Chapter 199

“Glaria.”

I quickly searched for Glaria and Davi as soon as I returned to the Convent.

Both of them looked a bit uneasy. I had already informed them about the Gate and the situation with Emeli before heading over.

However, the type of unease was slightly different.

Glaria’s worry was ‘concern.’ What might she see beyond that? Would her family be safe? What might happen to the kingdom?

I didn’t have extensive knowledge about the Elf Kingdom. The content I read in novels didn’t directly describe it. Most of the information was conveyed through Glaria’s lines and occasional explanations.

In that sense, I had probably gathered more quality and quantity of information from this world since there had been exchanges between this world and the Elf Kingdom right up until the Gate closed.

“The method to open the Gate is nearly complete. We just need to gather more magic power to get it opened,” I said.

“Is that so?”

Glaria replied while trying to wipe away the worry on her face and straighten her shoulders.

“Then that means I can surely return to where I belong. I’m ready.”

“……”

I glanced at Glaria for a moment.

She couldn’t completely dismiss her worries. Glaria had been badly poisoned before coming over here.

Pain engraved in the body isn’t something you can easily forget. Even the static I felt throughout the winter was enough to trigger my anxiety, so the pain of life and death would surely be way worse.

Yet, she had probably resolved to return the moment she crossed over to this world, even if she had no idea how. She must have searched her whole life, even if the method seemed impossible.

I didn’t know if that was due to nostalgia for her homeland or a sense of duty as royalty.

“But there are a few issues we need to resolve.”

I calmly laid out the explanations.

There’s a political issue. The Gate will be opened with the help of the Dwarf princess. The reason we were able to complete this research was because of me.

I had helped the Dwarf Kingdom greatly, and that was technology I received in return. The Dwarves wouldn’t easily express discontent, but the government and Church of my country were different.

“Whether there’s something to gain from this world or not. If there is, what would it be?”

If Glaria were to take the throne, that would be a wonderful outcome. Yet on the flip side, for that to happen, it would be necessary to quell the chaos of the already overturned Elf Kingdom.

That would come with quite a hefty risk. Whether it involved deploying an army or pushing in Hunters and heroes.

Or even if it were just me who would be sent in.

Could I be the subject of our negotiations?

Well, even if I were to say I would cross over to that world without any price, the Church and government would surely try to place a value on it. No, even if the Pope tried to stop it, at least the government would still demand something in return.

“They will probably do all they can to ensure they get something from this side. And even if they don’t get it at first, they will eventually.”

“Hehe.”

But despite listening to my story, Glaria laughed.

It seemed as if her tension eased at the story, and she lifted her chin just like when we first met.

“I’ve lived my whole life as a princess of the kingdom. Of course, I knew that kind of exchange would happen. Don’t worry. I’ll manage that part.”

Could she really? It would depend on how much support Glaria had on that side.

“But…”

Glaria looked at me and said,

“I have one thing I’m curious about.”

“Curious about something?”

“Anna, why are you helping me this much?”

I blinked.

“I didn’t bring any kind of delegation with me, did I? And whether I have any support remaining in my original world is a mystery. If you were someone driven by political motives, I wouldn’t even need to ask.”

Though I may not know what I wanted in this moment, I would have surely sought to take from ‘what I wanted.’

Glaria shook her head.

“But you, until now… you have asked for nothing from me. You’re just… treating me as a friend without wanting anything.”

Did I want anything?

If I did, it was that I wanted Glaria not to interfere in the relationship between Siyoon and Yuri.

Looking back, that was also the reason I had resisted so much in this world.

I didn’t want the two people, so dear in the story, to be disrupted. Therefore, I wished that the Saintess, who suddenly popped up with an unusually special power and backstory, wouldn’t get involved.

From the perspective of an atheist like me, the Saintess in that story seemed to be in such a special position.

