Chapter 34

“Today was fun too! Right?”

“……”

“Louis?”

“Ah, huh? Yeah.”

“Are you hiding something from me?”

*

034

Happiness (Part 2)

*

“……Do you really think so?”

As always, the words filled with doubt carried a warmth that made them feel a little warmer than usual.

Anne knew it too. You lightly raised our intertwined fingers and tapped the back of my hand. Tap, tap. Like playing a melody.

As the lingering winter cold retreated, and the spring rain fell on the unthawed ground.

“I couldn’t promise back then, but now I can.”

Even those always clouded gray-blue eyes were clear today. The clouds hadn’t completely lifted, but the sun peeked through just enough.

The sun is too far away to dare follow, but that’s okay. She will always shine her light on everything in the world.

“Louis. If we keep going like this, if we wash away all the darkness lingering inside you—”

Am I really a heretic? Is there truly darkness lurking within me? Such questions no longer mattered.

Just follow the light. I nodded blankly, as if entranced.

“—Nothing in the reformatory will be able to hold you anymore. The Religious Order will open the doors wide. No one will doubt you, and no one will ever take away your freedom again.”

It was shameless coming from the one who first struck the back of my head and took away my freedom… but it was still a future too sweet to resist.

“But.”

“Huh?”

“Even if I regain my freedom… I have nowhere to go.”

If I forget the past I’ve left behind. If I turn away from the future that’s soon to come.

My hometown, Yefrinse. A place broken and ruined. In the ruins where everyone has died, by the riverbanks where blood flows instead of water… could I rebuild it all alone?

It’s impossible. Maybe then, I’ll go mad with longing and despair, and become a heretic.

“I’m here.”

And the one who destroyed everything I had.

Even though everything was shattered, what remains is still here, breathing beside me.

“I’ll be your hometown, your new sanctuary.”

So tenderly, so sweetly that I could drown in it, so gently that I wanted to entrust everything to it, the words whispered to me.

I think I understand a little of how heretics feel. Of course, nothing in the world could compare, but if Laube’s voice were even half—no, a quarter as sweet.

Wouldn’t people willingly sell their souls? I certainly felt like doing so myself.

“A roof to protect you from the world’s harsh storms, a pillar to lean on when you’re tired and weary, a bed to hold you when loneliness makes you shiver.”

It was an overly sturdy confession from a woman to a man, but who cares? As long as the two of us are happy, what does the world’s opinion matter?

Anne gently pulled me closer—

“Louis.”

She kissed me and whispered.

“Let’s live together.”

It was practically a proposal.

If I didn’t already have a fiancée, if Anne weren’t an Inquisition Judge who had cut ties with the secular world.

Anne smiled like the Holy Mother, gently tickling my cheek.

“I know what you’re trying to say. I know what you’re afraid of.”

The barriers of reality. Things that won’t disappear even if I’m no longer a heretic.

Why did I give up? Why did I despair? Why couldn’t I hold onto you and had to let you go? Things that couldn’t be overcome with just the recklessness of a young boy, the height of birth and power.

Once I gain my freedom, I am nothing. A lowly wretch with no hometown, no family, no friends, no wealth.

“It’s okay.”

The girl, still smaller than me even though she’s grown, held me tightly in her arms. The power pulsating within her slender, delicate body, capable of destroying anything, now gently protected me, contrary to its original purpose.

“From the moment you became a heretic, all the promises you made to the world became meaningless. You no longer have a fiancée.”

The reality that stood like a canyon between us crumbled with just a few words. It felt unreal.

“Is that… so?”

“Yeah. Originally, it’s a guideline to save innocent people entangled with heretics.”

In this case, it’s saving an innocent heretic… Hah, haha. Isn’t that as contradictory as a wronged wolf, a gentle snake, or a righteous slaughterer?

“And, I’ve forgiven you.”

Anne gently pulled me closer and hugged me. Wrapped in her soft touch, I yielded without resistance to her hands. Come to think of it, it’s been a while since I last resisted.

