Chapter 211

I’m not sure if I managed to keep my expression in check. As soon as I checked the letter, I sought understanding from Mira, Eun-a, and Han-bom, and left the house. For now, I went far away. I walked anywhere and everywhere.

After some time had passed and I determined that I was far enough away, I turned on my smartphone and dialed Han Su-young’s number.

The call didn’t connect immediately, and it took nearly a minute for it to go through. I couldn’t say anything. I didn’t know what to say.

[Hey, Seol-guk. How have you been?]

But Han Su-young quickly spoke up first. I… had no idea how to respond.

[Not much.]

[Your voice is trembling.]

Well, of course. Anyone could tell that without being a fortune teller.

[I’m thankful to you. Thanks to you, I had a delightful day with Hwa-won.]

…What? Hwa-won had clearly said that they were ending things with Han Su-young… Did they hook up one last time to commemorate the end? Or did Han Su-young blackmail them with a threat of continuation? Or was it a lie? If so, it was either Hwa-won’s lie or Han Su-young’s.

[Hey, what are you thinking? You’re probably wrong about everything. I didn’t do ‘that.’ We simply had a pleasant time.]

…I couldn’t believe it. But there was nothing I could do. And what was important right now was a different conversation than this one.

[Did you send the letter…?]

[Yeah, I wrote it by hand. How was it?]

[Your taste is quite vintage. You could have just sent a text, but you wrote a letter.]

[I have a knack for elegance.]

I bit my lip hard. This wasn’t the time for such banter. But I didn’t know how to bring up the actual conversation.

[Looks like you have a lot of questions.]

[…Will you answer them?]

[That’s uncertain. But if you really want to know, come to where I am.]

Han Su-young gave me the address of a café. When I searched for it on my phone, I recognized it even though I had never been there.

[That’s quite a terrible taste.]

[I tend to go a bit overboard.]

Talking with this person would only draw me in deeper. Didn’t Hwa-won say not to talk to Han Su-young at all? Did Hwa-won know this would happen? I couldn’t even tell if what was written in the letter was truly known by Han Su-young.

But I couldn’t run away.

That option didn’t exist.

[It’ll take about an hour and a half.]

[I can wait leisurely.]

The call ended there. I looked for a subway station. I had to ride the train for about an hour to reach my destination. Counting the walking time, it wasn’t that leisurely. I boarded the train and kept staring at the wall during the ride.

I had to think about what to say when I got there, what kind of conversation would come up. I had to predict it. I had to imagine it. But I couldn’t do anything.

I felt strange. Why was I so flustered over something like this? Why was I so emotionally shaken? I could understand going to see Han Su-young. However, feeling this agitated was clearly odd.

…Had my heart become this weak? Somehow, I felt like I had become a bit more soft-hearted than before.

It couldn’t be said to be entirely a bad thing, but for the time being, it felt like a bad thing.

Because the person I was going to meet was Han Su-young.

Before long, the train arrived at my destination, and I got off. It was a place I had been to not long ago.

…It was the station I had used when I went to the amusement park with Muk Ha-neul.

I checked the map and went to the place Han Su-young had told me. It was a café located outside the amusement park. It was the very place where I had sobbed my heart out.

As I entered the café, I spotted Han Su-young in a corner, eyes closed, arms crossed. I ran straight toward her.

What should I start with? I truly didn’t know. I had almost no memory of solving such a difficult problem. Someone else had always solved it for me.

But I had to.

“…Wake up.”

“I’m awake.”

Han Su-young replied without opening her eyes. Then why were her eyes closed?

“I was just meditating for a moment. Sorry, could you get me a coffee? Any kind is fine. Something that comes out quickly.”

“…Just a moment.”

I went to the kiosk and quickly ordered two cups of coffee. Not thinking about what to choose, I ordered both as iced Americanos.

It was a type of coffee that I didn’t really like. But that wasn’t important right now.

Since there were hardly any people, the coffee came out quickly. I took the coffee and placed it in front of Han Su-young.

“…Let’s talk.”

“That sounds good. We’ve always been chatty, haven’t we?”

“About the content of the letter, what do you mean?”

“Hmm, sadly, the order is a bit off. Let’s put that conversation off until the end.”

“I have no interest in anything other than that topic!”

Ah, I messed up. I shouldn’t be yelling in anger like this. I couldn’t help it, though. But after sending a letter and calling me here, to say something like that, it was impossible not to get angry.

“Even if it’s about Hwa-won?”

Damn it. I eventually sat down. That topic was something I couldn’t easily let go of either.

