Chapter 199

The tide of the war, which had turned against us due to the death of our parents, was slowly reversing because we had sold our souls to the demons.

But just as one misaligned gear can throw off the entire mechanism, the death of Older Brother Neil began to slowly bring forth fallen warriors among us. I wished they had resented me instead. I wished they had cursed me, saying they died because of me, that they could have lived happily if it weren’t for me. After all, it was I who dragged them into this hell to protect my younger sisters.

But they all died with smiles on their faces. Not a single one left me with words of resentment.

[Don’t feel guilty. You didn’t brainwash us; we followed you of our own will. And… it was fun. Isn’t that enough?]

[…It hurts, though. But hey, it was fun, so it’s fine.]

[I’ll go ahead, you idiot.]

They didn’t die peacefully in their beds. Limbs were torn off, half their bodies were gone, and they died spilling their guts. Yet, they all wore smiles.

Moreover, dark magic was rapidly consuming our bodies. The whites of our eyes turned black, and grotesque tattoos spread across our bodies. That’s why the other members of the unit started wearing masks like me. I don’t know if it was because they hated their disfigured appearances or because they couldn’t bear the insults hurled at them for their looks. But it was all my fault.

They told me it was okay, but it couldn’t be okay. They were all victims of my desperate craving for others’ love.

With a heavy heart, I returned home, only to be met with cold stares.

“You’ve been gone for three months without a word, and now you come back? Don’t you have anything to say, big brother?”

I couldn’t tell them I had been fighting enemies in the wilderness for over three months, drinking filthy water. Officially, our unit didn’t exist. The nation couldn’t admit it had hired black sorcerers.

“…I just went to the west for a good business opportunity. Thanks to Father wasting money compensating the families of fallen warriors, I had to work hard to grow that meager inheritance. Do you even know how much I’ve suffered for this?”

“Aila begged you to be here for her birthday.”

“Before that birthday, the clothes you wear and the food you eat were all earned by me. Stop being so ungrateful.”

I shouldn’t crave your love. Someone else might die.

You shouldn’t know my love. Rachel might lose trust in others.

I shouldn’t be happy. It’s absurd for someone who ruined others’ lives to be happy.

So I’ll say harsh words. Hate me all you want. No matter how painful it is, I’ll endure it. That’s the punishment I must bear. This is the most ideal fate we siblings can have.

“Big brother, don’t fight…”

Aila tugged at my sleeve. Arguing further would only lead to more fights, and it wouldn’t benefit anyone. My sadness didn’t matter, but it would only upset Rachel.

“Sigh… Talking like this is pointless. I’m leaving.”

That day, I left home and returned to the hideout where I used to hang out with friends. The once spacious hideout had long since become a cramped room. Or maybe it was just me who had changed.

My body had grown, but my heart had rotted. And I had caused the deaths of those who once laughed and chatted here.

From now on, I won’t show my emotions to anyone. I won’t seek love. I won’t seek understanding. If necessary, I’ll commit any evil deed. For them. Even if I’m branded with infamy, it’s fine. After all, someone like me shouldn’t hope for anything.

“You were here after all.”

“Elina…”

Even though I shouldn’t…

“Older Brother Neil’s death, Older Sister Tartan’s death, Older Brother Zaha’s death, Older Brother Erdan’s death, Older Sister Merna’s death… all of it…”

“It’s my fault, isn’t it? It happened because I reached out to you. No matter how much I try to explain, that fact won’t change.”

“It’s not because of you. It was for you.”

“…What are you talking about?”

“We’re all orphans. So we don’t know what parental love is. We never had it, so it’s fine without it. But someone like you, who knows it and then loses it, is pitiful.”

“Pitiful… me? Ha!”

It must have been because of the strange promises I made to my parents that they died. If I hadn’t craved their love, if I had just lived quietly like a dead mouse, Father and Mother wouldn’t have suffered like that. Other mothers wouldn’t have been dragged into it either.

But Elina placed her hand on my head.

“Don’t put your hand on my head. Everyone who does dies.”

“Not just me, but all of us were prepared to die. You told us to die for you. Exploit our lives as you wish. We’ll gladly give them up for you.”

“How many years have we even known each other…”

“In a world where lifelong friends betray you, time is the most meaningless measure of a relationship’s depth.”

“…Just don’t die.”

If I could survive until the end, my younger sisters would be able to stand on their own without me, so I wanted to leave with everyone and live quietly farming. The time granted to us, who had sold our lifespans to demons, would be short, but I wanted to spend even that little time for myself.

“I am the worst stain left by Archmage Werner and former Tower Lord Lorcha. You, who live and die for me, aren’t normal either.”

“…Maybe. Maybe we’ve been tainted by you? But more than that… you keep wearing that goblin mask, but after all these years together, we can see the expression underneath.”

“…I’m sorry. You would have been happier without me.”

“How could we be happy without you? Don’t say things like you’re sorry.”

That day, I held Elina. In many ways.

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The day before Christmas, news came that Urboros, sensing the tide turning against it, would personally take the field. The serpent, having grown massive by devouring countless strong beings, was said to be nearly godlike in power. If left unchecked, it could turn the world into a wasteland.

“I’ll be going now. I won’t be back for a while. I might not come back at all.”

Even if I die, it won’t harm you. I’ve secured that promise from His Majesty the Emperor.

Rachel grabbed my wrist.

“You’re leaving today? We promised to spend today as a family! Aila and Violet were looking forward to it!”

Don’t stop me. Even leaving now is something I’ve steeled myself to do.

“…It’s just dinner. Something more important came up. Don’t whine like a child over one person leaving.”

Rachel looked at me with resentful eyes, pushed me away, and left.

“…You’re terrible.”

“An unusually fair assessment of you.”

When I opened the door and reached the castle gate, everyone was waiting for me. They all looked resolute, ready to face death.

“Sorry. I got caught up with something and was a bit late.”

“Let me guess, your sisters again. Tsk… Loved ones never realize how loved they are.”

“It’s better if they don’t know. I worked hard for that, and if they find out, it’ll all be for nothing.”

“Sigh, what can you expect? I didn’t have high hopes anyway.”

I headed to the final battlefield with everyone. I had long forgotten why we were even fighting.

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After sacrificing much and offering much, we finally ended the fight. With Urboros captured, the war would end, and peace would come.

But… I had nothing left. I had lost all my friends and lovers. My younger sisters were alive, but they couldn’t be by my side. I couldn’t even bury my friends in the warriors’ cemetery.

What was left for me? Apologies from those who left everything to me? The public perception that I was a power-crazed lunatic who killed my own family?

I don’t know.

If I were given the chance to fix the moment everything went wrong, the moment before I was born, I would do anything.

“That resolve… is it genuine?”

Then, my grandmother’s voice reached me. She had visited me only once when I was very young.

She stared at me with her purple eyes and asked.

“Even if you turn back time, this was the best future. And yet, can you change it?”

I gave my answer.