Ultimately, it had been several days since Luche and I crossed the line.
Unlike my expectation that things would get busier as the scheduled training date approached, due to intense preparation during the short preparation period, I didn’t feel rushed even as the date drew near.
Since that day, Luche hadn’t come to the office of Team 1. While it was true that not much time was left for training, and I felt she was intentionally avoiding the office so as not to interfere with my work during this time.
When we met in the hallway, we talked as usual, and I could tell she wanted the training to end quickly. I felt the same way.
I still hadn’t met with Klugger. It’s not that I deliberately avoided seeing him; although we’ve known each other for a long time, neither of us has the attitude of “let’s meet up” when we’re both at headquarters. Plus, each of us has our own tasks to focus on, so there’s no need to seek each other out.
I knew Klugger had something to say to me, and he knew I had something to say to him, but I thought it wasn’t urgent enough to prioritize.
“Grr!”
Stretching, I finished the final review of the training schedule.
With only two days left until the training, it was somewhat relieving that I didn’t have deep concerns, yet it also worried me.
Was it okay to be so relaxed? But there was no need to pressure myself unnecessarily while in a relaxed state.
Ms. Esmeralda, Ms. Angelique, Luche. I had many things to think about because of the short time I spent with these three people, but they seemed to want to talk about detailed matters after the training ended. Even when alone with me, they didn’t bring up recent events.
I thought their consideration made me feel less burdened and more at ease.
However, I wasn’t completely free from thoughts. After opening up to Siera about our feelings, I hadn’t had a conversation with her since then.
Just because we’re at headquarters doesn’t mean we must see each other. The same goes for Siera.
Though we’ve known each other longer than Klugger and I see her less often since coming to the Seoul Branch, her behavior has changed, making me feel the need to have a proper conversation with her.
“Ugh, this is troublesome. This is really troublesome.”
Going to Siera now to say, “Let’s talk for a bit,” would be awkward. We aren’t accustomed to arranging such conversations, and being aware of the lack of communication makes it even more uncomfortable.
“What’s so troublesome?”
Looking up at the voice above me while leaning against the back of the chair, I saw Ms. Esmeralda looking down at me with a coffee in hand.
“The training is almost here.”
“Isn’t everything planned out?”
“It is, but I can’t guarantee it’ll go as planned once the training starts.”
“Things don’t always go as planned. Don’t worry too much.”
Esmeralda smiled to reassure me and placed the coffee on my forehead. I quickly grabbed it before it could fall.
“But I don’t think my worries are about that.”
Her direct words made me laugh awkwardly and take a sip of coffee.
“I feel awkward with Siera. I’m wondering if it’s okay to start the training like this.”
Hiding something won’t solve it. It’s better to openly discuss our concerns and find a solution.
“Still?”
Seeing Esmeralda look surprised, it seemed she didn’t know Siera and I were still in an awkward state. This situation wasn’t ideal for the training or personally either.
But having never actively addressed our feelings, even when trying to act, hesitation arises. Conversations with others don’t feel this way, but with Siera, it feels different.
“Yes. Sadly, we’re still in this state.”
As I sighed deeply, Esmeralda sighed before me.
“How did this happen?”
“I don’t know. I thought we had resolved misunderstandings, but things seem to have gotten worse since then.”
Not actively communicating our feelings led to new awkwardness after talking about them. Our interactions remained formal, and even those were rare in the past few weeks.
“Maybe you should try talking?”
“It feels awkward.”
After the conversation, the awkwardness intensified, making it harder to start another one.
While knowing we shouldn’t stay like this, taking action isn’t easy.
Without understanding why we’re in this state, starting a conversation feels challenging.
Siera seems to avoid me. If asked, she might avoid me.
No, before asking, I should consider that I might be avoiding her.
Not attempting a proper conversation with her means I am avoiding her too.
“We can’t stay like this. We can train, but we can’t ignore each other forever. And we thought we resolved misunderstandings?”
“Yes, but… I don’t know. I can’t act rashly thinking about Siera.”
Esmeralda, who had been silent, rubbed her chin in thought. She had seen our relationship for a long time and had many observations.
I hoped she might suggest a solution, but her furrowed brow indicated none was immediate.