“Hmmm, alright. That kind of attitude is important. Polite and courteous. Properly so. Isn’t that the kind of attitude that you wanted from a woman?”

“What about Hwa-won?”

“You’re quite impatient. Isn’t that a point deduction?”

“Just tell me quickly.”

“You know your place well. That’s a pass.”

Damn it. Cut the nonsense and just tell me. Anything, anything, anything.

Hurry, tell me the story.

“I’ll say it in advance. I’ve completely cut ties with Hwa-won. Our relationship is over. Totally over! The end! Final! Completed! Perfectly finished. I was quite decisively rejected, you know.”

“…Is that true?”

It was hard to believe. Recently, Han Su-young had shown quite a bit of obsession with Hwa-won. There was no way they could have no lingering feelings. But if this were true, it would certainly be a good thing.

Or perhaps a bad thing.

“The neatness only pertains to the relationship. I’m quite the dutiful person. I’m clingy, gloomy, and I crawl along the ground. So what I’m saying right now is purely for the sake of revenge.”

“Revenge…?”

“And at the same time, it’s a gift.”

Han Su-young laughed mischievously. It made me uncomfortable.

“I quite like this script. So I prepared it for you.”

“…You’re talking nonsense.”

“Didn’t you say something? Your ideal type is a woman who can write better than you. Then coincidentally, I’m what corresponds to your ideal type.”

“Absolutely not.”

“When you respond so sharply, it hurts no matter how much I retort.”

“I detest people who write better than I do.”

“Oh, what a coincidence. I feel the same. That’s why I think highly of you.”

What a ridiculous person.

“Then what do you think of someone who writes worse than you?”

“I don’t like them.”

“Then does that mean you also dislike Hwa-won?”

…Why say something like that?

“Do you think Hwa-won writes worse than me? How unexpectedly high of an evaluation you have for me.”

“No, that’s what you think, right? You’ve never thought for a moment that you’re worse than Hwa-won. You’re a truly arrogant person.”

…That was true.

“Well, it doesn’t matter. This isn’t an important conversation. It’s more like an appetizer. The main dish is separate.”

“Please tell me.”

“You’ve become a bit arrogant. That’s a point deduction.”

“…Just tell me.”

Suppressing a surge of murderous intent, I politely pleaded with Han Su-young again. There was no other choice for me right now. I was the one who was at a loss.

“Okay, now it looks much better. It matches quite well with the clothes you’re wearing.”

“What do you mean by that…?”

Suddenly bringing up my clothes confused me. But soon I realized what I was wearing.

I was so out of it that I hadn’t noticed at all. Did I really come out here in this kind of outfit reminiscent of an elementary school uniform? Damn, I need to cut myself off from the internet for a while. I need to write more complaints.

But why did she suddenly bring up my outfit? I really, really made a huge mistake. I shouldn’t have come dressed like this.

However, regardless of what I wore, the same conversation would have ultimately come up.

“Isn’t it strange?”

“…What do you mean?”

“Your outfit. It’s strange.”

Han Su-young was laughing. It was clearly mocking. With sincerity.

“Strange. You’re strange. You became this way less than a year ago. How can you already be wearing such clothes?”

Han Su-young no longer maintained her concept. It hadn’t been that important to her from the beginning. It was just a game to her.

“Are you a pervert? Or do you really think you’ve become a teenage girl? Isn’t that comical, the way you look? It’s quite cute. It’s a delight to the eyes. If only I didn’t know there’s a nasty twenty-nine-year-old man inside it.”

Why?

“Is it because people around you are saying you’re cute that you’ve really changed? Well, that could be the case. You truly are adorable right now. Even I, as a woman, feel that way. The determination I felt in your eyes back in the day is completely gone.”

Why?

“Look now. You’re about to cry already. Just from hearing a few words like this. Where did the Seol-guk I knew go? Has the eternal snow become tears? I could believe you were truly of that age. Adorable indeed.”

Why say those words?

Why are you saying such mean things?

What did I do wrong?

“Well, it looks like you haven’t completely lost it yet. Seeing you hold back your tears until the very end.”

“…It’s not a tear to show to the likes of you.”

“I like that kind of bravado.”

Gone was her usual mischievous laughter, and Han Su-young laughed elegantly and joyfully like a lady. And then she threw a terrible question.

“Can I ask you one thing. Are you a man? A woman?”

…Ah, really.

“You’re a fucking despicable person.”

“Thank you.”

An incredibly cruel question, a question that stabbed a knife into a corpse and burned the shell away, leaving only the core remaining.

In the place where my corpse lay, I stabbed a knife into my body.

“I’m… a woman.”

I finally became whole.