Since I cannot view images or content within HTML tags, I will translate the provided text directly:
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I can’t say exactly when, but at some point, I knew.
I knew that my feelings wouldn’t be understood.
While I don’t know everything, I can certainly say when I started liking A.
It was very early on. Still naive about the world, I had experienced many farewells due to frequent moves before understanding anything about life. I closed my heart.
I realized too soon that every connection with someone eventually ends.
A brought me out from the narrow confines of my room into the wider world.
Though it was unsettling and scary, seeing him always smile despite everything made me feel safe.
I didn’t want to leave and I didn’t want this bond to end.
This feeling slowly turned into an obsession with A and then love for him.
But confessing was scary.
The fear that sharing my feelings would end our connection.
So I decided to become closer friends than lovers—someone who knows each other longer rather than being close.
After giving up once, it felt better not to keep thinking about loving him.
However, this peace didn’t last long.
There were many children who liked bright and lively A, making me think someone could take my place anytime.
Intentionally spending more time with A, my repressed feelings flared up again.
I believed I would find the courage to confess someday.
Time passed, and A and I joined the military together. Even after joining, we spent more time together than apart.
Despite many looks and words behind our backs, nothing changed my feelings for A.
His image in my mind became clearer and stronger, never fading.
We shared many experiences, and he even took me to the universe he dreamed of.
Then, our world disappeared, and A’s parents passed away.
What should I do? How should I act and speak?
Seeing A’s parents daily, now gone, was shocking and confusing.
Worse, A had lost his parents.
He couldn’t be the same person, becoming so sensitive that he showed madness whenever hearing about space pirates.
This period terrified me.
No matter what I said, he didn’t listen. The bright and energetic A I knew was gone.
We fought often.
When I tried to stop A from pushing too hard during missions, he ignored me completely. This led to arguments.
I feared talking to him, worried my words might start fights.
I wanted to encourage him, but felt powerless.
A’s face grew brighter each day, and we moved units.
We transferred to the planned air base, where I first met Captain Esmeralda.
She, a fellow of Captain Angelique, watched over A.
Esmeralda and A grew close, often seen together.
Gradually, my place seemed nonexistent, replaced by someone else.
I concluded that perhaps it would be better if someone else cared for A instead of me.
During this period, I tried not to get closer to A.
Avoiding eye contact, leaving when in the same space, suppressing any desire to see him.
My heart felt cold, as if tears would come.
Yet, I didn’t cry. Knowing I couldn’t do more even if near him.
However, Esmeralda and A’s time together didn’t last long.
Esmeralda was from a noble family and was set to marry as per tradition.
Could something have happened to A?
We were so close, yet suddenly heard this news, worrying about his reaction.
Contrary to expectations, A remained unaffected.
Instead, he showed disappointment towards me, who had purposefully avoided him.
Our relationship, thought to drift apart forever, began to return to its original state.
My hidden feelings reemerged. Perhaps suppressed too long, my affection for A grew stronger.
Still, I couldn’t express these feelings.
Afraid that ending our relationship or giving A more reasons to fight would cause him distress.
My desire to stay closer to A became obvious, leading rumors that we were like a couple.
These rumors weren’t unwelcome; they might protect A from unwanted advances.
I wanted no one to take my place.
I hoped to remain forever close, but fate didn’t align with my wishes.
After arriving on Earth, I was promoted. Promotion meant moving to another unit, separating from A.
Hoping to delay promotion, A was assigned to the Seoul branch. Determined to stay near him, despite rank differences, I applied for the vacant position of Team Leader at Seoul Branch.
Although initially assigned elsewhere, superiors respected my opinion, and I joined A after some time in Seoul.
There, I met A-Ti and Luche.
Team Leader 3, Luche, pointed out A as her subordinate.
Team Leader 1 was Captain Esmeralda, and Team Leader 2 was Captain Angelique.
Something felt wrong here. Knowing about Esmeralda and Angelique, I never imagined Luche, as Team Leader 3, would be A-Ti.
