Chapter 198

Time flew like an arrow, and I gradually became accustomed to the disgusting dark magic.

My once-young body had transformed into something between an adult and a boy, and my once-immature combat skills had accumulated enough experience to now boast some achievements. Of course, as part of the Black Sorcerer unit, our existence was never officially recognized. We were a secret unit known only to a few. Even if we died in battle, it would be treated as an accident, and we wouldn’t even be buried in the warriors’ graves.

No matter what achievements we made, Lord Feha would secretly send us rewards, but we would never receive any titles or honors. But I was fine with that. After all, I was a worthless guy anyway.

“Hey, Captain, what are you so deep in thought about?”

“Ah… Older Brother Neil.”

By status, I had no choice but to take on the role of captain for this unit. Of course, I asked Neil, who had been the captain for a long time, if it was okay, but he just laughed and said:

[What kind of childish talk is that? Do you think our relationship would be affected by something as trivial as rank? Whether I’m the captain or you’re the captain, what does it matter? Your wish is our wish, and our voice is your voice. Who cares who’s in charge?]

Neil—no, our unit—was the only place I could lean on for comfort. After all, my younger sister Rachel now despised me. Every time she looked at me, it was with a cold gaze as if she were looking at trash. It didn’t matter. As long as she was safe, that was enough.

But even if it was for their sake, I dragged my comrades into the jaws of death. I forced them to use dark magic that shortened their lifespans every day on the battlefield where death could come at any moment.

“Remember this, Damian. If the top priority in your life is your family, then the top priority in our lives is you. Whether it’s our lifespan or our souls, they’re all worth less than a piece of dung compared to you.”

“But I dragged you, Older Brother, and Older Sister, and even Elina into this hell.”

“Don’t be ridiculous. We’re not fools, and we didn’t follow you out of fear of some kid’s orders. We made a deal with the demons of our own will. For you, and for our homeland.”

I hated it. I hated myself, this reality, and my parents who left me with this heavy burden. I hated everything so much that I couldn’t bear it.

“So, how far have you gone with Elina?”

“Older Brother, what kind of nonsense are you spouting now?”

“You’re dating, aren’t you? I saw you two walking alone together the other day.”

“She just got lost, so I helped her find her way. We’re just close friends, that’s all.”

“Oh ho~ Everyone says that at first.”

“Older Brother Neil, do you know what it feels like to get stabbed in the stomach with a spear?”

Even though I knew I wouldn’t live long, I was happy. Even if my life was short, I felt like I could be happy as long as I was with these people. Unlike my lying parents who broke their promise to me and left, they would stay by my side.

“Older Brother, can you promise me one thing?”

“Yeah, what is it?”

“Don’t leave me, Older Brother and Older Sister.”

“Suddenly, what are you…”

“Don’t leave me suddenly like our parents did.”

“…Alright, I promise. Where would we go with a younger brother like you? Having a younger brother like you, we’d die with regrets, unable to even die properly.”

I might have smiled just a little at that moment.

—

When I entered the audience room, I knelt as usual and paid my respects to His Majesty.

“Damian of House Alten, humbly greets Your Majesty.”

“Don’t stand on ceremony. Your father and I were close, weren’t we?”

“Even allowing a black sorcerer like me, who could be executed at any moment, to live is already an overflowing grace.”

“Fifteen years old… As always, I can’t help but feel you’ve matured too early, just as your teacher said.”

It was a bit surprising to hear that my father had spoken to His Majesty about me.

“Your achievements are always impressive. I heard you recently reclaimed a city? Of course, as you know, we can’t publicly announce the existence of the Black Sorcerer unit, so the credit went to another unit… But I’ll make sure you’re well compensated.”

The fact that we could even receive money was surprising. Of course, my younger siblings probably thought I earned it through gambling or other shady means. Hiding the source of the funds was a necessary measure.

“…I’m sorry to ask this of you, but this time, I want you to take charge of reclaiming the north. It’s the hometown of Lady Glacia, one of your father’s wives… It’s a land with significant meaning in many ways.”

“No problem. If Your Majesty orders me to die, I’ll die. If you order me to kill, I’ll kill.”

“…Damian.”