“What I want…”

“Yes, what do you want? When you helped the Gnomes, you accepted that without hesitation. You asked a few favors from the Gnomes afterward to produce necessary goods. The same after saving the Dwarves, as I could see you wanting control over the Gate’s power. But it didn’t seem like you particularly desired anything from me… or is there?”

Glaria stared at me quietly.

“Perhaps saving those two was not because you wanted something but rather because you realized afterward that you needed to ask for something after saving them. Indeed, it was a modest request considering you saved the world.”

“Modest?”

“Normally, when external forces save a nation, they typically want to seize that nation.”

“I don’t want that.”

“Then what is it? Anna. When you rescued the Beastmen, it was as if you expected your request to be naturally accepted. You didn’t even consider making a demand, just selflessly helping them.”

Glaria reached out and took my hand.

I was wearing gloves. Although they were called gloves, the design seemed more focused on elegance than functionality. The finger slot was only for the middle finger, while the rest descended like a triangle over the back of my hand, shining white like snow.

Moreover, they were long enough to nearly cover my arms past my elbows. It wouldn’t make me appear pure just because I wrapped myself up this much now.

… Or perhaps it was just to make me ‘look divine.’

The Church folks seemed to think my scars on my hands were too sacred for anyone to see. Just as they would conceal the scars of a saint, they must have subtly demanded I wear such expensive gloves.

“Anna, what do you wish for to go that far? What’s the reason for helping people?”

“…….”

Well.

Was it because it was something one ought to do?

Honestly, I wasn’t sure anymore.

I felt a bit flustered and turned my head. At the end of my gaze was Ria.

Ria was looking at me, expressionless. As if waiting for my answer.

“I…”

Right. What was I wanting? Was it really only that I wished for Siyoon and Yuri to live happily? Or did I want for Ria and me to live happily as well?

My plan to claim that I had done no wrong towards you in spirit has already become irrelevant after dying once. The entity I encountered had no particular interest in denying itself and told me I did not do wrong.

Then, what now—what’s the reason for my actions? Why do I want to open the Gate leading to the Elf Kingdom?

“I… I don’t know, Glaria.”

I finally managed to speak.

“I just thought… that it was something I had to do.”

There are people struggling right before my eyes.

If I had not seen them, it couldn’t be helped. If there were beings I couldn’t save, then that is that too.

But I had seen and heard.

I had the strength to support that fallen person and bring them to a nearby inn. I had the ability to call a doctor and ask for medicine to heal them, and I had the money in my pocket to pay for it.

“I was just… able to help because I couldn’t ignore someone’s suffering.”

And also, that money wasn’t mine. It was given to me by someone when I set out on my journey.

That someone believed I wouldn’t waste that money.

Why?

I didn’t trust that entity, didn’t pray to it, and thought of it as nonexistent, yet each time I struggled, that entity was the one I resented.

It’s truly strange. If there are difficulties, the cause is surely elsewhere, but since childhood, I blamed the divine. Perhaps this was a curse left by a fanatic family.

Yet that entity believed in me.

That I hadn’t truly done anything wrong, just because I had aided someone.

No, actually, it wasn’t even wrong.

I just lived well.

“…….”

Ha.

Truly.

I’m having… such strange thoughts. Did I eat something wrong?

“It’s just that if a friend is suffering, it makes me feel bad.”

I decided to answer that way.

I still didn’t quite understand.

Did I have faith? Or did I just want to cling to this opportunity that had returned? Did I not want to be resented by others?

The voice that usually babbled through the day wasn’t heard today. It felt like it was merely watching me from a distance.

So… perhaps, I am meant to choose for myself.

Glaria continued to hold my hand and stared at me quietly.

“It’s quite interesting.”

Glaria slowly opened her mouth.

“You’ve never received teachings as a noble or royal. How could you say such things?”

“…….”

“Or rather, if that’s not the case…”

Glaria said while smiling somewhat playfully.

“Should I say you are like a priest?”

“A priest who doesn’t believe in the divine?”

“Well, you don’t call it that, but you already believe, don’t you?”

I couldn’t think of anything to say in response to that.