“It’s difficult. Without knowing what Siera thinks, I can’t advise how to proceed.”
Given our long history, Esmeralda likely shared my view.
We knew our relationship couldn’t be solved by just talking. She struggled too.
There’s no special reason for us to be this uncomfortable. We’ve known each other for a long time and share everything.
Despite knowing most things, I only recently understood Siera’s true feelings. Though she hasn’t changed, realizing this made me feel a gap I hadn’t before.
If her behavior hadn’t changed, I wouldn’t have noticed a difference. Her altered demeanor made me cautious about even minor actions.
Esmeralda, who knows our relationship, understands this point. The same would apply to Angelique and Luche.
“Talking is best, but timing is key.”
“Don’t rush. With you and Siera, time will help resolve things.”
Time usually solves most issues. As time passes, problems become less significant.
Most of our issues were resolved this way, and it seems this is our only option now.
“Right?”
I wondered if time would solve this, but it was a recurring thought.
But every time, time solved the issue. So, I believe it will again.
“I’ll go get some fresh air.”
“Go ahead.”
Feeling the need for a change, I stood up to greet Esmeralda and stepped out of the office.
When heading out, I bumped into Theo and Alt, who had just arrived in the elevator.
“Smoking?”
“Are you?”
“Trying to clear my mind.”
“Senior, are you busy lately?”
“Yes, I wish I had more free time like others.”
“I’m not just lounging around!”
Theo, going to smoke, and Alt, joining for fresh air, chatted as we headed outside. The air was still cold.
Though the weather had improved, it wasn’t warm enough for lighter clothing.
The cool wind and indoor heating cooled my face quickly.
“How’s your preparation?”
“No problems. Just need everything to go as planned during training.”
“Is it tough?”
“Just think of it as repeating old training.”
Theo lit his cigarette and asked about the upcoming training design.
Considering the poor morale in Team 3, I expected them to be very tense before training.
Especially since this is their first training with new members, including Theo and Alt. Even with experience, facing unfamiliar tactics can be nerve-wracking.
“What’s Klugger doing?”
“Klugger has been planning tactical strategies with the Team Leader for training.”
During my absence, Team 3 had prepared extensively for the upcoming training.
Klugger’s role was to take over commands when Luche struggled.
Thus, Klugger knew the team’s tactics well. However, until recently, Klugger only memorized Luche’s strategies, and he was fine with that.
But recently, the team’s coordination has faltered, leading to collaborative strategy planning.
“There’ll be a lot to learn upon return.”
Thinking about learning new tactics, I couldn’t feel positive.
Even with suit adjustments, individual differences require tailored strategies. Changes in personnel necessitate new plans.
Though familiar with this, it’s been a decade since last changes, making sudden shifts difficult.
Fortunately, some new members share history, easing adaptation.
For example, I already know Theo’s combat style without needing to learn much, as basic patterns haven’t changed significantly.
Alt and Ro have distinct styles, so adapting them isn’t challenging.
“You might change again after returning. They’ll test various strategies during this training.”
New tactics haven’t settled yet. While some adjustments have been made through practice, formal training will involve many experiments and changes.
In essence, whether I’m temporarily away or continuously active, the amount to learn remains the same.
I intended to clear my mind, but discussing training and tactics didn’t help. However, I felt slightly relieved about Siera.
Worrying about Siera now wouldn’t yield answers. Just reducing my thoughts about her provided relief.
“Let’s go in.”
Theo had finished his cigarette, and the cool breeze refreshed me.
Feeling lighter, I stretched and returned inside.
!
Meeting Siera in the elevator after walking ahead, I stopped. Theo and Alt looked between Siera and me.
“Oh… um…”
Caught off guard, Siera got back into the elevator.
“What happened?”
Theo, seeing the unusual scene, asked. I remained silent.
“Hmm…”
A sigh escaped. Clearly, Siera was avoiding me, which felt uncomfortable, even though I understood our awkwardness.
“I’ll let you know when it’s resolved.”
Before going for fresh air, I thought time would solve the issue.
But meeting her immediately after returning felt unchanged.
One thing did differ.
Seeing Siera clearly avoiding me confirmed this issue needed more than time to resolve.
“A confrontation is necessary.”
Standing in front of the elevator, I pressed the button.