“Yes, Your Majesty.”

“This isn’t coming from the Emperor, but from your father’s student, sworn brother, and your close uncle.”

His Majesty looked at me with serious eyes.

“Your father and mother were proud of you and cherished you deeply. And I’m sure they would be very proud of the person you’ve become.”

“…I am a stain on Lord Werner and Lady Lorcha. If they saw me now, making deals with demons, killing family members, abandoning my younger sister, and wandering outside, they would surely shed tears.”

“They would shed tears. They would surely look at your current state and cry, saying they’re sorry.”

“There’s no way they would cry for a sinner like me.”

“Damian.”

His Majesty bit his lower lip and, after a brief silence, spoke.

“…Even if this empire were to fall, it would be fine. If this is a country that can only be whole by forcing the son of my benefactor to bear such a heavy burden, then it deserves to fall. Find your happiness. If your teacher could see you now…”

“I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that, Your Majesty. Please don’t weigh this country against someone as worthless as me.”

“Damian…”

I left the audience room, leaving His Majesty behind.

—

The northern wind scratched my cheeks, but it didn’t hurt. Would my father and mother feel sorry for me if they saw me now? Would they be proud of me? I am a stain on my parents. Someone like me isn’t worth worrying about or being proud of. I’m just a sinner.

“…Hey, Captain, are you really okay? You don’t look so good.”

“Ah, Older Brother Neil… I’m fine. I have work to do. That’s why I’m here.”

My mind was in chaos, but I had to do my job.

“I heard that among the summoned beings occupying the north, there’s a famous illusionist. They use illusions to confuse the enemy, create openings, and then pierce their heads with powerful magic.”

Elina tried to lighten the mood by patting Older Brother Neil’s back.

“Eh~ There’s no way we’d fall for such low-level tricks.”

We headed deeper into the territory. Most of the enemies weren’t my match, having trained in dark magic. The rest of the unit, though not as strong as me, were skilled enough to handle the riffraff easily.

The sound of crunching snow irritated my ears. As I focused on the sound, I suddenly found myself separated from the group. I was alone in the white snowfield. It was all because of His Majesty’s words that had thrown my mind into chaos.

“…The snow falls just as well on others.”

Come to think of it, I once made a snowman with my mother. I remember her being so greedy that the snowman broke, and she cried so much. My mother held me, not knowing what to do…

That’s when it happened.

“”Damian.””

I heard my mother and father’s voices. They couldn’t possibly be here.

“We finally found you. We’ve been searching for you, faking our deaths.”

“Our son, you’ve grown so splendidly. Let’s forget all the complicated things and live happily together.”

This was a lie. It must be the illusionist summoned being that Older Brother Neil mentioned. I had to counterattack quickly. I needed to pull out Enok and use dark magic…

“Our son, you’ve suffered so much until now, haven’t you? You’ve worked so hard. Well done.”

At those words, my hand stopped. It was what I had always wanted to hear. Hot tears streamed down, melting the frozen cheeks.

“Mother…”

“Yes, Damian, our beloved son. Come here, let Mommy hug you.”

It’s a lie. It’s a lie. It’s a lie.

But it was so sweet and warm.

I wished it were true… I started to believe it was true.

“Mother… Mother… Mother….. Mom…”

My rationality was paralyzed, and my legs moved toward my parents against my better judgment.

“Damian, it’s dangerous!”

And at that moment, Captain Neil, who had run toward me, shielded me. Since I was holding a magic book, I couldn’t use dark magic, and he took the magic shot by the summoned beings with his bare body.

Of course, the figures of my parents were all illusions. They were illusions so realistic that there was no sense of incongruity.

Older Brother Neil, bleeding profusely, spoke to me. His trembling voice and deep wounds made it clear that he would soon die.

“Are you hurt…?”

Even as he was dying because of me, he was worried about me.

“That’s good…”

Once again, because I craved love, someone died. Because of this trash-like me craving love, another innocent person lost their life.

“Don’t be sad… I told you, didn’t I? Life is about prioritizing things… I protected what was more important than my own life. So don’t blame yourself…”

The day I lost Older Brother Neil, who had always silently stood by my side, was the day before my sixteenth birthday.