In this place, I couldn’t be the person caring for A, a dependable older sister, or a close younger sister.
Though I knew A longest, I couldn’t fulfill any role.
With determination, I searched for what I could do for A.
What could I be for A? Believing there must be something I could offer given our long friendship.
A always pushed himself, ignoring personal injuries if it meant protecting others.
Observing him for years,
Now, we’re not even in the same rank, and A isn’t my direct subordinate. I might not be able to watch over him if he pushes too hard.
Thus, I decided to be the one ensuring A doesn’t get hurt.
“All you need to do is nothing.”
This was all I could say. Telling him to slow down or take it easy wouldn’t work.
Maybe if I spoke harshly, he’d listen? As I usually did.
It took a while to realize this was just my wishful thinking.
One day, A looked unwell and gloomy.
Seemed like the A who used to do reckless things in his sensitive phase.
Was he doing something dangerous somewhere unseen?
“You’re better off doing nothing.”
A’s voice rose. Had he ever shown this much anger towards me before?
I couldn’t speak. Realizing my words had darkened his mood, causing stress.
Guilt overwhelmed me. Despite wanting to be with A the most.
Now, I’m just the one causing him stress.
I’ll apologize when I return from battle. It’s my fault.
I’ll beg forgiveness, even if it means sacrificing everything.
I heard Team 3 was involved in a bomb attack.
Darkness seemed to fall, as if light had vanished from everywhere.
Even alone in space or isolated during missions, I never felt such fear.
Lying in the spaceship’s sickbay, A didn’t open his eyes.
If he didn’t wake up, could I never apologize?
Never express my feelings?
Fortunately, he woke up, and we returned safely to Seoul.
Not long after returning, I learned A had girlfriends.
After contacting A, who was ordered rest upon return, with no response, I worried something had happened and visited his house for the first time since coming to Seoul.
Feeling nervous and tense, I arrived at A’s house.
There, I met A’s girlfriend, Red.
From that day, I couldn’t talk to A anymore.
Whenever we met, I tried to act normally, but my heart raced.
Giving up on becoming close and dear to A, I decided to remain a long-time friend.
I wanted to be family, like siblings, not romantic partners.
I was deluding myself.
I wanted to be closer to A than anyone else and be his lifelong companion.
Only now did I realize this.
Not only did I not understand A, but I also didn’t understand myself.
Thus, I could only say hurtful things.
Is it right for me to want to be by A’s side, dressed in ill-fitting clothes and wearing mismatched accessories?
Preparing for infiltration missions, I met A daily, along with other team leaders and his girlfriends.
Seeing them together was painful.
Even during serious meetings, others expressed their affection for A.
Especially when A’s girlfriends were around, they looked happy.
A showed expressions I never saw with me, freely expressing himself.
My belief that A’s side was my place gradually faded.
I had been clinging to a place that never belonged to me.
Watching opportunities I never had, believing I had them.
On the mission day,
I was paired with Pink, and we constantly clashed.
She couldn’t forgive me for hurting A with my words.
I understood. If someone had stressed A for a long time, I wouldn’t forgive them either.
I’d do anything to prevent them from approaching A.
But that someone was me.
To avoid being overshadowed by Pink, I attempted to refute her, but internally, I couldn’t forgive myself.
The mission ended. On the day I wrote the report.
I saw A leave with Luche and spotted Captain Esmeralda and Captain Angelique.
Something had happened, changing the atmosphere drastically.
Unlike me, who felt I had missed an opportunity, Luche taking A out made me realize.
Perhaps it’s time to accept the situation.
If I force myself in where I don’t belong, I might only make A’s life harder.
Indeed, it’s inevitable.
Given how little I’ve done for A.
With nothing to offer.
Let’s remain friends. Stay within bounds and continue as long-term friends.
The chance to reach him might be gone.
Without a place to go, it’s best to move on.
…
“Do you like me?”
A called out, saying.
“…What?”
What expression am I making?
I wonder what he’s thinking.
What should I do now?