Though I still raised my voice with others, I couldn’t do that with you.

Perhaps it was from the day you took the punishment I should have received. You, who know me so well, feared that you might inflict a greater punishment on yourself than whipping and hurting me.

“Or maybe, perhaps……”

“Ah, no!”

Even though I wasn’t trying to resist, my voice involuntarily grew louder. People with something to hide tend to raise their voices. Even though Anne didn’t suspect or interrogate me, I panicked and asserted my innocence.

“I really only have you. Believe me.”

“Haha, I know.”

It was shameless to say such things after fooling around, but Anne, with her vast capacity for forgiveness, even embraced such embarrassing excuses.

“But, what if the people around you oppose it?”

Not lowly people like me, but high-ranking people like you. But despite my worries, Anne just smiled leisurely.

“It’s okay. I’m not a child anymore.”

You, who have grown so much without me noticing, declare that you will protect me, just as I did in my younger days.

“You’d be surprised if you knew how much wealth the higher-ups of the Religious Order accumulate. Besides, I hardly had any time to spend the wealth I gained.”

As an Inquisition Judge, busy slaughtering and smashing the heads of heretics—though that might just be a misconception.

I pushed my negative and pessimistic thoughts back inside. No. I can’t do this. Not after all the effort Anne has put in for me.

How could I, of all people, the one who received such grace, possibly insult you?

“You can use it all as you wish. Remember what I said before?”

“Everything I have is practically yours……”

“Yeah. And.”

Pressing our foreheads and noses together like in childhood, Anne kissed me again. Without resisting the intoxicating allure, I responded, reminiscing about the past.

Not wanting to miss even a second of not seeing each other, we stared without blinking, as if we were about to be sucked into each other. Eventually, our lips parted to breathe, and the sticky saliva stretched as if reluctant to let go.

Once, twice, thrice, and back to the first time. Even though it had been so long, our bodies remembered, as if they could never forget. We lost all restraint and indulged in each other like beasts.

“You’re mine.”

Even in my dazed mind, as if someone had stirred a hundred spoons of honey into my brain, I nodded vigorously. An undeniable truth. The sun rises in the east, Ailim created all things, and I am yours.

I couldn’t tell if my trembling was from ecstasy or fear. Either way, you held me tighter, ensuring I couldn’t escape, and covered me with your soft skin instead of the blanket.

Lost in the storm of pleasure, we found ourselves on a bed, less hard than the floor. Anne’s hair cascaded like a waterfall, blocking my view of the outside, forcing me to see only her.

Bold yet blushing, her lustful eyes were filled with waves of other emotions—embarrassment, hesitation, a bit of fear… My face must have been the same.

In the platinum waterfall, time seemed to stand still as we gazed at each other for a long time.

Just staying like this would have been enough. So close. Holding each other in our hearts, reflecting each other in our eyes. In your eyes was me, loving you, and in mine was you, loving me. The endlessly swelling emotions overwhelmed us.

But, this ‘next’ was still uncharted territory.

The place and situation weren’t ideal. A reformatory, a grandly named prison. Inside, we were prisoner and warden. As Anne said, if anyone saw an Inquisition Judge entangled with a heretic like this, it would be grounds for punishment.

Is it just my greed? Am I shamelessly imposing my desires on you?

Then why do you look as eager as I do?

Amidst hesitation, excitement, fear, reality, romance, and brutality—I decided to take one more step.

With you, and no one else. My world, my love, my companion.

The sole reason my heart beats.

“……Louis.”

Whether out of fear or anticipation, you closed your eyes as I wrapped my arms around your waist. This time, you leaned into me. Of course, compared to you, I am infinitely weak and pitiful, but even I had enough of a presence to support someone.

Only one person.

In the face of base desires and the noble love that swallows even them, everything else loses meaning and is washed away.

I whispered tenderly to the destroyer of my village, the slaughterer of my friends, my nightmare and pain.

“I love you, Anne.”