Chapter 21

Gaze.

One year ago, during the unintended massacre period that unfolded with the Association and workshops.

Days filled with battles against captors of hundreds of hostages were far more frequent than peaceful days.

The lifeless pupils of those facing me, what could they possibly say?

To me, who had submerged myself in the empty underground world, conversing with noisy spirits several times a day, the tranquility and warmth were everything, my life itself.

Just four weeks ago, it was so.

That’s why the gazes directed at me, tightly wearing my hat and collar, were incredibly uncomfortable.

So much so that I wanted to kill.

Fortunately, that situation did not arise.

“I also performed first aid.”

Whether she sensed my discomfort or did not want to create a scene when the medical staff discovered my presence, Erica successfully glossed over the situation with a slight lie.

I just stayed quiet.

Presumably, since I was a known ranker of the Association, after a few vague explanations, the medical staff seemed to understand.

As I was resting in a chair in a corner, having a coffee while watching Erica ascend to the treatment stage, there was still one person who continued to speak, perhaps due to parts that didn’t make sense.

“Wow, that’s amazing. Really. No matter how much you have a ranker’s help, to imitate a Healing Mage’s lineage spell…”

“What do you mean?”

I replied absentmindedly with just two words. However, those widening pupils were incomprehensible, even if they were the same human, well, they weren’t the same human.

“You’re not an ordinary person, are you?! Have you been involved in this area for a long time? Or are you affiliated with front-line healers during gate wars?”

“…”

If I were to engage in conversation, I wanted it to be with Erica.

Yet, feeling the pressure of being cornered by a medical staff member who had no interest, I pressed my hat down deeper.

I was breathless and my breathing was labored. My hair felt messy.

Thinking back, even when I was at home, I sometimes admired my appearance as a girl and groomed my hair slightly,

with delicate skin and a pure, clean look. There were moments when I enjoyed that sight.

Now, hiding like this filled me with a mix of frustration and annoyance.

Why was I doing this now?

The medical staff looked at me silently sipping from a paper cup, slowly, once again opening their mouth in a struggle to gain more information.

“Ah, or are you perhaps affiliated with rankers? Like saturated stats…?!”

“Please be quiet.”

I swung my arm and shoved a knife into her abdomen. I felt resistance, and then came a choking groan from the inside as the blade slid deeper.

“When having a conversation, one should always pay attention to the other person’s reactions.”

It shouldn’t be just a one-sided approach.

“Do you understand?”

“Ugh, huff, umph.”

The medical staff sat down weakly, clutching her abdomen. Only overheated moans and breaths spilled out, seeking cleanliness.

The crimson-stained clothing and screams were just a bonus.

Remaining motionless, I emptied the paper cup and leaned back against the rear wall. The tranquility had long since vanished, and it felt even louder.

“I feel sick.”

[ Is it not because you are stabbing people like that?! ]

“Can this even be called a person?”

I kicked the medical staff lightly. The expression of fright appeared on her face.

[ Ugh… ]

“See? You agree…”

[ It’s not that! It’s because I’m shivering from your folly! ]

Hysterics.

The air began to stir as the annoying spirit started darting about.

[ Hurry and call the medical staff! Aren’t there plenty of those medical personnel around?! ]

“If you call them, it’ll just get noisier.”

Bloody blinked.

“And my annoyance will only increase. Annoyance will morph into rage, and that rage will direct itself towards the people who come, resulting in even more deaths.”

[ Agggh…! ]

“There’s no helping it.”

It’s a simple truth.

I hate annoyance. I hate rage. I dislike the attention of the medical staff sitting here. I don’t like the gazes directed at me.

I loathe enthusiasm and fervor. I can’t stand noise and turbulence.

But blood is good. The emotions that heat the body and the subsequent calmness are good. I like knives and magic power and killing.

The static state where everything becomes quiet and nothing changes is electrifying, almost ecstasy.

But I am not that.

I, with a twisted core and rotten roots, shaking within the shell of a girl.

My unstable, noisy, chaotic inner self, fueled by boiling pride and filthy, ugly blood.

Longing for tranquility.

It is nothing more than a contradictory illusion.

Thus,

“Everyone, please calm down.”

