Chapter 26

I spent the night in the park until dawn. It wasn’t some deep existential thought about human existence, but rather I split my ego into two and made a lion and a tiger fight to see who was stronger. Just as the fight was leaning towards Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson winning with a Thompson submachine gun, the morning sun rose. The morning sun rises in Japan, the country defeated by the atomic bomb from America. Yeah, if a tiger and a lion fight, America wins. That’s just how it goes.

Shivering in the cold air, I decided to head back. Forcing myself up, I was so cold that I bought a warm cocoa from a nearby store to warm up. It was so hot that I slightly burned the tip of my tongue, but the warm cocoa was enough to thaw my frozen body.

If this were a typical protagonist, they’d probably say, “Damn, this is sex,” but I didn’t. Sex was what I tried to do yesterday, and cocoa is just a simple drink.

But thinking about it, I almost did something reckless under the influence of alcohol, which scared me a little. I thought of all the trash who do bad things and blame it on alcohol, and I felt a bit pathetic. I guess I should quit drinking for better self-control.

While having these trivial thoughts and halfway through my hot cocoa, I saw Irina putting up posters outside the adventurer’s guild building. She’s the receptionist, but it seems she handles all sorts of tasks.

“Hey, Irina, isn’t putting flyers on someone else’s wall illegal?”

Irina turned around, saw me, chuckled, and replied, “Yep~ It’s illegal even if it’s the guild’s wall. Go ahead and arrest me.”

“Hahaha… So, what’s the urgent request that you’re posting outside?”

“Ah, there’s been a bandit group targeting merchants lately. We’re trying to form a subjugation team with adventurers…”

This must be the DLC quest from the game where Werner and Airi subjugate bandits. It was a quest that got a lot of attention when everyone missed Werner.

“Hmm, bandits, huh…”

“Yeah, they’re not your average bandits. They take hostages and demand ransoms. They’re a group of outlaws who’ve even wiped out merchant escorts.”

Bandits, sometimes called mountain bandits or pirates, evolve based on their environment, like how Eevee evolves depending on what stone it steps on. Their origin is bandits, and they get beaten up in both fantasy and martial arts settings. They’re the go-to mobs for beginners in games and novels.

“Then I’ll go.”

“Ah, if you join the subjugation team, it’ll be a big help.”

“No, disband the team.”

Irina dropped the recruitment poster she was about to put up. Such littering is problematic, but I thought, “It’s just one poster, it won’t hurt.” But then I realized this isn’t Earth, so it’s probably fine.

Irina’s eyes widened, and she said, “Why disband the team we just formed?!”

“Bunching up amateurs will just make them hostages and a headache. Tell the client to use their pay to support the families instead.”

Throwing amateurs at them would be a disaster. This isn’t a novel. If people get taken hostage, it’ll be our problem. We need to send in elite forces to crush them in one go.

For example, the people who handle terrorists are the best-trained elites, right?

“Having too many people could cause problems, but the scale of this is no joke.”

“That’s why you shouldn’t bring amateurs.”

“Sigh… Fine, we’ll form a small elite team instead…”

“I said you don’t need unnecessary troops.”

“I got it, that’s why I said a small elite team…”

“No, why do I need others if I’m going?”

“So, you’re saying you’re going alone? Are you crazy?”

“Archmage Werner is going. What else do you need?”

This was actually one of Werner’s lines. Some might criticize him for being arrogant, but for Werner, it wasn’t arrogance. He was genuinely that strong, and this line was one that showcased his magical prowess. If you look up Werner’s combat power on Namu Wiki, this line is in a box.

“Really, you… Fine, I’ll suggest it to the guild master.”

“Yeah, tell the old man to think carefully.”

“Please don’t call the guild master an old man…”

“You’re the one who calls him a damn old geezer when you’re drunk.”

“Shut up, Werner, unless you want to die.”

Women are scary, especially in this world. A playboy in this world would be braver than Lü Bu.

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“Master, where have you been?!”

Airi, who was waiting at the door, started scolding me. I thought I could sneak in quietly, but there was an ambush. I thought about begging like Cao Cao at Huarong Pass, but I hadn’t done anything that wrong.

I didn’t kill my whole family and declare that even if I abandon the world, the world can’t abandon me. I didn’t go on a rampage because someone killed my father. And I never targeted married women.

Look, I’m such a great person. I had every right to be confident.

“Ah… I had something urgent to take care of, so I went out and just got back. Look, I even bought freshly baked bread on the way.”

I deliberately shook the warm bag to spread the smell.

“Is bread important right now, Master? What happened that you had to go out again?!”

I hoped the rich, warm aroma of the freshly baked bread would calm Airi down, but unfortunately, it didn’t. Stupid bread, if it were rice, it might’ve worked. That’s why rice is greater than bread.

“Sigh… Actually, there was an urgent message from the adventurer’s guild… It was so urgent they contacted me at night.”

“An urgent matter?”

“Yeah, they asked for help with a bandit group that’s been causing trouble lately.”

“So, you’re planning to go?”

“Yeah, I’m planning to.”

Airi’s disappointment was obvious. She’s always been by my side, and now I’m going out and getting close to other women… Damn, this is the alienation a father feels when his daughter hits puberty. The daughter who always played with her dad is now going out and only caring about her boyfriend. But why is she feeling this? Is she my dad?

I quickly tried to console Airi.

“How about you come along for your training too?”

It was time to give her some real combat experience. I was a bit worried, but as long as I tried my best to avoid any trouble, it should be fine. Airi isn’t that weak anyway.

“Really, can I come along?”

“Yeah, Sister Camellia… probably wouldn’t like this kind of thing.”

That was just an excuse. After what happened yesterday, I wanted to avoid her if possible.

“Who said they don’t like something?”

They say if you talk about a tiger, it will come, and apparently, half-elves come too if you talk about them.

“No, Sister… It’s just…”

“Just hurry back. I’m not so clueless as to ruin someone else’s lesson twice.”

That’s Sister Camellia for you. Her chest might be smaller than Airi’s, but her heart is bigger than anyone’s. Grateful for her generosity, I took Airi to the adventurer’s guild.

Whether it’s fish or meat, it’s best when fresh. The same goes for jobs—handle them right away to avoid complications.

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Me, Airi, and Irina, an employee from the adventurer’s guild, went to the scene and found the bandits camped out on the plains.

From a distance, their camp was huge, like they’d taken over a small village and set up a proper security system.

“It’d be tough to go in one by one, taking out the guards.”

“That’s what I said! We should’ve brought more people to crush them all at once!”

“I said it’d be tough to go in one by one, not that we couldn’t handle them.”

“What?”

Dealing with mere bandits was a piece of cake for Werner. Not a cold piece of cake, because cold cake is hard to eat.

I clasped my hands and began chanting the spells from the original work.

“Rain of lightning, descend.”

“Hail of fire, cover the ground now.”

A rain of lightning and hail of fire began to fall on the bandits’ base. Buildings struck by lightning collapsed, and the hail of fire burned everything in their escape path, sending black smoke rising.

It got a bit out of hand, but since the contract didn’t mention anything about fires, I didn’t do anything wrong.

Watching the bandits’ hideout burn made me feel a bit sad. I should’ve taken their loot before burning it…