Here is the translated text:
My relationship with Esmeralda was quite delicate. I found Esmeralda uncomfortable and scary, and she didn’t think of me as entirely comfortable either.
It wasn’t always like this. There was a time when Esmeralda and I were closer than even Seira, who I had known the longest.
While things weren’t bad now, they weren’t entirely good either. We were cautious around each other.
Time passed, so we didn’t show our discomfort to each other. Gradually, we stopped feeling uneasy.
“Have you decided?”
“Yeah.”
We went to a restaurant and sat down, looking at menus to order food. The restaurant’s menu wasn’t extensive, so choosing didn’t take long.
Esmeralda chose her dish, and I called a waiter by ringing a bell. The waiter asked if we wanted to order.
I told him what I wanted, then Esmeralda said what she wanted.
“If there’s garlic in the broth, please remove it.”
Esmeralda can’t eat spicy food well. She never could, and whenever we went to restaurants, I always asked them to remove the spicy ingredients.
Only after the waiter left did I realize Esmeralda might have changed her tastes.
“Oh…”
She smiled lightly when I looked at her.
“It’s fine. I was going to say that anyway.”
Fortunately, Esmeralda’s tastes hadn’t changed. I couldn’t tell how long it had been since we last ate alone together.
Thinking back, it must have been before I came to Earth and changed my career from engineering. It felt like ages ago.
Thinking about the past made me feel like I was transported back in time. But feeling nostalgic with Esmeralda wasn’t something I enjoyed.
It wasn’t because I disliked the past Esmeralda. She has always been a great person, someone I respect. She was and still is an excellent human being.
When she apologized for bringing up old memories, I couldn’t speak.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have brought up old memories.”
“It’s okay.”
Her voice was low, making her short reply heavy.
She had served in Spacystro’s military for a long time. From a military family, she chose to join and continues to serve as a proud officer.
She is a wonderful person, both as a soldier and as a human being.
I joined the aviation division right before Motherhood fell. When the division was quickly formed after its fall, I first met her.
Like everyone, my parents were very important to me. My mother taught me love, my father taught me life.
I’m sure I would have learned much more if they were still alive. But my parents died when Motherhood fell.
That event shocked me deeply. For a long time, I struggled to accept their deaths, living like a soulless person.
It was Esmeralda who brought me back to the world. She helped me among countless subordinates, and thanks to her, I could fulfill my role as a person.
“And I don’t mind. You don’t need to worry about my feelings anymore.”
“I’m sorry.”
What I wanted to hear wasn’t an apology. Even though I heard it, I couldn’t think of anything to say.
Whatever I said, she would apologize.
I believe strategic marriages are outdated. They seem like selling children to connect families.
This thought stemmed from Esmeralda. Thanks to her, I regained my sight to see the world again after a deep depression.
After that, I spent more time with Esmeralda. I was a pilot, and there was another person for CIC duties. But I communicated most with Esmeralda.
The more I worked with her, the deeper my loyalty grew, and I often felt other emotions beyond just loyalty.
We ate together, shopped together. Though not lovers, it feels like we did lover-like activities.
Perhaps if our relationship continued, Esmeralda would have been my first love.
Though it seemed absurd, I laughed inwardly while keeping a straight face.
The outcome is clear. Esmeralda and I couldn’t become such close partners.
One day, Esmeralda distanced herself from me.
Rumors spread that her family planned a strategic marriage for her. At first, I dismissed these rumors.
But considering the chaos within Spacystro and the involvement of several notable families, I realized her marriage wasn’t just a rumor.
Soon after, I directly heard from Esmeralda about her arranged marriage.
She said “sorry” as usual.
Back then, I didn’t fully understand the meaning behind those words. I simply thought it was odd that she suddenly distanced herself and then mentioned the marriage.
Now, with more experience, I understand the meaning behind her apology.
Only later did I realize how close we were. But at that time, Esmeralda had already thought about becoming closer to me.
Realizing it now doesn’t change anything. Thinking about it only increased my discomfort, so I tried not to dwell on it.
“It’s my fault for not performing the mission properly.”
“But I assigned you a difficult task.”
Our opinions didn’t converge. If Esmeralda insisted on taking responsibility, it would be better if I took the blame.
After hearing about her arranged marriage, my first question was, “Who is he?” I was curious about who he was, but didn’t think about anything else.
Was I surprised? He was a capable commander from a notable family. Anyone would recognize his name, but Esmeralda had never met him.
Even during Motherhood, she only knew him by name and had no connection.
Without knowing each other, they were arranged to marry. Though they didn’t hold a ceremony, they registered their marriage, and he visited her unit.
On that day.
That’s when I understood why Esmeralda had been struggling and why I felt uncomfortable around her.
After Motherhood fell, we fled to Space, where we faced pirate attacks for a long time.
No matter how advanced our technology, interstellar travel for trade and survival were vastly different.
Such a vulnerable state made us easy targets for pirates, whom we had to confront repeatedly.
On the day her husband arrived, his transport ship was attacked by pirates.
Roy and many others went into space to escort the transport ship, but my fighter had maintenance issues, causing some functions to fail. During this time, pirates destroyed the transport ship in space.
The mission was challenging from the start. The transport ship was almost captured by pirates, and even if pilots flew combat jets, the chances of saving it were nearly zero.
But I kept thinking that if I had double-checked the maintenance or moved faster, it might have been possible to save it.
And if I had protected him, Esmeralda might have had a better life.
Though it was a strategic marriage, I felt guilty for not securing a better future for her commanding officer.
Since then, I couldn’t face Esmeralda properly.
Because of my failure, Esmeralda became a widow without ever meeting her husband.
Around that time, I shifted from being a pilot to an engineer due to my emotional struggles.
Food arrived, but we ate absentmindedly, not noticing whether we were eating with our faces or noses. Naturally, there was no meaningful conversation.
I assumed we had resolved our issues and that we could freely discuss the past.
It was a delusion. Both of us still harbored unresolved feelings. Even if Esmeralda had no issues, I still did.
“…There used to be a good noodle shop near the base.”
“Huh? Do you think it’s still there?”
Unconsciously, I mentioned an old memory while eating. Esmeralda looked up. Was she recalling when we ate together before?
She gave a faint smile. “Do you remember? When we were on Pale Planet.”
“You mean when we went to the zoo? It was chaotic.”
“We planned to go somewhere together but got lost.”
“That place was strange. If the roads were that complex, they must have been intentionally made that way.”
To lighten the mood, I recalled enjoyable moments from the past.
Smiling naturally, remembering joyful memories.
But the happier the memories, the sadder they became.
The suffocating meal ended, but I couldn’t muster the courage to do anything else. Since I hadn’t thought of anything beyond visiting, we parted ways.
“Then I’ll head off.”
I bowed to her and walked into the station.
“A.”
“Yes?”
Just as I stepped forward, intending to go home, I heard Esmeralda’s voice from behind.
“Shall we eat together next time?”
I couldn’t immediately grasp her intention. It would likely take a lot of time to understand her. But not understanding her intent wasn’t a reason to refuse.
“Yes, I’d like that.”
I hadn’t intended to refuse from the beginning.
It was an indescribable feeling.
Still, if given the chance, I wanted to break down the wall between us.