I attempted to clarify that “something” referred to my own self.

“Please evacuate carefully.”

In swift order, as I knitted my brows, peace returned before I knew it.

“But Erica, you still have your injuries…”

“I am fine.”

Because of you.

“I have no problems.”

So hurry.

“Therefore, please go.”

I hope you come to find me.

“Wow, it got quiet.”

“…”

I grabbed the slumped medical staff by the nape and slowly tossed her into the wide space resembling a plaza.

“I accidentally swung the knife because you kept talking to me!”

“…Please back away slowly.”

A great sword was aimed at me.

“Why? Do I look like someone who would kill recklessly?”

“Isn’t that obvious?”

“How unfair. Didn’t I save you three times?”

Almost killed you, but.

“…Don’t move. Before I cut you.”

“I understand. I’ll stay still. Listening to you is my trait.”

Thinking back, I don’t recall her having ever truly listened.

As I cautiously stepped back, Erica supported the gasping medical staff onto a bed and began examining her condition.

I was infuriated by how indifferent they were.

I went quietly to the bed beside and was sipping coffee while glancing at Erica when I noticed a woman in a uniform descending the stairs right in front of me.

Her black bob cut fluttered, and her red glint sparkled.

“Wow! It’s the Director! Hello!”

“…Orly.”

I glanced around the ceiling. CCTV was visible at each corner.

“You can stare at me all you want, but I didn’t do anything. It’s not my fault there’s no one around here. It’s Erica who evacuated everyone.”

The Director looked at me before glancing at Erica, who was in the midst of treating.

“Don’t worry about me; focus on the medical staff. I’ll just quietly sip my coffee.”

Of course, through years of experience, I realized that even a Director would generally adhere to what I said.

The Director approached the medical staff while keeping her eyes on me.

“Can you handle it?”

“Yes. It’s not a severe injury.”

She closed her eyes for a moment to steady her breathing. Removing her hat, she exhaled. It had been a while since the colors of her eyes and skin returned to normal.

[ Did you cut deeply? ]

“Not much. I don’t know. She won’t die.”

Life is precious. Yes.

I emptied the paper cup and stood up. Navigating through the spacious interior, I walked to a long desk against one wall, holding the treatment chart.

The patient room number and the name next to it came into view.

“Well, please let me know when you’re done. I’ll be waiting in the patient room.”

“…What patient room?”

“Pardon?”

I tilted my head.

“Of course, it’s the room where Erica will stay!”

She’s a patient, after all. I have to treat her.

It would be a lie to say I don’t have a sinister preference. Even though my body had transformed into that of a woman, my instinct desiring women remained firm.

I opened the clean door and entered the patient room. Various items were visible, and a bed lay there. Additionally, a hint of freshness tickled my nose.

Taking a deep breath, I exhaled.

This was technically my second visit.

I pulled a few folding chairs next to the bed and sat down while the door swung open, and two people entered.

I lazily lifted and lowered my legs while humming a tune.

The gaze turned towards me.

“…What do you want?”

“Hmm? Why the sudden formality? We still have business. Criminal organization investigation.”

Erica fell silent.

“Well, that’s part of it, but I wanted to briefly explain about the cutting sutures.”

“Did you really do it?”

“Of course. Who would dare perform sutures on Erica, our ranker from the Association?”

The Director had a skeptical expression. Erica perched on a chair, her expression firm.

“Back then, it was a slightly critical condition, so it was a method I made quickly. To go into detail would take forever, but briefly put, there are a few more steps to register the sutures.”

Erica absentmindedly rubbed her arms. It seemed like she did it unconsciously.

“We’ve passed the initial phase, and there are about three registration processes left, so you can expect it to be done in about three days.”

“So during that time, you’re saying you will continue treating her?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

The Director bit her lip, almost saying something more.

She smiled and waved her hand.

Magic power weaved in curves, floating in the air, and seeped into the magical circle of the sutured area on Erica’s arm.

“There’s a reason for that.”

Erica flinched slightly, shaken.

“It’s a secret I cannot disclose.”

Our gazes met, her eyes glaring.

That look was cute too.

To the point where I wanted to torment her.