.”

I looked at Camilla and asked again.

“You said there are personal reasons besides the common ones why you all take care of me.”

“Yes. Why?”

“I want to know your personal reason.”

Camilla, as if suddenly drunk, ran away with a fully red face.

“…I really just wanted to know.”

I probably won’t understand that reason even when I die.

Because I am the most foolish man.